Per 
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be stored in a standard artifact containment locker at Reliquary Containment Site 76. Due to the fact that the entirety of SCP-XXXX’s anomalous properties appear to require both contact with human skin and the vocalization of a command word, SCP-XXXX is classified “Safe”. Research is permitted with Level-4 clearance; please log all activity in Experiment Log XXXX-A.
Update: As of June 13, 1997, all research involving SCP-XXXX is suspended until further notice. – Site Director Swansig
Update: As of May 13, 2009, research involving SCP-XXXX is to resume, with all testing confined to D-class personnel exclusively. – Site Director Vier
Update: As of November 15, 2012, research involving SCP-XXXX is suspended until SCP-XXXX can be located and re-contained. -Site Director Vier
Update: As of April 2, 2019, research involving SCP-XXXX is to resume, with all testing confined to D-class personnel exclusively. -Site Director Vier
Update: As of April 10, 2019, all research involving SCP-XXXX is suspended until further notice. -O5 Council
Discovery: SCP-XXXX was recovered by Foundation researcher Dr. Ein at ███████ Antiques in P██████, Washington State, on May 30, 1997, at the scene of a containment breach involving SCP-████. It is unclear whether SCP-XXXX was responsible for the containment breach, as prior to the incident SCP-████ was housed █,███ kilometers southwest at Nautical Isolation Site-███, and no breach was ever detected within its enclosure. See Experiment XXXX-A-001 for more details.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a wooden branch, measuring 31.25 centimeters long, 2.54 centimeters wide at the base, and tapering to 1.72 centimeters wide at the tip. The lower 10.70 centimeters of the shaft are decorated with crudely-carved designs, theorized to function as a “grip”.
The wood appears to be common Pinus Ponderosa; however, further analysis has proven impossible, as SCP-XXXX has resisted all attempts at sample collection, ranging from simple swab tests up to SCP-[REDACTED]-tipped drill bits at [REDACTED] PSI. Despite its apparent invulnerability, the material maintains the weight and flexibility of biological wood. Further testing is required.
The first of SCP-XXXX’s anomalous properties becomes apparent when in the possession of a human subject. Upon contact with skin, the carvings will begin to visibly shift, forming a phrase in the wielder’s native language. To date, this effect has been found to accurately manifest in all ███ languages tested. This phrase is invariably a translation of the English word “Wonder”, and is designated SCP-XXXX-1.
The second of SCP-XXXX’s anomalous properties becomes apparent when a human subject, while in physical contact with the carvings, vocalizes SCP-XXXX-1. The ensuing anomaly, designated SCP-XXXX-2, is highly unpredictable, and to date has not been observed to manifest in the same manner twice. Anomalies have been observed to range from simple physical alterations, up to the taking and giving of life. Attempts to deduce a pattern to the anomalies have been unsuccessful, and every theoretical limit to the capabilities of SCP-XXXX proposed by researchers has since been outdone.
Any SCP-XXXX-2 anomalies which persist for more than forty-eight hours are to be considered permanent until otherwise observed, and are to be contained as instances of SCP-XXXX-3 pending independent SCP classification. Please see Experiment Log XXXX-A for an ongoing list of observed SCP-XXXX-2 anomalies.
Experiment Log XXXX-A
Experiment: XXXX-A-001
Date: May 30, 1997
Test Subject: SCP-████ and/or Dr. Ein
Procedure: According to Dr. Ein’s field notes, he was on vacation in P██████, Washington State, over the holiday weekend. While perusing ███████ Antiques, a small shop subsequently acquired by the Foundation, he witnessed SCP-████ materialize in the harbor and immediately begin a G███x-Level ██████ event. After reporting the incident to the Foundation, Dr. Ein proceeded to, in his own words, “run for [his] f█████g life”. As he was exiting ███████ Antiques, Dr. Ein noticed SCP-XXXX on a counter and “picked it up as a souvenir”. During debriefing, he remembered asking himself, in his own words, “I wond… uh…um… what’s this thing?” at some point during the incident.
Results: Research ongoing. SCP-████ neutralized by MTF Rho-20, “The Naturals”. Class-A amnestics distributed to 1,734 witnesses via experimental Saburou-Gotfred device. Dr. Ein reported no SCP-XXXX-2 event observed, and is adamant about the accuracy of the above timeline.
Notes:
-Are we sure about the order of events here? Something seems off. -Dr. Vier
-Seriously guys, that’s how it went down. -Dr. Ein
-So, you… stole… SCP-XXXX? -Dr. Sieben
Experiment: XXXX-A-002
Date: June 4, 1997
Test Subject: Cartoon-themed wall clock
Procedure: Upon returning to Site-76, Dr. Ein placed SCP-XXXX on a shelf in his office, where it remained for five days, until he was questioned by Dr. Vier regarding the events of the previous week’s containment breach. Surveillance recorded Dr. Ein, in an agitated state, retrieve SCP-XXXX from the shelf and present it to Dr. Vier, who noticed the carvings. Dr. Vier was recorded as asking: “’Wonder?’ What, are you picking up woodwo… f███ing hell!”
Results: A beam of red energy lanced from the tip of SCP-XXXX, striking a wall-clock in Dr. Ein’s office and leaving a sizable scorch mark. Later analysis found the clock to operate slightly slower than normal, completing a one-hour rotation in 61 minutes and 33.4 seconds. Every attempt to restore the clock to normal functionality has failed. Item contained as SCP-XXXX-3-001 pending independent SCP classification.
Update: No other anomalous properties observed. SCP-XXXX-3-001 relinquished to M.A.R.S. Containment Site-███.
