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- My Head on a Silver Plate
- Jerusalem's Bells (SPC)
- I am Your Radiance
- To Face the Nonexistent Future
- From the Prison Moons
- AFK
- Title 2
Special Containment Procedures: Due to SCP-4827's nature, containment has been deemed impossible.
All D-class personnel showing signs of malnutrition are to be examined and determined if they have been affected by SCP-4827. Affected individuals are to be briefed about the nature of SCP-4827 and advised to wear blindfolds to alleviate SCP-4827's effects.
Description: SCP-4827 is a cognitohazard that randomly affects all D-class personnel under Foundation custody. When an affected individual attempts to consume any kind of food, they will perceive their sustenance as the disembodied head of D-070301, regardless of the size and weight of the meal, though the food's physical state will remain as normal. This effect will remain for the entirety of the individual's life.
Addendum 4827.a: Discovery

D-070391 (Travis Rondeau Gustner). Photo provided by RAISA.
SCP-4827 came to the Foundation's attention on 17-10-2020, when on-site security noticed that approximately 50 D-class personnel had been fasting for at least 3 consecutive days. When questioned about the matter, a large majority of them were confirmed to be suffering from the same cognitohazardous effects. The international Foundation database was soon flooded with similar reports across 63 containment sites.
Further investigation has resulted in the conclusion that the head perceived by affected individuals belonged to D-070301, a deceased male of British descent who was a former employee for the London branch of Ambrose Restaurants before being taken into Foundation custody for [REDACTED] 3 local thaumaturgists. D-070301 was killed by SCP-████ during a failed testing attempt on 21-09-2020, which resulted in SCP-████ [DATA EXPUNGED] his head and eviscerating his remains.
Addendum 4827.b: 14-11-2020 Incident
On 14-11-2020, Officer Augustine Rondeau (member of Site-17's security) noticed an afflicted D-class personnel choking violently during a lunch break. Officer Rondeau then proceeded to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him, culminating in him vomiting out his entire meal, 30 millilitres of blood, and a small sheet of plastic. The D-class was admitted to the site infirmary and later found to have lost 3 hours of memory prior to the incident. The plastic sheet recovered from the scene was later examined and partially restored by thaumaturgy specialists.
Front Cover:
Ambrose Restaurants
London, United Kingdom
*Live Music Performance Every Weekend
$10 OFF ANY ENTRÉE
- Cannot be combined with other offers
- I'm sorry I said I hated you
- I'm sorry I snuck away in the middle of the night
- I'm sorry I never thanked you for all you've done for me
- I'm sorry I snuck away in the middle of the night
- I'm sorry I said I hated you
- Coupun Valid from Friday to Sunday
- I know it's been tough since Dad died and Mom up and left
- But now I got a job in a pretty nice place
- The paycheck is good, so you don't have to worry about working your butt off 18 hours a day
- But now I got a job in a pretty nice place
- I know it's been tough since Dad died and Mom up and left
- Offer expires 21 September 2020
- Let me finish dealing with these one star reviewers
- Then hopefully I'll be able to drop by the house
- And finally get you a decent meal
- Then hopefully I'll be able to drop by the house
- Let me finish dealing with these one star reviewers
- No refunds allowed
- Love you, Aunt Gustin
Back Cover:
Where am I? Where's the rest of me?
Everybody's running, but most of them aren't looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but no one knows what's cooking
They say I need to learn, but no one's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how will they reach me?
I'm 21 now, but will I live to see 22?
To be honest, I know it's up to you
Is this hell? Why is it empty?
Officer Rondeau was shortly questioned about the contents of the document, with which she answered that she had been taking care of her orphaned nephew before he disappeared 7 months ago. She wasn't aware of his position in Ambrose Restaurants nor had she been informed about his detainment by the Foundation or his untimely death.
Officer Rondeau would later request to have 2 days off work, which was summarily granted.
NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE
In adherence to CICAPOCO protocol, access to SPC-662 is restricted to personnel possessing a Yellow Belt at minimum, with the exception of MFT Sierra-4 ("Sheer Hearts"),1 who is tasked with using SPC-662 to continue the extermination of all Selachian hotspots and the detainment of all pro-Selachian sympathizers.
PROJECT: SPC-662 | STATUS: ACTIVE |
Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities
SPC-662's primary use is in the destruction of all facilities owned by Groups to Punch that display any form of sympathy to the Selachian threat. Due to the initiation of the "Hearts and Minds Even If They Are Our Enemy" campaign2, collateral damage resulting from the detonation of SPC-662-2 is unacceptable.
However, in the event of a Code FUCK YOU Threat3, Centre operatives are authorized to use SPC-662 to inflict non-fatal injuries on the threat.
Project Component(s)
SPC-662 is a collective designation given to two components, SPC-662-1 and SPC-662-2, which were presented as gifts from Ambassador Exusiai of the Penguin Logistics in light of a successful ten-year joint venture.

Shouldn't it be called "Jerusalem," though?
SPC-662-1 refers to a small handheld copper bell created from a telekill tekeli-li alloy. When rung, SPC-662-1 will emit a high-pitched sound similar to that of a whale giving birth,4 followed by the manifestation of SPC-662-2 within 70 cm away from SPC-662-1.
SPC-662-2 refers to a sapient porcelain whale7 roughly 4 cm in height and 7 cm in length. SPC-662-2 will momentarily hover mid-air before dropping onto the area directly below it. SPC-662-2 will then detonate, ensuring the complete obliteration of all potential Selachian entities and pro-Selachian facilities within a 3 meter radius.
However, one limitation in utilizing SPC-662 is the requirement to restock the Centre's inventory of regal oatmeal cookies, due to SPC-662-2's apparent reluctance in fulfilling its function without being fed one.8 After detonation, SPC-662-1 may be rung again and SPC-662-2 will rematerialise unharmed.
Enhancement Summary
In consideration of the advantages and limitations in utilizing SPC-662 to aid the Centre anti-Selachian espionage, the Penguin Logistics has allowed the enhanced weaponization of SPC-662 under the condition that the Logistics are allowed to station a researcher to monitor SPC-662's usage.9 As such, the following enhancements have been implemented to improve SPC-662's effectiveness in covert operations:
- A Viceking10 inscription on the bell's ringer to replace it with a "phantom toll."11
- A psionic conditioning spell1213 to alert personnel whenever SPC-662-2 requires more cookies.
