dr dim tales

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[DATA AWAITING DECLASSIFICATION]

RECON REPORT

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DR. DIM'S JOURNAL

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PROTOCOL 28505-A

THE FOLLOWING ARE INSTRUCTIONS FOR DR. DIM IN THE EVENT OF PROTOCOL 28505-A
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TALES OF NEUTRALIZATION

THE FOLLOWING REPORTS CONTAIN INFO ON DR. DIM'S DEATHS
██/██/20██ 10:██PM

doctor dim was neutralized by SCP-682 after hitting the entity with SCP-000-J whilst repeating "Bad lizard. Don't shit on the floor." Dr. dim promptly reappeared in his office unharmed.

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RULES FOR DR. DIM

[

1. Dr. Dim is held to the same rules as Dr. Bright with the exception of rule 99-3
2. “Mr. Bright said it was a good idea” is not a viable excuse
3. Do NOT take any of Dr. Bright’s advice
4. Do NOT run around site 19 ANY site screaming code brown unless there actually IS a code brown
   1. Dr. Dim and Dr. bright in the same room is NOT a code brown
      1. Although it should be
5. SCP does NOT stand for “super cool powermonsters”
6. Just because you have extreme regen properties does NOT mean you can kill yourself “in new and exotic ways”
7. Dr. Dim is not allowed to hit SCP-682 with SCP-000-J
8. Do NOT lace Dr. Bright’s drink with isopropyl alcohol
   1. Or D-class personnel
   2. Or any of O5
      1. What the fuck?
   3. Or your own
      1. WHY!
   4. Or mine
      1. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
   5. Fuck you, jon. Take away my fun.
      1. Dr. Dim is not allowed to edit this document
         1. Eat dick
9. Dr. Dim is not to use “Rufus” to deliver his reports due to the simple fact everyone forgets when people smell his breath
   1. “Rufus” is to be kept in a containment cell similar to SCP-939
   2. I don’t care if he has “voice messaging capabilities” you have feet, use them. And it doesn’t do much good if people immediately forget what they’re told.
10. Dr. Dim is NOT exempt from rule 107
    1. Even if it’s not from this timeline
11. Do NOT hit SCP-939 with SCP-042-J
12. Quit shitting on the floor and then screaming “SCP-100-J HAS BROKEN CONTAINMENT”
13. SCP-103-J does exist
    1. No it doesn’t
14. Im not feeling up to finishing this right now Dr. Dim is not allowed to touch SCP-___-J
15. You are not the king of the rocks
    1. I don’t care what SCP-ROCKS-J says
    2. see “the things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation” rule 8
16. I make the rules now
    1. Dr. Dim does not make any rules
    2. Excluding containment procedure
17. Blood sacrifice is to be made to Dr. Dim every Thursday Dr. Dim is not to make any blood sacrifices
    1. Dr. Bright and I demand tribute no
    2. We will not be ignored you are to leave Dr. Bright out of your schemes unless he ACTUALLY is a part of them
18. the cake is not a lie, we have it at lunch every Friday
19. any request that involves “Rufus” using anything as a “chew toy” or “plaything” is denied
20. there is no code for “machine-gun shits”
21. there was no cow incident. Anyone who recalls such an event is to be detained in a 4m x 4m x 4m cell built with 11 cm reinforced steel and monitored for 79 hours. If black spots do not appear on said person within this time frame, a class A amnesiac is to be administered
    1. my god what did you do
22. quit playing minesweeper on computer anomalies
23. Dr. Dim is not to travel to an alternate timeline without giving 2 hours’ notice.
    1. If extenuating circumstances arise and he is unable to give 2 hours’ notice, he is to write a full report on what he did and what other events took place
    2. you are not required to report on what you’ve eaten
24. if Dr. Dim mentions the name “Talloran” he is to be escorted to site command where a class-A amnesiac will be administered
    1. or if he mentions SCP-3999
    2. or if he shows any signs of ptsd
25. Dr. Dim is NOT to take ANY SORT OF MEDICINE that is used to treat nausea
26. Do NOT mention [O5 CLEARANCE REQUIRED] to anyone
27. Dr. Dim is banned from playing any sort of game with [DATA EXPUNGED]
28. Say Korg one more time. I dare you
29. Dr. Dim IS from an alternate timeline
    1. He CAN issue orders to preserve the timeline
    2. He CAN’T issue orders to corrupt the timeline. We don’t need a repeat of 3999
30. Dr. Dim is not allowed to bring V-SCP’s
31. Dr. Dim is not to eat anything green
    1. Or cooked meat
    2. Or lamb
    3. Dr. dim is capable of eating lamb
32. How are you editing this while I’m typing?
    1. Use the force, Luke!
33. “FOR THE FOUNDATION!!!” is only an acceptable excuse in certain situations
34. Dr. Dim is considered CLASS D personnel and is (technically) a level 5 researcher
35. do not say/sing any of the following about/near scp-173:
    • lord peanut
    • almighty peanut
    • praise peanut
    • long live the nut
    • CRONCHH
    • if you take one more diddly-darn step I'll have peanut diddly-darn snap ur neck
    • At the beginning of time stood a being. A merciful being of great power and strength. He stared upon the void in front and decided to take the first step to create the universe we live today. Scientists call it the big bang, however, it should be known more as the Mighty Crunch.

Peanut watched this universe evolve especially a small planet named Earth in which a plant began to grow striking a strong resemblance to his mightiness. He decided when humanity had grown strong enough to visit them, however, his mortal body was cursed to only travel when those were not watching.

To his surprise, a group of heretics capture his holiness and contained him in a cell of metal.

He realized humanity had fallen from grace, not understanding how they were failing. So instead, to spare them from the punishment of those who are evil, he began giving them the mighty Crunch.

Some humans saw this as evil, however, some began to understand that it was what was right for the world.

xx

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