Notes:
-That was a collectible. You owe me a new Garfield clock, Vier. -Dr. Ein
-Quit complaining, Ein, it’s not like you ever checked the thing. -Dr. Vier
-Please remember that you work in a professional environment, and foul language is beneath you. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-003
Date: June 4, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Sieben
Procedure: Upon hearing a commotion in Dr. Ein’s office, Dr. Sieben entered, whereupon he was given SCP-XXXX. Dr. Ein instructed him to read the carvings, and Dr. Sieben complied, albeit hesitantly. It should be noted that Dr. Sieben was holding SCP-XXXX by the non-carved end.
Results: No anomaly observed.
Notes: -It was pointing at his junk, too. Moron. -Dr. Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-004
Date: June 4, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Sieben; Dr. Vier; Dr. Ein
Procedure: When alerted by Dr. Vier that “[he was] holding it upside down, moron”, Dr. Sieben grasped SCP-XXXX by the carvings. Surveillance recorded Dr. Sieben as asking “Uh… Wonder?”
Results: SCP-XXXX emitted a puff of odorless yellow smoke. All three researchers present reported a strong desire for cheeseburgers.
Notes:
-Went for cheeseburgers, expense receipts filed. -Dr. Sieben
-Reimbursement denied. The Foundation does not pay for meals outside of the cafeteria. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-005
Date: June 4, 1997
Test Subject: SCP Foundation Personal Transport Vehicle, Serial Number [REDACTED]
Procedure: On the drive back from their lunch break, the three researchers discussed SCP-XXXX. Dr. Sieben reported that Dr. Vier was spinning SCP-XXXX between his fingers when he asked “It looks old, I wonder who made it.”
Results: The Foundation vehicle within which the researchers were traveling disappeared, and all three found themselves riding on saddled horses at full gallop. Later analysis found the horses to be genetically-identical, non-anomalous Equus Caballus in rather excellent health, which were relinquished to a local ranch.
The saddles were found to be composed of a haphazard assortment of materials common to standard automotive seats, complete with seatbelts and partial Foundation logos. Radio carbon dating of the saddles indicated an age of approximately 5,000 years, despite their pristine appearance and what Dr. Ein referred to as “that new car smell”. Saddles contained as SCP-XXXX-3-002, pending independent SCP classification.
Notes:
-I left my site key in the glovebox and now I’m locked out, can I get a new copy? -Dr. Ein
-Request denied. There are channels for these kinds of things, doctor, please utilize them, not the Experiment Log. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-006
Date: June 4, 1997
Test Subject: Site Director Swansig’s office
Procedure: While Dr. Sieben and Dr. Ein were recovering in the infirmary, Dr. Vier relinquished SCP-XXXX to Site Director Swansig, recounting to him the past several hours, the apparent command word, and the fate of his two colleagues who, in his own words, “laughed at [his] riding lessons, who’s laughing now a██holes?” After briefly addressing Dr. Vier’s language, Site Director Swansig held SCP-XXXX up to the light and was recorded as asking “So, the activation word is ‘Wonder’?”
Results: Surveillance recorded a faint chorus of horns, and a miniature storm cloud began to form above Site Director Swansig’s desk. After approximately ten seconds a thunderclap was heard, and the two researchers were pelted by small gold coins, which continued to “rain” from the ceiling for another ten seconds. Testing showed the gold to be 99.9% pure, and otherwise non-anomalous. The gold was sold, and $█,███,███ was added to Site-76’s slush fund.
Notes:
-Item designated SCP-XXXX, special containment procedures generated, and Experiment Log XXXX-A compiled. -Dr. Sachs
-Revised annual budget submitted. -Dr. Ein
-Budget denied. We will not be installing a sauna, Dr. Ein. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-007
Date: June 5, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Sieben’s Wardrobe Dr. Sieben
Procedure: The first official experiment regarding SCP-XXXX was conducted in Test Chamber C-06 at Site-76 by Dr. Sieben. Site Director Swansig, Dr. Ein, Dr. Vier, and Dr. Sachs observing. Dr. Sieben stood in the center of the chamber, held SCP-XXXX by the carvings, pointed at the far wall, and vocalized SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: Dr. Sieben reported that his clothes grew tighter, and speculated that they had shrunk slightly. He later found that this effect had spread to his entire wardrobe. No other anomalies observed.
Update: During a subsequent physician’s exam, Dr. Sieben was found to have grown in height by approximately two centimeters, much to his enthusiasm. Containment and independent SCP classification of Dr. Sieben proposed by Dr. Ein but denied by Site Director Swansig.
Notes:
-Looks like I’m not ‘just getting fat’, Vier. -Dr. Sieben
-Foundation policy prohibits gambling. Dr. Sachs, please return Dr. Vier’s office chair. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-008
Date: June 5, 1997
Test Subject: Observation Window of Test Chamber C-06
Procedure: After several seconds of no apparent anomalies aside from his shrinking clothes spontaneous growth, Dr. Sieben repeated SCP-XXXX-1 while facing the observation booth.
Results: A thin stream of bubbles emanated from SCP-XXXX. The window separating the test chamber from the observation booth began to sag, then crumble. Later analysis found it to be composed entirely of sugar, which had rapidly melted under the bright lights of the test chamber. Following the results of the anomalous saddles, a radio carbon dating test was conducted, which found the sugar to be approximately 5,000 years old. All uneaten shards contained as SCP-XXXX-3-003 pending independent SCP classification.
Notes:
-Tastes pretty good, too. -Dr. Ein
-That glass is still property of the Foundation, Dr. Ein. Please return any samples that you have retained. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-009
Date: June 5, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Sieben; Dr. Ein
Procedure: After shrugging his shoulders, Dr. Sieben repeated SCP-XXXX-1 for a third time.