- A blood pact linking each member of MFT Sierra-4 which restricts the use of SPC-662 to one member at a time and allowing them to store SPC-662-1 in their bodies.14
Deployment Record
Fight Attempt | Fight Results | Notes |
---|---|---|
SPC-662 was used to attack a pelagic thresher15 on the head. | Negative | I mean, it's dead and all, but we can't really punch them if they're now a thousand tiny flesh chunks. ~Sierra/KOSAKU |
SPC-662-2 was specifically directed to lightly explode on the belly of a pelagic thresher, followed by the Sierra-4 members punching the incapacitated selachian entity for 5 minutes. | Positive | Now that's what I'm talking about! ~Sierra/KOSAKU |
SPC-662 was used to create an entry point in a two-storey building occupied by multiple members of Sharkic Cult no. 11.1617 | False-positive | The entire building was destroyed, due to it actually being the corpse of an unknown gigantic selachian entity, killing all members of the cult and approximately 50 selachian entities residing within it.18 |
SPC-662-2 was directed to explode on the tail of a captive instance of SPC-172. | N/A | Due to the ethical debate on whether or not SPC-172 constitutes as a shark, subsequent testing has been cancelled. |
Sierra/ECHOES punched a Sharkic-aligned great white shark19 (that coincidentally crashed into Arena-13) while holding SPC-662-2 in his hand and mannually detonating it. | Inconclusive | The fist turned into a dimensional, spacial, and temporal anomaly, causing the shark and the entirety of Arena-13 to disappear be fisted by God.2021222324 |
To: Researcher Jacqueline Sparrow
From: Researcher Amiya Reef
Subject: Shawshark Redemption
Syis, ye gais arr brutel! Punch dis, pumel dat, sok em up! Wai did Eccusyai iyven bwing dis ting tu yu gais? Stoopid fawken gif iv ye aske mi.
Wy we gotta punhg the syarks anywaay? Canjt we juss liv in hameni, holdin handds n walking inte de sansét? Ye kno wut? Wi shud aaaallll haag de sharks! Yeeh, dawell tich dem da miyning off piiice, n fwensyip, n luv!
Doktah, huw do yu xend an emai
NEW MESSAGE!
To: Researcher Amiya Reef
From: Researcher Jacqueline Sparrow
Subject: Re:Shawshark Redemption
With all due respect, Researcher Reef, doing so would go against our organisation's primary goal to connect our fists with selachian entities. We are the Shark Punching Centre, not the Selachian Pacifist Cunts.
Furthermore, we have gathered substantial evidence that you are still highly intoxicated due to the large amounts of ethyl alcohol you have consumed during the previous day's celebratory party, so for the safety of our colleagues and your own well-being, you are advised to exit the facility and return to your humble abode until the repercussions of your actions, suffered only by yourself, have ceased completely.25
[[/<]]
[[/collapsible]]
[[/=]]
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5473 is currently housed in the Research Wing of Containment Site-15. An automatic
All testing
Description: SCP-5473 is an offbrand computer monitor connected to a black circular button by a cable seemingly built into them. SCP-5473 possesses no other exterior circuitry or sockets and appears to be powered by an anomalous power source. As of date, there have been no possible methods to safely deactivate SCP-5473.
SCP-5473 will always display 4 different photos of the full moon in order with a timer on the upper right corner of the screen counting down every second the diminishing Hume levels.
When the button is pressed, SCP-5473's screen will switch to the next image in order and the counter will reset. Ev If not quickly pressed, the screen will gradually grow brighter and the surrounding area will be more prone to . As of
A selection of images with no inherent meaning or hidden message.
Addendum 5473.a: Discovery
SCP-5473 was discovered on 19 April 2022, during a reconnaissance mission by MTF on the home of PoI #644526 in ███████, Indonesia. When infiltrating the premises, the MTF members found it to be completely vacated, despite multiple individuals being spotted entering the building several minutes before the raid. They proceeded to search the entire residence, culminating in them finding SCP-5473 propped on the bedroom desk, along with 2 sheets of paper taped to it with the following words written in cursive:
KEEP ON PUSHING THE BUTTON
and
DON'T LET ME FINISH
SCP-5473 was later transported to the nearest Foundation safehouse, during which
because when the abyss smiles at you, the least you could do is smile back.
Addendum 5473.b: Testing Logs
Testing Log 5473.01
Date:
Procedure:
Results:
Addendum 5473.c: 16-05-2022 Incident
On 16 May 2022, Researcher Karano had filed for a sick leave after being diagnosed with influenza. As such, the task of maintaining SCP-5473's countdown was temporarily given to Researcher Assistant Kyber.
Ignoring strict protocols, Researcher Assistant Kyber conducted a test
After 63 seconds, an unknown female voice is heard from SCP-5473.
Unknown: Hello? Anybody there? Ku{Shit}reg, this thing probably doesn't even wo-
Dr. Burges: Wait, no! We can hear you loud and clear!
Unknown: Oh my God. (Pauses) It's fucking- It's actually working!
Dr. Burges: Er, excuse me, but could you perh-
Unknown: Oh, sorry for that slang. You are a human, right?
Dr. Burges: That is… correct.
Unknown: Okay, good. So I guess it's fine that I used that. (Chuckles) Thank God! You have no idea how long it took me to find this communication d-
Dr. Burges: Ma'am, please identify yourself for the record.
Unknown: (Pauses) Straight to the point, huh? Fine. But can you identify yourself first? Just a name and a profession, if it isn't too much to ask.
Dr. Burges: Please wait a moment.
Dr. Burges looks at Researcher Assistant Kyber through the glass panel, who nods at approval.
Dr. Burges: Very well. I am Doctor Thomas Burges-
Unknown: Of the SCP Foundation?
Dr. Burges: (Glances nervously at Researcher Assistant Kyber and back at SCP-5473) Yes, though I'd like to inquire on how you know about that.
Unknown: I'm telephatic.
Dr. Burges: Wait, are you being serious? How much information have you obtained from me? Are there others listening to this transmission? Oh shit, does this count as a containment breach? Wait, I think there's a protocol for-
Unknown: (Bursts into laughter) Good God, man! 'Twas a joke! Don't be so uptight!
