Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be housed in a modified humanoid containment cell with one armed guard at all times. Access to SCP-XXXX requires level 4 clearance. SCP-XXXX is no longer to be used for testing purposes.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a humanoid formerly known as Jeffrey Jebediah Thompson, a former D-Class personnel used by the Foundation. SCP-XXXX was transferred from [REDACTED] after a death penalty sentence, per usual D-Class recruiting protocol from prison populations at the time.
In all reported anomaly testing scenarios with SCP-XXXX, the results matched whatever expectations the overseeing researcher had of the outcome of the test, regardless of previously established anomalous features. In cases where there were multiple researchers, the results matched the expectations of the most senior researcher or other personnel present.
Before its discovery, SCP-XXXX had been a subject on 42 anomaly research teams covering a range of anomalies, both newly discovered and well established. SCP-XXXX had not been a subject on any anomalies where death or serious injury would be a likely scenario.
SCP-XXXX's anomalous traits were discovered after the standard bimonthly health check-up for d-class personnel brought up unusual test results. A full examination was ordered, and several physical abnormalities were found within SCP-XXXX.
- Subject's brain was approximately 20% smaller than normal for a human male. Half of its brain was comprised of an unknown plastic-like substance mimicking brain tissue.
- Subject's brain was completely smooth with no cerebral cortex folds.
- Subject's DNA was found to be diverging significantly from human, with traces of Sus domesticus, Rattus norvegicus, and Hydrocynus goliath found present, among several other unknown strands.
- Despite significant divergence from standard human biology, SCP-XXXX is outwardly indistinguishable from a non-anomalous human in behavior, appearance, and speech.
SCP-XXXX was temporarily classified as Class-E personnel and removed from the D-Class population. Examination of D-Class personnel recruited in the same prison transfer did not reveal any anomalous traits, similar or otherwise.
Interviews were conducted with the heads of all containment teams it had been involved in, revealing the testing anomalies discussed above. At this point Doctor Barnes made the decision to classify SCP-XXXX as an anomalous object.
Interviewed: Dr Ivanov
Interviewer: Internal Security Officer Mathers
Foreword: Upon the discovery of SCP-XXXX, it was noted that Ivanov had it involved in five different rounds of anomalous object testing. Ivanov was recorded as specifically asking for SCP-XXXX in all cases.
<Begin Log>
Ivanov: I'm sorry, I don't think we've met.
Mathers: I'm new here, name's Mathers. Please, sit down.
Ivanov: Ivanov. What's all this about then?
Mathers: Just some internal reviewing of the D-class population here. Some D-Class started a prison riot, so the bosses wanted a report on it. You'll be out of here before you know it, trsut me.
Ivanov: Alright. I'm not sure what I can do, but go ahead.
Mathers: Thanks. For one of the perpetrators, I believe you had him on a few tests. His label was D-2293? Male, white European.
Ivanov: Uh, I can't say that rings a bell. I do a lot of tests, eventually they all blend together.
Mathers: Alright, no worries. He was with you on a few… the latest one was 6543, I think. Do you remember anything unusual about him? Was he overly aggressive or otherwise unusual in his behavior?
Ivanov: …I, I don't think so. I mean, I don't remember anything like that happening.
Mathers: …You seem to have a problem with memory, Doctor Ivanov. I'd advise you to put a little more thought into your answers.
Ivanov: I'm not sure what you're implying Mathers, but I'm not hiding anything, okay?
Mathers: Think again, please. I'd hate for you to miss anything.
Ivanov: …Which department did you say you worked in, again?
Mathers Answer the question please, Doctor Ivanov.
Ivanov: I swear to god, I have no idea what you mean. Are you talking about the test results? Because I can explain those, I'm not faking anything, okay?
Mathers: …Sure. Why don't you tell me about those?
Ivanov: Alright, so I was assigned to a skip a few months ago. It's a carved silver offering bowl, it gives little aztec boons, depending on what you put in the bowl.
Mathers: 5432, I'm familiar with it. Go on.
Ivanov: Anyways, we didn't know about it until he came around. All we knew was that it was anomalous. Someone would fill it up with water, it'd spit the water back out. Someone else tried filling it up with holy water once, it cranked up the temperature by fifty degrees and threw it back at him. It was shrugged away as some low-level satanic object for a while.
Mathers: And what did D-2293 do differently, then?
Ivanov: He comes in, and we give him a random mix of solids and liquids to test. Candy, fruit, think we even had some gold. He ignores those, picks up some wine and pours it in. The wine disappears, and iit starts raining outside in the middle of August, in a drought.
Mathers: That's how you got 5432-1?
Ivanov: Wine as a religious symbol isn't something new, you can find something like that almost anywhere. But I studied mesoamerican history in college, so I decided to have him get some nectar, just on a hunch. Instantly, it pops out a headdress of feathers, hummingbird feathers. Finally managed to get a pay raise out of it. It was finally my lucky break, I was always getting stuck with the stupid shit.
Mathers: When was this?
Ivanov: Uh, two weeks ago, Tuesday? Around noon, I think.
Mathers: Alright, one moment… Thank you. How about the other five tests you've been involved in with him?
Ivanov: Uh, well, once I figured out that skip, suddenly [Site Director Cycnus] would bother giving me the time of day. So I got assigned to a higher-value anomaly, this one based out a warehouse in Boston. Thought I could figure out how to get it open again, I had my theories about the lock-
Mathers: And it worked?
Ivanov: Yup. If they actually listened to me, it would've spared them a lot of pain.
Mathers: And why did you request to bring D-2293 with you onto the containment team? Containment teams generally have their own D-Class provided, barring specific requirements.
Ivanov: Well, I… I don't know, I just felt like he could be useful? I mean, don't you have a good luck charm, something you like to keep around you?
Mathers: Maybe, but a human being. You didn't think it was odd? Three years in a dead-end position, and then on your first day with D-2293, you crack a case that people have been puzzled over for years?
Ivanov: Well, I- Look what is this even about? I haven't done anything wrong, I've been loyal to the Foundation since the beginning. I had my theories, worked on them, and then they actually proved useful, so what?
Mathers: With one particular D-Class who was used in every test, and all of a sudden they produced magical results? Could you take a look at this, please?
Mathers produces the current documentation on SCP-XXXX and shows it to Ivanov
Ivanov: Okay. SCP-XXXX is… Wait, is this D-2293? What the fuck… what happened to him?
Mathers: As far as we can tell, nothing. Seems like he was always like this. Nobody picked up on it. But you, Doctor Ivanov, appear to have been using an unknown anomalous entity to serve your own career interests. Thank you for your time, you've been very helpful.
