Per 
Today is, as far as I can tell, what passes for normal at 87. I was assigned here because it's the closest one to my actual house and because… honestly so much weird shit happens here an omnilingual human will fit right in. Oh, I'm getting ahead of my own thoughts. I'm Dr. William Peace. The Negotiator between the downright fucking odd and normality. Hi. How are you today? Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, today's bite-me level of odd. Well, for starters, at least someone didn't light themselves on fire with magic again. Or flood a room of expensive equipment. No, that would be too easy.
Today, there is a singular snake in each one of my fucking shoes. I don't know how that works, but it tries to bite me when I try to put them on. I can't even get it out of my shoes. I have tried that before, but now I feel like I should just make friends with it.
"Are you gonna be in there the whole day and make me late to work?"
Its head bobs up and down. Goddamnit. It's gonna be one of these days isn't it.
"Is this some kinda hazing thing?"
Another nod… I think.
"What is it with people here? I mean is this town not wierd enough?"
It almost shrugs, or what passes as a shrug.
"Can you talk? It'd be nice to not be forced to guess whatever you're trying to say."
A few seconds pass, me feeling slightly more defeated, then I hear some words, "What exactly do you mean?"
Hey, look ma! I can speak every language similtaneously, including animalspeak! God fuck this place is making me learn things and I feel less sane even though I've only been here maybe a week. Why the hell is this happening now-
My phone starts buzzing. It's from Dr… somebody. I didn't really catch names. I think his name's Monty? Something like that. Whatever.
"Hello. Can this call wait?" I say, slightly praying that he says yes because I've had to deal with enough bullshit within three hours of waking up than I would like to put up with for the entire day.
"Uh… no?"
Shit. Well, then again, worse circumstances exist. I could know the finer details of some procedures and have my sanity go out the window. Thank God they transferred me someplace closer to home. Sure 19 is in Indiana, but I'd rather not have my only connection to my high school be when their marching band arrives at the Bands of America Grand Nationals.
"Alright, then. What's happened?"
"Some guys appeared out of nowhere and none of us have any idea what language it is. Maybe Nordic or something? I heard snippets of it, but I have no idea. Neither does Kat."
"Put them on the line then. I have a bit of a situation here."
"You sure you can't walk over?"
"I have a snake in ALL OF MY FUCKING SHOES! What do you want me to do? Risk stepping on road that feels like LEGO or some shit? I'd rather not get dog shit on my feet. Know what? Just put me on speaker."
"Alright. No need to shout."
click
A voice, "And I already told the Jarl we were exploring out a while longer. I wonder when he'll send a search party?"
Someone else states, "By Thor's day, perhaps? I don't even know where this is. It certainly isn't Newfoundland."
I clear my throat. "Perhaps if you hadn't crossed the border into this town, you'd still be back in whatever century you used to live in."
I hear a gasp. "Where is this person?" The first guy again.
Great. Now I've got their attention. "Look at the small tablet, the one that's lit up and pointed towards you."
"Who are you?" The second.
"The much more important question is this: What year is it?"
"1347, why?"
"You're off by about seven centuries. Welcome to 2020."
A few moments of silence, then "What?" It's a different voice than the previous two. More feminine.
"You heard what I said. You're in the year 2020. You stepped into this town and jumped 673 years into the future. Your Jarl is probably long dead."
The snake looks at me, almost curious, "Well? Aren't you going to head over?"
I hit the mute. "Well because it'd be a little difficult with you in my shoes. Unless you intend to move, I might just hop in anyway."
A quiet hiss. "Fine. Duty above pettiness, after all."
I sigh, unmute, then say "I'll be over in a few to explain in person. Bringing a new friend." I hang up. "So, my slithering friend, you got a name?"
He hisses in multiple different tones so fast I can't really understand it. I have my limits, after all. Then, suddenly noticing my confusion, "You can call me Apophis, if you wish. It's one of the more well-known dieties associated with snakes."
I chuckle, "Didn't realize you had a doctor's in mythology."
If Apophis was a human I'd say he looked like he was about to make a sarcastic remark. He slithered up to my leg, then moved over my clothes up to my shoulder.
"Get comfy, you're going to be there a while."
I put on my shoes, and we take a quick hike over to Site-87.
DrPeace
