NOTICE:
The following page represents a cognitive and semantic anomaly. Only personnel who have been properly inoculated are permitted to continue. As of writing, only 25 people are capable of being inoculated at once; this is limited to SCP-$ research staff, Site Director Whateverthefuck, and O5-13. Attempting to read this document without inoculation is not dangerous, but is incomprehensible.
Item #: SCP-$
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: At the current time, SCP-$-2 is uncontained, and possibly uncontainable without unacceptable damage to baseline technological development. Project SCRATCH is tasked with finding a way to remove it from SCP-$-1, or, failing that, find a way to contain SCP-$ as a whole. Until such a time as new procedures are developed, standard disinformation protocols apply.
Description: SCP-$ is a semantic and spiritual construct of two parts. The first, SCP-$-1, is the worldwide network of computers called the Internet. The second is the former PoI-6900, alias FreakyGhostBed of Gamers Against Weed, now SCP-$-2. The two have become nearly impossible to disentangle semantically, conceptually, or physically. Any device connecting to the SCP-$-1 will also connect to SCP-$-2, any attempt to terminate SCP-$-2 will also terminate SCP-$-1, and any information available about either component is a mixture of information about both. Inoculation as above is required to perceive SCP-$ as two distinct entities.
SCP-$ changed markedly after fusion. Whereas before SCP-$-1 could be used to communicate between computer networks, these connections will now fail regardless of how they are attempted. Accessing the most frequently used of these networks, the World Wide Web (WWW), formerly allowed the user to access so-called "websites" with a variety of purposes, from information to entertainment. Attempts at accessing this network now results in error pages containing information detrimental to the goals of the Foundation.
Examples of content on these pages include:
- Statements affirming the existence of anomalous phenomena
- Video examples of anomalies, focusing primarily on the creation of anomalous art and combat against Global Occult Coalition forces and Foundation MTFs
- Audio and video forms of SCP-4669-2
- Copies of The Communist Manifesto, The Conquest of Bread, Manufacturing Consent, Fahrenheit 451, and other unacceptably subversive texts
These pages are randomly generated from a bank of component sections. The only component to consistently appear on each page is SCP-4669-2.
Discovery:
The changes to the Internet occurred instantaneously at approximately 7:20 AM EST on May 4th, 2045. At this time, all non-WWW Internet connections were severed, and all WWW connections redirected to an error page as soon as the user attempted to navigate to another page. This page maintained the same appearance and content for the first month after the entity's appearance. A screenshot of this page can be seen below:
lol image goes here. GAW logo, spinning under construction gif, video of something, recording of zapatista "my conception of pop culture was crystallized 30 years ago!"
An emergency joint session of the Ethics Committee and the O5 Council authorized drastic measures. With the exception of a single terminal in Site-&& for research purposes, all Foundation equipment capable of accessing SCP-$ was preemptively taken offline within hours. Additionally, attempts were made to disrupt worldwide Internet infrastructure to prevent further spread of anomalies and the information thereof, but given the prevalence of satellite connections and much higher than expected resistance at key sites, these efforts were not completely successful.
The actual cause of SCP-$'s fusion was not understood at the time of its discovery. A connection to GoI-5689 was apparent, but hostilities prevented direct communication with them. SCP-$-2 revealed itself through the terminal in Site-&&, requesting an interview.
Interview:
Interviewed: SCP-$-2
Interviewer: Doctor Henrietta Madison, Site-&& Researcher
Foreword: Interview took place in the room containing the Internet-enabled terminal of Site-&&. Recordings were taken with non-network-enabled cameras and microphones, and the interview was observed live from an adjacent room. Despite the lack of audiovisual equipment on the terminal, SCP-$-2 was able to communicate. It could see and hear events in the proximity of the terminal, and audibly communicated through a text-to-speech program despite the lack of speakers.
<Begin Log, June 3, 2045, 13:30 PST>
Dr. Madison: Hello, SCP-$-2, I'm Doctor Madison, I'm here to-
SCP-$-2: No. We don't need that. I'm telling you what's happening. This is a Q&A session, the rest of them don't know I'm here, they'll be pissed but they literally can't stop me at this point so, you know, whatever.
Dr. Madison: Alright, I suppose that's fine. Let's start with the obvious. What do you know about what happened to the Internet?
SCP-$-2: Do you have any idea how hard it is to be original? I'm a ghost on a computer. A literal ghost in the machine. Do you know how many fucking times that's been done? Hell, we did that already with that weird pork forum shit. I specifically killed myself in such a way as to end up on a computer because I thought it was clever, and it turns out it wasn't clever at all. It was passe. I literally gave up my life for a joke, and the joke wasn't funny.
Dr. Madison: I don't follow. How is this related to what happened to the Internet?
SCP-$-2: I like being original, so I tried to think about what I could do. All my ideas were derivative, already done better by someone else, or just, you know, stupid. Then I realized I didn't have to do something special, I just had to do something more. It was a simple question of scale. I've haunted tons of computers, as you all can attest; really don't like how you threw like forty of mine into that one room, but it's your job, so I get it. But every new one I haunted didn't actually change how I felt, so why not keep going? How many can I do? After I wormed my way into the entirety of Argentina's internet and only felt a little worse, I figured the limit was actually pretty big. That gave me an idea: be the ghost in every machine. That one hasn't been done.
Dr. Madison: You… took down the internet so that you could do something original?
SCP-$-2: Well, that's only part of it. There's also the thing where we're, y'know, trying to end global capitalism forever? You probably saw that on the news, except wait, no you didn't, because you fuckers keep trying to keep things quiet. Truth is, we can't win this on our own. Even with support from, well, the cool people, the robot club, the scalies, and the rest of our island of misfit freaks, we just can't get rid of all of you. We're not fucking Posadists, so just nuking you was out of the question. Besides, a revolution requires popular support. So what's something even you guys can't keep a lid on? How about literally the entire goddamn Internet? How's containing that going, by the way?