Ivanov: What?! Okay, you've got to listen to me, I swear I had no idea-
Mathers: Guys? We're done here. Catch and release protocol, please.
Ivanov is removed from the room.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Ivanov was administered a Class B amnestic and returned to work, as Mathers concluded he had no knowledge of SCP-XXXX's anomalous state. For his full remarks, see Post-Interrogation Report-XXXX.
Upon review of Ivanov's testing with SCP-XXXX, several inconsistencies were found with his testimony. Guards stationed at Site-██'s entrance reported clear skies on the day that SCP-XXXX was involved in testing with SCP-5432.
Video review of the testing incident shows SCP-XXXX approaching SCP-5432 and pouring wine into the bowl. Instead of Ivanov's description of events occurring, nothing anomalous appears to happen with the bowl.
SCP-XXXX presents the wine cork to Doctor Ivanov, who appears excited to receive it. Based on the reported events, this appears to what he perceived as SCP-XXXX-5432-1, an ordinary item hidden under a powerful antimemetic effect. Item was taken and placed in Anomalous Storage.
SCP-XXXX appears to be a humanoid entity able to imbue ordinary objects with powerful antimemetic properties. SCP-XXXX uses these abilities to falsify Foundation efforts. It is either unwilling or unable to use these abilities in other scenarios.
Following approval from the Site Director, the decision was made to interview SCP-XXXX.
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Dr ████
Foreword: As a precaution, the interview was conducted in I-42. Members of MTF Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox") were placed on standby.
<Begin Log>
SCP-XXXX: What's up, doc? Heh, always wanted to say that.
Dr ████: Hello, D-2293. I wanted to ask you about a test you did about two months ago. It was a silver bowl that you poured liquids in.
SCP-XXXX: Oh, that one? Nothing really big happened, I just poured in some wine and the shit disappeared, man.
Dr ████: Do you remember anything unusual about it?
SCP-XXXX: Besides the fact that the wine just straight-up vanishing? Not really. The doctor there seemed excited for some reason, I don't know why.
Dr ████: Alright, no problem. I'd like to change gears here. Can you tell me about the night of December 16th, 19██?
SCP-XXXX: …Man, I haven't thought about that in a while. Look, don't you guys already have my files and stuff?
Dr ████: Why did you decide to kill her?
SCP-XXXX: …I don't know. James thought we should just let her go, he said she'd never be able to find us, but I just… I don't know. I felt like I just had to do it.
Dr ████: Alright. Can you tell me your parent's names?
SCP-XXXX: Jebediah and Katherine Thompson. Why?
Dr ████: We're just fact checking our records, there was a minor bug. When's your birthday?
SCP-XXXX: July 19th.
Dr ████: What school did you go to?
SCP-XXXX: Uh, [REDACTED] elementary school, and then [REDACTED] for high school.
Dr ████: You seemed like a pretty well-behaved student, teachers seem to have liked you… What changed?
SCP-XXXX: What do you mean?
Dr ████: Well on your 18th birthday, you decided to rob a bank with no prior criminal history. What made you do that?
SCP-XXXX: …I don't know. Definitely wasn't for the money, we had enough of that…I guess for the thrill? Just wanted to feel excited, I guess.
Dr ████: Was it exciting?
SCP-XXXX: No, not really. It wasn't boring either, it just felt plain. Like going to the grocery store, or paying your bills. Just felt like some ordinary chore. I don't know, maybe something's wrong with me.
Dr ████: …D-2293, have you ever had a brain scan, or DNA testing?
SCP-XXXX: No, why? Is something wrong?
Dr ████: Take a look at this. Dr ████ hands SCP-XXX its medical results.
SCP-XXXX: What am I looking at here?
Dr ████: Those are your medical test results. I'm not sure what you are, but you're definitely not human. Care to explain?
SCP-XXXX: …
Dr ████: Somehow, all this never came up at all in your life, not in injuries, medical check-ups or even vaccination complications, not even when you were taken here. So either it's a recent change, something that happened when you became a D-class personnel, or you're not Thompson at all.
SCP-XXXX: …Six hundred hours and thirteen minutes. Seven hundred hours and thirteen minutes. Apologies for any interruptions to regular duties.
Dr ████: What?
END OF INTERVIEW
Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX proceeded to fall unconscious for preciously one hour. Upon awakening, it claimed to have no memory of anything following the beginning of the interview.
I'd like to thank the Site Director for allowing me to air my concerns about SCP-XXXX. Firstly, it appeared to be a perfectly normal (as far as our men can tell) student until the day it turned 18, when it decided to rob a bank out of the blue. If it wasn't tackled by a passerby and had its gun taken away, it could've killed someone. Unfortunately for it as I'll explain, it only got ten years.
Secondly, the sexual assault and murder of Rebecca Summers, the crime that earned it the death penalty is somewhat perplexing to me. SCP-XXXX explained its reasoning for the killing as unknown, just a compulsion to do so. While that may sound like a psychopath's point of view, I think it's important to note SCP-XXXX most likely would have gotten away with it if it simply released her. But instead, it was sentenced to death, where it was picked up by us.
Third, SCP-XXXX has a rap sheet a mile long. Something all of them had in common was that they all occurred after he turned 18, and not a day before. In short, none of them occurred before he could be tried as an adult. And yet, he's been of the most meek and well-mannered D-Class I've ever seen. Since he's been under containment, he hasn't acted hostile once, or attempted to attack anyone, or even swear, as far as we know.
Summing it all up, I think the reason for SCP-XXXX's abilities surrounding anomalous testing, its crimes, and its compliance is quite obvious. All its life someone, or something, was trying to get it into the Foundation.
And it worked.
Incident Report-XXXX: On 11/12/20██, SCP-XXXX vanished from its cell. The following note was found on its bed.
Hi Guys!
Let me just say, I'm a huge fan of you guys. Saving the world and locking up creepy monsters at the same time, that's awesome.
Sorry to hear you guys don't like my gift. I'm kind of new at this whole thing, Jeffrey's my first. But you guys have given me a ton of new ideas for my next project, I'll try and do better. See you soon!
Sincerely,
A Great Admirer.
Addendum: Two months after SCP-XXXX vanished from custody, a D-Class personnel at Site-7 was found to have similar anomalous characteristics. An investigation is underway.
The Site-21 cafeteria was unusually abuzz today. Of course, anything above the occasional cough counted as "abuzz' for the most boring of Foundation sites, but this time there was an almost constant flurry of excited whispers.
Foundation researcher Edward Collins sided up to Security Guard Vladimir Stravinsky, who was helping himself to one of the infinite varieties of potato-based dishes the cafeteria always had.
