Item #:
Object Class: Cosmic horror/10
Special Containment Procedure:
Description:
Interview Log #-1:
Interviewer: Interviewer Abe
Interviewee: SCP-#-1
Date:
<Begin Log:>
Foreword: SCP-#-1 is restrained with handcuffs to avoid unnecessary physical contacts.
Interviewer Abe enters the room, places the documents on the table loudly, sits down, and takes a deep breath. He speaks while opening the files.
Interviewer Abe: Good morning. I'm Abe. I was assigned with interviewing you. How are you feeling?
SCP-#-1 does not reply. It stares at Abe, cocking its head to the left.
Interviewer Abe: Uh, hello? Can you hear me?
SCP-#-1: … Speak more clearly, mortal. Your voice is overwhelmed by my presence, is it not?
Interviewer Abe: (mumbles) Sure, definitely, as if I haven't already done this three times today. So, what's your name? What are you, exactly?
SCP-#-1 arches its back straight.
SCP-#-1: Temptress of the night and seductress of men, I bear the name Aurdrason! I have come to fulfill my destiny!
Interviewer Abe: And what would that destiny be?
SCP-#-1: I am to enslave all of mankind, to render them powerless, to seduce them into obedience. My blood is made from lust, my flesh is forged from desire, and my power is fueled by temptation! (lowers its voice) Bow before me, fleshling, and worship your goddess.
Interviewer Abe: (writes down on the notepad) Uh, okay. So far you've shown that you're capable of manipulating the spatial anomaly. And considering your current state, (glances at SCP-#-1), I assume you can also possess physical bodies, yes?
SCP-#-1: I have been bestowed by the cosmos the prowess to manipulate the very makeup of your kind. (eyes dimming) The prophecy foretold me to bind my flesh with yours, and so I did, with the walking lump of meat teetering inside my den. Such a good vessel, although… not as affectionate as I imagined.
SCP-#-1 murmurs. Interviewer Abe sighs.
Interviewer Abe: And how did you possess the person we sent inside the portal?
SCP-#-1 does not respond, but instead fixates its gaze on the interviewer.
SCP-#-1: … The more I cast my eyes on you, the more you seem like a better substitute.
Interviewer Abe: No, I don't think—
SCP-#-1: Your goddess has paid interest in you. It is time to submit your shell to the supreme conqueror!
Interviewer Abe rubs his chin, then scoffs.
Interviewer Abe: I don't see how shouting at people can make them do anything for you.
SCP-#-1: Gross underestimation. Fortune might be on your side for now, since my powers are completely hindered within it. But once I am free, I shall tempt all of you walking lump of meat, and command you to prostrate before me immediately! Then I shall lead my army, whose numbers accumulating wherever I set foot on, to conquer the rest of your world!
Interviewer Abe: No, you won't. Our job is to keep you here, and my job is to ensure that you're not going to do anything reckless, or anything that violates this small, peaceful site. (lowering his voice) And as long as I am here, I would personally, really, really appreciate it if you can stop shouting those nonsensical spiels about world conquest and all, because I don't really like to be told to bow down or whatever. Are we clear?
SCP-#-1 stares at the interviewer and tilts her head.
Interviewer Abe: (sigh) I'll take that as a yes. Now, how did you possess—
SCP-#-1: From the moment I started to observe you, I have detected a dramatic shift in my emotional makeup. A new sensation is usurping my body, a stinging thought is invading my mind.
SCP-#-1 leans forward.
SCP-#-1: Will you mate with me?
The Interviewer remains speechless from the statement for a while.
Interviewer Abe: … Why?
SCP-#-1 smiles at Interviewer Abe and tilts its chin up.
SCP-#-1: To effectively conquer your kind, my body has been imbued with a natural attraction to it. As a queen must know her underlings, so must a goddess must about her worshippers. Such power, however, is more overwhelming than I had expected: now my thoughts are directed to nothing but you. Your musculature, your perspirations, your respirations, I harbor an irresistible craving to them. (looking at the interviewer intensely) Mortal, be mine, and I'll grant you anything you have ever dreamed of.
Interviewer Abe: … I see.
The interviewer bows his head down, tapping repeatedly on his chin.
Interviewer Abe: This interview is over, for now (standing up). Have a good day.
SCP-#-1: I demand my appendages be free! This bondage does not suit my status by any means! Such disrespect from your lot shall not be overlooked!
Interviewer Abe: That does not incentivize me to get you out at all.
SCP-#-1: … Then… (smiles) A reward might make a better motivation. How would you like to be repaid by your goddess?Interviewer Abe: That is absolutely not what I'm supposed to do, at work.
SCP-#-1: Your rejection stems from your lack of imagination. I shall grant you the grandest, most euphoric treatment that your lesser body could, and will endure. Are you perhaps blind enough to refuse such an opportunity?
Interviewer Abe: That… Maybe.
<End Log.>
Interview Log #-2:
Date:
<Begin Log:>
Interviewer Abe: Good morning. How are you feeling today?
SCP-#-1 grins.
SCP-#-1: Have you decided on what manners shall you surrender your body to me?
Interviewer Abe: No. I'm talking to you again because it's part of my job.
SCP-#-1: Fair enough. Still, I have never experienced such murmurs in my fiber, such shivers on my skin, such vibrations within my mind. I shall rephrase my offer…
The entity leans in closer to Interviewer Abe.
SCP-#-1: Be my slave and—
Interviewer Abe: Nope. (opening the files) That's just not human relationships work. At least in this world. At least for normal people.