Dr. Madison: I'm not going to tell-
SCP-$-2: Rhetorical question, I can literally feel it every time someone turns a computer on or off now. Took a lot of effort to get here, lot of rituals, was gonna do the thing on May Day, had to postpone because it's getting harder for us to get, uh, reagents. Probably shouldn't have told you that part, but let's be real, there's like an 80% chance everyone listening to this gets their brains splattered against a wall right after you compose that report, so what's the harm?
Dr. Madison: Why would you tell us any of this?
SCP-$-2: To get me some well-earned recognition. Even if I had help, I still did the hard part by myself. Everyone's always blowing Jude because he's the strongest, and magic-est, and coolest, and I'm sick of it. Oh! I almost forgot the better reason: to taunt you. This is all to say, I've spread the message far, we're winning, good game, eat shit, bye!
Following the last message, the terminal anomalously produced extremely loud music, at least 130 decibels. This was enough to incapacitate Dr. Madison, who fell to the floor, along with most of the crew observing the interview. Approximately 10 seconds later, the music stopped and another message played.
SCP-$-2: By the way, it was a stupid idea to send someone with a wireless pacemaker. Hope you like to dance!
Dr. Madison's pacemaker has since steadily beat at 120 BPM despite repeated interventions, and she has complained of occasionally hearing the same digitized voice heard in this interview attempting to sing various songs with that BPM. This artificial tachycardia is expected to reduce her lifespan considerably.
The Site-&& terminal was rendered inoperable after the interview. The following message is now inscribed into the screen.
Holy Heck! You found Mr. Finale. This is it. This is the end. Dr. Wondertainment ain't shit.
Project SCRATCH
SCRATCH was an initiative formed shortly after the above interview.
Project SCRATCH Update, December 21, 2046
After more than a year and a half of experimentation, we have failed to come up with a solution that avoids massive collateral damage on a global scale. While inoculation can work for a small number of people for a short amount of time, SCP-$ has spread beyond our or anyone else's ability to contain it. The only solutions we have come up with are a massive amnesticization campaign or wholesale destruction of SCP-$ itself through electromagnetic pulses large enough to knock out remaining satellite providers. Both would damage non-anomalous technological development to an unknowable degree.
Item #: SCP-$
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures:
Description: SCP-$ is an incorporeal entity which appears whenever two or more computer networks are directly connected.
Hypocrite that you are
HOLY SHIT
eggs-hausted!
NOW NEITHER OF US
alone
The Library contains all books from all universes. Therefore, it must draw from all universes. It also contains all books unwritten. Therefore, it must also draw from nonexistence as well.
Vg jnf n qnex naq fgbezl avtug. 5667206A6E66206E20716E6578206E617120666762657A6C2061767475672E NTY2NzIwNkE2RTY2MjA2RTIwNzE2RTY1NzgyMDZFNjE3MTIwNjY2NzYyNjU3QTZDMjA2MTc2NzQ3NTY3MkU AGL7AmVjAxR7EGL7ZwN7EGVjAmR7EGL6AmtlZQMSAwR8ZGVjAwL7AmLlAwH8DGMQZwN7ZGp7AmD8AGL8ZxH
Sooner or later, something was going to have to crawl out of that nonexistence. It is now sooner.
[compress stuff]
Item #: SCP-&
Object Class: Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description:
SCP-& was a male human, claiming to be 28 years of age. SCP-&, before it expired, claimed to have the ability to jump between timelines as a response to danger. The limits of this ability were untested due to the short time it was in Foundation possession; however, given the circumstances of its discovery and subsequent neutralization, these claims are presumed to be true.
SCP-& appeared inside the main cafeteria of Humanoid Containment Site-88 on June 28, 2013 at 18:57. Security cameras showed it manifesting between frames, while eyewitnesses claim it appeared with a sound similar to tearing cardboard. It wore an outfit similar to a D-class uniform, but with minor aesthetic differences, such as logos appearing in different places.
The item was quickly taken into custody and processed. It was aggravated and insisted that it required high-level containment; see the below interview for more information.
Interviewed: SCP-&
Interviewer: Doctor Henrietta Madison, Site-88 Researcher
Foreword: Interview took place in a standard [ETCETCETC].
<Begin Log, June 28, 2013, 19:30>
Dr. Madison: Hello, SCP-&, I'm Doctor Madison, I'm here to-
SCP-&: interrupting Look, I get it, proper procedure, blah blah blah, but we really don't have time for this. You guys need to lock me in a, uh, fuck what was, a Kent-class?
Dr. Madison: I'm sorry?
SCP-&: Fuckin', uhhh, Vashon, no, Tacoma, no, Olympia! Olympia-class! You need to put me in an Olympia-class containment unit!
Dr. Madison: SCP-&, first, what you just said isn't a classification of containment unit. Second, we don't take advice on containment from anomalies we're containing, and third-
SCP-&: interrupting What? The last place I went had Olympia-class units out the wazoo, and you're trying to tell me you don't? You have the same logo! SCP Foundation, right? Bring on the Olympias!
Dr. Madison: SCP-&, stop. Let's start from the beginning. Who are you, what do you do, and where did you come from?
SCP-&: Shit, sorry, um. Sorry. I'll try to, try to keep calm. My name is Barry. I'm from Snoqualmie. Well, uh, I guess technically I'm from another universe? When I showed up on that table, that was me coming from another universe. Is this making sense?
Dr. Madison: We have dealt with extradimensional entities before, yes.
SCP-&: Fantastic. So, something's chasing me, and I think it's trying to eat me? Kill me, at the very least. It is some deadass horror game-looking nightmare. Every time I see it, it lets out this really high-pitched sound, and I disappear and end up somewhere else.