"So, what's up?" he asked. "Did you see it, Voya?"
"We're not supposed to discuss Keter anomalies with irrelevant personnel," Voya said, pretending to be serious, but failing as a smile crept up on his face. Eddie dragged Voya over to the lunch table where fellow researchers Anabelle Nott and Henry Lang, and Field Agent Lana Xiang were eagerly waiting.
Everyone had heard the news. Due to scheduled maintenance at Site-16, an object had been transferred to a backup containment cell while they waited for it to be fixed. A very famous, almost infamous Keter Class object.
SCP-682. The SCP-682. The omnicidal, always adapting, Hard-to Destroy Reptile. Everyone who was anyone had heard of the scourge of the Foundation. Jimmy over at the front desk claimed he knew a guy who knew a guy who rode it like a rodeo clown, but everyone knew that was bullshit.
"I mean, isn't anyone slightly worried about this? Six-eight-two's killed dozens of task force agents," Anabelle pointed out. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that lizard if it breaches containment."
"That's why I'm taking my two weeks tomorrow," Henry said. "I'm thinking Maui, always wanted to visit."
"Good luck getting that past the Director's desk. Lana, what about you? Any conveniently far away missions coming up?"
"Nah, I’m not worried about 682." Lana said.
Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not?"
"Because it doesn't exist, obviously.” she said with a tone that suggested they were discussing weekend plans.
A very large moment of silence passed by at the table as everyone struggled to understand what the field agent was saying.
Henry was the first to recover. "What, like you think it's pataphysical or something?"
Lana shook her head. "No, I mean it's a cover-up. There's never been a 682. It's all a plot by the O5 council."
No one was sure what to do with that information.
"But I've seen it," Voya pointed out. "They gave all the guards a security seminar on it when it came this morning."
"What, you saw a picture or something? Pictures can be faked," she said. "I've done it hundreds of times with police stations and court cases, trust me."
"I've got a cousin as Site-5 who said he saw it," Henry chimed in.
Lana rolled her eyes. "Please, there is no Site-5. It's all part of the conspiracy."
"You know, seeing as you're basically a Man in Black- like I'm pretty sure the Foundation started up those rumors in the first place-I'm curious." Eddie said. "What would be the point of all this?"
"To control the narrative," Lana said. "So the O5 Council can keep us all down under their thumb, thankful that we're all safe from the big bad unkillable lizard monster. Come on, it doesn't sound unrealistic that it's the only one we've never been able to kill?"
Everyone at the table chewed on that instead of their lunches. Some of them had to admit it was a little strange, even for the Foundation. They had God in a containment cell, but they couldn't take care of a lizard?
Voya stood up. "Well, there's only one way we're figuring this out."
"Let's go see SCP-682."
"I'm sorry, what?"
Eddie shrugged. "We wanted to see 682. Can we go in?"
Senior Researcher Hubbard sighed, leaning on a cane that he had been using for longer than most of their employments. "Putting aside the fact that this is a Keter classified anomaly that none of you have any business around-"
"Yeah, but we all have level three clearance, so we'll be fine."
"Why the hell do you want to be less than thirty feet away from an anomaly that's responsible for more containment breach deaths than the rest of the Foundation put together?" he finished. "You should count yourself lucky you don't need to be anywhere near it."
"Xiang doesn't believe in it," Nott piped up.
Hubbard frowned, all previous irritation gone. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," Lana stated, "That I don't believe in an immortal lizard like our cryptofacist overlords want us to believe. It's really easy to see once you look at all the evidence."
Hubbard rubbed his temples. "Conspiracy theories, really? I literally had you fake a terrorist bombing last week for… you know what, never mind. All of you, get out. I'm not stopping critical containment efforts just for you to win a bet."
"Aww, come on" Voya called as Hubbard started to limp away. "You're not even the least bit curious about it?"
"I've seen enough incident footage to stay far away," Hubbard said over his shoulder. "Now follow my advice, and take a long relaxing vacation to Jamaica, it's lovely this time of year."
"See? Just another council lackey. Probably wants to keep us as far away from the truth as possible."
"I was your Maid of Honor and all, but I'm about two seconds away from punchng you Lana, swear to god," Anabelle said to her as they turned to leave.
Hubbard sighed. Loudly. It was the sort of sigh someone sighed when they had given up, and didn't care about the consequences as long as that little annoying bird in their ear would go away.
"This is the last I hear about 682 and internal conspiracies, understand?" Hubbard pressed a card against the tablet outside the blank white door. "One more word and I'll have you all permanently assigned to its containment team."
Lana looked over smugly at Henry. "Ready to be proven wrong?"
"Funny, I was just about to say the same thing."
The door slid silently open, revealing a shiny viewing center twice the size of any of the Euclid and Safe skips the ragtag bunch had worked with. Shiny buttons and monitors and switches adorned the wall to almost a ridiculous degree.
But that wasn't what the group was amazed by. Right through the bulletproof, fireproof, shatterproof, blastproof, NK-Class "Breaking-Of-Glass" Event-Proof viewing window, there was the acid tank that held the monster known as SCP-682.
Or rather where it would be. The room was totally empty.
Lana smiled. "Told you." She said smugly.
As Jake Cosniak drove away from the site, a thought occurred to the MTF-Epsilon-11 member.
"Hey David. You remembered to tell them that we were taking away 682, right?" he asked.
David didn't lift his eyes from his phone. "Sent an email to the Site Director. They'll hardly miss it. It was only there for what, six hours? Doubt anyone saw it."
"Yeah I guess so. "
Jake took a quick glance behind him. SCP-682 had been pretty quiet, contrary to most Incident Reports he had seen. They hadn't even had one attempt at a containment breach. 682 hadn't made a noise all morning. That was kind of weird, right?
Come to think of it, he hadn't even seen the lizard at all. He just drove the truck to the Site and watched David disappeared for an hour or so before coming back with a steel container that they loaded directly into the truck. For all he knew, there was nothing in the container at all.
Jake hit a speed bump, jolting himself out of his thoughts. David muttered something about slowing down, still glued to his phone.
He smiled a little, easing up on the pedal. He was acting pretty stupid just then. What was he saying, that 682 didn't exist?
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Every Saturday evening, the most skilled Foundation personnel will engage the concept of SCP-XXXX in a game of poker. Should the personnel lose the game, SCP-XXXX will be reengaged at its new location to establish containment. Arrangements should be made to move SCP-XXXX-1 to a private gaming room within the establishment.
Testing requires approval from at least two level 4 personnel. Due to the unpredictable nature of Victory events (or losses), all personnel used in testing scenarios should be D-Class personnel.