Dr. Burges: Oh. (Pauses) So you're not reading my mind right now?
Unknown: Nope! I don't even know what you look like!
Dr. Burges: Then how did you-
Unknown: To keep it short, the Cartographer did his job. Seriously, good kid. Please thank him for me when you have the chance. Also, about one of your questions: don't worry, no one's listening on this. It's a private call.
Dr. Burges: Thank you for confirming it. And you are?
Unknown: Just call me Persé and we're good.
Dr. Burges: I see. Now, if you don't mind, I have several questions-
A loud squeak is heard from SCP-5473, followed by the sounds of metal grinding across a rough surface for 5 seconds before immediately coming to a halt.
Persé: And suck it!
Dr. Burges: Er, Persé, what was that?
Persé: Oh, some celestial bunny girl bitch that's been trying to break free from her prison for at least a century and possibly annihilate your reality was attempting to burst through this communication deck and fuck me up. Again.
Dr. Burges: That's quite… straight to the point.
Persé: Yup. No cryptic bullshit required.
Dr. Burges: So, you said that there's some entity that's been imprisoned? And you are in immediate proximity of it?
Persé: Oh, that yellow polat{motherfucker}roska? Yeah. Been keeping her in here by myself since 31 ADG. It's actually quite ni{It's so dark in here}at{But it has to stay this way}ru{Though I don't know how long it will last}c if you think about it.
Dr. Burges: I'm sorry, what was that you just said? Neeatrook?
Persé: Oh, you don't speak Wuski?
Dr. Burges: No, I'm afraid not. I personally would have applied a translator to
Persé: Wait, are you talking to me through the
Dr. Burges: If you meant the computer monitor, then yes. I thought you already know-
Persé: The screen's getting brighter, isn't it?
Dr. Burges: It certainly is, and I would definitely like to acquire some details about t-
Persé: Shit. Okay, Tom, hurry up and push the button. Make sure you keep doing that with every second you have and do not try to contact me again, all right? I made a mistake thinking that I was allowed some time off.
Dr. Burges: What are you talking about? We can help you, just tell us what you know and where you are and maybe we-
Persé: As if I would fucking tell you where I am in a moon. But not yours, I'm afraid.
Dr. Burges: Wait, what was t-
Persé: Ignore it! Hurry up and push the damn button! Don't listen to her! That was me talking. Oh, and please pardon my little Persé. Her stay here has given her such a foul mouth.
Dr. Burges: Persé, who was-
Persé: Stop! Asking! Why aren't you pushing the button, Thomas, was it? A pleasure to make your acquaintance. To you, I am Your Radiance. To her, well, "bunny girl bitch" sounds about right.
Dr. Burges: Shit.
Dr. Burges attempts to press SCP-5473's button but you shouldn't have done that, collapsing on the floor.
Persé: Thomas? Tom?! Please tell me you're okay!
Researcher Assistant Kyber is seen grabbing a nearby fire extinguisher and throwing it at the glass panel, but it bounces back and don't worry, his face should heal in a few weeks.
Dr. Burges: (Grabs on to the table leg) H-Help little old me, trapped in such a hideous place. Well, that should change in… 45 seconds? Eh, I can wait.
Persé: How the tro{fuck }sk are you-
The lighting equipments in the room rapidly glow brighter as my kindred start to crawl scream laugh out of them, causing gigantic claw marks to appear on the walls and ceiling that joyfully burn as the abyss slowly tears apart.
Dr. Burges: (Tries to stand back up) God damn, this is swell! Let's see, 37 more seconds… Persé, dear, I advise you to be good for a bit longer. Or else…
Dr. Burges screams in pain as his legs bend backwards, his fingers slowly peel away, and if you try anything funny, I'll go for his head. So just sit back and watch the show.
A sun is slowly forming above us.
Persé: OhGodohfuckohGodohfuckohGodohfuckohGodohfuckohGodohfuck-
Several security personnel gather outside the room and begin pummeling on the the door but it's not like the door exists anymore. Oh my, merely 24 more seconds! Isn't this exciting, Per-
Persé: FUCK IT!
A faint buzzing sound can be heard from the abyss… Why is it… PERSÉ, ST-
Persé: Here goes everything.
SCP-5473 begins emitting a high-pitched crackling sound for 7 seconds, muffling out Persé's screams. SCP-5473's counter immediately skyrockets from 19 to 77.
Dr. Burges' entire body stops transforming and he forces himself back up on the desk.
Dr. Burges: Fuck, that hurt. (Looks around the room) Why is everything burning?
Persé: (Sobbing) Just push… the fucking button, Tom.. (Coughs) That… is how… (coughs) you save everyone… Everyone but me…
Dr. Burges reaches forward and slams SCP-5473's button with his fists, at which point SCP-5473's screen switches to another picture as normal. The room and Dr. Burges' entire body reverts back to their previous state, followed by security personnel bursting through the door.
Dr. Burges: (Whispering) Took you bastards long enough.
Dr. Burges falls unconscious on the floor. Two security personnel carry him outside the room.
[IT'S ALL NINETEEN FROM HERE]
[[footnoteblock]]
-
- _
THE MESSAGE
FROM: Magistrate Perséof the Archon Magistratum
TO: The leaders of the SCP Foundation
Hello, Overseers. It took more than a thousand deaths for me to write this, so you better listen.
You may have heard about my kind in your history, but since you keep on rewriting your level of reality, some parts are a bit muddled. We know you, and you knew us. The last time we came to you is about a few thousand years ago, in Greece, Egypt, Babylon, and countless of other places.
I know it's quite a stretch, but don't believe what the ancient texts tell you. We are not gods. We are your friends. So please believe me.
Many of our prisoners have escaped, so for our failure I apologize, but at the very least I'll be able to keep this one at bay. I'm not sure if I would ever get out of here, and honestly, I don't really plan to. Don't search for me, let me suffer alone. Knowing that the device is in good hands is already enough to keep me going.
I'll keep fulfilling my duty, so please, keep doing yours. Just keep pushing the button and we'll be okay.
This is me talking, and no one else.
We are the demons that keep the angels in check.
-
- _
O5-13: Welcome back, old friends.
O5-12: We who are alive salute you.
O5-11: Surely we aren't falling for this con. I mean, infohazard aside, the only sapient life that we know back then are the Bigfoot and the Fae, and look where they are now!
