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This is my staff sandbox as a Junior Staff - Site Crit member.

July, 2020

Main Site Crit

June 2020 Site Crit

"SCP-5406: Duck Dividends" by DrAkimoto

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

^{You thought you could get away from my scrutiny by not having me crit this, hm? Well think again!}

You earned an upvote from me, and here's why:

The Good

Honestly? Most of it. It's cute, it's intriguing, and it shows the Foundation utilizing anomalies to assist in local environmental efforts, something that the Foundation is not often shown doing, but is totally within my suspension of disbelief.

That being said, there were a few parts that caught my eye.

The Less Good

Observed instances range in size from approximately ten to twelve meters in length. The rubber ducks the instances reside within are identical in size, approximately eight meters in height and five meters in length,

This part reads a bit odd to me. The second sentence starts as though it's suggesting the rubber ducks are the same size as the 5406 instances. Perhaps "all of the rubber ducks are identical in size and shape to one another…." would read cleaner.

Foundation investigative agents were sent to investigate the civilian company known as Fukuoka Fun Factory, for possible connections to the origin of the SCP-5406.

I don't think the comma is needed here.

Through legal and financial litigation, the Foundation forced Fukuoka Fun Factory to sell their manufacturing

"legal litigation" is redundant. Perhaps "Through financial and litigious methods"?

The Solutions for Contaminative Petroleum Project is to organize public events in coastal regions heavily effected by petroleum-based pollution.

"Effected" should be "affected".

Under no circumstances is the biological nature of SCP-5406 instance to be revealed and are to remain known as rubber duck floatation units housing a cutting-edge water purification system.

You change verb plurality in this sentence without changing the subject. I would write this as "Under no circumstances is the biological nature of SCP-5406 instances to be revealed; they are to remain known as rubber duck floatation units housing a cutting-edge water purification system."

'Flotation' is also misspelled, oddly enough. Is that really the proper spelling? Huh.

Keelung City, Taiwan (2)

Kaohsiung City, Taiwan (1)

Fukuoka, Japan (1)

Incheon, South Korea (2)

Yeosu, South Korea (1)

Seoul, South Korea (3)

Sydney, Australia (2)

I don't see an explanation for what the numbers in parentheses mean here.

The Completely Subjective

and composed of a synthetic waterproof rubber.

I think that 'waterproof synthetic rubber' reads a bit better.

Site-402 is located on the property formally housing Fukuoka Fun Factory's manufacturing facility,

This same information is stated at the end of the previous paragraph. I think one of the two could be trimmed to make it less repetitive.

Solutions for Contaminative Petroleum

You are a damn genius.

Foundation front company Sakura's Celebrations and Parades is to act as an intermediary

Seriously how are you so good at coming up with these

In addition, portable restroom facilities, child-friendly attractions, alcohol vendors, as well as other local event-oriented businesses are to be employed.

This reads a tad clunky, I would recommend replacing "as well as" with "and".

Due to the financial and ecological benefits of the program, Site-402 has been approved to continue operations until 2030, at which time its status will be reevaluated.

2030 just seems a bit arbitrary. Don't financial reevaluations normally take place once every 5 or 10 years, not 12? Totally subjective, but just struck me as a bit odd.

The Wrap-Up

It's yet another Akimoto skip. Honestly, I cannot fathom how you manage to produce so many quality articles so quickly. I've crit a fair bit for you here and there, but this one slipped under my radar, so I thought it was only fair to offer my thoughts in a more official capacity. The narrative of the Foundation's interactions with the Japanese government is interesting, and the anomaly is not super complex or difficult to understand. It's an easy upvote for me despite the issues mentioned above, because they were minor enough to not really take me out of it.

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to Doctor Fullham or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team, SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.

"SCP-4614: Microscopic Brainwave Lucid Dream Induced Eating Tardigrades" by xeonic

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

I have decided to downvote, and here's why:

The Good

It seems really harsh to say this, but I am honestly struggling to find much that this article does well. Certain parts definitely stand out to me, but improvements could be made pretty much across the board.

The Less Good

Firstly, this is not Archon. There's no reason these things should not be contained. It should be Keter - pretty much uncontainable with our current methods. But Archon means there's a good reason we should avoid containing it, or even trying, and I don't see any hint of that here.

Until a method has been found for mass extermination in public areas of SCP-4614, it's currently only to be removed in those who work in The Foundation due to concerned issues with cross-contamination with other anomalous organisms.

This sentence is very hard to understand. it just kinda jumps around. I recommend sounding it out and seeing how it feels spoken out loud.

