Smitt Gartson
rating: 0+x

Title: The Self Keeping Secret

Material Requirements:

  • The feeling of being left to your own demises.
  • The concept of loneliness itself.
  • The will to let yourself leave the memories of those around you, no matter whom they may be.
  • The power to dissociate yourself from any and all thoughts, even your own.

Abstract:
To all who may see this document, if indeed you still can, this is my final message to you.

I had hoped that erasing my own self from your minds would be effective, since this was my intention to begin with. The purpose of this is, well… arbitrary, at the least. But with this… I will have finally done it. I will finally be able to stop being a burden to those around me. This.. thing that I have created. It is an interesting capsule. Not one of machine, or life, but my own power. I still don’t know how I’ve managed to do it. But it does work, I’ve tried it several times now. Walking through Times Square with no one batting an eye, managing to snag a pizza without anyone knowing where I belong is, in fact, impressive.

Intent: The intent of this capsule was to find a way to dissociate myself to my own province without the worry that someone would end up trying and finding me. Usually this would be at times where I’d be ‘down in the dumps’ as my dear Tabitha would once say. However, I’ve noticed more of my colleagues have grown more, should I say, pleasure, in my absence. I’ve come to learn that they do not wish to see me. They do not truly care about me or my wants, works, feelings, etc. I understand now.

I brought this to Tabitha the other day, and well, as luck (awful bastard) had it, she thought i was blasphemous. ‘How could you think your own friends would see you in such light?’ she said. I don’t remember anything else from that really, perhaps a side effect on myself from the creation, but the end result was not very.. good.

I don’t recall what led to what, but we were no longer together. Even after all I said, she still didn’t put any faith or belief into what I had said. Someone that I had the good fortune to be with for so long, someone I could trust with my own life, had the need arose, thought that I was making bullshit. Even she didn’t believe me. I start to wonder if she even wanted to be by my side, or if she just felt pity for my lack of quality…

Tonight will be the night. I will finally remove myself from the equation, since that’s what everyone seems to want.