O5-10: When one leaves Olympus, many others shall follow in suit.
O5-9: I don't think this was mentioned in the orientation.
O5-8: Sorry, but I'm not taking the risk. If we take Stonehenge as an example, then it's best to let these "gods" fight their own wars.
O5-7: Heaven is empty, and all the angels are here.
O5-6: So, are we
O5-5: Well, isn't this just delightful.
O5-4: I'll get the soldiers.
O5-3: One of them has infiltrated our ranks.
O5-2: I'll go ahead and check Site-57. Don't do the same.
O5-1: We are not cowards, nor are we traitors.
-7, -5, and -3, please stand by. The Red Right Hand will be arriving at your location soon.
I am radiance
stop Alex stopAlex?

Photo of the Stonehenge monument, taken by on-site security seconds before Ansuman Incident. Click to enlarge.
Special Containment Procedures: Containment Site-57 has been established around SCP-5000 with a radius of approximately 2 km. The perimeter around SCP-5000 is to be routinely patrolled by at least 20 armed security personnel. Any irregular activity outside of SCP-5000's established pattern is to be immediately reported to Site Director Pendleton. The following astronomical events must have the listed measurements taken:
- Solar eclipse: All flowers in bloom on SCP-5000's trilithons must have liquid mercury applied and SCP-5000-3 transported to the Site-57 Observatory.
- Lunar eclipse: Terminate SCP-5000-3 through the method of decapitation.
Any and all attempts to visually document SCP-5000 are strictly prohibited.
SCP-5000-3 is to be kept in a standard 4 × 4 × 3 m windowless containment cell in Site-57 and provided monthly psychological evaluation. SCP-5000-3 must never be exposed to sunlight or any other kind of ultraviolet radiation. SCP-5000-3 is allowed restricted socialization privileges with appointed personnel and permission to roam designated areas of the site under the supervision of a bodyguard due to cooperative behaviour.
In response of SCP-5000-3's anomalous properties, all lighting in Site-57 has been replaced with non-UV light bulbs. Any requests to change said protocols are to be ignored.
Description: SCP-5000 is a stone monument commonly known as "Stonehenge," located in Wiltshire, England. Following the Ansuman Incident, each of the trilithons has exhibited dangerously high levels of ultraviolet and gamma radiation, capable of deteriorating any biological composition within 9.5 meters. The large amounts of radiation has also created an optical anomaly in its centre, a construct of a glowing purple cube (approximately 5 m from each side) that remains the same even if observed from different angles.
The following is the established pattern of SCP-5000's anomalous activity:
- Day cycle: 10-20 SCP-5000-2 instances will emerge and begin circling the trilithons until sundown.
- Night cycle: Vines will sprout from and envelop every trilithon, with hundreds of an unknown species of white flower bulbs27 embedded on each one. Each of these flower bulbs measure around 30 cm in length and 19 cm in width. Any attempts to remove or water them have have resulted in the plant's expiration.
- Solar eclipse: The white flowers will bloom open, revealing their mouths.
- Lunar eclipse: All objects within a 3 km radius that has a volume of 729 m3 or more will experience spacial and reality displacements, constantly transforming the interior of the object to a 5-dimensional space. Every human also within that range will suddenly be transported to the immediate vicinity of SCP-5000's trilithons. 100-250 instances of SCP-5000-2 will emerge from SCP-5000.
Any visual depiction of SCP-5000 following the Ansuman incident can cause severe hazardous properties when viewed in any way, ranging from permanent brain damage to [DATA EXPUNGED].
SCP-5000-2 is the designation for a highly hostile species of humanoid entities comprised of pure rubedo28 that routinely emerge from SCP-5000 during daylight hours. Each instance is approximately 1.9 m in height. SCP-5000's sole facial feature is a luminescent orange point in the forehead region.
SCP-5000-2 instances possess significant durability, speed, and strength, requiring large amounts of explosives to properly be neutralised. All attempts to capture any instances so far have failed, due to their active area seemingly limited to 30 meters away from SCP-5000, immediately crumbling to shards once stepping out of range. SCP-5000-2 is currently believed to be non-sapient, acting instead like a hive mind and following simple orders.
SCP-5000-3 (formerly known as Thorin Wagner) is a male human of British descent. Records indicate that SCP-5000-3 was born on ████, making him ██ years old during acquisition. As of the writing of this report, his current height is 1.54 m.
When exposed to any ultraviolet radiation, SCP-5000-3 will cause his surrounding area (approximately 5 m) to spontaneously combust, injuring himself in the process. This effect would continue until SCP-5000-3 is removed from the exposure.
SCP-5000-3's second anomalous property manifests during periods of sleep. During the first 10 minutes of sleep, SCP-5000-3's brain activity gradually increases until it is 10 times stronger than the average theta brainwaves (about 50-90 Hz). After that point, SCP-5000-3 will experience mild epileptic seizures lasting usually between 7-8 hours, during which he cannot be awakened with any known methods.
After awakening, SCP-5000-3 would usually express discomfort about his dreams before continuing with his daily activities in containment. If asked to describe the nature of his dreams, SCP-5000-3 will either ramble in some unknown language Wuski29 for 5 hours or recite different 8-digit numbers for 2 hours. All 8-digit numbers given are dates that have been proven to correlate with past and future astronomical events.
SCP-5000-4 is a male human of unknown age and descent. It has currently shown no anomalous properties aside from its ability to safely emerge from SCP-5000. SCP-5000-4 claims to be an agent of GoI #194530 under the codenames "Dorren Handel" and "Doorhandle."
Addendum 5000.a: Discovery
SCP-5000 was discovered on 5 July 2020 (the Ansuman Incident) during a penumbral lunar eclipse in the Wiltshire area. The Foundation was informed about the situation by international UNESCO officials. MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots") was quickly deployed to the location where they found approximately 50 tourists being killed by hundreds of SCP-5000-2 instances. At least 200 other tourists were also spotted attempting to flee the location with some of them collapsing after succumbing to SCP-5000's radiation.
As the MTF's members dismounted from their vehicles and dispatched various SCP-5000-2 instances, SCP-5000-4Agent Dorren Handel emerged from SCP-5000's centre, bringing an unconscious SCP-5000-3 and placing him beside the other injured tourists before aiding the MTF members. Nearly a hundred of SCP-5000-2 instances were terminated, with the surviving few immediately retreating back to the centre of SCP-5000, vanishing in the optical anomaly.