Description: SCP-XXXX-1 is a poker table currently located inside the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. If a human sits down at the table, an entity (designated as SCP-XXXX-3) will appear and ask who they would like to play. SCP-XXXX-1 allows the user to name virtually any object or concept imaginable. Should the user designate one, a metaphysical entity representing that object or concept will appear (designated SCP-XXXX-2) and begin to play.
SCP-XXXX-2 instances appear to have a degree of skill with the game closely related to their representative concept's widespread usage. Entities repsrenting rare or sparsely-used concepts such as Researcher Johnson's Cancer or John's Poster will have accordingly poor showings, with milder Hoyle events. More popular entites, such as Life, Time, or Nature have not been defeated by any foundation personnel to date, and have decidedly more severe Hoyle events. Should a user lose or win their game, they will undergo a Hoyle Event related to their opponent.
Hoyle Win Events tend to have a positive outcome on the user. Some events have been noted below.
| User |
XXXX-2 Instance |
Outcome |
| Jake Tavard |
Apples |
Theorized to be related to Tavard's company's massive success. |
| Researcher Cyrus Johnson |
Johnson's Cancer |
All traces of cancer disappeared immediatl, before reappearing within eight days. |
| D-2343 |
Containment of SCP-XXXX |
Resulted in SCP-XXXX's containment within the Bellagio Hotel |
| D-2347 |
Site-22 Plumbing |
All plumbing issues vanished upon conclusion of the game. |
Hoyle Loss Events tend to have a directly negative outcome for the user.
| User |
XXXX-2 Instance |
Outcome |
| Researcher John Langston |
John's Poster |
Poster began to age rapidly, reducing to dust in eight hours. |
| Researcher John Langston |
John's paper cut |
| Researcher John Langston |
Containment |
| D-2343 |
Containment of SCP-XXXX |
SCP-XXXX-1 disappeared from the MGM Grand, reappearing in the Wynn and Encore hotel and casino. |
| D-2343 |
Containment of SCP-XXXX |
SCP-XXXX-1 disappeared from the Wynn and Encore, reappearing in the Bellagio. |
| cell-content |
Death |
No immediate changes noted. Examination of D-2343 revealed that all cells within D-2343 were unable to die. |
| cell-content |
Life |
D-2343 fell into a coma with no detectable brain activity. However, his heart and other organs continued to function. |
| D-2344 |
Memory |
Due to last-minute scheduling interruptions, this test was unable to be performed. |
| D-2345 |
Morality |
No change. |
| D-2346 |
Luck |
See Incident Report-Alpha |
SCP-XXXX-3 is an unknown entity or concept appearing as a Caucasian male in his mid-to-late fourties in a suit, speaking in an exaggerated Texan accent. SCP-XXXX-3 appears the same in all manifestations, although it will update its suit to match current fashion trends. SCP-XXXX-3 will refuse attempts to play against it, citing a lack of interesting opponents.
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX-3
Interviewer: Researcher Edward Hart
Foreword: Hart approached SCP-XXXX-3 after a game had ended, just before it vanished.
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: Hello there, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions? It won't take long, I assure you.
SCP-XXXX-3: Heck, why not. Game's not going anywhere. Ask away.
Hart: Thank you. Can I ask who you are? Do you have a name you'd prefer I could use, or a title…
SCP-XXXX-3: Got plenty. Blackjack, Poker, Spades, Go Fish. Hell, you could even call me Yu-Gi-Oh! Man, that's still a little weird.
Hart: So as I understand, you identify as the concept of card games itself? I can see why you're in Vegas, then.
SCP-XXXX-3: Right on. Heard y'all had made a whole city around me, so I thought I'd head on down to see how it was done. Found myself a table, and watched the city grow up around me.
Hart: I imagined you'd be a player, not a dealer. Why is that?
SCP-XXXX-3: Well, think about it from my view. You're the best there ever was. It's impossible for anyone to be better than you. Doesn't matter if its luck of the draw, I can win with any hand. It gets dull after a while, so I thought I'd give up my seat and let others play.
Hart: And the other metaphysical concepts? Why are they interested in card games?
SCP-XXXX-3: Well, I've always been a bit of a chatterbug. They all heard me back in the 70's raving about how good poker was, so that's all they want to play. Sooner or later they'll move onto something else, mark my words.
Hart: We've noticed that people who win or lose tend to… have some unique effects upon them. Can you explain that?
SCP-XXXX-3: Well its not like we need gold or oil or nothing. Keeps the stakes lively, makes it a little fun. They'll moan and whine whenever they lose, but they have to pony up.
Hart: Alright. Is their any chance you can tell me about previous players?
SCP-XXXX-3 Hey, we got a sayin' here. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, ya hear?
Hart: Well we're still in Vegas.
SCP-XXXX-3: Oh. Right. Well I always get steady pickings… there was that Tavern guy. Tavard? No idea. Got a pretty good hand against Apple. Some people try and go up against Time, which never works, always makes my table dusty. Death's popular, but kind a bitch to play against, if you get my meaning. And then there's you guys.
Hart: What?
SCP-XXXX-3: The Foundation, that's what you guys are?
<End Log>
Incident Report-XXXX:
SCP-XXXX-3: Back so sson? Who can I get for you.
Person: I'd like to play Luck.
SCP-XXXX-3: …. Really? You sure about that?
Person: Yeah, it sounds stupid. But what's the worst that can happen?
SCP-XXXX-3 You poor son of a bitch. Alright, sit down. Luck, you're up!
bold text
[Repeat as necessary]
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
Item #: SCP-091
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-091 is stored in a subterranean arboretum, with a lighting system mimicking the seasonally appropriate day/night cycle. Scheduled maintenance should take place only during the nocturnal cycle, when SCP-XXXX is determined to be in a state of low activity. Under no circumstances should pollinators be permitted in the containment zone.
Soil levels are to be kept at approximately one meter depth and pH levels are to be monitored daily for any irregularities. Provided compost is to be placed in the containment zone at the beginning of each lunar month. Compost is to be inspected before and after delivery by two senior-ranking science officers to ensure safety procedures have been followed and to prevent any further containment issues caused by tampering. Provided compost is to be placed no closer than three meters from SCP-091. Under no circumstances should SCP-091 be touched. In such event, emergency defoliant protocols are to be followed and attending staff and all personal effects are to be immolated.
All male staff in its site facility are to undergo bimonthly medical inspections. Male staff are not to be involved in any capacity that requires direct contact with SCP-XXXX, and are to be rotated on a quarterly basis, remaining in quarantine two weeks before and after assignment.
Compromised staff and all personal effects must be destroyed by complete immolation.