SCP-#-1: How could copulation function among your kind then?Interviewer Abe: Well, when two people are attracted to each other, they start to form an equal and mutual relationship that benefits them physically and emotionally. Then they start to do the birds and the bees. I don't think I have to tell you about that. I hope not.
SCP-#-1: That is a very exotic process. But why should I debase myself? I assume you have acknowledged the difference between our postures?
Interviewer Abe: (sighs)… Yes, I am very aware of it. So, to continue with our questions, how did you possess the person we sent in?
SCP-#-1: Even though my mind was infantile, my actions have always been dictated by my desire to fulfill my destiny. So I simply removed the fleshling's soul and deposited my ethereal body in the shell. Such an euphoric sensation, it was. However, I surmise your hunk of meat would have fared better…
Interviewer Abe: I'd take that as a compliment, but unfortunately the circumstances don't allow either of us to do that. Anyway, how were you created?
SCP-#-1: I… do not know. There was only void before my conscience existed, and there it remained after I was awaken.
Interviewer Abe: So you haven't encountered any other beings similar to you?
SCP-#-1: It's unfortunate that I have not, since the void did echo their aura from time to time. I know of them and their achievements, but their appearances have remained unbeknownst to me.
Interviewer Abe: That must have felt lonely.
SCP-#-1: Considering your presence, here and now… I must admit that the isolation did leave inside me a void. I did not know where to go, or what to do; my dream was left seething and boiling, but with no means to exhaust it. Until I arrived at your world…
Interviewer Abe: Is this the first time you went outside of the portal?
SCP-#-1: Indeed.
Interviewer Abe: What do you think about this place?
SCP-#-1: (giggles) Such a bizarre plane you mortals reside within; so vibrant, so fresh. So alive. Nonetheless, my role has to be fulfilled. Even though I feel like a youngling next to the other prestigious deities, I cannot wait until the day I stand side to side with them to conquer this world, ruling it with iron fists.
Interviewer Abe: Could you give a summary of what those two have done?
SCP-#-1: From the void, I have heard the glory of a master of subjugation, and another of temptation…
SCP-#-1 describes what it has known about them.
Interviewer Abe: I think I have heard about them before. Hang on… (rapidly flips his files)
SCP-#-1: Then my point is further cemented. I wish to be known so unanimously…
Interviewer Abe: (stops at a page) Are you… talking about 2662?
SCP-#-1: … Such a peculiar appellation. Though I was informed of his unorthodox treatment towards his followers…
Interviewer Abe: And… the hentai goddess?
SCP-#-1: … What classification of title is "hentai"?
Interviewer Abe tries to hold back his laughter and slumps into the chair, while SCP-#-1 squints at him in confusion. After a while, the interviewer takes a deep breath and resumes his original posture.
Interviewer Abe: … Those two are pretty interesting choices of eldritch lords.
SCP-#-1: (slightly frowning) Your reaction seems irrational. Still, I have no other alternatives besides obeying my fate. I have no control over it. Despite my lack of knowledge about your world, my determination shall not wane. Therefore, I would like to depart this place as soon as possible.
Interviewer Abe: And would you do anything to get out of here?
SCP-#-1: Nothing shall be beyond the capability of me.
Interviewer Abe looks at SCP-#-1 for a while, chin rested on his hand.
Interviewer Abe: … I think you need to stay here first.
SCP-#-1: Why should I?
Interviewer Abe: You don't seem to know much about the world, or humans, or anything, unfortunately. How can a goddess usurp a species that she is completely clueless about?
SCP-#-1: … That I agree with. But how can this place benefit me?
Interviewer Abe: Well, here, we have facilities and researchers knowledgeable in pretty much every field. Actually, no, forget about all that; I'm enough. I can absolutely teach you everything about human, so that you're ready for fulfilling your destiny.
SCP-#-1: Oh? How are you going to educate me? In what ways are you adequate for this task?
Interviewer Abe: (smirks) I know more than you think.
SCP-#-1: Such bold temperament… Very well. How shall I address my new servant?
Interviewer Abe: Abe. And please don't call me "servant" or anything like that; we're people in the same situation. I understand the feeling of loneliness too. Makes you want someone beside you.
SCP-#-1: … Do not fret! I, Aurdrason, paragon of seduction, shall accompany you to your heart's content.
Interviewer Abe: (chortles) You still have a lot to learn about seduction.
SCP-#-1: Then I look forward to what shall be presented to me.
<End Log.>
On [date], Interviewer Abe proposes to the Ethics Committee that he provide SCP-#-1 with and assortment of media related to romance. He states that this is possibly the most optimal method to contain the anomaly, as it seems physically attracted to the interviewer as well as willing to know more about romantic topics. Permission is granted.
Interview Log #-3:
Date: [like, two weeks after the last interview]
Foreword: Interviewer Abe has finished watching the movie [something] with SCP-#-1 as part of the regular cursory interviews. By this time, SCP-#-1 has gained rudimentary knowledge in human biology and customs. The entity is also allowed to be out of handcuffs during these interviews.
<Begin Log:>
Interviewer Abe: So, what do you think about the movie?
SCP-#-1: … Such enlightening interactions… But, why does the female cry at the ending? Would crying not be an expression of sadness?
Interviewer Abe: Crying doesn't have to be the same as being sad, it can also mean you're relieved when, say, you're finally with the person you love.
SCP-#-1: Ah… Should I commence crying to express my joy towards you?
Interviewer Abe: No, no, don't do that; that would make me feel bad.
SCP-#-1: Without demonstrating my appreciation of you, how could I tempt you then?
Interviewer Abe: You don't have to say it out loud that you want to seduce me, you know. I can tell that's what you always try to do every time we meet.
