Per 
I have bad ideas, stop reading them.
3/XXXX LEVEL 3/XXXXCLASSIFIED |
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Item #: SCP-XXXXObject Class: Euclid |
Special Containment Procedures: Content filters are to be put in place with all major Email Service Providers to automatically delete emails containing links to SCP-XXXX’s domain. Efforts to block access to SCP-XXXX’s domain through Internet Service Providers has proven ineffective and work to prevent access is ongoing. Access to SCP-XXXX is to be granted to Level 3 personnel.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a website accessible from the domain ‘www.TheDiagnosisDoc.████’ at the IP address 101.98.███.███. The website's landing page contains only a photograph of a bald Caucasian male, approximately mid-thirties, holding a stethoscope against a monitor displaying ascii-art of a frowning face. The words "Only $200! Results Guaranteed." are written across the bottom half of the image in white text. When the image is clicked the page redirects to a new page containing fields to input credit card information, a text input box labeled "Symptoms?", and a white "Diagnose me." button.
If the site isn't provided with a valid credit card, or if the card has insufficient funds to process the transaction, the page will be replaced with the same ascii-art frowning face from the landing page of the website. From this point on the user will not be able to access the website again on any computer, it will instead immediately redirect to his page.
If the user submits a valid credit card with sufficient funds the $200 will be deducted and they will be transferred to a plain white page reading "Congratulations!" in large rainbow colored letters that wave across the screen. Directly beneath it in smaller black text it will be a short message stating the name of a condition that can produce the provided symptoms. From this point the user becomes an instance of SCP-XXXX-1.
An instance of SCP-XXXX-1 will immediately believe the veracity of the given diagnosis and take extreme actions to try and treat the condition within the bounds of their medical knowledge. In addition, they will aggressively try to share the link with anyone else they know that is unwell, stressing the high quality service and assuring them it will give them an accurate diagnosis.
If the condition diagnosed by SCP-XXXX was not present in SCP-XXXX-1 before they used SCP-XXXX, it will manifest within 72 hours. All conditions acquired from SCP-XXXX function in a non-anomalous manner. SCP-XXXX-1's anomalous effects will only cease once they are cured of the diagnosed condition.
Discovery Log XXXX.1:
SCP-XXXX was first brought to the foundation's attention through the efforts of Dr. Ahearn, a foundation researcher. His mother emailed him a link to SCP-XXXX and begged him to make use of its services for the stomach pains he had suffered since adolescence. She also made multiple phone calls that were missed, ending each attempt with a worried voice message stressing how important it was for him to check his emails and use the service she provided.
Two days later Mrs. Ahearn was found dead in her Wisconsin residence. Medical examiners attributed the cause of death to Cardiac Arrest due to acute Hypernatremia. She had a mild cold, but no other medical issues. An interview with Mrs. Ahearn's neighbours revealed that she had visited them several times in the days before her death in an attempt to get them to use SCP-XXXX to diagnose the skin condition their daughter had, as well as to ask for help with shopping. They said she bought every chicken product the store had, and complained the entire time that they "just didn't have enough chickens." The source of the Acute Hypernatremia was traced back to dangerous sodium levels in the gallons of chicken soup found in her residence.
Researcher Ahearn's investigation into the unusual circumstances surrounding his mother's death lead him to the discovery of the anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX.
