Dr Jul

Item#: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is housed within the Site-73 Cafeteria. Every night at 2200 hours, all instances of SCP-XXXX-2 are discarded into the garbage can located within the cafeteria, which is disposed of every 24 hours. All personnel are permitted to interact with SCP-XXXX and consume instances of SCP-XXXX-2.

Description: Item SCP-XXXX appears to be a standard medium paper McDonald's bag printed in the United States. No deviations can be found anywhere on the bag when compared to an identical non-anomalous bag. The item was recovered on 9/8/20 in a McDonald's in Portland, Oregon. The bag was taken into foundation custody after a woman reported she "kept pulling ketchup packets with horrible jokes printed on them out of her bag, despite asking for no ketchup." Once recovered, the bag was found to have produced 319 0.32 ounce McDonald's brand ketchup packets on the way to Site-73. These packets will henceforth be referenced as SCP-XXXX-2.

Addendum [XXXX-A]: When foundation staff attempted to lift SCP-XXXX, they failed to take into account that the bag could not support the weight of the instances of SCP-XXXX-2 within. In turn, SCP-XXXX was damaged. The rips were not too severe, but SCP-XXXX now has two tears roughly the size of a male fist on either side of it. All instances of SCP-XXXX-2 were carefully removed from the anomaly, and it was taken to Site-73 Lab 1. All instances of SCP-XXXX-2 were taken into Site-73 Lab 2, and will be observed and tested for the next 48 hours. Foundation staff found to be responsible for the harming of SCP-XXXX were reprimanded.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 are produced by SCP-XXXX in varying amounts of time. The amount of time seems to vary between 36.6 seconds to 3 hours in specific circumstances. See [] for further details. Said instances appear to be materialized seemingly out of thin air into the bottom of the bag. Whether or not SCP-XXXX creates matter when an instance of SCP-XXXX-2 is created or a packet of ketchup is transported from a separate location is unknown. When inspected, SCP-XXXX-2 instances have a joke in the arial font, with black lettering printed on the back of their packaging. Typically the joke relates to the McDonald's fast-food chain, tomatoes or ketchup. However, SCP-XXXX will respond to requests for jokes. SCP-XXXX displayed an adept amount of knowledge of media, politics and american culture pre 2019 when asked for a joke by foundation staff. See addendum XXXX-F for further details. SCP-XXXX’s self awareness and ability to respond to foundation staff seems to display sentience. SCP-XXXX seems to enjoy coaxing foundation staff into laughter, and continues to do so. The anomaly has been instrumental in boosting morale of Site-73 staff.

Although SCP-XXXX’s jokes usually contain a certain amount of uplifting optimism and glee unless asked to make a specifically dark joke, they were observed to change in tone depending on the circumstance or situation. See [] for further details.

Addendum [XXXX-B]: SCP-XXXX-2 has been tested and has been found to not contain any harmful material. Although SCP-XXXX-2 was tested and was ruled non-toxic, Dr. Crest requested permission on 11/8/20 to perform testing on D-class personnel to test for anomalous effects of SCP-XXXX-2.

Addendum [XXXX-C]: On 11/8/20 permission is granted by 05 command and the ethics committee to commence testing of SCP-XXXX-2 on D-class personnel.
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Test Log A - 13/8/20:

SCP-XXXX was placed in D-19704's holding cell with an armed guard in the doorway and the cell's camera allowing Dr. Crest to observe test. D-19704 was instructed through a speaker in the cell to eat an instance of SCP-XXXX-2. D-19704 opened a SCP-XXXX-2 and sucked a bit of ketchup out before cringing slightly.

Dr. Crest: Is something wrong?

D-19704: Uhh, no, not really. It's just uh… ketchup is kinda gross when you have it by itself, y’know?

Dr. Crest: I see. Please continue eating it anyway, thank you.

D-19704 continues eating the SCP-XXXX-2 instance. He takes a short break to check the ingredients of the ketchup before flipping it over. He chuckles briefly before being questioned. Upon questioning, D-19704 reads the joke printed on the back aloud to the armed guard and Dr. Crest.

D-19704: Tcch, hehe, this is stupid.

Dr. Crest: What are you referring to as stupid? Please elaborate.

D-19704: Oh, sorry, I don’t mean this whole test, thing, whatever this is. Just this stupid joke written on the back a’ this little packet, heh. Listen to this, "I once put ketchup in my eyes. In heinz sight it wasn't a great idea."

Test Log A ends
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Addendum [XXXX-D]: Subject D-19704 was observed for 96 hours after testing, no negative effects were observed whatsoever. SCP-XXXX-2 has now been ruled as safe for human consumption.

Addendum [XXXX-E]: SCP-XXXX is placed into the Site-73 cafeteria.

Addendum [XXXX-F]: Staff consume instances of SCP-XXXX-2, which still has no negative effect. Dr. Crest read the joke on the back of an instance of SCP-XXXX-2 and stated it would be comedic to read an Adam Sandler joke on SCP-XXXX-2. Roughly a minute later, Dr. Crest retrieved another instance of SCP-XXXX-2, the joke on the back read “Chlorophyll? More like borophyll!” Dr. Crest informed senior researcher Dr. ████ of the incident, after which, SCP-XXXX was determined sentient.

Addendum [XXXX-G]: Dr. Crest requested permission on 22/8/20 to attempt advanced communication with SCP-XXXX.

Addendum [XXXX-H]: On 23/8/20 permission is granted by 05 command and the ethics committee to attempt advanced communication with SCP-XXXX.

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