SCP-4614 instances are common throughout the entire world, but are mostly found in moist areas.

"Moist" is not a clinical term.

It will grow a pair of microscopic wings and travel to the subject.

Saying 'microscopic' here feels redundant. Tardigrades are microscopic, so that would be the base assumption about any new body parts they grow.

It is unknown how SCP-4614 instances manage to do this due to the lack of sensory organs needed, and microscopic size that it has.

What sensory organs does something need to grow wings? Or do you mean this in reference to how they find humans? The placement of the sentence makes this very unclear.

it will nest in the tympanic membrane and slowly expand to be 0.01 cm.

This would be much better written as something like "it will grow from its original size of 0.07mm to 1cm." Gets the same information across in a more succinct fashion.

SCP-4614 instances will begin to send an unknown and hardly detectable signal by using what is theorized to be a small organ.

"Hardly" is not clinical. And what has led to the theory that it's a small organ? Scientific theories need to be based on some sort of observation; they don't just conjure guesses out of thin air.

SCP-4614 instances will then proceed to get its sustenance by the use of a proboscis that fleshes out of SCP-4614.

To flesh out is to give more context; to make something more clear. It does not mean to extrude from the flesh of an animal.

It will then inject a compound into SCP-4614-1's bloodstream.

What kind of compound? If they know it's there, have they studied the chemical composition? Is the compound anomalous?

Whether the brain waves are just a food to SCP-4614 or something that simply make the organism live longer is currently unknown since the non-anomalous life span of SCP-4614 is 6 years in the wild.

This is where you lose me. At the beginning, you make it apparent that SCP-4164 is all members of Milnesium tardigradum. How do they have a non-anomalous life span if all of them are anomalous? Do you mean the life span of other species in the Tardigrade phylum? Because that's not what I get from that.

It is theorized the SCP-4614 instances use SCP-4614-1's brain waves to provide neurological functions for itself.

Again, what led to this theory?

SCP-4614 instances will then send another barely detectable signal that forces brain waves to be 4-7 Hz.3

This would be better written as "Theta waves" with a footnote detailing the frequency. Same as the Gamma waves in the previous paragraph.

If the brain ignores these signals, SCP-4614 's primary anomaly will still manifest once the subject enters REM sleep.

If this happens whether or not the waves are "ignored", why mention that as a possible factor?

SCP-4614 can live off of these lucid dreams for up to sixty (60) years. SCP-4614 will decrease the average human lifespan by ten (10) years, but increases the average intelligence by five (5) IQ points.

You do not need the numbers in parenthesis here. This is to be used when the number being exact is vital, such as "SCP-# must be guarded by no less than four (4) personnel at all times." If it's just descriptive, these are not needed.

Addendum-A9183-21

This addendum is totally unnecessary, and the numbering seems completely random. Everything stated here is something implied because it's an SCP (we should study it) or that the reader can get from context (the next section states it was discovered in the 1800s). Professional researchers would also not say "It's wild" in an official document.

Journal Entries

Firstly, these all being in separate collapsibles is wholly unnecessary. One collapsible with each entry being in a separate quote block would have been much better. These logs also have a very unnecessary use of blackboxes - if I'm allowed to know everything else on this page, why would me knowing the precise year of these tests be hidden? What possible consequence would there be to someone working at the Foundation knowing this? You also omit 227 journal entries, which is an insane amount of information to exclude and not give the reader even the hint of a reason why.

The Completely Subjective

This will induce what is commonly known as a lucid dream 0.0001-0.1% of the time depending on how intelligent and cognitive the subject is

IQ tests are bunk regardless of who runs them, and even then, they are not a way to measure "cognition." That is not something we have a way to quantify under current scientific standards.

The Wrap-Up

Overall, your grammar needs a lot of work, as does your formatting. I see that you did get some critique, but it seems to me that a few more reads from other critiquers would have greatly benefited you here. Your usage of both collapsibles and redactions/expungements/blackboxes is damaging to the reading flow and ultimately does not aid the article in any way. On top of that, the anomaly doesn't make that much sense. You're adding anomalous abilities onto an animal that already exists, and not claiming it only affects a portion of them, or that it's a subspecies.

You clearly put some legwork in following the greenlighting/critique process, but it needs more polishing before it's ready for the main site.

"SCP-5068: The Microbes Must Be Crazy" by caspian2

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

The Good

Overall, I really like this. It's a unique anomaly and you tell an interesting narrative in a pretty standard format. The testing logs are great and give just the right amount of information to give us the idea of what's happening without turning into an exposition dump.