75 people were killed in the resulting event, 2 of which were identified to be SCP-5000-3's parents. 19 other victims shortly expired due to radiation and one additional victim died while on the way to the hospital when he attempted to show medical personnel a photo of SCP-5000 that he took.
All 180 survivors were gathered in a refuge centre and amnesticized. The general public was later given the cover story that the incident was a result of several unaccounted solar flares damaging the ozone layers.
A security perimeter surrounding SCP-5000 would then be established and later developed into Containment Site-57 under the guise of a temporary reclamation site with the help of UNESCO officials.
During the 19 days following the Ansuman Incident, SCP-5000-3 had not developed any anomalous properties. At that point in time, SCP-5000-3 had been staying at a refuge centre in Wiltshire and was about to be recovered by his aunt to live with her.
On 24 July 2020, at 11:30 AM, as SCP-5000-3 exited the centre to greet her at the entrance, the area around him instantly combusted, heavily injuring a security officer and SCP-5000-3's aunt. SCP-5000-3 himself was slightly injured on the facial area, but received serious burns on his arms and torso. Reports show that the combustion lasted for 2 minutes, during which the entrance burnt to the ground and SCP-5000-3 fled the scene.
SCP-5000-4 and Agent KabaratTwo Foundation agents, who had been sent to the centre under the pretense of additional security, quickly secured the victims and located SCP-5000-3 in a nearby bathroom, having an epileptic seizure. The Foundation was later informed of the situation and deployed a mobile containment unit, leading to SCP-5000-3's acquisition.
The victims and witnesses of said acquisition were amnesticized, including SCP-5000-3's aunt, who was also given a cover story that her nephew had been immolated in the incident.
The following interview was conducted in Site-57 after SCP-5000-3 regained consciousness and treated for his injuries.
Date: 24-07-2020
Interviewer: Dr. Nunnally Natt, Site-57
Interviewee: SCP-5000-3
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Natt: Please give a brief personal introduction, including date and place of birth, and your name.
SCP-5000-3 quietly cries on the mattress.
Dr. Natt: Uh, look, if you still need to rest, I can give an order so we could do this some other t-
SCP-5000-3: No. (Sobs) It-it's okay, ma'am. (Sits up on his mattress) My n-name is Thorin Wagner, I was born in Skye, Scotland, on the 19th of April, ████.
Dr. Natt: Good. So, first question, do you remember anything of significance leading to the incident which occurred today?
SCP-5000-3: W-well, my aunt was coming to drive me to her house so I can stay there, 'cause s-s-she said my parents died when Stonehenge, you know, blew up a few weeks ago.
Dr. Natt: I see. (Taking down notes) Next, do you have any other relatives besides your aunt?
SCP-5000-3: No. G-Grandpa died before I was born, and Grandma passed away just a year ago. (Sniffs) Mom didn't have any siblings, and her parents died in Vietnam. (Pauses) Aunt ██████'s okay, right?
Dr. Natt: She's safe, don't worry. She's already back at her home.
SCP-5000-3: Wait, what? B-but I thought I was gonna go with her! I am going home after this, right?
Dr. Natt: Well, Thorin, you see, (breathes) we can't exactly let you out right now. You… wouldn't be safe out there.
SCP-5000-3: Why? I haven't done anything wrong to anyone! If it has to do with that explosion earlier today, you can't possibly think- (Pauses) Oh God. Oh my God.
SCP-5000-3 puts his hands beside his head and looks down, showing visible distress.
SCP-5000-3: That was me, wasn't it? I'm the one who did that.
Dr. Natt: We had intended to break it to you later, but yes.
SCP-5000-3: Oh God… I'm never leaving this place. I'm never leaving this room for the rest of my life!
Dr. Natt: That's not tr-
SCP-5000-3: I'm gonna rot away in this fucking room!
Two security personnel open the cell door, preparing to enter. Dr. Natt motions them away with her hand.
Dr. Natt: Hey, err… it's okay, Thorin. You'll be okay. If all goes well, then you won't be cooped up in this room every day. Who knows, you might even be allowed to go outside this place! The people here are trying to help you. Please, just trust me.
SCP-5000-3: (Looks up) R-Really?
Dr. Natt: Really. Take my word and hold on to it.
SCP-5000-3: Okay. (Sniffs) Sorry, ma'am. I must have looked like a crybaby.
Dr. Natt: That's okay, Thorin. Please forgive me if I gave you a negative impression.
SCP-5000-3: Yeah, I actually thought I'd rot in here forever or be used in some jacked up military. Must've been the bad dream that my brain was cooking up earlier.
Dr. Natt: (Snickers) Was it really that bad?
SCP-5000-3: (Chuckles) Definitely. I thought it lasted for days.
Dr. Natt: (Grabs her pen and notes) Okay, well, that should wrap up this interview. Don't worry, we don't do bad things to good people here. Not on my watch.
SCP-5000-3: Thank you, ma'am.
[END LOG]
Interviewer's Notes: It is almost a certainty that the seizure that SCP-5000-3 experiences, combined with the severe combustion effect he suffers from, are directly linked to SCP-5000. The connection becomes even stronger due to the records showing that he was hit with its radiation right in its centre and was miraculously saved mere minutes later.
I suggest bringing along an EEG device to check SCP-5000-3's theta brainwaves. I have feeling that his symptoms are more than just the results of trauma or mere biological mutation.
Once this is done, I'd also like to assign a licensed psychologist for SCP-5000-3. I'd personally recommend bringing in either Dr. Jordan or Dr. Willard if possible.
Addendum 5000.b: Observation
4 days after acquisition, during which SCP-5000-3 continuously exhibited his anomalous properties, Dr. Nunnally Natt had been given the approval to begin her observation on SCP-5000-3.
Observational Log 5000-3.OL.1 Summary
Date: 28-07-2020
Subject: SCP-5000-3
Preface: A CloudHelm (a wearable EEG device) was attached on SCP-5000-3 before sleeping.
Observation Notes: SCP-5000-3 quickly agreed to the procedure. During the first 10 minutes of sleep, SCP-5000-3's brainwaves gradually increased from 5 Hz to 70 Hz. SCP-5000-3 immediately suffered an epileptic seizure past that point, with several security personnel attempting to wake him up using various methods31 to no avail.