Results: A faint ringing sound was recorded, upon which Dr. Sieben and Dr. Ein swapped places, with Dr. Sieben appearing in the observation room holding a damp shard of sugar-glass, and Dr. Ein appearing in the test chamber holding SCP-XXXX. Dr. Sachs speculated sentience and an innate sense of chaos, due to the choice of Dr. Ein as the wielder.
Notes:
-It’s just a wand [an anomaly], Sachs, we’ve got hundreds in storage, and none of them seem very smart. Well, maybe smarter than you. -Dr. Ein
-Please refrain from using archaic nomenclature in Foundation material, Dr. Ein. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-010
Date: June 5, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Ein
Procedure: After appearing in the testing chamber, Dr. Ein was told by Site Director Swansig that testing was suspended until the observation window could be replaced. Dr. Ein appeared dejected, and as he was exiting the chamber, was recorded as muttering “Aw, I was gonna wish to be WonderMan.”
Results: A small hominid creature, which Dr. Vier described as “an angry, balding garden gnome”, manifested behind the observers, vaulted through the empty window frame, and headbutted Dr. Ein in the stomach before demanifesting in a cloud of confetti and echoing laughter. Later analysis found the confetti to be composed of multi-colored tissue paper, despite an apparent age of approximately 5,000 years, which dissolved several hours after the experiment. Dr. Ein recovered shortly.
Notes:
-I think I’m owed another shot, boss. -Dr. Ein
-Request granted, WonderMan. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-011
Date: June 13, 1997
Test Subject: Observation Window of Test Chamber C-06; Dr. Vier
Procedure: The following week, the observation window had been replaced and Dr. Ein resumed his position in the Test Chamber C-06. Researchers noted that Dr. Ein and Dr. Vier had exchanged heated words over a game of █&█ the prior evening. Surveillance footage recorded Dr. Ein rolling SCP-XXXX around in his hands while studying the carvings. A comment is made off-screen, presumably by Dr. Vier, and Dr. Ein scowls. He points SCP-XXXX at the observation window and yells “Screw you Vier! Wonder-Wonder!”
Results: After extensive review of surveillance footage, researchers have determined that two separate XXXX-2 anomalies were generated in rapid succession. Upon the first vocalization of SCP-XXXX-1 a beam of pink light, originating from SCP-XXXX, struck the observation window, which burst into a quickly-scattering cloud of luminescent monarch butterflies.
Upon the second vocalization, a glowing green orb shot through the window and struck Dr. Vier in the chest. According to the on-site physician’s report, Dr. Vier is now an anatomically-correct female.
Notes:
-I don’t want to talk about it. -Dr. Vier
-We don’t need to talk about it. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-012
Date: June 13, 1997
Test Subject: Dr. Ein
Procedure: Following the use of SCP-XXXX on Dr. Vier, as the butterflies demanifested in bursts of yellow sparks, Dr. Ein was recorded as saying “Oh s██t, oh f██k, uh… uh… Wonder!” while pointing SCP-XXXX at his own chin.
Results: A sound similar to a chorus of off-key party horns was recorded, and Dr. Ein disappeared in a puff of black smoke. His whereabouts remained unknown until November 14, 2012.
Notes:
-Testing suspended indefinitely. -Site Director Swansig
Experiment: XXXX-A-013
Date: May 13, 2009
Test Subject: Standard Foundation Lectern, Model 0873-54A
Procedure: Upon change of leadership at Site-76, research on SCP-XXXX resumed, albeit utilizing D-class personnel in lieu of researchers, overseen by incoming Site Director Vier.
The first test of SCP-XXXX in 12 years, Site Director Vier, Dr. Sieben, and Dr. Sachs observing. D-82404 was shown into Test Chamber C-06, where SCP-XXXX had been placed on a lectern. D-82404 was instructed to grasp SCP-XXXX by the carvings and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1 while pointing at the lectern. D-82404 complied.
Results: The lectern, which was originally constructed of bare aluminum, received a coat of paint, lime green. Later analysis showed the paint to be composed entirely of densely packed and dried green algae. Radio carbon dating of the algae indicated an age of approximately 5,000 years.
Notes:
-Well, that wasn’t the fanfare I expected, Ein would be pissed. Good color choice, though. -Dr. Sachs
-Please do not discuss the late Dr. Ein in the Experiment Log. Or outside of it. Ever. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-014
Date: May 13, 2009
Test Subject: Standard Foundation Lectern, Model 0873-54A; D-82404
Procedure: After several minutes the lectern was determined to be otherwise non-anomalous. D-82404 was instructed to repeat the experiment. D-82404 complied.
Results: A shimmering ray of teal light emanated form SCP-XXXX and struck the lectern, and a buzzing sound was recorded. The lectern appeared to vibrate for several seconds before exploding into a cloud of green dust, which swirled around the test chamber. Infrared surveillance footage recorded D-82404 grasping at his chest before collapsing to the ground, and implanted sensors recorded a massive myocardial infarction.
The dust settled after approximately three minutes. Later analysis found the dust particles to be exact microscopic copies of the lectern, complete with green paint, and an autopsy discovered billions of said particles clogging D-82404’s lungs and arteries. Dust samples contained as SCP-XXXX-3-004 pending independent SCP classification, Test Chamber C-06 sterilized, and D-82404 cremated.