The Less Good

Firstly, I'd recommend making the image a bit smaller. I have 27" monitors and it takes up the entire screen. There are ways you can have the image start small and have the reader enlarge it - I'd recommend giving one of those a shot, because it's really kinda distracting.

Its chemical composition indicates a source of naturally-occurring precipitation, or rainwater.

I feel like "naturally-occurring precipitation" is understandable enough on its own.

but working towards the construction of a single, massive tower comprised of their combined, fallen dead.

"fallen dead" is superfluous.

is that these microorganisms propagate through liquid H20,

You can do a subscript number by putting two commas around it, like so: H,,2,,O becomes H₂O. You also appear to have used a zero rather than the letter O.

The Completely Subjective

ABRIDGED TEST LOGS

You call them abridged but all the information seems really complete, and I don't see any major gaps in time.

Why do they need D-Class to depress the water droplet? Could they not create an automated hydraulic system that does it? Seems like an unnecessary risk. And what would be the consequence of these things reaching the microscope's lens anyway? Why is that something that must be avoided? They don't know they can control humans until much later in the testing logs, so why do they see that contamination as such a threat? Their denial to allow her to use a metal rod and this suggest the Foundation already knows this can happen, but if they do, nothing is ever really done with that.

Overall, it was a fun article and written well. No unnecessary data or redactions, and other than the top image being too large, the formatting is sold. Great work!

"SCP-5092: Anti-Storage Drive" by Dr Islan Lot (In Deletion)

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

SCP-5092 is 16TB of confidential data on an unknown organization currently contained on a hard disk drive. This data seems to change the organization it is connected to on a bimonthly basis.

These two sentences contradict one another. If the organization is unknown, how do they know it's changing?

Exposure to SCP-5092 has led individuals to believe that the information contained inside is somehow relevant to them and their personal life, the individual is now classified as SCP-5092-1.

This sentence changes tense midway through, and is a run-on.

This obsession will grow in the individual until it becomes all-consuming.

This sentence is outside of clinical tone. "All-consuming" is a vague, subjective term.

This exposure is lethal if not treated.

And now we get into where the meat of my problem lies. This is a trope called "Crazy to Death," where rather than killing the affected individual outright, the anomaly makes them go insane and then they (usually) die anyway.

SCP-5092 will attempt to attach itself to any storage device within a two meter distance without the help of an individual.

How does it do this? Does it roll, hover, fly, teleport? Does it pass through walls? Can it sense other electronics through lead shielding? This one sentence generates quite a few questions, and I don't see any of them answered here.

The effects are the same, however if two drives come into the vicinity of each other, all information will be wiped in a 60 meter radius of the drives.

You say "two drives" but do not specify if both of them need to be an instance of 5092. If you are talking about multiple drives, some of which are part of the anomaly and some of which aren't, use the SCP designation to avoid confusion. You also start by saying the effects are the same, but then go on to point out a pretty big difference.

Including information contained biologically, causing complete memory loss to individuals inside of the radius.

And this is where a lot of research needed to be done. DNA is technically a biological storage medium that stores the information that makes up your genetic code. If this wiped out all information, what would happen to people when their DNA got wiped? I don't even know what that would mean. But, as written, it would happen.

Once brain hemorrhaging began, medical staff successfully kept the subjects from dying. Some patients were given amnestics, while others were left to let exposure take its course.

Again, you really have to do your research. You shouldn't just handwave it and say "they kept them from dying". According to Harvard Health: "About 30% to 60% of people with an intracerebral hemorrhage die. In those who survive long enough to reach an emergency room, bleeding usually has stopped by the time they are seen by a doctor." That took me about ten seconds to find.

Some patients were given amnestics, while others were left to let exposure take its course.

Why?

The subjects not given amnestics slowly downgraded into little more than animals mentally.

Another example of nonclinical tone.

He was successful in destroying SCP-5092, the automatic locking mechanisms on the cell doors malfunctioned.

The locks just happened to malfunction? There were NO guards posted nearby? This is all so unbelievably convenient.

Dr. Brath began writing binary on anything he could find two weeks after initial destruction.

He lost all memory, but knows how to write? And in binary?

SCP-5092 has been re-classified as Thaumiel.

Why? In what way is this used to help contain other anomalies? There's nothing Thaumiel about this.

Data was transferred to 1,000 16GB flash drives for storage. The data was non-anomalous until one year later, when all drives began exhibiting anomalous properties.