SCP-#-1: As far as I could observe, you are not protesting my charm either.
Interviewer Abe: Well, when did I ever say I hate it?
SCP-#-1: (giggles) Then, if you were me, how would you utilize your aura? How would you attract your prey?
Interviewer Abe: (laughs) Okay, first, I don't have any, seduction power or anything. Normal people don't. Not that you have any either.
SCP-#-1: I beg to differ.
Interviewer Abe: Second, like I said, these kinds of relationships are totally mutual, so you can't call the other side prey or whatever, you see?
SCP-#-1: Why humans are hesitant to domination shall forever baffle me.
Interviewer Abe: Not me. Third… (averts his eyes off SCP-#-1) I'm not that experienced with this type of thing anyway.
SCP-#-1: Is that so? But I have assumed otherwise, given your rich command of the romantics.
Interviewer Abe: (avoids SCP-#-1's gaze) Uhm… No. It's just… I've tried dating a few people in the past. I did many things to please them: I've tried being myself and being who they wanted me to be, but… long-term relationships haven't worked out for me. I don't know why. They all left me after a month or so.
SCP-#-1: That seems rather incomprehensible to me. (raises its hands and cups them around the interviewer's cheeks) Such a wonderful specimen like you should have been swooned over in no time. Maybe the females in your kind do not know how to enjoy their gifts…
Interviewer Abe: (chortles) If you were me, what would you do to have a companion then?
SCP-#-1: Mmm… (pondering) Besides subduing them until they kneel on the ground before me and kiss my feet, what else could I do…
Interviewer Abe: You can start with, well, telling them: you should give your lover some room. Let him have some freedom. Don't be too possessive or demanding; no one can give you everything you want. And you have to give back too.
SCP-#-1: What would you give to me then? Shall you be by my side in the conquest of the world?
Interviewer Abe: What if I were to say, I am your world?
SCP-#-1: (giggles) Your boldness has never ceased to amaze me. Still… (takes its hands off and locks its fingers together) The call to the conquer of your kind remains unanswered in my mind. The prestige, the honor… they speak to me. I do not know if I can stay here any longer…
Interviewer Abe: (opens his eyes wide) Don't worry about that. The Foundation is not that bad; if you behave well and don't cause any trouble, you'll get to walk around a bit and meet people.
SCP-#-1: However entertaining this location might be, I still harbor the feeling of emptiness from ignoring my dream of domination. As much as I relish your company, negligence should not be a goddess' value.
Interviewer Abe: … I know I might be biased, since obviously I don't want the world to be enslaved or whatever, but I don't you want to leave at all.
SCP-#-1: And what would be the reason for that? Have my charm been effective, after all?
Interviewer Abe: Look. (stares directly at the entity) Thanks to you, I've gained more confidence in myself than before. I'm having the freedom that I've always wanted. So, just stay here for a little longer, find out more about humans, and make both of us happy, okay?
SCP-#-1: How adorable you are… (slowly pulls the interviewer's hands closer to itself) The thought of leaving you are becoming increasingly searing in my heart. I do not explicitly have an explanation for such phenomenon, but maybe…
The entity lets Interviewer Abe rest his head on its chest.
SCP-#-1: Maybe I am coming closer to this concept of love.
Interviewer Abe: That's great to hear.
Both the interviewer and the entity remain unmoved.
Interviewer Abe: I can put in a request for you to visit 2662 in the future. Talking to one of your, contemporaries would be fun, I suppose.
SCP-#-1: That sounds indeed like an excellent offer! (gently rests its head on Interviewer Abe's shoulder) I am inclined to say, your appreciation would also be reciprocated. I anticipate that our relationship will persist and blossom.
Interviewer Abe: And I hope you'll stay around.
<End Log.>
Interview Log #-4:
Date: [some time]
Foreword: Interviewer Abe and SCP-#-1 have finished watching the movie "The Shape of Water".
<Begin Log:>
SCP-#-1: … Such an emotional yet bizarre ending.
Interviewer Abe: Why do you think it's bizarre?
SCP-#-1: I have always been under the impression that only humans of their same kind could be together. As lovely the story is, why would the woman choose to mate with an aquatic creature?
Interviewer Abe: It's just a movie. Well, I mean, that kind of thing happens in real life too; I've heard about people falling in love with a mosquito, or a drawing. Still, the point is that love transcends appearance and species.
SCP-#-1: I see… (excited) Does it not bear resemblance to us? An inter-species couple?
Interviewer Abe: (laughs) You could say so.
SCP-#-1: Perhaps an escape from this institution is essential in reinforcing our relationship!
Interviewer Abe: Uh, if I try to get out of here, I would lose my job, my insurance, and probably my life.
SCP-#-1: Such things are of no value when the world has been dominated by your goddess. I shall provide you with everything you require.
Interviewer Abe: Oh, how would you take care of me then?
SCP-#-1: As I have observed from human customs, handholding, hugging, and kissing should be undertaken at all times.
Interviewer Abe: How would handholding feed me?
SCP-#-1: (grinning) Unconditional love guarantees that you be well-fed.
Interviewer Abe: (chuckles) Okay, suppose I had enough nutrients from that. What would you do next?
SCP-#-1: (pondering) … It would be either mating, or possessing your body.
Interviewer Abe: (laughs) One of them is okay, but the other is notttt so much.
SCP-#-1: Neither of them should be undervalued! I have laid the foundation for the opportunity to do so for all this time!
Interviewer Abe: Hmm, have I been pampered by you enough?SCP-#-1: Yes, you have.
