Dr. Drumfire's Gopnik SCP

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX and XXXX-1 are to be contained within a standard Type-05 Humanoid Containment Unit. Under no circumstances are any personnel permitted to access SCP-XXXX's containment unit unless under testing conditions as per the written instruction of the Site Director. In the event of unauthorized entry into SCP-XXXX's containment unit, the unauthorized subject is to be immediately transported into a separate Type-05 Humanoid Containment Unit and monitored for signs of anomalous behavior. Under no circumstance are any tests to be conducted with any males of Eastern European descent, unless explicit written permission is granted by the Site Director.

SCP-XXXX itself is to rest on a podium in the center of the room, overlooked by a remotely operated crane situated exactly above it, for testing purposes. Outside of explicitly approved testing, the crane is to remain nonoperational at all times.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an Adidas-branded duffel bag, initially recovered alongside SCP-XXXX-1 during a raid by Russian authorities on a building known to contain squatters. After reports of anomalous behavior, Foundation personnel arrived to retrieve SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-1, with Class A amnesiacs being administered to the authorities involved. When initially inspected, the bag does not appear to maintain any anomalous properties, and behaves as a standard duffel bag would. However, if a man of Eastern European descent opens or interacts with the bag, its anomalous properties become clear.

Initial tests have revealed the bag to be effectively infinite in volume, with no clear limit as to what can be pulled out of the bag. All items recovered from SCP-XXXX have thus far been covered in Adidas-related branding, despite many of these items having never been manufactured or sold by Adidas or any related companies. These items include:

• One Soviet-issue T-55 main battle tank, replete with live ammunition and a full crew of fighting-age Russian males. (See Test Log-01.)
• One 0.7 liter bottle of Soviet-era Stolichnaya vodka.
• One ██████ branded bag of Soviet-era sunflower seeds.
• One instance of SCP-XXXX-1.

SCP-XXXX-1 is an anonymous Russian male found carrying SCP-XXXX before being recovered by the Foundation. Initially, SCP-XXXX-1 displayed no trace of anomalous behavior, save for its interesting means of transportation into the site. SCP-XXXX-1 is clad from head to toe in Adidas-branded garments, and any and all attempts at the removal of these garments have either led to the triggering of SCP-XXXX-1's anomalous effect, or to the subject engaging in extreme, irrationally violent behavior against on-site staff members.

Initial attempts to terminate SCP-XXXX-1 during the procedures of Test Log-03 have determined that the anomaly, despite appearing to have the same anatomical structure of a human male, is invincible to physical damage via the regular means known to the Foundation. Further research will be required in order to determine the anatomical makeup of SCP-XXXX-1, though all attempts at an autopsy have thus far been inconclusive.

SCP-XXXX-1's anomalous properties only begin to appear once a similarly-aged male of Eastern European descent enters into SCP-XXXX-1's containment unit. At such a time, SCP-XXXX-1 will squat down, inviting the test subject to do the same. Without fail, the test subject will always squat beside SCP-XXXX-1; whether this is due to some sort of psychic influence or a simple anomalous will to obey the request of SCP-XXXX-1 is as of yet unknown. Subjects who have engaged in squatting with SCP-XXXX-1 will invariably begin speaking to SCP-XXXX-1 in an as of yet unknown dialects of several Eastern European languages. It seems to be irrelevant whether or not the test subject actually has any previous knowledge of any of the languages or dialects in which they are speaking.

Eventually, the test subject will halt conversation with SCP-XXXX-1 in order to reach into SCP-XXXX, from which he will always pull out a set of Adidas-branded clothing exactly the same in structure and appearance as the outfit worn by SCP-XXXX-1. After the test subject has donned the outfit, SCP-XXXX-1 will nod, and will step into SCP-XXXX, not to be seen again.

At this time, the test subject will become SCP-XXXX-1, adopting all of its mannerisms and anomalous properties, until such a time as another subject arrives to take its place. Any and all attempts to remove SCP-XXXX from the test chamber have met with extreme violent outbursts from SCP-XXXX-1, perhaps revealing that SCP-XXXX-1's purpose is to guard SCP-XXXX until another subject arrives to take its place. Regardless, SCP-XXXX-1 does not react with violence when test subjects arrive to remove items from SCP-XXXX, seeming to only spring into action when the object is threatened with damage or removal.

+ Test Logs

Test Log-01 - 3/28/2009

Subject: D-3804
Procedure: D-3804 was asked to reach into SCP-XXXX and pull out any object he could feel from within. After extensive pulling and grunting, the subject remarked that he could not pull out the object. He was then given the instruction to turn the bag upside down and allow the object to fall out of the bag, which he did. This resulted in an Adidas-branded T-55 main battle tank falling into the room, immediately crushing and killing D-3804. Four (4) Russian crew members disembarked the now-inoperable T-55, carrying weapons and cursing in Russian. After a failed initial attempt to interrogate the four subjects leading to a bout of armed combat, they were terminated. Notably, while the containment unit was highly damaged, neither SCP-XXXX nor SCP-XXXX-1 were damaged, and neither attempted an escape.
Results: Two Casualties, Inconclusive
Analysis: Further testing on SCP-XXXX is to be done via the utilization of a remotely-operated crane, so as to not waste D-class personnel and to more delicately handle the extraction of extremely heavy or dangerous items retrieved from SCP-XXXX.

Test Log-02 - 4/13/2009

Subject: Dr. █████, remotely operating a crane
Procedure: The crane was lowered into SCP-XXXX. A camera attached to the crane stopped recording upon entering SCP-XXXX, and would not begin recording again until manually reactivated after testing was finished. Upon having grasped an object, the crane was raised, revealing the object to be an Adidas-branded Soviet RDS-37 two-stage hydrogen bomb. The test was immediately terminated, and on-site personnel successfully managed to dispose of the bomb before any disaster was to occur.
Results: Inconclusive
Analysis: All testing on SCP-XXXX is to be halted indefinitely save for tests specifically sanctioned by the Site Director. Bomb-disposal and security staff are to be at hand for all future tests.

Test Log-03 - 6/03/2009

Subject: D-4218
Procedure: Subject D-4218 was instructed to enter the chamber and remove SCP-XXXX, to be put into an auxiliary containment chamber for further testing. Initially, SCP-XXXX-1 regarded D-4218 curiously. This is the first time SCP-XXXX-1 has reacted to the presence of any individual entering the containment unit, possibly indicating SCP-XXXX-1's potential for detecting the intentions of certain individuals. D-4218 then moved forward to remove SCP-XXXX from its podium. Upon taking it from the podium and walking 2 meters away towards the door, SCP-XXXX-1 sprung up from its squatting position and brutally attacked and killed D-4218. Security personnel entering the unit in order to recover D-4218's body for autopsy and place SCP-XXXX back onto its podium were also subsequently attacked. During the course of this fight, SCP-XXXX-1 ripped a loaded, fully-automatic Soviet AKM rifle from SCP-XXXX, subsequently killing 3 Foundation personnel, until SCP-XXXX-1 eventually pacified itself over time, allowing D-class personnel to place SCP-XXXX back on its podium. The AKM was later confiscated without resistance by security personnel.
Results: Three Casualties, Failure
Analysis: SCP-XXXX is not to be removed from the presence of SCP-XXXX-1 under any circumstance. In the event of a containment breach, it is important to attempt to prevent SCP-XXXX-1 from accessing SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX-1 may potentially have the ability to manipulate what is pulled from SCP-XXXX: further research required.