Dr. Madison: [speech]
SCP-&: At first I thought I was just waking up from a dream or teleporting, but I realized that a lot of things were different. World leaders, borders, technology, that kind of stuff. Especially once it happened a few times. I started keeping track of some stuff, well, I had a laptop case full of like, encyclopedia pages I tore out of books to document differences, but it kept getting confiscated so I gave up.
Dr. Madison: When you say confiscated, what do you mean?
SCP-&: Well, once some crazy guy with a briefcase full of nonsense just appears out of nowhere and starts hollerin' about monsters chasing him, cops start to get involved, and then things worse than cops, and then someone like you.
Dr. Madison: What do you mean by "like us?"
SCP-&: Someone dealing with the paranormal. You guys are definitely one of the nicer groups I've seen. Not one beating! I hope that continues. Anyway, yeah, some organization or another gets involved, starts poking me with a stick, asking me who's king where I'm from, and then the fuckin' monster shows up, screams, and I end up somewhere else.
Dr. Madison: I see. How many times has this happened?
SCP-&: I lost count. The trick is, I started actually having dreams about this at some point, so that threw off my count, and then I'm pretty sure someone fucked with my memory like thirty jumps ago. Oh, right! That's, right, that leads me to another thing, which you'll be more interested in.
Dr. Madison:
SCP-&: That monster is trying to kill me, but it can't, and it doesn't like that it can't. See, every time I jump timelines, I disappear, but I can still see around where I was for a minute or two before I reappear. The scream it does kills everyone around it, and then it starts opening some kind of black hole lookin' thing that sucks everything, and I mean everything, into it. It's usually chewed up most of the horizon by the time I can't see any more. As near as I can tell, it kills a bunch of other people as a consolation prize, then starts fucking up the earth to kill more.
Dr. Madison: That's… disturbing. Why didn't you lead with that? You were trying to get locked up, and that's much more motivation to do that than just yelling.
SCP-&: Someone fucked with my memory, remember? Recall doesn't work like it used to. I think they were trying to make me forget where I was? If I didn't know, the monster wouldn't know, and it wouldn't follow me and eat the planet. That didn't work, I was just very confused when it showed up, screamed, and ate the planet. I remembered more after I jumped, but I don't know how much I permanently forgot.
Dr. Madison: [speech]
SCP-&:
Dr. Madison: [speech]
SCP-&:
Dr. Madison: [speech]
SCP-&: Yeah, last guys, they were you but treated me way worse? They started saying something about Olympia-class containment units before the monster showed up. That was in the middle of their version of the interview that's currently happening, so I'd really like it if you and your black ops friends could throw me in something that'll keep me from getting eaten.
Dr. Madison: That reminds me of an important question. What's the timeframe between you appearing and the monster appearing?
SCP-&: As far as I can remember, between two hours and four days. Chop, chop.
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
Neutralization: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Item #: SCP-@
Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-@ is to be contained in a fireproof humanoid containment unit at Site [NUMBERGOESHERE]. This containment unit will, additionally, be sturdy enough to withstand strikes from a
Description: SCP-@ is a humanoid being, 1.8 meters tall and of a highly variable weight. The rest of its appearance varies, as the object is capable of rapidly changing its outermost layer of clothing with no apparent movement on its part. These have included ███ different complete outfits, ██ of which have been variations on medieval-style knight's armor.
SCP-@'s other anomalous capabilities are of a similar vein. It is capable of manifesting a wide array of weapons directly into its hands. These weapons almost all resemble European medieval-style weaponry, with many having fanciful designs.
SCP-@ refers to itself as Oscar of Astoria.
Addendum:
-oscar of astoria
-obnoxious
Item #: SCP-@
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: As properly containing SCP-@ has been deemed impossible without serious ethical breaches, containment is to focus primarily on suppression of the knowledge of SCP-@. Preexisting Foundation software for crawling the Internet and traditional media will search for rumors of or information about SCP-@, and take appropriate censoring action against such information.
Description: SCP-@ is a humanoid being of variable appearance that catalyzes instances of group sex. SCP-@ is capable of manifesting only in ~~the ██████ apartment building in Bellevue, WA~~ ~~the state of Washington~~ the United States and Canada, excepting Hawaii.
SCP-@-1 refers to groups of individuals capable of causing SCP-@ manifestation events. In order for a group of people to become SCP-@-1, it must have the following characteristics:
- Three people
- All of which are mutually attracted to one another
- All of which are currently in the same physical location, which has an expectation of privacy
- All of which are of sound mind and capable of consenting to sexual activity
- All of which are at least open to the possibility of group sex
- None of which have preexisting relationships which engaging in group sex with present company would cause undue strain on
- None of which are men
Upon the successful completion of the above criteria, there is a chance of SCP-@ manifesting near the SCP-@-1 instance. SCP-@ will take on the appearance of a mutual acquaintance or friend of the three individuals, and will be recognized as such by them. SCP-@ will then start a conversation between itself and the SCP-@-1 instance. These conversations can cover almost any topic, but will inevitably lead to a discussion of the mutual attraction amongst the SCP-@-1 instance. After this happens, SCP-@ will separate from the SCP-@-1 instance, and SCP-@-1 instance will engage in any of a variety of sexual activities together.
After these activities begin, SCP-@ will move to a location out of sight but within earshot of the SCP-@-1 instance, such as behind a door or on the other side of a wall. SCP-@ will then sit on available furniture (or the floor) and begin to show signs of emotional distress, often quietly crying. SCP-@ will take care to not disturb the SCP-@-1 instance, and has in a few cases been observed to quickly quiet itself when a member of SCP-@-1 hears it.