Interviewer Abe: Should I bow to you right here, right now?
SCP-#-1: (ecstatic) That would be excellent!!!
Interviewer Abe: (stands up and bows) I am honored to be your humble servant, my "goddess".
SCP-#-1: My dainty minion, you are now ready to be harvested!!! My training has finally borne fruits!!!
The interviewer does not respond. He stares at the entity for a while.
Interviewer Abe: … "Training"?
SCP-#-1: Pleasing you with the gentlest of words, coaxing you with the gentlest of gestures, how many deities could be proud to claim they possess the same degree of patience to prepare her slave? Without your demonstration or advice, I would not have been successful!
Interviewer Abe: … What?
SCP-#-1: "Allow your partner some freedom". Those were wise words indeed; such is why I have raised you in a modicum of liberty, so that your emotional well-being shall develop naturally.
Interviewer Abe: … That's not what I meant.
SCP-#-1: Is it not? Regardless, with your kindness and resourcefulness, you have earned yourself the privilege of serving her eternally!
Interviewer Abe: … Have you been paying attention to what I've shown you?
SCP-#-1: I have, with great scrutiny. The gestures I obtained from the movies have pleased you greatly, have they not?
Interviewer Abe: Yes, but… You've completely missed the point.
SCP-#-1: How so?
Interviewer Abe: What I want to show you, is that people love each other mutually. No serving or, submitting or, whatever; those things don't equate to a healthy relationship.
SCP-#-1: But is the willingness to devote yourself to your mistress not mutual? Is the joy in accompany your idol not healthy?
Interviewer Abe: (groans) It isn't. I am not your servant. You are not my master.
SCP-#-1: Such naivety! But all is well. My tolerance shall grant you some time for reflection. (cups its hands around the interviewer's cheeks) After all, I have practiced moderation in my treatment towards you. As torrential my craving is, I have withheld it to focus on your development.
The interviewer shakes his head off SCP-#-1's grasp.
Interviewer Abe: … I thought we had something.
SCP-#-1: So did I, and I have ensured that your sentiments have been reciprocated.
Interviewer Abe: You don't understand. I trusted you, I thought I could feel comfortable in this place for once, with you around. I've always looked forward to talking with you every week. You… you were my only solace.
SCP-#-1: (confused) Then why are you reacting so strongly to my good intentions?
Interviewer Abe: (frowning) Because what you're doing to me is not love. It's just, control. Obsession. And I'm tired of it; if I wanted to be treated like that, then this site, this whole job, has already done a pretty good job at it.
The interviewer stands up, heaves a sigh of frustration, and heads to the door.Interviewer Abe: We're done. I'll ask them to assign someone else to you.
SCP-#-1: (shouts) How dare you abandon your idol? Is this how you treat someone you love? If so, you do not seem that competent in your task at all!
Interviewer Abe: (stops halfway and turns back) Don't talk me down. I've put so much effort into entertaining you, I've tried so hard so that you're not feeling as shitty as pretty much 80% the humans and humanoids in this site, and for what? To be "harvested" by someone who can't understand a simple concept?
SCP-#-1: You are at fault with this misunderstanding! I have constantly stated that my duty is awaiting me, and I deduced that this is how I could tend to it while having you by my side. Why are you struggling with accommodating your partner?
Interviewer Abe: No, we aren't partners. As much as I've been trying to play husband-and-wife, at the end of the day you're still in my custody. I thought all that lovey-dovey things we did meant you got it, but no, turns out you just want to use me!
SCP-#-1: But I only wish for you the best!
Interviewer Abe: Then you don't know anything about me! You don't know, that I had to beg for administration to play this game of pretense with you! You don't know, that I had to plan every single detail of the interviews! You don't know, that I have devoted so much to ensure you, the most powerless and clueless deity I have ever known, are oblivious to your own sorry state!
Silence.
Interviewer Abe: (scoffs) Whatever. Today's interview is over anyway.
SCP-#-1: (tearing up) … Did you truly mean what you said?
Interviewer Abe, upon noticing the entity's reaction, stops.
Interviewer Abe: Look, I might have overreacted. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said.
SCP-#-1: Do you… not love me?
Interviewer Abe: Just, calm down, okay? I'm really sorry for what I said, I know it was hurtful—
SCP-#-1: DO YOU NOT?
Silence.
Interviewer Abe: … No. I don't. It's just a plan to contain you. Keep you occupied.
SCP-#-1 cries and chokes while trying to talk.
SCP-#-1: (wiping its tear away) … What i—is this? A-ah, why am I crying?
No response from Interviewer Abe.
SCP-#-1: This, I, I, I do not know what this is? What ha, have you done to me? Why is there so m, much pain in my chest?
Interviewer Abe: (whispers) I'm sorry…
SCP-#-1: (shrieks) What have you done to me? What is this pain? Sh, should I not feel relieved instead? A-ah…
Interviewer Abe stands still for a while. He then exits the room quietly, leaving the entity sobbing.
<End Log.>
Interviewer Abe is reprimanded for mishandling SCP-#-1's psyche as well as overreacting to the situation, which he explains as miscommunication. The interviewer promises to make amends with the entity and ensure that it will remain stable, posing no threat to containment.
Interview Log #-5:
<Begin Log:>
Interviewer Abe enters the room and takes his seat quietly. He opens up the files, while SCP-#-1 averts its look to the floor, with a saddened expression.
Interviewer Abe: (smiles) Hey, Aurdrason. How are you feeling today?
SCP-#-1 does not respond to the question.
Interviewer Abe: I'm, sorry for what I said. I know you were hurt by it. Can you forgive me, please?