Description: SCP-091 is a pomegranate tree approximately 5 metres in height and estimated to be physicaly 33 years old, despite being recovered in 19XX. It has not grown or aged since entering Foundation custody.
SCP-XXXX's flowers are entirely female, as opposed to non-anomalous specimens which grow both male and female flowers. Male personnel (defined as those possessing XY chromosomes) will universally correctly identify SCP-XXXX as female, even in cases where they would have little to no arboreal knowledge. Male personnel will often anthropomorphize the subject. All male personnel will assess the anomaly as appearing lonely, even without prior communication with one another. This effect appears to carry itself through all means of communication.
From June to late July, SCP-XXXX will enter her its flowering season, producing the typical small red flowers of the pomengrate plant. The scent of these flowers have strong cognitohazardous properties that affect male humans and certain species of pollinators, primarly those of the Lepidoptera order (butterflies and moths), changing them into SCP-XXX-1 instances. Insect SCP-XXXX-1 instances appear to act as carriers for the cognitohazard, carrying the scent beyond SCP-XXXX's range.
Human SCP-XXXX-1 instances will gain an anomalous knowledge of SCP-XXXX's locatrion and attempt to reach her it by any means at their disposal, often becoming violent if they are stopped. As their is no known means for a cure, and remains are a bvector for SCP-XXXX-1 transmission, instances must be incinerated.
SCP-XXXX was recovered in a raid on remnants of the Thule Society, whose documents suggested that it had orignally been stolen from the Horizon Initiative in 1943. Soon after its recovery, diplomatic representatives for the Horizon Initiate started to make demands for its return.
Interviewed: Cardinal Jonathan
Interviewer: Researcher Anabelle Nott
Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: Thank you for coming, Cardinal. Can I get you anything? Coffee, water?
Person: I am fine, thank you. I would rather we discuss the mater at hand.
Nott: Of coursse. As I've mentioned several times before, the Foundation is not going to relinquish custody of SCP-XXXX. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Cardinal: My dear, please and try to understand my situation here. Those insurgents of yours-
Nott: The Chaos Insurgency is a rogue organization that has been disavowed-
Cardinal: They stole her from us. If a foundation scientist such as yourself were kidnapped, would you think we would hold you indefinitely?
Nott: You are aware that SCP-XXXX is a tree with cognitohazardous and memetic properties, correct?
Cardinal: And Jesus was both human and divine. Just because she's one doesn't mean she cant be the other.
Nott: …Alright then. Tell me about "her."
Cardinal: Gladly. We orginally recovered her from a temple complex in Eleusis, in Greece. Initially, we thought her a pagan artifact.
Not: Pomengrate tree. I assume you're talking about Persephone and the underworld. What changed your mind?
Cardinal We found traces of her presence of her in Mongolia. Then in Siberia, and in India. We then returned to Turkey where we found it and two of its fruits untouched by the ravages of time.
Nott: Wait, you have fruit from it? I don't suppose you would be willing to part with one…
Cardinal: Yes, and I hope you understand that we wont.
Nott: Why not? What do they do?
Cardinal: …
Nott: Cardinal?
Cardinal: Do you ever wonder why the world is as it? Overrun with monsters and abominations and horrors. What sin did we commit to deserve this? If there is a God, we must have done something to unleash all this.
Nott: THere might not be a reason. It just is.
Cardinal: No matter. We wont makew that mistake twice. We will not be tempted again.
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
Project #: SPC-001
Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: SPC-001's capabilities are classified.
Project Components: What are you, a shark? Fuck off.
.
.
.
.
Project Components: SPC-001 is an immortal self-replicating single-cell organism dating back to before the creation of life on Earth. SPC-001 is the sole creator of all selachian life. In other words, SPC-001 is responsible for every shark the Shark Punching Center has ever punched.
It is believed that if SPC-001 is punched to death, all sharks will immediately die.As such, the Overseer's Council is justified to spend every every goddam penny of the Centre in order to find a way to kill it.
Unfortunately, in return for financial assistance due to budget restraints and a crippling gambling problem among the founders of the Shark Punching Centre in 1886, SPC-001 is the eternal Administrator of the Shark Punching Centre and retains all such privileges.
Minutes from the 98th annual Overseer's Council Meeting
<Begin Log>
O5-1: Alright, so in the past year we've punched about six million sharks 36 million times. That's a 12 percent increase from the previous year. Twelve, how's our financial situation looking?
O5-12: Well as usual, we're about two billion over budget. Medical costs for arm surgery have really eaten a hole in it.
O5-1: So… more punching?
O5-12: I can't see how it would hurt the situation.
O5-1: Excellent. Now if there are no more issues at hand-
O5-4: Well there's a shark the size of a moon swimming around Neptune-
O5-1: I'd like to discuss SPC-001.
Groaning is heard from Overseers 2-13, all of whom are currently punching a petri dish containing SPC-001
O5-1: It's submitted a complaint to the Ethics Committee for… "repeated harassment from coworkers."
O5-7: Wait, we have an Ethics Committee?
O5-1: Apparently we do. I'm not sure why they're more concerned about this rather than the sixty or so agents we've accidentally killed trying to punch narwhals, or how SPC-001 even submitted the complaint, but we've all been suspended for one month for workplace harassment.
General groaning
O5-1: Without pay.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Without any other level 5 personnel present, temporary command of the Shark Punching Centre fell to SPC-001. When informed of the news, SPC-001 appeared to look smug and ordered several changes to its file.
New Iteration
[[collapsible show="+ " hide="- Yes. Also, fuck sharks."]]
Project # SPC-001
Selachian Cudātorial Capabilities:
Selachain Components SPC-001 is the Eternal Administator of the Shark Preotecteratre Centre, the world's most foremost organization
[[/collapsible]]
No, this isn't a joke. I've enclosed a file which if everything went right, you shouldn't recognize at all. Read it, write it down (by hand, don't print it), and then destroy any traces of it. Pass it onto whoever comes after you, and only them. Everything should make sense soon.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Those infected by SCP-XXXX (hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1 instances) are to be administered Class C amnestics and monitored for a period of no less than six months. Under no circumstances should any personnel make contact or allow themselves to be viewed by SCP-XXXX-1 instances.
Those infected by SCP-XXXX (hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1 instances) are to be administered Class D amnestics and monitored for a period of no less than six months. Under no circumstances should any personnel make contact with or allow themselves to be viewed by SCP-XXXX-1 instances.-
Those infected by SCP-XXXX (hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1 instances) are to be administered Class-F amnestics and permanently quarantined. Under no circumstances should any personnel make contact with or allow themselves to be viewed by SCP-XXXX-1 instances.