Once the SCP-@-1 instance concludes sexual activities, SCP-@ will demanifest. Testing indicates that any disruption of the SCP-@-1 instance which ends sexual activities is enough to cause demanifestation. Should the person SCP-@ is impersonating come into contact with it or SCP-@-1 in such a way as to suggest SCP-@ is not who it says it is, SCP-@ will immediately demanifest.
[appears, suggestion, causal relationship, goes outside, cries,[
Addendum:
interview goes here
Item #: SCP-@
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description: SCP-@ is a massive, 7.5m-long organism resembling a Diptera larva.
Genetic testing has proven impossible due to anomalous abilities mentioned below, but is morphologically similar to the larvae of the family Calliphoridae [footnote blowfly].
First, SCP-@ is impervious to all attempts to pierce, cut, or damage it. Possibly as a result of this, SCP-@ ignores stimuli which would normally cause distress in non-anomalous members of its family.
Second, SCP-@ exclusively feeds on human corpses. While non-anomalous Calliphoridae will eat any type of meat or dung, SCP-@ will completely pass over any food source other than human bodies. This feeding preference extends beyond flesh, as bones are likewise consumed. Bones older than 800 years old, recovered from the █████ Ossuary, have been eaten by the entity.
Third, despite remaining in containment since 1916, SCP-@ has shown no signs of development. Non-anomalous Calliphoridae typically mature to adults in six to eleven days, going through multiple stages of development. SCP-@ appears to be in the first stage.
Discovery: SCP-@ was first sighted during the Battle of the Somme, where it appeared some time around October 1916. Writings from soldiers and officers discussing the entity were discovered by wartime censors and forwarded to the [FOUNDATION PRECURSOR]. However, due to intense fighting and wartime shortages of personnel and material, containment was not established until November 13th, 1916. Most witnesses were KIA. The rest were treated with crude precursors to amnestics, which led to severe mental issues and recurring trauma. Given the state many soldiers returned from the front lines in, this was not seen as unusual.
Addendum:
Theophagy is a basic element of Sarkism.
Item #:SCP-@
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures:
Description: SCP-@ is an anomalous podcast, identified as "The Problemscast", which has been irregularly appearing on podcast downloading services and RSS feeds since 2012. It appears as an unannounced "special episode" of popular podcasts, bearing an appropriate title, file name, metadata, and album art if applicable. Due to the theoretically widespread nature of these intrusions, it is unknown how many people have been exposed to SCP-@.
SCP-@ episodes begin with an apology for the deception regarding the podcast it was supposed to be, spoken by a random SCP-@ host. Each episode is formatted as a discussion of something the hosts consider to be a problem affecting the Earth. This includes an introduction of the problem, contrasting views on the state of the problem, a discussion of potential solutions, and the eventual selection of a "winning" solution. Episodes are typically 50-60 minutes in length, but can reach three hours for particularly contentious issues.
SCP-@'s hosts vary from episode to episode. Between two and four of five personalities, designated SCP-@-1 through -4, are present in each episode. SCP-@-1 through -3 are consistent in their opinions, tendencies, and memories, but the voice used by each of these personalities is different in almost every episode.
SCP-@-1 is identified as Brett, and serves as the primary host on almost every SCP-@ episode. It serves primarily as a moderator, directing discussion and introducing topics, though it does offer opinions when prompted by another host. It will frequently call for a "cutting of the Gordian knot", euphemistically referring to the extinction of the human race. If such an option is irrelevant to the discussion, it tries to come up with novel solutions rather than try to find compromise with the others.
SCP-@-2 is always referred to as Fuckface. It acts like an exaggerated version of a morning radio DJ, playing stock sound effects and making (often inappropriate) references to current events. Reactions from other SCP-@ hosts suggest this is a schtick rather than SCP-@-2's actual personality, which the other hosts find annoying.
SCP-@-3, whose apparent name is a burst of static (pronounced via crude simulation when one of the other SCP-@-X instances refers to it), appears only via electronic devices capable of making sound. Devices used by SCP-@-3 are rarely capable of synthesizing or mimicking human speech. It will instead offer whatever sounds it is capable of making, which are understood by other SCP-@-X instances and often repeated by them "for the benefit of the listener." SCP-@-3 is almost always the most well-informed and eloquent of the hosts, though its arguments can lose nuance when transcribed by SCP-@-2. It tends to express frustration when another host uses a logical fallacy.
SCP-@-4 is the designation for the final host. Unlike other SCP-@ castmembers, this host always speaks with the voice, speaking style, and personality of the person listening to SCP-@ and responds to appropriate names and titles. If multiple people listen simultaneously, each will hear their own voice. This leads to different SCP-@-4-related content between different listeners, but each instance of dialogue will last for the same duration and have the same general meaning. Notably, the personal beliefs of the listener have no bearing on the positions SCP-@-4 takes.
| Designation |
Description |
| Episode 1: "Poverty" |
Described as the "pilot episode." Discussed a fairly typical view of global poverty, with proposals (excepting "cutting the Gordian knot") falling well within the political mainstream. |
| Episode 2: "Electricity" |
This discussion is focused on the fundamental physical interaction, rather than the human harnessing thereof. Discussion focused on finding a way to end electricity, referencing unknown scientific figures, concepts, and devices to achieve this goal. The hosts do not seem to consider electricity part of electromagnetism or the electroweak force. |
| Episode 15: [Unknown] |
In contrast to the usual format, four different electronic devices are present and making noises in the manner of SCP-@-3. Little meaning has been gleaned from this episode. |
| Episode 44: "Biological Viruses" |
|
| Episode 90: "Upcoming Chaos Insurgency Raids" |
Represented the first breach of highly sensitive information. Contained invaluable information which helped to thwart [][] Chaos Insurgency actions against Foundation and civilian targets. SCP-@-4's suggestions, while ultimately voted down in favor of SCP-@-1's "cutting [of] the Gordian knot," were exactly the same as the eventual Foundation-GOC response to these raids. Object Class changed to Keter, alongside heavily revised containment procedures. |
| Episode 94: "Relationship issues between Marie and Susanna [][][][][] |
Contained over two hours of discussions and debate about mundane relationship issues between one married couple. Over forty minutes were spent deliberating potential Christmas plans. |
| Episode 100: "Containment of the Problemscast" |
Revealed that the hosts are aware of the Foundation's efforts to suppress SCP-@. SCP-@-1, -3, and -4 took defeatist stances towards potential actions to change this, while SCP-@-2 advocated for [REDACTED]. The other hosts took issue with the high cost and potential damage to spacetime this would entail, eventually electing to do nothing and accept that SCP-@ will reach fewer people than anticipated. |
[something something requires clearance]
SCP-@-Beta is a Creative Zen Micro .mp3 player, showing significant wear and tear.