Again, you have to do your research. One gigabyte of data is 8,589,934,592 bits. So in 16TB that's 137 trillion, 438 billion, 953 million, 472 thousand bits. The average handwriting letters per second is about 1.1. This would take one person 4,358,160 YEARS to do. Mathematically impossible, even writing at a hundred times the average handwriting speed of an adult human. Again, this took me very little time to figure out. You have to do your research, especially on tech-based SCPs, because these are the ones nerds like me go mad over nitpicking.

Testing with a drive revealed the same effects as before, except individuals exposed are to be observed for a month's period.

Why did the observation period increase if the results were identical?

Memory is information, however using this specific method with SCP-5092 results in information inside information being erased. This information includes: documents, removal of the sensation of pain or fear inside of a specific memory, and any confidential information passed by oral transmission.

Information inside information? What does that even mean? "Memory" is a term for the information stored in the brain. Memories are stored as information, not within some nebulous concept of "memory" that is also information.

This SCP is honestly a bit of a mess. There's half-correct tech jargon in every other sentence and it's clear you did almost no research on any of the numbers you used in here. Tech is one of the things we understand the most right now, so you really can't expect us to just accept all of this without verifying it. And even looking past that, there's no narrative here. Where did this code come from? Why can it do this? How did the Foundation find it? You have an item/items with a very poorly defined ability and no narrative. This is a downvote from me.

"SCP-5072: Welcome to the (Eternal) Scholastic Book Fair!" by Penguin6 (Deleted)"

Okay, this is going to be a downvote from me, as much as I loved the nostalgia it triggered making me remember buying Animorphs books at the book fairs as a kid. But there are quite a few problems with this, ranging from tone to narrative structure.

SCP-5072 is to be held in a standard large containment locker,

This is a pet peeve of mine and several others on the site. If it is currently contained, the future tense is unnecessary. It makes sense when talking about the weekly testing because you are directly referencing future events. But if you're explaining how it is currently contained, do not use future tense.

and supplied with at least 3 of the following items, if possible:

Why would this ever be impossible? All of these books are easy to find. And you never explain what happens if it is not given these books.

Additional paraphernalia that is compliant with common novels or small toys found in a Scholastic Book Fair.

"Compliant" implies a set of rules or metrics an item must meet. I believe you meant "consistent".

If successful, the above protocol is to be enacted

What protocol? You mention three books that it should be given. That's not a protocol. And again, not once do you give even a hint as to why it is necessary.

When the case is unlocked, the fluids originate from a different source. DNA testing is pending.

This feels like you wanted to do something cool but ran out of either ideas or time. According to the table, they've been testing this thing for eight years, and I'd imagine the Foundation has access to tools to make DNA testing times even shorter. What is making the tests take so long? Like with the list of books, there's a setup here that never pays off. It's just another weird thing.

The table formatting is off. If the status of the locks is what determines the fluid, not the other way around, that column should come first.

Following final emission of biological fluid, vital signs of the interior organism ceased. Object class has been updated to neutralized, and the project head has been shifted from Dr. Mariam Vinković to Dr. Emma McDougal.

When was the final emission? Why would they change the project head? Especially to someone that clearly has an attachment to the anomaly? Doctors do not get to just decide to swap positions, that would have to be vetted by a site director, and the only reason they'd assign someone with such a connection to an anomaly as research head would be if it was useful for study or necessary for containment.

After genetic testing was expanded in order to compare with juvenile sources, a match was found. File recovered from Rockford, Illinois Police Department

Why would juvenile sources have been excluded in the first place? You say it matched the chest cavity of a "healthy human female," nothing in that implies an age group.

The most egregious issue is the final update. These two things show that McDougal has a clear vested interest in the anomaly. Also, Doctors do not fire people. There's no way she could enforce that, and her putting something like that in an SCP would probably be grounds for immediate dismissal, or at least amnestization and reassignment. The DNA "matching" McDougal's also doesn't track if it's her daughter. You do not have the same DNA as your parents, so unless she was a clone, Selva's DNA would be a partial match at best. And why wouldn't they start by trying to match it to the DNA of relatives of the DNA it matches? There are so many things here that are incongruous with how I imagine the Foundation operates. McDougal is shown as having way too much control over what's happening here.

And at the end of it, I really can't tell what happened. Did she kill her daughter and stick her - or just her chest cavity - in a box? If so, why? How was she able to do this and keep her alive? We don't get to know McDougal or learn anything about her relationship with her daughter until the very end. We're also missing key pieces of data - who brought the item to the Foundation's attention? Was McDougal so bad at hiding it that it was discovered less than 24 hours after she killed or did whatever to her daughter? This feels like it's supposed to be an emotional piece, but the narrative is buried under data that adds nothing and decisions that simply wouldn't fly in the Foundation.