No response from the entity.
Interviewer Abe: (locking his fingers together, inhales) Listen, it's just the nature of my job to make difficult decisions sometimes. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you, have to make sacrifices, right?
No response. The interviewer twists his fingers together repeatedly.
Interviewer Abe: I know you will understand that. You're making a very hard choice on your own; you're supposed to obey your fate to be a conqueror, yet you opt for staying here, to gain more knowledge. With me. That's a good thing.
SCP-#-1: … How could you perceive that as a blessing, instead of a curse?
Interviewer Abe: (taken aback) I mean, it's good that you could make decisions on your own, and that you've been receptive and cooperative, and—
SCP-#-1: Why do you think I am acting of my own will?
The entity clenches its fists and shivers.
SCP-#-1: However I wish for domination, autonomy seems to have always eluded me. Now I resent my duty; it is there, but why am I to be its sole undertaker? Why does it have to be me?
Interviewer Abe: Sometimes, people have to do what they have to do. It's just life.
SCP-#-1: Even if I wish I was not ensnared within a body that is not mine? Even if I wish I should not haven taken a liking to you at all? Even if I wish I should not have been attracted to such a filthy, scummy lot?
Interviewer Abe: … I only wanted the best for you.
SCP-#-1: (glares at the interviewer) Why did you find it necessary to betray me? Why could you be so cruel as to shame your partner?
Interviewer Abe: (gulps) Because, like I said, it's just a really taxing decision to make. I have to convince you to stay here, or I would lose my job, my responsibility. It's just what I have to do.
The entity crosses its arms around its chest.
SCP-#-1: … I did fool you, did I not?
Interviewer Abe: … I thought you abandoned the idea of enslaving me.
SCP-#-1: And I hurt your feelings, did I not?
Interviewer Abe: … You did.
SCP-#-1: Such cluelessness is ill-suited to a deity's conducts… And I do not wish to harm you, after all. For that, I wholeheartedly apologize.
Interviewer Abe: That's okay, I forgive you. Can you do that for me in return, please?
SCP-#-1: … I am uncertain if I could do so.
The entity tightens its arm around itself, and looks down the floor dejectedly.
SCP-#-1: Godhood is to be synonymous with total perfection, in my eyes. No deception would have escaped my omniscience, and no confusion would have blinded my omnipotence. And yet, I was subject to them. Regardless of my status, I fell for them… The path to godhood seems rather distant to me now…
Interviewer Abe: … I have been through that. I've tried to be competent and well-liked to get to where I am now, but sometimes I feel empty. Maybe I am too greedy, or maybe I haven't achieved what I want yet, but there's always a void within me.
SCP-#-1: Then how did trickery help relieve your burden?
Interviewer Abe: (looks away) … Because it made me happy to help people who are in trouble, lonely, or in need of something. I looked at you and I was compelled to help. That was it.
SCP-#-1: Your dishonest acts do not bode well with this statement.
Interviewer Abe: I swear, everything I've done comes from good intentions. I hid the truth from you because I had to.
Silence.
SCP-#-1: … It has dawned on me that my knowledge of you is absolutely meager.
Interviewer Abe: What do you mean? We definitely have known each other for a while.
SCP-#-1: No, we do not.not to the extent that you have conjured for yourself. You proclaimed to be my savior, but how have you helped me? How could the reenactment of other mortals' love apply to our own?
Interviewer Abe: I simply wanted to show you how that was to be done.SCP-#-1: … I do not concur that it was not how it should be done. Our relationship is supposed to be governed by yourself.
Silence.
SCP-#-1: (frowns) … My powerlessness seems insurmountable. My destiny seems inconclusive. Myself seems… incompetent.
Interviewer Abe: No, you're fantastic. You've been really kind, and fun to talk to, and you've made my days a lot better.
SCP-#-1: … That was not my doing. That was what only my damned power ordered me.
Interviewer Abe: It was your doing. You could always decide what to do, you have all the—
SCP-#-1: Is it me that you are seeking, or is it the existence of me?
Interviewer Abe, with his mouth gaping, does not reply to SCP-#-1.
SCP-#-1: You have robbed me of my power, my purpose, and my trust. Whether or not betterment is carried out by you, I do not intend to care. I wish I could bury you under miles of soils, I wish I could cast you into eternal darkness, I wish I could retaliate with what you made me feel. But I could not. I could not. So, I spare only one curse for you…
SCP-#-1 quietly sobs.
SCP-#-1: May you never find love again.
**<End Log.>
Addendum #-1: On [date], Interviewer Abe resigns from the project. SCP-#-1 remains in the humanoid containment chamber at site-sth with notable decrease in activities. While cooperative, it has requested to not have any contact with various forms of media, including romantic movies or stories.
So what the fuck are you gonna write with Interview 5?
- In Eldritch's part:
- Eldritch feels sad while she doesn't know how to stop feeling sad — it's like emotional dissonance?
- Eldritch feels powerless — she does buy into Abe's words that she hasn't done anything worthwhile, and now she even feels worse about it.
- She doesn't know how to deal with her feelings for Abe — while she hates him for breaking her heart, she also hates the fact that she has this natural attraction to men; hates that she's vulnerable.
- In Abe's part:
- He feels sorry for hurting eldritch, first and foremost.
- He confesses to Eldritch that the reason why he's attracted to Eldritch, mostly, is that he wants to have this sense of power.
- Parallelism to Eldritch: he also does not know how to deal with his vulnerability properly; instead of accepting it, they all project themselves toward the other side of the relationship and assert dominance.
- So how are they gonna solve it?