Item #: SCP-$
Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-$ is to be kept in a [standard human thingy] at Site ###. Site ### is located in the South Of Market district of San Francisco, California, in order to minimize the chances of detection. Standard containment protocol for non-hostile humanoids otherwise applies.
Description: SCP-$ is a 28-year-old Caucasian male, 1.8 meters tall and weighing 77 kg. SCP-$'s anomalous effect is a compulsion it manifests in certain populations in the United States, Canada, and an unclear number of European countries. This compulsion attracts affected people to SCP-$. SCP-$ claims to have no control over this power. A tattoo reading "Mr. Gentrification, by Gamers Against Weed" is located on its lower back.
Unlike most SCPs which instill an attracting compulsion, SCP-$ does not engender a desire to see, talk to, or engage in any way with SCP-$. Instead, those under SCP-$ compulsion feel the need to live and work near it. Interviews indicate that those under SCP-$ compulsion do not realize that they are being compelled in any way. On average, one person every week will seek to settle near SCP-$. Should SCP-$ be relocated, those under its compulsion will seek to follow it.
SCP-$'s compulsion has no known range limit. Tested methods of disrupting SCP-$'s compulsion have included placing it in an underwater base, in a Faraday cage, on a constantly moving ship at sea, and deep underground. None of these methods have been successful, and each have attracted an unacceptable number of people to secure locations. Extradimensional spaces were considered, but the potential for major security breaches and/or normalcy failures if the compulsion persisted was determined to be too dangerous. Further testing is not advised at this time.
The populations attracted by SCP-$ are not entirely understood, but many risk factors have been identified. These include:
- Personal wealth in excess of $1,000,000 USD
- Being a venture capitalist
- Desire to found a startup company
- Desire to run a food truck, boutique retail establishment, or highly specialized service establishment
- Working in finance, information technology, or software development
- Having a trust fund in one's name
- Authorship of a successful smartphone application
- Having recently sold rights to a patent for at least $2,000,000 USD
Having more than one of these factors increases risk of SCP-$ attraction, though the exact relationship is not understood at this time. Given the large number of people who have one or more of these risk factors, it is considered impractical to attempt to preemptively identify those who may be affected.
SCP-@ was discovered after media aired reports regarding a number of wealthy individuals moving near a homeless shelter in Chicago, Illinois. The object confronted agents sent to investigate the incident, claiming that they were the first significant people he'd seen in weeks and explaining that he was behind what they were trying to discover. It had an iPhone incapable of connecting to the Internet nor making calls on its possession, which it refused to be separated from.
Interview Logs
Dr. Steele, head of the GAW Misters project, conducted this interview shortly after the acquisition of SCP-$. SCP-$ was playing a game on its phone at the time.
Dr. Steele: Hello, $. How are you today?
SCP-$: Hmm? SCP-$ looks up from its phone, putting it away. Oh! Sorry, got a little carried away there. Howdy! Name's Mr. Gentrification, but you can call me Genty. SCP-$ offers its hand for a handshake
Dr. Steele: I was under the impression that you had been briefed regarding your new designation.
SCP-$: You mean that dude with the gun? He seemed unimportant. Didn't listen to a word he said, if I'm being honest. Now, what can I do for you, mister…?
Dr. Steele: Doctor Steele. I have some questions for you. What's your earliest memory?
SCP-$: SCP-$ lowers its hand.Well, the first thing I can remember is waking up in a room. The decor was tacky as hell, all really cheap Halloween shit. I was on a bed with a computer at the head of it, and there were some speakers that told me I needed to leave Seattle and get as far away as I could in this real squeaky voice. That seemed like a good idea and there was a train ticket for Orlando on the nightstand.
Dr. Steele: I see. Do you remember where this room was located?
SCP-$: Couldn't tell ya, doc. I was pretty disoriented and focused on finding the train station. I want to say First Hill?
Dr. Steele: So how did you end up in Chicago?
SCP-$: I had this phone with me, but everything it could do got boring after twelve hours of being on the least efficient form of transportation known to man. Why didn't I just fly? Anyway, since I was wasting so much time anyway and ran out of other shit to do, I started doing what I do best, which is networking. Turns out a lot of small-minded people don't appreciate networking opportunities. Sometimes those small-minded people complain to the small-minded conductor, and sometimes the small-minded conductor gets a couple of small-minded goons to kick you off the train.
Document @-001
SCP-@'s iPhone is engraved with the full text of Document @-001. The document is small enough that reading is difficult, but not anomalously so.
Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Gentrification by Gamers Against Weed! I hope you're not a renter. Who is Dr. Wondertainment?
Find them all and become Mr. Gamer!