SCP-5000-3 awakened 8 hours later, visibly shaken and mumbling "so long…" for 3 minutes. When asked about the meaning of his words, SCP-5000-3 immediately curled up under his blanket and refused to answer any more questions.
Observational Log 5000-3.OL.2 Summary
Date: 31-07-2020
Subject: SCP-5000-3
Preface: SCP-5000-3 was asked to describe his dreams.
Observation Notes: SCP-5000-3 whispered "five months" before going completely silent. When asked again, SCP-5000-3 began to recite multiple 8-digit numbers32 in random orders for 2 hours. The numbers were confirmed to be past and future dates for solar and lunar eclipses.
Observational Log 5000-3.OL.3 Summary
Date: 01-08-2020
Subject: SCP-5000-3
Preface: SCP-5000-3 was asked to recount any dreams he had during containment.
Observation Notes: SCP-5000-3 started shouting in made-up vocalisations Wuski for 5 hours, culminating in him collapsing from dehydration and having to be treated in the site infirmary.
Observation of SCP-5000-3 would later be ceased by Site Director Pendleton. Dr. Jordan was assigned to give monthly psychological evaluation for SCP-5000-3 the following day.
Addendum 5000.c: Testing Logs
The following are the testing logs for the attempted visual documentations of SCP-5000.
Testing Log 5000.01
Date: 21-09-2021
Procedure: D-080604 was given a digital camera and instructed to take a picture of SCP-5000.
Results: D-080604 screamed and smashed the camera with his foot seconds after looking at the finished photo. Subject attempted to gouge out his own eyeballs as on-site security subdued and stunned him. Subject was later given Class-C amnestics.
The memory card of the digital camera was damaged beyond repair.
Well, that was strange, but not entirely unexpected, seeing what happened to that one tourist during the Ansuman Incident. I suggest we use a few other tools for future testing. - Dr. Natt
Testing Log 5000.02
Date: 24-09-2021
Procedure: D-197676 was given a camcorder and instructed to visually record SCP-5000.
Results: D-197676 began shaking uncomfortably as she is recording for the first 19 seconds. Subject then dropped the camcorder and attempted to flee the testing grounds. As two security personnel started after her, the camcorder emitted radioactive particles light, heavily injuring D-197676 and temporarily blinding 5 other personnel. D-197676 would later contract skin cancer and die 4 hours after testing.
Testing Log 5000.03
Date: 27-09-2021
Procedure: D-126427 was given an infrared camera and instructed to visually record SCP-5000.
Results: After 3 seconds of recording, the infrared camera instantly exploded, killing D-126427 and slightly injuring 2 security personnel. The resulting explosion was noted to have a medium level of gamma radiation.
You know what? Just one more test, and if this one also goes south, then it'll be the last one. - Dr. Natt
Very well. Do not make us think that we misplaced our trust in you, Doctor. - O5-█
Testing Log 5000.04
Date: 28-09-2021
Procedure: D-191919 (a former painter) was given a complete painting kit and instructed to draw a painting of SCP-5000.
Results: D-191919 began to paint at an abnormal speed, finishing her painting in 5 minutes. Subject showed the painting to security personnel, at which point it bursted to flames and the sun turned [DATA EXPUNGED], causing nothing the sky to melt burn fall disappear [DATA EXPUNGED] and killing subject along with 4 security personnel.
Visual testing for SCP-5000 will be ceased for the foreseeable future. Any attempts to violate this order will not go unpunished. I hope that you take more caution for your future actions, Doctor. - O5-█
Very well. Forgive me, Ma'am. It won't happen again. - Dr. Natt
Addendum 5000.d: 16-05-22 Incident
On 16 May 2022, a full lunar eclipse took place in the Wiltshire area, followed shortly by a containment breach in Site-57. Several areas of Site-57 experienced multiple reality and spacial displacements, transforming the interior architecture of Site-57 and causing several Foundation personnel to be instantly transported to the immediate vicinity of SCP-5000 and attacked by hundreds of emerging SCP-5000-2 instances.
The following are the records that were managed to be recovered from the incident.
SITE-57 SECURITY FOOTAGE.CAM 19
Date: 16-05-2022
Time: 05:20:19 - 05:21:40
05:20:19 The hallway which SCP-5000-3's containment cell is located in begins to stretch out, the floors falling backwards and the walls crawling through each other.
05:21:13 The hallway lights spread and coat the walls as Agent Dorren Handel descends from the upper floor.
05:21:17 Agent Handel repeatedly knocks on the containment cell's door.
05:21:21 A growling sound is a heard from the left end of the hallway. Agent Handel quickly grabs onto the door's handle.
05:21:23 A river rushes from the left and floods the entire hallway as Agent Handel keeps hanging on the handle, struggling against the current.
05:21:35 The river has calmed and begins to subside. Agent Handel tightens his grip on the door and prepares to kick it open.
05:21:37 A giant worm leech mouth chasm screams open from below him, revealing a sky, and starts draining the river.
05:21:39 Dorren twists the handle.
05:21:40 The door loosens.
Date: 16-05-2022
Interviewer: Agent Dorren Handel
Interviewee: SCP-5000-3
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Handel materialises inside of SCP-5000-3's containment cell.
Agent Handel: (Panting) SCP-5000-3!
No response.
Agent Handel: Shit. (Breathes) Thorin!
Thorin: Good evening, agent. Have you come to ask for my assistance?
Agent Handel: Oh God. What the- Why are you red?
Thorin: Crimson, actually. What brings you to my humble abode on such an occasion?
Agent Handel: Look, I don't know if you noticed, but the whole site's going Escher and a bunch of Foundation personnel are getting slaughtered by those fucking redstone zombies! Now you better know something on how to stop this shit before it gets out of site!
Thorin: (Sighs) I really wish you had toned down the vulgarity. I may know something about that, but before that, I sense a question, kept for so long, lingering in your mind, agent. Would you be so kind as to tell me what it is?
Agent Handel: Huh.
Agent Handel pauses, then continues to laugh for 10 seconds.
Agent Handel: You're right, you're right. How could I forget my mission? The only purpose I have in this miserable life? (Breathes) Why are the moons empty?