- Maybe the interviewer will initiate like, let's run away from here, we can all do whatever we want; that could make a decent ethos about free will and internal locus of control.
- but how would the eldritch forgive him? Would she be like, hey, it's my fault too, maybe we can just ditch and you know, make up, you're kinda cute anyway. But would that carry some Stockholm syndrome undertone?
- then gotta make abe's attitude genuine, like dude has to be really sorry, and then this connection between them, being both individuals in need of control, has to be made.
- Pathos:
- Eldritch's emotional conflict — between whether to hate Abe or herself, of how she feels inadequate herself, if she's even suited to be a goddess.
- Abe's remorse — he's sorry for using the eldritch in a way — to project himself to her, to relieve his frustration with himself, as someone who's fed up at work and life in general.
- Ethos:
- Don't use your partner as a way to relieve your own problems.
- Everyone is capable of doing whatever they want, free will and shit — does this still apply though?
Okay, so here is how it might go:
- Interviewer comes in, gonna be like, hey, are you okay? I mean, we're still partners/friends or something like that, right?
- Eldritch will remain silent for a while, quietly protesting the existence of the very man before her. Then she says to him, I do not wish to see you right now.
- Abe will try to cool things down, do some damage control, hey, i'm sorry, sometimes i'm like that, it's just my temperament.
- Eldritch will then express her overwhelming sorrow, then blames Abe for this — which is totally deserved of him. But the thing is, she also blames herself for being too vulnerable — she didn't know a goddess like her allowed herself to be so weak and shit. Pathos and ethos crammed into one: Eldritch doesn't know how to fulfill her destiny now, and she feels bad about it.
- Abe will reply by explaining why he does all this bamboozling: hey, I admit i'm insecure, I loved you but in the sense that I thought I could control you to relieve some of my own insecurity, you know. I think this is what I tried to do to other people too. I always promised i'll get better but maybe I haven't improved yet.
- Eldritch will then express her sense of powerlessness: she does feel incompetent for not actually completing anything. The words Abe said to her have been on her mind for now.
- Abe will say something like, well I do feel incompetent too, but after meeting you, I have learned something, that non-con domming is no-no. But like, people can get better, you know? so hey, forgive me, I can like show you around the facility, do more fun stuff, then we can just rebuild our relationship.
- But Eldritch does not buy it at all. From all this shit, she no longer has more trust in man and all; this could be kinda a byproduct of her newly-developed self-hatred. Her reasoning would be like, my pain has taught me a new lesson, my esteem shall be dictated by me and me alone, I shall decide what to do by myself.
- Abe is like, hey, nobody can do this alone, but eldritch refutes by saying sth along the line of, anyone but you. You are weak and delusional, you admitted so yourself, and I don't think i'm in need of you anymore. I do not have any power now, but may you be cursed with isolation.
- Abe feels like shit and leaves. The end.
[[/collapsible]]
Crit:
Dave crit:
DaveToday at 8:32 PM
first and most immediate problem: the first interview doesn't do much to introduce abe
humidToday at 8:32 PM
As in, his character is not shown clearly enough?
His motive is not there?
DaveToday at 8:34 PM
he has the line where he "frowns, looks away, and clenches his lips" when aurdrason mentions that she wasn't getting good cuddles from her fuck-victim
that's a nice touch in the right direction, but even that seems a little abrupt
like, it's an emotion that suggests background feelings, but I don't know if it's the right emotion at the right time
"SCP-#-1: My words cannot fully translate this new feeling, but I am still compelled to express it. Will you mate with me?
5 seconds passes. The interviewer remains speechless.
Interviewer Abe: … Why did you say so?"
his response is super weird there
"what made you say that? "what made you ask that?" "why do you ask that?" "what do you mean?"
any of those are more comprehensible responses
humidToday at 8:36 PM
Ah okay
DaveToday at 8:36 PM
"The interviewer then walks around to the anomaly. As soon as he unlocks the handcuffs, SCP-#-1 stands up and wraps its arms around Interviewer Abe while sniffing him."
i get how you got that from the critique i gave, but that's a little much
i imagine each of her hands would be handcuffed separately to the desk in front of her, and he's un-handcuffing one hand
so she can be…just a little tender
humidToday at 8:37 PM
Ah i thought it was like two hand cuffing
DaveToday at 8:37 PM
not jumping all over him like a stray dog
i mean, obviously, it's whatever you want it to be, but i can only tell you what makes sense to me
humidToday at 8:38 PM
Sure, i can see that makes more sense
Anything about how thosw two people talk?
DaveToday at 8:38 PM
" This scent, this texture… I wonder how my reign over them can exceed their intensity.." — same problem with "huh? what does that…mean?"
humidToday at 8:39 PM
Like, the eldritch wants to have total control over them
I didn't really know hiw ti express it
DaveToday at 8:39 PM
total control over…who? what? it's an ambiguous antedecent
humidToday at 8:40 PM
Oh, abe
Sorry, too vague
dr. daveYesterday at 8:11 PM
okay, 2 and 4 it is
Interviewer Abe: (maintains his expression)
for some reason, that makes it sound to me like has a huge fake smile plastered on his face that never changes
i know what you're trying to say but still
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:14 PM
okay, that makes him look too forced?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:17 PM
too robotic
sepia🦑Yesterday at 8:17 PM
:eyes:
dr. daveYesterday at 8:17 PM
However, I surmise your hunk of meat would have fared better…
Interviewer Abe: Hm, thanks. How were you created? How, "old" are you?
sort of an underreaction, I think. This is an opportunity to show more of a reaction of some kind.