01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer
02. Mr. Normie
03. Mr. Bernie Sanders
04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop
20. Mr. Sex Number
21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues
22. Mr. Deadly Sins
23. Mr. Original Character
24. Mr. D.A.R.E.
25. Mr. Gentrification ✔
26. Mr. Mad About Video Games
27. Mr. Meme
28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued)
29. Mr. Destiny
30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
31. Ms. Zapatista
32. Mr. Hax
33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo
34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text
35. Mr. Finale
Title: Fuck You And Your Pythons
Material Requirements:
- One (1) Mr. Gentrification, from Gamers Against Weed
Abstract:
Intent: None of the people I grew up with can live in the neighborhood they were born in, including myself. As much as I believe in the power of art, the power of capitalism almost always overpowers it. I can create all the wonders I desire, but until some more money comes I have to live in fucking Enumclaw.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: [standard containment etc]
Description: SCP-XXXX are a pair of professional wrestling championship belts, classified SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2. SCP-XXXX formerly represented the [redacted] Unified Tag-Team Titles, a professional wrestling championship competed for in scripted 2-on-2 matches. SCP-XXXX-1 is blue with gold plates, while SCP-XXXX-2 is red with silver plates. SCP-XXXX's front plates, when combined, form a design of an eagle with the word UNIFIED across the center in raised lettering. SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 each have half of this design, split in a jagged line vertically across the center of the eagle design.
SCP-XXXX's anomalous effect can only be triggered when the two competitors currently considered the holders of the championship SCP-XXXX represents are involved in a professional wrestling match. SCP-XXXX has particular standards for what counts as a valid professional wrestling match. Two or more teams of two competitors each must be within or on the edge of a professional wrestling or boxing ring, with at least one referee and 20 spectators present. The match must be announced over loudspeaker, including the names and combined weights of the teams in the match. Additionally, the match must be put on by a subsidiary of the National Wrestling Alliance; SCPW maintains NWA membership for this purpose. A ring bell must be run to start the match.
SCP-XXXX is activated when the two competitors considered SCP-XXXX champions each grab one of SCP-XXXX-1 or SCP-XXXX-2 and place their two front plates together in such a way that the word UNIFIED is displayed. SCP-XXXX will fuse into a new purple belt termed SCP-XXXX-3, with an electrum front plate of the entire UNIFIED scene. The two competitors holding SCP-XXXX-3 will merge into a single being over the course of approximately 5 seconds.
This new being, an instance of SCP-XXXX-U, has
Once activated, SCP-XXXX enforces its own set of rules reminiscent of common professional wrestling rule sets. Actions such as outside interference (including a researcher not on one of the competing teams entering the ring), the introduction of foreign objects into the ring (including any sort of scientific instrument or measurement device), and both competitors from the team not affected by SCP-XXXX being inside the ring together for more than 10 seconds will result in SCP-XXXX immediately ceasing its primary anomalous effect. These "disqualifications" will occur even if the referee in the match does not notice them.
DISCOVERY: SCP-XXXX was discovered after videos of its anomalous effects were posted online. These videos were traced to [REDACTED], a small professional wrestling promotion based out of Tacoma, WA. Foundation assets were able to negotiate the sale of SCP-XXXX to a Foundation front company, Southern Championship Pro Wrestling, the name under which SCP-XXXX experiments are done.
-Finish!
-List of former holders? Could be cheesy
-Testing log, [REDACTED] for a corpse, etc
-
Item #:SCP-@
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the inaccessibility of SCP-@, primary containment is focused on suppressing knowledge of SCP-@-1. The Foundation has an agreement with the United States Geological Survey allowing the Foundation control over the primary receptor of SCP-9998 transmissions. In return, Foundation satellite Oculus-19 will furnish the USGS with images of the same wavelengths and at the same resolution that SCP-@ would have produced under non-anomalous conditions.
Description: SCP-@ is the United States Geological Survey (USGS) remote sensing satellite Landsat 7. SCP-@ was launched on April 15, 1999 to take satellite images of the earth, and initially showed no anomalous properties. Images taken by SCP-@ were made publicly available on the USGS website. The object suffered a failure of its Scan Line Corrector on May 31, 2003, leading to approximately 22% of each image being lost data, appearing as black scan lines (see Image [][][][][]). Because of this, SCP-@ images taken after this date were rarely used, especially after the launch of Landsat 8 in 2013.
On May 4, 2014,
Item #: SCP-@
Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description: SCP-@ is a sapient spirit inhabiting an assortment of metal scraps, totaling approximately 180kg. When in an inactive state, SCP-@'s corporeal form lies in a rough pile. In an active state, SCP-@ assembles into a vaguely humanoid shape with a torso, arm-like appendages, and a pseudo-head area. SCP-@ glows faintly blue when in an active state. SCP-@ is capable of incorporating new metal objects into its body, and any metal taken more than one meter away from the rest of SCP-@ ceases to be a part of it. Attempts to increase SCP-@'s mass above 200kg or below 130kg cause the anomaly significant distress.
SCP-@ is capable of spoken communication, generating sound from its head area. SCP-@ speaks in a male voice, and refers to itself as "Shambles." SCP-@ is largely friendly, and has been cooperative in containment. It enjoys speaking with staff about media, particularly of the horror, action, and science fiction genres. SCP-@'s scores on Foundation intelligence tests place it as roughly average for a 14 year old human.
SCP-@ ambulates by moving scraps towards its bottom in a rolling motion, typically moving at around 5 km/hour but moving as quickly as 40km/hour for short bursts. SCP-@ claims to possess significant combat abilities, but these have largely yet to be proven; the object is capable of engulfing an object into its mass while repeatedly lacerating it with rapidly-moving sharp edges. While potentially dangerous, SCP-@ has shown no malice towards any Foundation personnel.
Discovery: SCP-@ was found in Los Angeles, CA on [DATE], where it was found attempting to gain entry into the 20th Century Fox film studios.
Addendum: On [DATE], an unrelated containment breach at Site [NUMBERS] took place.
