Edrobot 3

NOTICE FROM THE HANG-TEN COUNCIL

OR WHATEVER THE GUYS IN CHARGE OF THE SPC ARE

This "joke-class" article is an unauthorized entry that some idiot posted, which is slated for deletion as soon as we remember what the admin password is. I need to remind you guys that shark-punching is super serious business, and time wasted writing childish nonsense like is time that you could have spent punching sharks.

Object Class: Siegmeyer

Pickle Salting Compliance: PSC-4781 are to be recalled. Biohazard teams are to seize the facility they were bred and packaged in, fully sanitizing it and incinerating any recovered instances. Incoming gherkins are to be tested using a Scantron-Barry Cucumiade Indexer to identify PSC-4781 instances prior to the application of Sodium Chloride.

Description: PSC-4781 refers to an anomalous subspecies of Arion vulgaris (Spanish slug). Unlike typical gastropods, instances do not seek out or consume plant matter, but rather derive sustenance from vinegar. Consumption of the fluid has a mollifying effect on instances, limiting their movement and allowing them to be easily handled. They are non-toxic but lacking nutritionally, generally providing three grams of carbohydrates each.

Specimens of PSC-4781 exhibit a cognitohazardous effect, causing misidentification of the anomaly and its effects as non-anomalous gherkins prepared in a solution of Anethum graveolens. Due to their current proliferation, it is estimated 38% of humans have been exposed to a living instance.

Some members of staff have expressed concerns about whether we really need to scan every on-site gherkin with a specially-designed electron microscope. I should remind all staff member that despite their apperance, PSC-4781 instances are not gherkins, and to apply salt to a non-gherkin would go against everything our organization believes in.

We are the Pickle Salting Conspiracy. This is our mission. Place Sodium Constantly.

-Site Director Dr. Reallybad Pun