Notes:
-Oof. -Dr. Sachs
-Please show respect for the dead. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-015
Date: May 13, 2009
Test Subject: Test Chamber C-06
Procedure: After thermo-sterilization, Test Chamber C-06 was again prepared for testing. SCP-XXXX appeared unaffected by the high temperatures, remaining on the floor where it had been dropped. D-82405 was shown into the chamber and instructed to retrieve SCP-XXXX, point at the far wall, and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1. Surveillance footage shows D-82405 bend down, grab SCP-XXXX by the carvings, and study it closely. He was recorded as asking “So I just have to say Merveille?”
Results: SCP-XXXX shot out of D-82405’s grasp and lodged several centimeters into the wall. Researchers reported that D-82405 appeared to shrink. Later measurements show the chamber to have exactly doubled in length, width, and height, although no change was noted in adjacent rooms. D-84205 appeared unaffected. SCP-XXXX recovered and testing relocated to Test Chamber C-08. Test Chamber C-06 contained as SCP-XXXX-3-005 pending independent SCP classification.
Update: To date, SCP-XXXX-3-005 has retained its anomalous characteristics, and is currently used for mundane supply storage. Due to the unpredictability inherent to SCP-XXXX-2 anomalies, researchers are advised to limit time spent within SCP-XXXX-3-005.
Notes:
-So… it’s bigger on the inside? -Dr. Sieben
-Don’t quit your day job, Sieben. -Dr. Sachs
Experiment: XXXX-A-016
Date: May 14, 2009
Test Subject: D-82405
Procedure: After relocating to chamber C-08, testing resumed. D-84205 was handed SCP-XXXX, ushered into the chamber, and instructed to again vocalize SCP-XXXX-1 while aiming at the floor. D-84205 complied.
Results: A beam of blinding white energy struck D-84205 in the foot. After recovering their vision, researchers noted that D-84205 had disappeared, leaving SCP-XXXX lying on the floor of the testing chamber. In the observation booth, Dr. Zehn speculated that perhaps D-84205 had joined Dr. Ein, for which he was verbally reprimanded by Site Director Vier.
Notes:
-Another one down? Glad I wasn’t holding it. -Dr. Zehn
-Dr. Zehn, have you recently switched offices? I can’t seem to find yours in the database. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-017
Date: May 14, 2009
Test Subject: Reliquary Containment Site-76
Procedure: As Dr. Zehn and Dr. Sieben discussed the fate of D-84205, D-84206 was shown into the test chamber and given the same set of instructions. After a brief hesitation, D-84206 retrieved SCP-XXXX, pointed at the floor, and vocalized SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: A thin wisp of purple smoke emanated from the tip of SCP-XXXX and settled around D-82406. Moments later, the area where the smoke had landed began to brighten, the floor tiles transitioning from dingy off-yellow to gleaming white. Surveillance recorded this effect flow across the floor, up the walls, and onto the ceiling. Researchers observed the effect spread like a wave through the observation booth and out into the hallway, ultimately encompassing the entirety of Site-76. Later analysis found no material change in affected surfaces, albeit for the complete absence of all dirt and contaminants.
Notes:
-Maybe we should send this thing over to the guys who clean SCP-173’s pen. -Dr. Zehn
-Request Denied. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-018
Date: May 14, 2009
Test Subject: Test Chamber C-08
Procedure: Researchers instructed D-84206 to repeat the process, this time pointing at the ceiling. D-84206 complied.
Results: Researchers observed what they described as a “rainbow shockwave” radiate from SCP-XXXX, after which D-82406 levitated several inches above the floor. He grew agitated, and began waving his arms and legs in an attempt to find purchase. Dr. Zehn entered the testing chamber to assist, but after several steps began to levitate as well, drifting across the room and colliding with D-84206. He supposed that the room was lacking gravity. A lifeline was assembled from several neckties and an extension cord, and the two were extracted from the test chamber. As this anomaly appeared to be confined to Test Chamber C-08, testing was relocated to Test Chamber C-09.
Update: Approximately 32 hours after Experiment XXXX-A-018, gravity returned to the affected test chamber, as reported by Dr. Sachs and Dr. Sieben, who had become stranded within. Both were admitted to the infirmary with mild cranial trauma and dehydration.
Notes:
-Request to move staff breakroom to TC C-08. -Dr. Sachs
-Request denied. We’re running short of test chambers as is, and this one might come in handy. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-019
Date: May 15, 2009
Test Subject: D-82406
Procedure: After relocating to Test Chamber C-09, D-84206 was again handed SCP-XXXX and instructed to vocalize SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: D-84206 refused. Surveillance recorded him as saying “Hell no, I’ve had enough of this bulls██t, I ain’t sayin’ wonder one more god…” A dull red light briefly lit the test chamber, and D-82406 [DATA EXPUNGED], leaving the walls of the test chamber coated in a fine layer of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Testing relocated to Test Chamber E-04.
Notes:
-Aw man, we just got it clean! -Dr. Zehn
-Guess he got his wish… -Dr. Sieben
-Please show respect for the dead. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-020
Date: May 15, 2009
Test Subject: Standard Foundation Folding Card Table, Model 0020-20T
Procedure: After self-prescribing mild doses of Class-A distilled-grain amnestics, the researchers relocated to Test Chamber E-04. D-84207 was shown into the chamber, where SCP-XXXX had been placed on a small card table which remained from the previous night’s █&█ session. She was told to retrieve SCP-XXXX and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1 while aiming at said table. D-84207 complied.