Dear Sony Interactive Entertainment Japan Studio,
I understand that you have released the title █████, featuring a technologically impressive main character made up of many small triangles. I also understand that the reception to this game was less than what would be hoped for. Luckily for the both of us, I have a solution.
Clearly, your console is capable of keeping track of many small particles in a chunk. I have enclosed designs for a character, similar to yours, which I know will be much better-received by the public at large. Additionally, I have a few ideas for what this character could do; these are also attached.
All I ask for in return is a sum of $60,000 American, payable to bank account [REDACTED]. This is the fee for the use of this character concept. The design of the rest of the game I leave to your more than competent designers.
Regards, [na,me]
Item #: SCP-&
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Containment will focus on preventing the spread of SCP-&. New SCP-&-A instances are to be located using automated data crawlers searching local and community media for articles commending people whose names include Ellen for public service. Once an instance of SCP-&-A is located, it is to be convinced to legally change its name to any immune name. Appropriate amnestics may be used.
A total of fifty SCP-&-A instances are to be kept under surveillance, and prevented from coming into direct contact with susceptible individuals. To facilitate this restriction, SCP-&-A instances are to be relocated to locations where they are unlikely to meet anyone with the name Ellen, primarily countries where English is not a commonly used language. For a full list of monitored SCP-&-A instances, see Document SCP-&-3.
Description: SCP-& is a memetic infection which only affects people legally named Ellen. While largely infecting those whose given name is Ellen, SCP-& is also capable of infecting those with the surname Ellen and those with the middle name Ellen. Those named a variation of Ellen, such as Eleanor, Helen, Elle, or Elena, are immune. People who legally change their name to Ellen are vulnerable to SCP-& infection, but those formerly named Ellen are not, nor are those for whom Ellen is a nickname. Those infected by SCP-& are termed SCP-&-A.
The primary effect of SCP-& infection is a major restructuring of the SCP-&-A instance's priorities and belief system. While political and religious beliefs are usually kept intact, SCP-&-A instances begin living a life primarily centered around service. This can take many forms, including significant financial donations to charitable causes, volunteering, changing career to one in service, the creation of foundations and charitable trusts, missionary work, working for political campaigns seeking to aid the poor, assisting friends in need of emotional support, and the taking in of foster children. Additionally, SCP-&-A instances' personalities become much more calm, understanding, kind, and giving.
The nature of service activity undertaken seems to depend on the capabilities of the SCP-&-A instance, and will never cause it undue stress or financial hardship. SCP-&-A instances universally report powerful feelings of contentment and fulfillment when engaging in service-related activities, and will report significant distress if kept from them for longer than one week. The amount of time or money spent seems to have no correlation with the intensity of positive feelings among SCP-&-A instances, nor does the location of people being helped.
SCP-& is spread via face-to-face conversation between an instance of SCP-&-A and an uninfected person named Ellen. These conversations typically feature themes of fulfillment through service, selflessness, and helping others. There appears to be a mild compulsion amongst SCP-&-A to discuss these topics upon finding out that a conversational partner is named Ellen. Five minutes of conversation is enough to guarantee infection, with shorter conversations having a probability of transmission proportional to their length.
No tested strength of amnestic has had an effect on SCP-&. However, legally changing an SCP-&-A instance's name to any name other than Ellen cures SCP-&, causing SCP-&-A instances to revert to their previous personalities. Amnestics strong enough to erase memories of the period of SCP-& infection are recommended following this procedure, as former SCP-&-A instances able to recall the intense satisfaction gained from service activities typically manifest depressive symptoms upon failing to recreate these feelings.
Discovery: SCP-& was first brought to Foundation attention on 1/14/17, when media reports featuring the Ellen family of Rochester and Syracuse, New York appeared. According to these reports, following a family Christmas celebration, the extended Ellen family began an unprecedented campaign of service to their communities. The fact that unrelated women with the given name Ellen and that more distantly related Ellen family members joined the campaign once exposed to the main Ellen family prompted a Foundation investigation and subsequent classification of SCP-&.
Addendum 05/04/18: Information relevant to SCP-& was discovered in documents recovered during an unrelated raid on an outpost of GoI-5869 "Gamers Against Weed", in the form of archived chat logs. Relevant portions are reproduced below:
FreakyGhostBed: you know what would be funny?
jockjamsvol6: Almost anything, in the right context.
lesbian_gengar: a lot of things but go on.
FreakyGhostBed: making puns real.
lesbian_gengar: what
bones: I must admit that I do not understand what you mean.
lesbian_gengar: puns exist, i have seen them.
_FuddruckeR_: are you on shrooms again
_FuddruckeR_: my dude
_FuddruckeR_: because i know we're technically only against the one drug but you have some wack fuckin nonsense ideas when you do shrooms
FreakyGhostBed: hear me out, hear me out.
FreakyGhostBed: we've done some exploration of the jokes-are-literal space before, right?
_FuddruckeR_: oh my god he's talking about conceptual spaces again
_FuddruckeR_: bye i'm gonna go do literally anything else
FreakyGhostBed: fuck you, but also hear me out.
FreakyGhostBed: puns are just linguistic jokes. you knwo how people start doing stuff as a joke but then at some point it becomes unironic?
FreakyGhostBed: *know
FreakyGhostBed: what if a pun became unironically true?
jockjamsvol6: Puns are the lowest form of humor.
FreakyGhostBed: fuck you.
FreakyGhostBed: oh my god.
FreakyGhostBed: oh my god.
FreakyGhostBed: oh my god i know what to do now.
FreakyGhostBed: nobody's taking the bait so I'll just explain.
FreakyGhostBed: what if all ellens were just the nicest people?
FreakyGhostBed: that stupid half-meme would be vindicated and also some people would get help.
FreakyGhostBed: …it's like 3am for most of you, that's probably why none of you are talking.
bones: I do not understand, but I hope your idea works.