I cannot find the answer to a "Why?" question anywhere in here. Leaving some things up to the imagination is fine, but you have to give the reader some answers. Why did McDougal do this? Why does she need those specific books? Why does it emit these fluids? Why do some of the fluids match McDougal and some match her daughter? Why did it take them 8 years to find that out?

There is the core of a good idea and an emotionally charged narrative here. But it's hard to see through the data that we have that doesn't add anything, and the data we're missing that would.

"SCP-5077: Bait and Switch" by TyGently

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

I am of the belief that an SCP article should stand on its own two feet, with a self-contained narrative, disconnected from any supplemental Tales. In service of this, I have not read the linked tale, and will not until after this review is written.

My interpretation of the article is that SCP-5077 doesn't exist, it was created by the Foundation in order to, effectively, gaslight the D-Class and hide the fact that they have more power than they think. Classic oppression tactics. They made up an anomaly that only affected D-Class and used it to effectively turn them against one another. They then isolated and killed all the D-Class involved ion the riot, and blamed the deaths on 5077.

I have a few issues with this.

A riot is something that normally takes a while to organize, and in my head, Foundation sites are not prisons. Every site does not have thousands of D-Class interned there. Why were there so many at Site-61?
The Foundation would probably notice the beginnings of a riot and quash it early. I imagine there aren't many, if any, places that D-Class can get to without being under complete supervision.
The D-Class have some idea of the kinds of things the Foundation deals with and how MTFs and on-site security must be armed. Hell, some of them might know that there are on-site nukes. What do they think a riot is really gonna do? How did the riot get to the point that it caused a major breach?
Why is the Foundation bothering doing all this when they could have just mass amnestized Site-61's D-Class well before this ever happened? I also personally hc that the Foundation probably has mood suppression drugs and things like that to make the D-Class more compliant, and the threat of great violence if that fails.
If any or all of the events were made up by the O5, it's really hard to tell.

Something about the base idea just don't sit quite right. I think the concept works, but the actions of D-Class blamed on this thing are really clashing with how I imagine the Foundation operates. Also, should this thing not be Keter? They seem to lack any real system of containment.

But the biggest issue is in a combination of two lines:

Welcome, Administrator.

Alteration and destruction of human testing logs for SCP-████

In the universe of me as the reader of this article, you establish me as the Administrator, or someone with the same level of clearance. The Administrator. The head honcho. The big cheese. There should not be a singe shred of information that I cannot see. I am the highest clearance level that anyone at the Foundation has. I think I know why you did this. You wanted to have the feel of a cross-link but didn't want to make the mistake of a pointless cross-link. But you replaced it with a completely incongruous use of redacting information.

This may seem like a small issue, but it really shines a light on the fact that you need to remember how much access your reader has here. You could have written that first line as "destroyed human testing records for multiple anomalies," and just left it vague. But you cannot tell me I have the highest access and then hide such a relatively harmless piece of information. I was already a bit on the fence with all of the D-Class stuff, and that unfortunately tipped me to a downvote. But it was just barely over the border. With a little bit of polishing, this could easily become +1 territory.

Please let me know if you take issue or need clarification on any of the above, I am usually lurking in IRC, or you can send me a wikidot PM, though my response will likely be much slower.

X THAT DOES Y

What you have currently is the "thing that does a thing" or "X that does Y" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

General Notes

The anomalous item is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

X-MAN

What you have currently is the "Superpowered humanoid" or "X-Man" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

General Notes

The anomalous being is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Hi there, I'm Doctor Fullham, and I will be giving your SCP a thorough examination. Let's begin.

[[collapsible show="You earned a #VOTE from me, and here's why:" hide="Close"]]

+++ The Good

+++ The Less Good

+++ The Completely Subjective

[[/collapsible]] 

+++ The Wrap-Up

[[size smaller]]**Disclaimer:** //Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to [[*user Doctor Fullham]] or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team, [[*user SoullessSingularity]], for any questions or concerns relating to this review.//[[/size]]

SCP Sandbox III

Sandbox III: Revenge of the Sandbox

July, 2020

Main Site Crit

The Good

The Less Good

The Completely Subjective

The Wrap-Up

The Good

The Less Good

The Completely Subjective

The Wrap-Up

The Good

The Less Good

The Completely Subjective

List of critiques waiting for a response from the poster or poster is awaiting a response.

List of critiques that have gone at least 1 week with no response and the poster appears to have abandoned the idea.

List of critiques for ideas that have been greenlit.

List of critiques in the Drafts forum.