Results: After a brief pause, an arcing bolt of electricity shot from SCP-XXXX, striking the card table and throwing it across the room, where it began to vibrate. Fearing a repeat of a previously-observed SCP-XXXX-2 anomaly, Site Director Vier ordered an emergency thermo-sterilization of Test Chamber E-04, but belayed the order when the table righted itself, shuddered, and “walked” across the chamber to nuzzle D-82407’s legs. The card table, henceforth referred to as SCP-XXXX-3-006, appeared to have gained animal-level sentience, along with a playful and friendly demeanor, and was moved to a temporary holding pen in the staff breakroom pending independent SCP classification.
Update: SCP-XXXX-3-006, informally referred to as “Fumble”, has displayed no adverse anomalous properties to date, and exhibits a fondness for acrylic dice and dog treats, which comprise the bulk of its preferred diet. “Fumble” is currently serving as a research assistant and moral support at Site-76.
Notes:
-Can we keep him? Please? -Dr. Zehn
-Request pending. -Site Director Vier
-We named him Fumble. -Dr. Sachs
-Request approved. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-021
Date: May 15, 2009
Test Subject: SCP-XXXX
Procedure: After SCP-XXXX-3-006 had been successfully lured out of the test chamber with a handful of dice from Dr. Sach’s office, D-82407 was instructed to repeat SCP-XXXX-1 while pointing at the far wall. D-82407 complied.
Results: With a loud pop, SCP-XXXX disappeared. After several minutes, it was determined that SCP-XXXX had broken containment. D-82407 was returned to her holding cell and testing was suspended until SCP-XXXX could be located and re-contained.
Notes:
-Well, it was fun while it lasted. -Dr. Sieben
-Speak for yourself. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-022
Date: November 14, 2012
Test Subject: Unknown; Dr. Ein
Procedure: During initial observation of Prospective SCP-[UNCLASSIFIED], a sapient wooden chest, in Test Chamber F-02 at Site-76, surveillance footage recorded an unrelated spatial anomaly manifest within the chamber. The anomaly expanded for several seconds, reaching a size of approximately 2.2 meters by 0.7 meters, before ejecting a figure dressed in maroon robes. Researchers described the being as “identical to the late Site Director Swansig, but with a dashing goatee”. After gaining its balance the figure looked around, noticed the researchers, and pointed what appeared to be SCP-XXXX directly at Site Director Vier while muttering a phrase in an unknown language.
Results: Before the robed figure could vocalize what is believed to be SCP-XXXX-1, another entity emerged from the spatial anomaly at full sprint. This being was described by researchers as “identical to the late Dr. Ein, but ‘jacked’, dressed in chain mail and wielding a massive sword.” Surveillance recorded him shout “I! Am! WonderMan!” before cleaving the robed figure nearly in half.
Notes:
-I’m back b████s -WonderMan Dr. Ein
-God d████t. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-023
Date: November 14, 2012
Test Subject: Sword, unknown make
Procedure: As the spatial anomaly within Test Chamber F-02 dissipated, the being claiming to be “WonderMan” kicked the corpse of the robed figure, spat, retrieved SCP-XXXX from the floor of the test chamber, and was recorded as whispering “Fifteen years. Fifteen f█████g years and that’s all the fight you’ve got, you wonderful b█████d?”
Results: Surveillance recorded a sound similar to a strummed harp, and the weapon which Dr. Ein had been holding was replaced by a large bouquet of flowers, later found to be twenty-six pristine instances of Rosa Laevigata. Radio carbon dating indicated an age of approximately 5,000 years, despite their fresh appearance. Twenty-five roses contained as SCP-XXXX-3-007 pending independent SCP classification.
Notes:
That was my favorite sword. -WonderMan Dr. Ein
God d████t. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-024
Date: November 14, 2012
Test Subject: Site Director Vier
Procedure: Audio from this experiment has been expunged, per Site Director Vier’s request. Immediately following Experiment XXXX-A-023, Site Director Vier entered the test chamber while calling for a security team. She approached Dr. Ein, struck him across the face, and retrieved SCP-XXXX. Surveillance recorded Dr. Ein smile, speak, and hand the bouquet of SCP-XXXX-3-007 to Site Director Vier while being surrounded by Site-76 security personnel. As Dr. Ein was escorted out of the chamber, Site Director Vier appeared to vocalize a statement containing SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: Site Director Vier physically relocated 1.21 meters to the northwest within Test Chamber F-02. No other anomalous events reported. Researchers observed her shout an expletive, attempt to snap SCP-XXXX across her knee, and exit the test chamber.
Notes:
-So… does this mean I have to give back his office? -Dr. Zehn
-God d████t. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-025
Date: November 14, 2012
Test Subject: Prospective SCP-[UNCLASSIFIED]
Procedure: During the commotion following Dr. Ein’s return, Dr. Sachs observed Prospective-SCP-[UNCLASSIFIED] “grow hundreds of tiny little feet”, orient itself within the test chamber, consume the corpse of the robed man, and run out the door behind Site Director Vier. Surveillance recorded Site Director Vier point SCP-XXXX at the fleeing steamer trunk and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: Prospective-SCP-[UNCLASSIFIED] appeared to drastically increase in speed. It breached containment, causing ██ separate breaches in the process. Foundation satellites were able to clock the trunk proceeding at █,███ kilometers per hour across the surface of the Pacific Ocean before losing contact.
MTF Rho-20, “The Naturals”, responded to the breach. With the aid of Site-76 security personnel, as well as Dr. Ein, Rho-20 were able to neutralize or contain all escaped SCP’s, with the exception of Prospective-SCP-[UNCLASSIFIED]. Following the event, Dr. Ein peacefully submitted to temporary containment and debriefing.