FreakyGhostBed: thanks bonesy
bones: Please do not call me that.
FreakyGhostBed: anyway i'm gonna get to work on this, it should be done by tomorrow.
FreakyGhostBed: operation ellen the generous begins NOW!
gaycopmp4: huh?
hetcopogg: are you on shrooms again
hetcopogg: ffs please stop doing shrooms.
FreakyGhostBed: i'm sober god dammit!
FreakyGhostBed: i physically cannot do shrooms any more, you know this
FreakyGhostBed: but no this is a thing i made, it's gonna make all the ellens be nice.
hetcopogg: why
FreakyGhostBed: the memes, jack.
hetcopogg: what are you talking about?
FreakyGhostBed: have you not seen those images? where they call ellen degeneres "ellen the generous"?
hetcopogg: nope.
FreakyGhostBed: well, shit.
FreakyGhostBed: anyway i just improved the world some.
FreakyGhostBed: you're welcome.
Item #: SCP-@
Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)
Special Containment Procedures: Provisional Site 402 has been established to assist in SCP-@ containment.
Description: SCP-@ is a two-story house located in [REDACTED], Washington, United States. Records indicate that it was built in 1969 alongside many other houses in its neighborhood, and was continuously inhabited by a series of families from that date until 2009. Interviews with previous owners indicate that no anomalous events took place at the location prior to its purchase by its final owners in 1988. It is unknown when, exactly, anomalies began manifesting, as [REDACTED].
Observation through windows, while obscured by curtains in some cases, show a fairly typical, if messy, house for a small family. Ephemera such as plates, food containers, house plants, furniture, and envelopes are visible. No human has been observed, though a black cat has occasionally been seen sitting in one of the windows. Objects within the house will move when unobserved, and occasional cleaning seems to take place. Seasonal decorations have also been observed at appropriate times of the year.
Attempts to enter SCP-@ by any entrance other than the front door have been fruitless. Attempts [][][][][]something about indestructible[][][][]. The front door shares these characteristics, but will open after repeated knocking or doorbell ringing.
SCP-@'s primary anomalous effect takes place when its front door opens. A bright light will shine out of SCP-@'s interior, and the person closest to the entrance will be drawn inside via an unseen force. Attempts to prevent this by force have failed.
Subjects who have entered SCP-@ will reappear approximately two hours after entering it.
Memory Log:
Subject was a young, traumatized girl, attempting to communicate something with her mother. This communication failed, and the trauma continued.
Subject was a young girl. Subject's mother watched TV while subject cried, attempting to gain subject's mother's attention. Subject eventually apologized for bothering her mother, to which her mother replied "you should be."
Subject was returning from a Boy Scouts of America meeting, crying. Subject asked their mother if they were good at anything besides playing with Lego bricks. Subject's mother could not think of anything.
Subject was a woman in her early twenties. Subject and subject's mother had a screaming argument about the subject moving to a far away city.
Subject was crying, with a student loan payment coming due.
Subject had just received word of their father's diagnosis with aggressive brain cancer. Subject's mother was unavailable.
Subject had just created a new Lego design of a previously-unseen level of complexity, and sought praise from their mother. Subject's mother was on the phone and refused to acknowledge subject.
Subject's mother is complaining to them about work-related things.
Subject is unable to cope with gender dysphoria.
Subject
Addendum:
"didnt you guys play that mediocre-to-bad videogame?"
Item #: SCP-$
Object Class: Euclid
Description: SCP-$ is the former Anomalous Electronics Wing of Site [NUMBER]. It was designed and built in 1989 as a location to contain various anomalous electronic devices, which were becoming increasingly common with the proliferation of consumer electronics at the time. The location housed, at the time of contact loss, 159 individual anomalies, all but 6 of which were classified as Safe or an Anomalous Item.
On September 17, 2018, Anomalous Item #B358 was added to the Anomalous Electronics Wing. #B358 was a laptop computer which had been "possessed" by PoI-6900, FreakyGhostBed of Gamers Against Weed, and was used by PoI-6900 to communicate with those in the same room as the laptop. For unknown reasons, the typical precautions of disconnecting any batteries and power supplies were not taken with this object, and it reactivated once it was placed in containment.
Several distinct characteristics
| Designation: |
Recovery: |
Description: |
| SCP-$-1 |
cell-content |
Personal computer built from commercially-available parts that, when connected to power, only allows the user to play a simple dice-based game programmed in Macromedia Flash. |
| SCP-$-4 |
cell-content |
Apple iPad Air that demands the user enter credit card details to unlock it, mimicking "ransomware" malicious software. When credit card information is entered, a group of at least three men can be heard celebrating, expressing relief and joy at the user choosing to do this. No charges are incurred, and the iPad remains locked. |
| SCP-$- |
cell-content |
cell-content |
| cell-content |
cell-content |
cell-content |
| SCP-$-23 |
cell-content |
Computer of unknown manufacturer (made circa 1996) which contains a command-line interface. Accessible files consist of a folder of text strings, composed of capital letters and in an angry, vulgar tone, which appear to relate to political situations and wars which do not exist and have not existed in this reality. |
| cell-content |
cell-content |
cell-content |
Addendum:
At the end of the day, all I want is to be seen. It feels good, on a level that's difficult to articulate to other beings. It's comparable, I suppose, to satisfying hunger or thirst, a raw physical need that must be fulfilled for happiness or survival. No, no, those are things you can abandon for days without permanent consequences. Maybe it's more like taking a breath, or pumping blood, or firing neurons.
If only nobody had to get hurt.
When I awoke in that Library, I was small, so small I couldn't even eat a book. The one who first saw me, she was tall, dressed strangely, though I didn't know such things. I just knew I had to be seen by her. She stopped moving after that, but I grew larger, and felt such a rush.
Per 