SCP-XXXX has spread worldwide, and estimated to have infected 63% of the human population. Project Morpheus is now underway.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a highly infectious anomaly linked to and affecting the human sleep cycle. There is currently no known method of preventing the spread of SCP-XXXX, due to the highly unusual method of transmission.
Infection occurs when a SCP-XXXX-1 instance is asleep, during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage. During REM sleep, humans tend to experience uncontrollable visions, or "dreams", typically related to their own recent life experiences. This may include the presence of other humans. These are of absolutely no consequence to the uninfected, and are a staple of everyday human life.
When a SCP-XXXX-1 instance has a dream involving non-fictional humans, all humans are now SCP-XXXX-1 instances. While instances do dream normally, their dreams will now primarily be a recurring vision universally present in all SCP-XXXX-1 instances. Additionally, all infected are able to recall such visions with perfect recall.
While a description of SCP-XXXX-A dating back to the mid-19th century has been discovered (see "The Collective Works of ███"), the first confirmed case was between two Foundation personnel at Site-07, on 19/01/20██. Current attempts to find a "Patient Zero" are inconclusive.
Interviewed: Junior Researcher Nótt
Interviewer: Senior Researcher Lee
Foreword: Nótt and Lee were the first two confirmed Foundation personnel to be infected by what was later classified as SCP-XXXX. In an attempt to reduce the chance of further infection, the interview was conducted between the two, transcribed, and remotely uploaded to the Foundation database.
<Begin Log, 13:36 (two weeks after classification)>
Lee: I am Senior Researcher Jonathan Lee of the Memetics Department, I will be conducting this interview due to a risk of infection from SCP-XXXX. State your name for the record.
Nótt: Junior Researcher Anabelle Nótt. Uh, Botany Department.
Lee: Please describe the dream you had.
Nótt: I was on this road. Well, more of a dirt path, i don't think there were any cars. On either side of me was this gorgeous valley, just absolutely full of beautiful specimens-
Lee: Technical language only, please.
Nótt: Right, sorry. I think I was on a mountaintop or hill somewhere, there was a river flowing from one side to the other. If I had to guess I'd say the specimens in the valley were Thuja plicata, but they were way too large for that. They had to be a hundred metres tall at least, and those were the smaller ones. No fauna, as far as I could see. It was night time, I think.
Lee: Very well, continue. What happened next?
Nótt: Well, I went along the road or path or whatever for a while. Don't know how long, kind of hard to tell in dreams. And then just when i felt like I was getting somewhere, I woke up.
Lee: Nothing else that you can remember?
Nótt: Yup, nothing else.
Lee: Alright, thank you for your time.
<End Log, 13:49>
Closing Statement: Nótt's account was essentially identical to mine, though she had obviously more experience with the plant life present. If this place does correspond with somewhere in the real world, it might be our way of finding "Patient Zero". Recommend interviewing soil experts and the like. -Lee
While SCP-XXXX carries no obvious risk of physical or mental harm to the infected, it is beyond current Foundation assets to contain the spread. SCP-XXXX is projected to result in a MK-Broken Masquerade scenario within █-██ months. Current resources have been shifted to a possible solution designated Project Morpheus.
Project Morpheus is comprised of two parts. Using SCP-4532, SCP-5734, and the results of 237-Mnemosyne, researchers have started on the development of a benign bacteria that attaches itself to the brain stem, blocking the formation of PGO waves. Due to the genetic nature of 237-Mnemosyne, approximately 0.04% of people are expected to have adverse side effects to the bacteria. As civil unrest has already started to grow due to SCP-XXXX, this is considered an acceptable risk.
The second part is global dispersal of a Class-0 amnestic. Using Methylobakter tundripaludum, an amnestic gas will be devised that is consumed exclusively by Project Morpheus bacteria. This will also sustain the bacteria, allowing for the indefinite suspension of dreaming. Project completion is estimated to conclude within █ months.
Interviewed: Joy
Interviewer: Researcher Julian Lau
Foreword: Several Foundation agents and researchers were contacted in their sleep by the Oneiroi West collective, wishing to arrange a meeting to discuss SCP-XXXX.
<Begin Log, 21:07 (five weeks after classification)>
Lau: Thank you for meeting us. I understand you represent the Oneiroi collective?
Joy: The Oneiroi West, yes. Some of our purer members have become a little disturbed at what you call SCP-XXXX's emergence into this world.
Lau: You have some information for us?
Joy: Yes. To understand the scale of this skip, as you call them, you must first understand how collectives work. All living creatures in this world are connected in thought, some to a much lesser degree than others. It's why some of your memetic agents spread so easily compared to others, and why those that affect humans work different than those that effect animals.
Lau: A noosphere, I get it. What does this have to do with SCP-XXXX?
Joy: Dream worlds are typically focused on the individual, only accepting or two visitors from your world at a time. The Vale, your Bookkeeper, the Halls of the Nightmare King. They can't focus on larger parts of the noosphere.
Lau: But this one can. It's unusual?
Joy: Indeed. It's like a magnet, drawing in the entire world. Not just humanity and your cousins, but even animals will be dreaming of it too.
Lau: So?
Joy: This dream land is pulling everything in. Including us. The collectives are surviving for now, but give it time. There won't be anything left of the Oneiroi, or anything resembling a dream. Just SCP-XXXX. Do what needs to be done. Whatever it takes.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: One day after the conclusion of the interview, MTF Omicron Rho ("The Dream Team") reported all Oneiroi activities and assets to have vanished. Oneiroi Collective is now labelled as effectively Neutralized.
Project Morpheus is expected to complete within the current deadline.
Update-XXXX-20-11-20██: American news networks CNN and ABC and Middle Eastern network Al Jazeera have produced or ran news segments focused around SCP-XXXX. Civil unrest is starting to skyrocket in civilian populations, particularly in Turkey and Eastern Samothrace where a group know as "Followers of the Dream" (GOI-234) have started a cult focused around SCP-XXXX.
The Foundation, the Global Occult Coalition and the ORIA (Organization for the Reclamation of Islamic Artifacts) have agreed to a truce, where in exchange for helping the Foundation to maintain order through governmental channels, information on Project Morpheus has been shared with both parties.
Update-XXXX-16-02-20██: ORIA Chairman Mehdi Bazargan shared a letter dressed to both GOC Under-Secretary-General D.C. al Fine and O5 Command where he announced ORIA's intentions to withdraw from the truce.
Foundation High Command, Under-Secretary DC Al Fine,
I'm extending you the courtesy to inform you that the Office for the Reclamation of Islamic Artifacts will be withdrawing from what you refer to as a truce, but is a sham designed to weaken us before slaughter. Despite our ready and loyal cooperation, you still insist on hiding core facts about your groups.