an opportunity to characterize him more
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:17 PM
would something like "interesting", or sth like that to show that's he's intrigued would do?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:18 PM
no, because intrigue can mean anything
have him show either active disgust, interest, curiosity, something
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:18 PM
ah okay
dr. daveYesterday at 8:18 PM
react meaningfully
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:18 PM
i'm aiming for interest
dr. daveYesterday at 8:18 PM
don't let him be unprofessional for too long, but let him have some human reaction
Interviewer Abe: Is this the first time you go outside of the portal?
language issue
you can say "the first time you've been outside" or "the first time you went outside" or "the first time you've gone outside" or something like that, but it's not present-tense
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:19 PM
oh okay
past tense
dr. daveYesterday at 8:20 PM
well, her coming outside of the portal was past-tense; her currently being outside of the portal is present progressive tense; but either of those isn't simple present tense
the sentence is phrased to where you could describe either one so any of those options are valid
SCP-#-1: (giggle) Such a bizarre plane you mortals reside;
you can say "reside within" or "within which you mortals reside" or something, but it needs a word
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:21 PM
noted
dr. daveYesterday at 8:22 PM
Who are those deities? How do you become aware of them? — same issue
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:22 PM
did
dr. daveYesterday at 8:22 PM
"how do you become aware of them" is how you would phrase it if, like, she was sitting by a telephone waiting for them to call her at some point in the future
yeah
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:23 PM
i can't believe i'm still making mistakes about fucking present tense
dr. daveYesterday at 8:23 PM
SCP-#-1: Any prestigious Eldritch god has their reputation travel far and wide; — I would say that the word "eldritch" needs to be handled very carefully, like the word "zombie" in The Walking Dead
it's so central to what you're doing that you have to make sure not to lampshade it too hard
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:23 PM
ooh okay
don't say the z word in the walking dead
dr. daveYesterday at 8:23 PM
i would say so, yeah
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:24 PM
don't say the c word when you're in a carnival
dr. daveYesterday at 8:24 PM
yep
SCP-#-1: … What did you refer to them? "how" did you refer to them, or "with what words" did you refer to them
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:24 PM
okay
dr. daveYesterday at 8:26 PM
generally speaking, yeah, interview 2 is good at starting up the tension
dr. daveYesterday at 10:37 PM
well, i went back and skimmed the third interview for context
No. It's just, I've tried dating a few people in the past. I've tried many methods and adopted many personalities, but long-term relationships just couldn't work out for me. I don't know why.
the "adopted many personalities" thing is a concept that i understand factually but that sounds creepy as hell when phrased like that
it makes it sound like he has a personality disorder
HumidHermitYesterday at 10:38 PM
Ah okay
So should it be like, "acted differently everytime"?
dr. daveYesterday at 10:38 PM
"you know how it do, girl. i just alter my sense of self and identity to match a facade that more closely matches what i think i need to become to get up in them guts."
HumidHermitYesterday at 10:38 PM
Lol
Yeah, i want him to talk about it in the behavioral sense
dr. daveYesterday at 10:40 PM
"I"ve tried plenty of ways to connect with women. I've been myself. I've been what they wanted. I just never seemed able to connect. Long-term relationships just did'w work out for me."
HumidHermitYesterday at 10:40 PM
That sounds way better
dr. daveYesterday at 10:41 PM
I still harbor the feeling of emptiness from ignoring my desire. —> you mean, from having her desires ignored?
HumidHermitYesterday at 10:41 PM
Oh, im talking about how she feels bad for staying in the site and not doing conquery stuff
dr. daveYesterday at 10:41 PM
negligence should not be conducted by a goddess. —> conducted as in, tolerated? Is she referring to his negligence of her needs? Or her negligence in not conquering the Earth by now?
HumidHermitYesterday at 10:41 PM
World conquery
Yes
dr. daveYesterday at 8:27 PM
Interviewer Abe: (snickers) You could say so. —> may just be me, but "snickers" has a underhanded or deceitful connotation to me
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:27 PM
oh okay
dr. daveYesterday at 8:27 PM
like, "that guy i hate slipped and fell, so i snickered about it to myself"
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:27 PM
if i want to go for like a casual tone, what should i use
dr. daveYesterday at 8:27 PM
"laughed", probably
simple and unadorned
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:27 PM
alright
laugh like human
dr. daveYesterday at 8:28 PM
yep
Interviewer Abe: (rolls his eyes and sighs) … You've completely missed the point. —> for the record, at this point, isn't he supposed to be a little personally embarrassed? disappointed?
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:31 PM
i was thinking that he was sucking it up, but like he saw how cutesy and all the eldritch is and said to himself "it's worth it"
dr. daveYesterday at 8:31 PM
the "rolls his eyes" bit makes it seem like he's just disappointed in a superior way, like, he's upset that he's failed to teach her properly, rather than someone who's somewhat emotionally invested and is being heartbroken by her response
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:31 PM
that is what i'm aiming for actually
maybe both, but like, more of the first one
dr. daveYesterday at 8:32 PM
well, "rolls his eyes" suits the first one more than the second one
it's more exasperation than sadness
SCP-#-1: But is the willing to serve your mistress not mutual? Is the joy in accompany your idol not healthy? —> same grammar issues
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:32 PM
accompanying
dr. daveYesterday at 8:32 PM
the yes, and you want either "the will to serve" or "the willingness to serve"; you need a noun and used a verb
though technically, neither makes sense, since they can't both serve each other
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:33 PM
so should i change "willingness" to another word?
or "serve"
dr. daveYesterday at 8:34 PM
the will to show devotion, perhaps?