Thorin: (Chuckles) Now, what nonsense are you talking about?
Dorren: Don't mess around, kid.
Thorin: Oh. (Pauses) I see. An agent of the Magistratum, correct?
Dorren: (Coughs) I guess I don't have to explain everything after all. Now, I shall ask of you to answer my question, FierKing.
Thorin: I'm sorry to disappoint you, agent, but I'm afraid the moon has actually been empty for quite some time. Since the day that you saved me, to be exact.
Dorren: I asked for a reason, kid! Don't state the fucking obvious!
Thorin: Well, I don't know what your superiors would call it, but I believe the human word for it is the King{Archon of the Suns}ship.
Dorren: Shit. (Pauses) Shit! So I'm guessing that's who you've been sucking up to for the last couple of years, huh? The polatroska who's also the suns?
Thorin: "Sucking up" is too simplified of a term. I personally would call it "coincidental subservience."
Dorren: Fine, whatever. Now tell me, what does it have to do with the moon?
Thorin: The chains that keep it tethered are slowly rusting away.
Dorren: Shit, that's bad. Does this mean that the prisoners are free?
Thorin: No. They're in a world given to us by the Kingship. A refuge world, connected to all the moons in this particular multiverse, but still undoubtedly a larger prison.
Dorren: Then what about those slaves, huh? How come they are able to leave your so-called "larger prison"? Why do you even need them in the first place?
Thorin: (Frowns) We never deserved to rule over them. They were there first, you know. Now, I may be a Fier, agent, but I am only one of many. If I had such power, I would have granted them peace, freeing their souls from those crystal bodies. But for now, I can only give them privilege that not even the lords of the Horizon Court have, to see my world under the sun.
Dorren: You should've just told all of this to the Foundation.
Thorin: Oh, I tried. I've told them all about how I spent centuries becoming one of millions of kings and the oncoming fate of all our worlds, but they didn't seem to understand a single word.
Dorren: Maybe don't talk to them in Wuski? It's quite nia{The Night Eternal}truc.
Thorin: (Laughs) That's a choice I cannot make, sadly. If I do not ramble about it or say a bunch of numbers for hours, I'd be [DATA EXPUNGED].
Dorren: (Pauses) You know what? Just tell me how to fix this. Let's both stop stalling. (Breathes) Tell me what I have to do.
Thorin looks around his containment cell then lays down on his mattress.
Thorin: Kill me.
Dorren: Yeah sure, why n- Wait, what? You're kidding, right?
Thorin: You've experienced it, haven't you? For your soul to be at peace, unburdened and unchained from the world.
Dorren: Look, I don't know how you knew that, but I'm not gonna fulfill whatever death wish you h-
Thorin: If your allegiance is with the Foundation and the Magistratum, then you should just hurry up and kill me. I know my parents are dead and all traces of my existence outside of this site have been erased. I'm perfectly sure that I won't be allowed to leave this place for the rest of my existence. It's just… I want to be at peace, even if it's just for a while.
Dorren: You're telling me that this is the only way it can stop?
Thorin: No, but it's certainly the easiest. Besides, as long as you don't destroy my brain, I should be back tomorrow morning. (Breathes) Please, just aim for the neck. Make it quick.
Dorren: Why are you telling me all this? If the Foundation finds out, they'd probably kill you off for good! (Sighs) Why do I even bother? They're definitely recording this right now. These people are too cautious for their own good.
Thorin: They will listen to you, trust me. They'll bring you here for every lunar eclipse to finish me off as many times as it takes, because they understand what needs to be done.
Dorren: I really hope you're telling the truth, kid.
Thorin: I am.
Audio distorts for 19 seconds as Dorren pulls out a staff from his palm and holds it above Thorin's neck.
Dorren: So, you got anything to say, before I put you to rest?
Thorin: Yeah. (Starts to smile) Thanks for saving me back then.
Dorren: (Chuckles) Don't mention it.
Dorren [DATA EXPUNGED], decapitating Thorin. His body begins to evaporate as flames erupt from below him and swallow him whole.
A door appears on the wall beside Dorren and swings open, revealing an empty bedroom.
His staff bends in his hand, clattering to chains, crackling to thorns, and finally growing to a scarf, which he wraps around his neck.
Dorren: See you later, kid.
Dorren steps through the door.
The door vanishes.
[END LOG]
The lunar eclipse ended shortly afterwards. The interior of Site-57 quickly reverted back to its original state and all the SCP-5000-2 instances marched back to the middle of SCP-5000, each of them vanishing instantly inside the light.
A rescue team shortly arrived and managed to recover 89 Foundation personnel. 38 other personnel were confirmed to be deceased and 4 are currently missing.
SCP-5000-3 would rematerialise in his cell the next morning without any injuries. The following is an excerpt from the post-incident interview.
Date: 17-05-2022
Interviewer: Dr. Nunnally Natt
Interviewee: SCP-5000-3
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Natt: SCP-5000-3, we are conducting this interview to close out our investigation of the incident which took place on 16th of May that resulted in the deaths of many staff members. Do you have any comments to make?
SCP-5000-3: Yes, actually. This interview will be available to Level 5 personnel and above, correct?
Dr. Natt: I'm not at liberty do disclose that inf-
SCP-5000-3: I'll take that as a yes. That means I can only give you the rough outlines.
Dr. Natt: If what you have is enough, then it shouldn't be a problem.
SCP-5000-3: Very well. (Pauses) Even though I am not responsible for such a horrible incident, I deeply apologize for it, as the perpetrators are some of my close colleagues.
Dr. Natt: When you say "colleagues," do you mean those of the same status as you? So if there are others, does this mean it's happening in many places?
SCP-5000-3: Countless of them, not just ours. In places you wouldn't even know existed.
Dr. Natt: I see. In one of your interviews, you also mentioned something about "becoming a king in a span of a century." Now, you sure don't look a quarter of that age.
SCP-5000-3: Physically, no. This body of the child that I once was do not reflect my mental and spiritual experience. Though if you were to ask me of my age, I would reply that I am, without a doubt, 361 years old.
Dr. Natt: (Pauses) Are you still Thorin? The boy that we brought here two years ago?
SCP-5000-3: I wish I could say that. But you know how things are.