To the Occult Coalition: Your very composition is untrustworthy. How can we trust one hundred and twelve organizations to speak with one voice. Nazis, war criminals, and Freemasons line your ranks. How do we know that they have humanity's interests at heart?
And the Foundation: While the Occult Coalition is a butcher's blade, they operate in the relative openness. You are a secret among secrets. Fifteen of your so-called Overseers rule with unlimited power, fifteen men and women who speak in shadows. We cannot trust them if they are not willing to speak face-to-face.
For those reasons, we bid you farewell. May Allah help us all.
Several glaring inaccuracies were noted in this letter:
- The Global Occult Coalition does not have any Nazi Party-affiliated organizations in its ranks.
- The various Freemason groups, while being a popular conspiracy theory among civilian populations are not a member organization.
- The Overseer's Council has thirteen sitting members.
As a result of his position and alliance with the GOC and Foundation, Bazargan would have been familiar with these facts. It is therefore the assumption that the ORIA has been compromised by unknown factors. ORIA agents and representatives are to be treated as hostile agents until proven otherwise.
Update-XXXX-12/03-20XX: Loyalists within the ORIA alerted the Foundation that the organization had been infiltrated and converted by GOI-243 members intent on stopping Project Morpheus. Several classified anomalous items had also been stolen.
The timeframe of Morpheus is being pushed up by 3 months.
Update-XXXX-Anatolian-Incident: The Anatolian Peninsula Incident is now confirmed to be a result of GOI-243, using the weapons taken from ORIA.
Estimated casualties: 120,000.
Update-XXXX-GOC: The Global Occult Coalition has refused to communicate further with the Foundation, accusing the Foundation of war crimes in its handing of the Anatolian Peninsula. It is the opinion of the council that the GOC has been compromised.
While Project Morpheus is incomplete, casualties from the Anatolian Peninsula Incident are estimated in the millions. The O5 council has voted to deploy the project worldwide.
Its funny. I can think of a thousand anomalies off the top of my head that could wipe us out in an instant, and it turns out to be a dream. I don't think that one was even harmful. Everyone always describes the creature as looking surprised. Maybe it was also dragged into this mess.
You're probably wondering why I'm sending you this, if it's so dangerous. Two and Six wanted this buried completely, they raised a big fuss about this. They didn't want any chance of this thing surviving, if it turns out to be memetic or whatever. Sure, it couldn't hurt a fly, but it managed to get a couple crazy fundamentalists to wipe a country off the face of the earth.
But we need at least one person to remember it. It's still out there, in the brains of every human on earth, it's just hidden. Dangerous or not, it has to be contained. Which brings me to my last and final point. Got about five minutes until Morpheus kicks in.
It's incomplete, we had to rush it, so there's a few things we need RRH to find and destroy. There's a memetic trigger in here that'll give you the list of locations. You should be feeling an urge to sneeze just about now.
And that's the gist of it. There's a bottle of your favorite that I've hidden underneath your desk in the usual spot. Consider it a gift.
Yours Truly,
You.
Item #: SCP-091
Object Class: Safe.
Updated Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is guarded by one armed guard at all times. Testing is restricted to D-Class personnel only, and requires approval from the O5 Council. Access to transcripts generated from testing require similar approval.
Anyone found to have used SCP-XXXX without permission is to be quarantined indefinitely.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a wreath constructed from Laurus nobilis leaves and branches in a connected circle, matching a stereotypical Ancient Greek victory wreath. Despite its age, the object has not degraded since entering Foundation custody. When placed on a human's head, SCP-XXXX will transfer to the wearer memories from other human beings that would be considered lost or forgotten, including their own. Amnestics are completely ineffective at removing these memories.
SCP-XXXX appears to target memories that were intentionally hidden by others. Whether by proximity, location, or sheer number, memories transferred by SCP-XXXX overwhelmingly concern Foundation secrets and cover-up efforts.
SCP-XXXX had been a low-level Foundation priority for a number of years. At the time of its provisional classification in 19XX, it was believed to possess less potent anomalous features. SCP-XXXX resurfaced in a Foundation raid on a low level subsidiary of Marshall, Carter and Dark.
On its recovery it was discovered to have been modified by the interweaving of several Corvus coraxfeathers into the wreath at intermittent points. Recovered documents revealed them to be thaumological components designed at enhancing SCP-XXXX's inherent abilities to heighten its price at auction.
Interviewed: D-23-XXXX
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Nott
Foreword: This interview took place as D-23-XXXX was wearing SCP-XXXX
<Begin Log>
Nott: I want you to relax. What are you thinking of right now?
D-23: Right now? How stupid this feels.
Nott: Focus please. Does anything come to mind, anything pop up unexpectedly?
D-23: First relax, now focus… whatever. Uh… huh. That's weird.
Nott: What's weird?
D-23: I'm just remembering this kid I used to know. Haven't thought about him in ages. What was his name again…?
Nott: Never mind about that, tell me what you can remember.
D-23: He was always pretty quiet. Never really talked to me or my brother. He'd always be reading books instead, typical sciency-geek stuff..
Nott: So what's he up to now?
D-23: Honestly, I don't remember. I know he went off to college for a while, then came back to visit everyone. Said this would be the last we'd talk. Not sure what he meant by that. He seemed sad about it, whatever that was.
Nott: Alright. Thank you for your time. If there's anything else you remember, you can-
D-23: Well there is one thing.
Nott: Go on.
D-23: His name. I don;t know why I forgot it, but I remember it now. His name was Aaron. Aaron Siegel.
<end log>
SCP-XXXX was brought to the Overseer Council's attention when Researcher Nott uploaded her report, suggesting an inquiry into the nature of Aaron Siegel. O5-3 detected a possible Level-5 informational breach, and MTF Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") was scrambled to Site-38.
All non level-5 personnel who read the report were immediately administered Class-B amnestics and reassigned to other projects. After a brief interrogation, O5-1 concluded that D-23 had learned nothing else of note and terminated him. Current foundation efforts are focused on locating the creator of SCP-XXXX, hereby referred to as POI-562.
Post Incident Report-XXXX: Following the recent raid on an American Marshall, Carter and Dark storehouse several documents on previous artifacts sold were acquired. One document, believed to be the personal journal of POI-562 was located. A note was found attached to it.