Update: The SCP Foundation is glad to welcome Dr. Ein back to Site-76 after an extended period of absence. In light of his actions following his unlikely return, he has been recommended to MTF Rho-20 for potential membership. Footage of Dr. Ein neutralizing SCP-████, SCP-████, and SCP-████ simultaneously is available on the Site-76 Intranet for those interested. Viewer discretion is advised.
Upda[DATA CORRUPTED]ssive containment breach at Site-76, SCP-XXXX has been relinquished to Site-[DATA CORRUPTED]. [DATA CORRUPTED]entience, free will, and an innate sens[DATA CORRUPTED]eality effe[DATA CORRUPTED] allworknoplaymakelanternkingdullboy [DATA CORRUPTED]. [DATA CORRUPTED]SCP-XXXX-4, an[DATA CORRUPTED]onsider reclassification to [DATA CORRUPTED].[ERROR 404: PLEASE CONTACT SYSADMIN]
Notes:
-Hey, who’s the new guy in my office? -Dr. Ein
-God d████t. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-026
Date: [DATA CORRUPTED]
Test Subject: [DATA CORRUPTED]
Procedure: [DATA CORRUPTED]
Results: [DATA CORRUPTED]
Notes:[DATA CORRUPTED]
-223 similar entries removed for brevity. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-249
Date: April 2, 2019
Test Subject: D-98214
Procedure: The first test of SCP-XXXX in over six years. After presumably breaching containment at some point following the return of Dr. Ein in November 2012, SCP-XXXX was discovered improperly contained within Dr. Sieben’s golf bag. Dr. Sieben denied even playing golf, but when alerted to the fact that his name was embroidered on the strap he vaguely remembered buying the set, but could not recall where or when. Dr. Sieben was admitted to the infirmary with a nosebleed and migraine, where he swiftly recovered following a mild dose of Class-A amnestics.
With Site Director Vier away on sabbatical, testing of SCP-XXXX was resumed by Acting Site Director Zehn. Dr. Sachs, Dr. Sieben, and Research Assistant Fumble observing. SCP-XXXX was placed in the center of Test Chamber E-05, and D-98214 was shown in. He was instructed to retrieve SCP-XXXX by the carvings and to vocalize SCP-XXXX-1. D-98214 complied.
Results: A viscous blue substance began to stream from the tip of SCP-XXXX, continuing for approximately fifteen seconds. D-98214 reported that it smelled like mint, and before researchers could intervene, he dipped a finger into the substance and tasted it. After several seconds of silence, D-98214 said it was toothpaste. Later analysis verified the claim, further specifying ███████, a name-brand popular in the 1980’s. Radio carbon dating indicated an age of approximately 5,000 years. Samples contained as SCP-XXXX-3-212 pending independent SCP classification, and testing relocated to Test Chamber E-06.
Update: Later analysis found SCP-XXXX-3-212 to be non-anomalous toothpaste. 7,349 servings of ███████ Toothpaste added to Site-76’s supply closet.
Notes:
-Whoever added all those blank entries to the Experiment Log will be reprimanded. I spent an entire evening erasing each one manually, and now the experiment numbers are all messed up. -Site Director Vier
-Enjoy your anniversary you two, I can handle things planet-side for a few days. -Acting Site Director Zehn
Experiment: XXXX-A-250
Date: April 2, 2019
Test Subject: Site-76 Cafeteria Menu Item 159-34 (Portobello Sandwich on Rye)
Procedure: After relocating to Test Chamber E-06 and finding D-98214 a new pair of coveralls, the experiment was reset, with the addition of Dr. Sachs’ sandwich, which was placed in the center of the chamber “for science”. D-98214 was instructed to grasp SCP-XXXX, point at the sandwich, and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1. D-98214 complied.
Results: A thin jet of fire shot from SCP-XXXX and struck the sandwich, which subsequently conflagrated. Researchers observed the sandwich burn for several minutes until it was reduced to a small pile of ash. Later analysis showed no anomalous properties to the remains, which were discarded. Dr. Sachs appeared slightly dejected.
Notes:
-What a waste. -Dr. Sachs
-“F” -Dr. Sieben
-No memes in the Experiment Log. -Acting Site Director Zehn
Experiment: XXXX-A-251
Date: April 2, 2019
Test Subject: D-98214
Procedure: Researchers instructed D-98214 to repeat the process for a third time. D-98214 complied.
Results: Surveillance recorded an echoing boom, and D-98214 began to sink into the floor. Despite his agitated flailing, he was unable to slow his descent, ultimately submerging up to his chest. After several minutes the researchers entered the test chamber to assist, but were unable to extricate D-98214. He denied experiencing any discomfort, and Dr. Sachs proposed testing SCP-XXXX a fourth time while an engineer was summoned.
Notes:
-Sure seems like a sticky situation. -Dr. Sieben
-Don’t quit your day job. Sieben. -Acting Site Director Zehn
Experiment: XXXX-A-252
Date: April 2, 2019
Test Subject: D-98214
Procedure: After researchers proposed a fourth test, they retreated to the observation booth, and D-98214 vocalized SCP-XXXX-1 while pointing at the floor.
Results: D-98214 began to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Several minutes later an engineer arrived, followed by the Site-76 groundskeepers. D-98214 was successfully extracted and replanted in the Site-76 courtyard. Groundskeepers later reported a significant increase in natural flora growth within a twenty-meter radius of D-98214’s trunk. Radio carbon dating of D-98214’s bark indicated an age of approximately 5,000 years. D-98214 contained as SCP-XXXX-3-213 pending independent SCP classification.
