SCP-4982 ''The Funniest Joke in the World''

Item #: SCP-4982

Object Class: Safe Euclid

Special Containment Procedure: SCP-4982 is a lethal auditory and visual cognitohazard and is to be kept in a medium-security locker at site 19 at all times, the locker should be locked using 1 4-number combination lock and, testing is restricted to level 2 scientists and above. SCP-4982 is to be kept within a smaller metal-armed box within the locker, this box can only be unlocked if at least 2 level-2 scientists and 1 at least level-3 supervisor are present,the SCP itself is to wrapped up in aluminium foil while in th e box or not undergoing testing. While undergoing testing, the text on SCP-4982's surface is always to be face a solid wall. SCP-4982 is to be placed on a stand while undegoing testing, a red line is to be marked as a no-pass line. The internet is monitored in case of any leak SCP-4982.

Object Description: SCP-4982 is ''The funniest joke in the world''. If it was either read or heard, exposed individual would start laughing for 7 seconds to 22 minutes before eventually die due to lack of air or a heart attack, if you read more than 3 words of SCP-4982, you risk ending up in hospital for 3 weeks or more. SCP-4982 only affects individuals if the individual knows the language SCP-4982 is written or told in, any copies of SCP-4982 have the same properties as the original, the original paper it was written is not possible to destroy in any way.

Discovery and History: SCP-4982 was first discovered in UK, 1942 when a man, later identified as James ███ was found dead in his house, later when the police arrived, the body had no signs of any wounds, its unclear what happened, but it was when they moved the body they uncovered what is today identified as SCP-4982. The 2 Policemen who were sent to the area was never heard of again, this kicked of an investigation which saw the deaths of 7 police officers. The British army eventually got interest in the SCP and attempted to translate it to German for use in warfare, this resulted in the death of 682 British soldiers and ██ British scientists, in late 1943, British soldiers used it against German forces with good success. The Germans found out and tried to make their own ''counter-joke'', but the war ended and all their notes was destroyed before they finished. As the weapon was not very known, a secret addition to the Geneva convention was signed, banning Anomalous Auditory weapons in war.

SCP-4982 Event Log

Subject Conditions Outcome
D-8233 Exposed to SCP-4982 written in English. Subject started laughing for 4 minutes before passing out.
D-1396 Exposed to an auditory sample of SCP-4982. Subject said it wasn't funny, but started to laugh after 14.3 seconds before passing out 6 seconds later.
D-6192 Exposed to 3 words of SCP-4982 Subject started to laugh, subject stopped 17 seconds later and was rushed to the medical bay.
Scientist Richard ██████ The Secondary Containment box was not properly locked, Dr. ██████ accidentally dropped the box and exposed himself to SCP-4982, causing it to laugh himself to death. Security of the Containment locker and box was heavily improved, Scientist Jeremy ███████ who was responsible for the unsecured box was transferred to another site.
D-5539 D-5539 was given a computer and a french sample of SCP-4982, even tough he had no idea of what was written, he attempted to re-post it to reddit, Foundation scientists eventually found out his plan and closed down the computer the object was re-assigned to Euclid.
D-7415, not understanding English Exposed to a written English sample of SCP-4982, after discovering its properties did not affect him, he breached containment by shouting the joke to the guards and attending scientists, he was shot in the back by agent ██████, who did neither understand English. Noise-cancelling headphones are now required if testing is to be conducted.

This SCP, although it may look silly at first glance, if it spreads, it would be the end of us all -O5-4