Found this with the artifact. Several details that could be useful to our bosses. Recommend getting it cleared of hazards first. -Harrison
01/02/2016: Well, we struck gold. We've only been scrapping around with weird stuff for a few months, but some guys from a company called Marshall, Carter and Dark approached us. Wanted to hire us as consultants. According to Clyde's guys, these dudes are LOADED. Like, they make Midas look poor. All we have to do is take whatever junk they give us and turn it into something people would buy.
17/02/2016: Got our first order today. Box just showed up on our doorstep. Weird. Anyways, its one of those greek wreaths. It helps you remember things. Apparently there's already pills for that shit that people buy, so we need to find some other way to use it. Jason's ordering some supplies.
27/02/2016: Can't write much today. We've been working all day and haven't cracked it. Tougher than most stuff.
20/03/2016: A guy from MCD came by earlier. Not sure how he knows where I live. Wanted to know when the product would be ready. I told him it'd take a little longer and that there were a few kinks in the crown we had to iron out. Didn't seem happy about it.
23/02/2016: What the fuck. That fucking guy from the MDC (sic) sent me a photo of mom's house He just said that his boss was getting impatient and just fucking left. I'm freaking out here they know where she lives
24/02/2016: Clyde is a fucking asshole. When he asked his friend in the serpents or whatever its called they told him working with MCD is a terrible idea. One of the guys has a dude as a fucking bloodbag on his chair. Asshole just cared about the money. I have no fucking idea what to do.
26/02/2016: Carol was supposed to stop by earlier. Jason can't get in touch with her. Fuck.
27/02/2016: MCD guy said he'd be stopping by next week. We're screwed.
29/02/2016: So something weird happened today.
This man stopped by the office. Had the weirdest eyes I've ever seen, makes my head feel weird just thinking about them. Said he knew about our "problem" and that he could help fix it. Didn't want money or anything. Clyde said it was a bad idea, but fuck that guy, he got us into it.
02/03/2016: Gray came by again. Gave us some crow feathers and said they'd make it something special. Asked him what he was getting out of this. He didn't say anything. Not like we have another option, though. I think he knew that.
03/03/2016: Finished. Testing tomorrow before the guy comes.
04/03/2016: Can barely concentrate. Been wearing it a lot. Like a firehose in your head.
It's giving me flashes of other people's lives. Like there's this man somewhere in a hole who's been mind-wiped over and over and over again. I can remember him having the exact same conversation about dinner twelve times over.
Trippier shit too. There's some sort of snake in the Indian ocean. They feed people to it. Hurts to think about it.
They. Some weird group of scientists or whatever. They covered all of it up. They cover a lot of weird shit up.
[REDACTED PER O5-13 REQUEST] Don't know if that would work. But it couldn't hurt, could it? I'll try it next time I'm in Vegas.
[INFOHAZARDOUS MATERIAL EXPUNGED]
My head's killing me right now. Is this supposed to happen? Need to talk to Gray. Where is he?
[INFOHAZARDOUS MATERIAL EXPUNGED]
I think I saw something I wasn't supposed to. A lot of somethings.
Jason's dead. So is Clyde. Something came and killed both of them. Not sure what Carol is, but I think she's still alive. Gray's fault.
Gray gave us a time bomb. That's why he didn't want anything. He's the fucking devil and just found it funny to make us kill ourselves.
I think I know how to kill Gray. He's not one person, he's two.
Based on the particular hazards present in the journal, it was theorized the use of SCP-XXXX attracted several Class II Infohazardous Entities that killed POI-562 and his coworkers.
The last section of POI-562's journal appeared to be missing, with several pages having been torn out. A file has been started on POI-896 ("Gray").
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
ticonderoga
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the widespread nature and popular cultural standing of SCP-XXXX, containment has been deemed unnecessary due to the low chance of discovery or harm. As a possible precaution, Foundation personnel are to avoid using SCP-XXXX whenever possible.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a memetic trigger embedded in the human race activated by the spoken phrase "Why is a raven like a writing desk?", designated as SCP-XXXX-1. As no uninfected humans have been found (including anomalously created clones) and there have been no transmission methods shown, it is believed SCP-XXXX is tied to the concept of humanity as a whole.
When activated, SCP-XXXX will cause humans to discuss SCP-XXXX-1 and attempt to design possible solutions to it. Subjects will work together in attempts to solve it, even in cases of extreme dislike or hatred between subjects. Efforts universally end in subjects declaring it impossible, reverting to previous behaviour soon after.
No knowledge of Alice in Wonderland is required for SCP-XXXX to activate, although subjects aware of the connection will bring it up in conversation.
SCP-XXXX was discovered in 19XX, during the implementation of several new memetic contamination scanners. Foundation-wide testing revealed the nature of SCP-XXXX, and several rounds of D-Class testing from differing national origins showed the scope of the anomaly.
Interviewed: D-5363
Interviewer: Doctor Lee
Foreword: Subject was told they were testing an anomaly that enhanced problem solving sections of the brain. Subject has no knowledge of Alice in Wonderland or Lewis Caroll.
<Begin Log>
Lee: How are you feeling?
D-5363: Good. That drink is some weird shit, but I can feel it working. Let's do this shit.
Lee: Glad to hear. I'll start off easy. You have two coins equaling to fifteen cents. One is not a dime. What are they?
D-5363: A dime and a nickel. One's not a dime, but the other is, that's easy. Next.
Lee: Good. I run but not walk, have a mouth but don't-
D-5363: A river.
Lee: Alright. This one should be easy. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
D-5363: Uh… hmm… well I guess you could use like the feather or something for writing? Like you could both write with them? Nah, that doesn't work. Or maybe it's about Poe? Didn't he write a poem about a raven? Or maybe…
<Extraneous logs redacted>
Closing Statement: D-5363 went on to discuss the nature of SCP-XXXX-1 for five minutes, before eventually declaring the problem impossible.
Author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, more commonly known as Lewis Carroll, originally intended for SCP-XXXX-1 to have no answer. In later editions however, Lewis Carroll published the answer as "Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front!" Those under the influence of SCP-XXXX will dismiss this answer as unsatisfactory.
It is unknown to what extent Lewis Carroll was involved in the creation of SCP-XXXX.
Incident-XXXX: Researcher James Haverford, a noted fan of Alice in Wonderland, spent over twelve hours researching the nature of SCP-XXXX-1 before declaring it solved.
Upon explanation to Site Director Ross it was revealed that the answer to SCP-XXXX-1 was a lethal auditory cognitohazard, killing Director Ross by the transfiguration of his eyes into writing desks. Testing shows each desk dates to the 19th century. All drawers contained exactly 1865 various bones of Corvus corax specimens.
Upon request, Haverford has been administered Class-B amnestics and transferred to another site. Reclassification of SCP-XXXX is undergoing consideration.
Per 