Notes:
-I think that’s about enough for today. -Acting Site Director Zehn
-You said it, I think I’m gonna be sick. -Dr. Sieben
-[Sad table noises] -Research Assistant Fumble
Experiment: XXXX-A-253
Date: April 8, 2019
Test Subject: SCP-XXXX, via SCP-914
Procedure: Due to a shortage of D-class personnel at Site-76 in the aftermath of an unrelated containment breach, testing of SCP-XXXX was suspended. During their weekly █&█ session, Acting Site Director Zehn proposed cross-testing SCP-XXXX and SCP-914. Surveillance recorded Research Assistant Fumble, who was currently serving its original function, visibly shudder. Despite its hesitance, a request was filed by Acting Site Director Zehn, which was approved by both Site Director Vier and Site Director ███████ of Site-██.
SCP-XXXX was transported to Site-██, placed within SCP-914’s Intake Booth, and the dial set to “Fine”. Acting Site Director Zehn, Dr. Sachs, Dr. Sieben, and assorted Site-██ research staff observing.
Results: After several minutes, the door to the Output Booth opened. SCP-XXXX was lying in the center of the booth, apparently having suffered no anomalous effects; however, a small yellow 3M “Post-It” note was stuck to SCP-XXXX, with the word “DON’T” written in sweeping cursive. Later analysis found the ink to randomly shift between colors in the visible spectrum, as well as x-ray, ultraviolet, infrared, microwave, and FM radio. No other anomalous propertied observed. Radio carbon dating of the note indicated an age of approximately two years. Further testing required. Note contained as SCP-XXXX-3-214 pending independent SCP classification.
Update: Following the cross-test with SCP-914, SCP-XXXX has not presented any additional anomalous properties, nor deviations from its original description.
Notes:
-I think we should take the advice. -Acting Site Director Zehn
-I don’t know why, but I feel like we dodged a bullet here. -Dr. Sachs
-So, are we just throwing SCP's against the wall to see what sticks? -Dr. Sieben
Experiment: XXXX-A-254
Date: April 8, 2019
Test Subject: SCP-XXXX, via SCP-4123
Procedure: Following the uneventful test utilizing SCP-913, Dr. Sieben suggested cross-testing SCP-XXXX with SCP-4123, which was contained within the same facility. Dr. Sachs noted that several of the Site-██ researchers present grew anxious. Site-██’s Director ███████ immediately refused, ordered Site-76 researchers to leave the premises, and to, in his own words, “keep that d████d [anomaly] as far away from 4123 as possible, [he’s] read the file”.
Results: None.
Notes:
-Man those guys are jumpy. -Dr. Sieben
-It’s just a game, bro. -Dr. Sachs
Experiment: XXXX-A-255
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: D-99114; SCP-698
Procedure: Upon the return of Site Director Vier, she was informed of the cross-test with SCP-914, and the researcher’s desire to continue cross-testing. She initially grew agitated and denied the request, but ultimately became supportive of the idea. While Site Director Vier reported to the infirmary with an unrelated nose bleed and migraine, Dr. Zehn proposed a cross-test with SCP-698, which was also contained within Site-76. Upon her recovery, Site Director Vier agreed.
SCP-XXXX and SCP-698 were placed within Test Chamber C-05 at Site-76. Site Director Vier, Dr. Zehn, Dr. Ein, Dr. Sachs, and Dr. Sieben observing. D-99114 was shown into the chamber, instructed to retrieve SCP-XXXX, wait six minutes, and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1 while pointing at the wall of the test chamber.
Results: D-99114 immediately refused. She was recorded as saying “No… no… no I can’t… it’s gonna… I can’t. Sorry.” When asked if she was hearing voices, D-99114 nodded, but would not elucidate.
Notes:
-Immediately? I thought 698 had a delayed fuse. -Dr. Ein
-I’ve got a bad feeling about this… -Dr. Sieben
-No memes in the Experiment Log. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-256
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: D-99114; SCP-698
Procedure: Researchers waited for five minutes and twenty five seconds, after which they asked D-99114 if she was willing to conduct the experiment. D-99114 appeared enthused, and happily agreed, stating that it was “a wonderful idea”. Surveillance observed D-99114’s nose begin to bleed as a torrent of green smoke poured from SCP-XXXX, settling around SCP-698.
Results: After the smoke had cleared, two instances of SCP-698 were observed within Test Chamber C-06. Surveillance recorded D-99114 drop SCP-XXXX and stare, wide-eyed, directly at Site Director Vier in the observation booth. She was logged as saying, in a deep monotone, “It is forbidden to alter or reproduce Supportive Turtle in any manner. The manufacturers of Supportive Turtle are not responsible for any damages, injury, loss of life, etcetera, which may result from the misuse of Supportive Turtle. Enjoy Supportive Turtle.” D-99114 subsequently collapsed, and was taken to the infirmary. She did not recover. SCP-698 returned to containment, and the newly-manifested copy of SCP-698 was contained as SCP-XXXX-3-215 pending independent SCP classification.
Update: Further testing revealed that SCP-XXXX-3-215 appears to have retained the anomalous properties of SCP-698; however, in lieu of test subjects experiencing internal criticism following a mistake, subjects within 1.45 meters of SCP-XXXX-3-215 will experience a voice in their heads offering moral support approximately five minutes and twenty five seconds following said mistake. SCP-698 remains unaffected.
Notes:
-I think that was a really good idea. -Dr. Sachs
-I agree. Well done guys. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-257
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: SCP-XXXX, via SCP 294
Procedure: Following the manifestation of SCP-XXXX-3-215, researchers suspended testing while they took their lunch break. It should be noted that SCP-294 is contained within the Site-76 break room. Surveillance recorded Dr. Ein and Dr. Zehn discussing SCP-XXXX while ordering lunch. Dr. Ein noticed SCP-294, whispered to Dr. Zehn, and the two approached the machine. While Dr. Zehn appeared to distract the guards with inquiries about a recent sporting event, Dr. Ein inserted several coins into SCP-294 and typed “SCP-XXXX” on the keypad.