Dr. Natt: Right… Now, if what you said is true, we are to terminate you on every lunar eclipse to prevent the more disastrous effects of SCP-5000's anomalous properties. Since your statement has been proven to be correct, I would also like to request that you give us information on the actions to be taken during other astronomical events.
SCP-5000-3: Doctor, what makes you think whatever comes out of my mouth is the truth?
Dr. Natt: Because it seems like you're actually trying to help us.
SCP-5000-3: (Sighs) Then I shall give. You know those flowers that sprout up and wrap around the trilithons every night?
Dr. Natt: Yes, I am aware that giving them any liquid has no effect on their growth.
SCP-5000-3: Good. Now you might want to stock up on mercury for the preparation of a solar eclipse.
Dr. Natt: Do we… water them with it?
SCP-5000-3: (Laughs heartily) Goodness no, Doctor! You'll kill them! Help them drink, for they will bloom with opened mouths.
Dr. Natt: All… right, then.
SCP-5000-3: That's all I could give you for now. And Doctor, if it's not too much to ask, I would like to ask of you to prepare a windowed room for me during the solar eclipses. Is that an even trade?
Dr. Natt: Is that request necessary?
SCP-5000-3: Yes, for all of you, but mostly for myself.
Dr. Natt: I'll see what I can do.
SCP-5000-3: Thank you, Doctor.
[END LOG]
A search mission was also intiated to relocate Agent Dorren Handel, concluding on that same day when he was found baking an unknown food product in the site cafeteria. Dr. Nunnally Natt was assigned to interview Agent Handel several minutes later in the site's safe room.
Date: 17-05-2022
Interviewer: Dr. Nunnally Natt
Interviewee: Agent Dorren Handel
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Natt: So, Agent Handel, about yesterday…
Agent Handel: First off, it's a German name. Yes, I know it sounds like a pun. Also, the kid is safe, don't worry.
Dr. Natt: Yes, I'm aware of that. That's not what I'm here for, though.
Agent Handel: Oh yeah. Sorry for the pie thing. They might look weird, but trust me, they're perfectly edible.
Dr. Natt: (Scratches her head) I hope that doesn't have anything to do with whatever "Archon" you're working for.
Agent Handel: (Pauses) Okay, who snitched on me?
Dr. Natt: (Chuckles) Relax. It's an O5. She told me to watch a few recordings yesterday.
Agent Handel: Dang. Is she listening to this right now?
Dr. Natt motions her hand to the hidden camera.
Agent Handel: Are they actually afraid to come into contact with other anomalies?
Dr. Natt: They're just cautious, that's all.
Agent Handel: Doctor, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not a reality bender or a Type Green, whatever you want to call it.
Dr. Natt: So I've heard.
Agent Handel: Also, I'm not actually German, though I do speak it. (Looks around the room) To tell you the truth, working with the Foundation has been quite éta répsax. But I'm still gonna finish my mission, and that includes working with you. I can see that most of you are pretty competent. I also realize that both of our bosses have the same goal, to protect our existence.
Dr. Natt: I sure hope my bosses think the same too, but I'm afraid that, during these two years, you're already aware on how we do things here.
Agent Handel: (Sighs) So, what do they plan to do to me? Launch me to the sun? Blast me with SRAs? Lock me up along with their anomalousanimated factoryporn?
Dr. Natt: (Laughs and leans back on her chair) No, nothing like that. They're probably more interested on finding out more about your superiors.
Agent Handel: Does that mean they'll finally be sending troops to Stonehenge?
Dr. Natt: You know that we can't afford to do that without proper research, right? Besides, you could definitely kill me before I blink and send some yourself.
Agent Handel: That wouldn't be ethical, Doctor.
Dr. Natt: You're starting to sound like a human.
Agent Handel: Yep. And I hate it.
Dr. Natt: (Sits upright) Look, I know it won't sound professional, but I want to thank you for saving our asses. Only a dumbass would take that for granted. I made sure that the O5 will at least consider helping you. They said they'll hold a vote to decide if this mission of yours is worth the trouble.
Agent Handel: Thanks. Much appreciated. Rest assured, my missions are for a good cause.
Dr. Natt: You're welcome. They already have countermeasures, though, just in case you need to be put down.
Agent Handel: I know.
Agent Handel dematerialises from his seat.
Dr. Natt: That concludes the interview.
[END LOG]
Interviewer's Notes: Agent Handel is to be informed immediately about the results of the vote, whenever that happens. I don't care if any of you thinks his body's composed of hellfire or if he's a lobotomized Type Green. We owe him. Don't forget that.
[[footnoteblock]]
ACTIVATING EXISTENTIAL KILL AGENT

"Is it really you?"
Sorry, Ma'am.
I had to make sure that it's really you.
Or your boss.
Or his bosses.
Or their boss.
You know, I should really stop talking.
Like, right now.
Okay, I'm gonna stop.
LIFE SIGNS DETECTED
FULL MISSION REPORT
FROM: Agent Doorhandle
TO: Timmūs-Operative Margarine
This is Agent Doorhandle, giving a full report.
I've found the gateway. It is located in the 11th Level (Humanity) in Wiltshire, England, Europe, on Earth, inside the Milkyway. It is a monument of stone monoliths that the humans previously called "Stonehenge". The only safe time to enter through it is on the lunar and solar eclipses.
According to the information I've gotten, the gateway leads to the place where the prisoners escaped to. If a few other sources are also to be believed, that its connection spans through infinite realities and universes, we might have another Infinitum crisis on our hands.
There's also a Fier here. Thorin Wagner, male, born on 8 ADG. He is currently not a threat and has proven to be cooperative in my mission, but I'm afraid that since his body doesn't support his power, he might trigger a planetary extinction event in about 10 years. I suggest moving him to the 3rd Level (Arak) when his time comes.
During these past 2 years, I have been cooperating with one of Humanity's Reclamation Group, the SCP Foundation. From what I've seen so far, they are mostly able to handle some of the 12th and 13th Level threats, and their leaders are currently deciding on the best course of action involving us, though I still plan on checking out the Serpent's Hand. If everything goes well, I shall be reporting back to you soon.I'll try my best to come back on Klannux this year, though I can't really guarantee it. I'll still send a postcard to you and Arké-né just in case. Love you! :D
This has been my full report, Ma'am.
[[size 115%]]We are the demons that keep the angels in check.
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