Results: SCP-294 returned an “Out of Range” error. Dr. Ein reprimanded.
Notes:
-What did you think would happen? -Dr. Sachs
-Sanitation duty? You’re kidding me. -Dr. Ein
Experiment: XXXX-A-258
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: D-00103
Procedure: Following the unapproved test conducted by Dr. Ein, Site Director Vier emphasized that all cross-testing was to be expressly approved by her and any other Site Directors involved. In the interim, testing on a new roster of D-class personnel was resumed. Site Director Vier, Dr. Zehn, Dr. Sachs, and Dr. Sieben observing.
SCP-XXXX was placed within Test Chamber C-05 at Site-76, and D-00103 was shown in. He was instructed to grasp SCP-XXXX by the carvings and to vocalize SCP-XXXX-1, while pointing at the far wall. D-00103 complied.
Results: A puff of grey smoke burst from SCP-XXXX. Surveillance observed D-00103 age at a rate of approximately ten years per second. After ten seconds he collapsed into a pile of dust, which quickly reconstituted, and the process reversed. After another ten seconds D-00103 appeared to return to his original age, albeit with white hair and beard. Researchers observed D-00103 drop SCP-XXXX, curl into a fetal position, and begin murmuring “he who laughs” repeatedly. D-00103 contained as SCP-XXXX-3-216 pending long-term observation and independent SCP classification.
Update: A later physician’s exam noted that SCP-XXXX-3-216 was in excellent physical health and otherwise non-anomalous, but remained in a coma-like trance. SCP-XXXX-3-216 repeated the phrase “he who laughs” until his vocal chords shredded, after which he continued to mouth the phrase. Independent SCP classification denied, termination scheduled.
Notes:
-Well, there's something you don’t see every day. -Dr. Zehn
-Please show respect for the dead. -Site Director Vier
Experiment: XXXX-A-259
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: Site-76 Personnel
Procedure: After removing SCP-XXXX-3-216 from Test Chamber C-05, the experiment was reset. D-00104 was shown in, instructed to grasp SCP-XXXX by the carvings, and vocalize SCP-XXXX-1. D-00104 complied.
Results: A jet of water, later found to be non-anomalous sea brine, shot from SCP-XXXX. For the next 17 minutes and 34 seconds, every sentient being within Site-76, including research staff and D-class personnel, as well as sapient SCP’s capable of speech, began singing traditional sea shanties in perfect meter and harmony.
Surveillance observed all personnel going about their duties as normal, even seeming to carry on experiments and conversations while singing at the top of their lungs, with the exception of D-00104, who began a complicated dance routine within Test Chamber C-05. The last song to be sung contained the line “I wonder where my sail will take me”, which D-00104 vocalized twice during his “performance”. See Experiments XXXX-A-260 and XXXX-A-261 for more details.
Update: Later analysis showed that the only entities not observed to maintain perfect meter were Dr. Zehn and Dr. Ein, who led the others by approximately half a second.
Update: Upon extensive debriefing, all affected personnel at Site-76 acknowledge the anomalous singing, but found nothing irregular or out of character about it. Several staff members were observed humming tunes sung during the event, but this was deemed a non-anomalous side-effect of exposure to surveillance footage.
Notes:
-Put him in the long boat 'til he's sober. -Dr. Sachs
-Pull out the bung and wet him all over. -Dr. Sieben
-Put him in the scuppers with the deck pump on him. -SCP ████
-Heave him by the leg in a runnin' bowlin'. -Site Director Vier
-Tie him to the taffrail when she's yard-arm under. -D-00104
-Early in the morning. -Site-76 Personnel
Experiment: XXXX-A-260
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: D-00104
Procedure: The first of two vocalizations of SCP-XXXX-1 while Site-76 was under the effect of Experiment XXXX-A-259. After step-dancing across the test chamber, D-00104 attempted an acrobatic leap, vocalizing SCP-XXXX-1 mid-air.
Results: Surveillance recorded a flash of yellow light, and miniature fireworks erupted behind D-00104. The fireworks faded to small points of white light, spelling out the phrase “BUY WARBONDS” for several seconds before demanifesting.
Notes:
-I wonder where my sail will take me. -D-00104
-Over oceans wide and narrow. -Site Director Vier, Dr. Sachs, Dr. Sieben
Experiment: XXXX-A-261
Date: April 10, 2019
Test Subject: Test Chamber C-05
Procedure: The second of two vocalizations of SCP-XXXX-2 while Site-76 was under the effect of Experiment XXXX-A-259. Surveillance recorded D-00104, in an apparent “grand finale”, slide across the test chamber on his knees while vocalizing SCP-XXXX-1.
Results: Researchers observed the floor of Test Chamber transform from vinyl tile to rolling ocean. As D-00104 fell into the water, an anomalously-large squid reared out of the surf, grasped D-00104 in its beak, and disappeared beneath the surface. The floor of the test chamber quickly reverted to tile, and the singing stopped. SCP-XXXX remained in the center of the chamber, with no sign of D-00104.
Update: After a senior researcher broke into song during a scheduled video-conference with a member of the O5 council, all testing of SCP-XXXX was suspended until otherwise noted.
Notes:
-I wonder where my sail will take me…ah!. -D-00104
-Back to shore and Bonnie Sparrow. -Site Director Vier, Dr. Sachs, Dr. Sieben