two people can be devoted to each other, that's reasonable
Oh, I can't be repaid either? It's already hard to entertain you in the first place; I was hoping you could at least pick up something, then at least I could have fun with you in this boring place that grinds you to death with work. But no, you are just the same as all the women I've known: selfish, stupid, and demanding. Are you even a real goddess anyway? What else can you do, besides clinging on to people and begging them for help? What else can you do, besides doing absolutely nothing so far?
this is the key emotional fulcrum here, and it needs work
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:35 PM
alright, how can i fix it
dr. daveYesterday at 8:36 PM
I was hoping you could at least pick up something, then at least I could have fun with you in this boring place that grinds you to death with work. —> all he's shown her so far is, like, romantic movies, right? What is he suggesting he's "tried to show her" that would allow him to "have fun with her"?
it sounds more pornographic, almost
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:36 PM
oof yeah
dr. daveYesterday at 8:36 PM
like he's tried to teach her esoteric positions and she just can't bend that way
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:36 PM
yes, that's what i'm trying to say
should i word the "have fun" part differently
dr. daveYesterday at 8:36 PM
But no, you are just the same as all the women I've known: selfish, stupid, and demanding. —> that sounds too on-the-nose
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:37 PM
should i just say it like "no, you're just the same as the other women"?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:37 PM
like, from any author, i would be like "oh shit, it's some woman-hating dude who's using this whole thing as a screed about how much he wants to dominate women and they just don't cooperate"
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:38 PM
then the dude is acting too extreme, yes?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:38 PM
it's super hard in the paint, yeah
like, his response here is still sort of over-the-top for what she's done and how he's reacted
i would generally speaking suggest stretching this conversation out a bit
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:39 PM
stretching toward what direction?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:39 PM
his anger seems too sudden right now
you have a good foundation for demonstrating to the audience that he was committed to this being something, but you haven't spelled it out enough yet
have him get angrier a little slower
though don't make her dialogue too repetitive, either
the whole "how dare you! i'm your idol, you fool!" schtick can get old quick
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:40 PM
you mean when she's talking back to the guy, or the part before that?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:40 PM
the rest of it past that looks good, but that paragraph needs to be drug out a touch
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:41 PM
or in the whole interview?(edited)
dr. daveYesterday at 8:41 PM
when she's talking to him period, the whole time, she keeps repeating the same basic "me tarzan, you slave" points
she might need more diverse points to make other than that
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:41 PM
ah i see
dr. daveYesterday at 8:42 PM
he might benefit by asking more question and getting disappointing answers from her, questions that show his state of mind more clearly
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:42 PM
okay, so more from him, less repetition from her?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:42 PM
yeah, a bit
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:42 PM
alright
anything else?
dr. daveYesterday at 8:43 PM
nope, that's about it
that fulcrum is what needs the most work there
what leads up to it and what comes after it looks pretty solid so far
Hippo:
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:07 PM
He begins speaking while opening the files.
this is just a thing i always bring up, but i like to hammer it home, b/c it's such low-hanging fruit and people keep doing it
don't 'begin' when you can just do
He speaks while opening the files.
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:07 PM
things don't begin, they just be, right?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:08 PM
right
sometimes you can use begin but 9 times out of 10 all you're doing is weakening the prose
Interviewer Abe: Good morning, I'm Abe, I was assigned with interviewing you. How are you feeling?
shouldn't this be like — first off, unless there's multiple interviewers, it feels weird to call them 'interviewer abe' — i'd just go with 'interviewer' or their last name
second off though i feel like this ought to be:
Interviewer Abe: Good morning. I'm Abe. I was assigned to interview you. How are you feeling?
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:09 PM
okay, separate the sentences to allow more space
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:09 PM
that and 'with' should be 'to'
was the main thing that made me go 'huh?'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:10 PM
ah okay, i see
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:10 PM
i just separated the sentences cuz that sounded better but that's the main reason i brought it up (with = to)
SCP-#-1 does not reply to the interviewer, but instead stares at him curiously.
SCP-#-1 does not reply. It stares at Abe, cocking its head to the left.
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:11 PM
more expressive
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:11 PM
so like
the reason i suggest this is because 'stares at him curiously' is internal; it's not something we can see
this is more specific, something we can see, something that also tells us 'oh its curious'
SCP-#-1: (remains silent, then arches its back straight) Speak more clearly, mortal. Your voice is overwhelmed by my presence, is it not?
i'd cut 'remains silent'
just 'arches its back straight'
it's been silent up until now, you don't need to tell us it's remaining silent again
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:12 PM
alright
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:13 PM
Silence, then SCP-#-1 looks fiercely into the interviewer.
actually
again, this is 'looks <adverb> at person' (it should be 'at the interviewer', not 'into', btw) — so instead
why don't you take that 'arches its back straight' bit and put it here
since arching your back straight implies you're proud, you're putting up a front; it kind of has the same 'vibe' as being fierce
i'd also cut silence, again
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:14 PM
so replace this with, "arches its back straight"?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:15 PM
so like:
SCP-#-1 arches its back straight and peers down at the interviewer.
maybe
or just 'SCP-#-1 arches its back straight.'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:15 PM
oh, i forgot, the eldritch is possessing a d-class's body
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:15 PM
SCP-#-1: Temptress of the night and seductress of men, you shall address me as Aurdrason! I have come to fulfill my destiny!
this is weird phrasing, because the construction implies that she's calling the interviewer this ("Temptress of the night and seductress of men, you shall…")
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:15 PM
so it's like average height
oh shit
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:15 PM
oh, that's fine
"I am the temptress of the night and seductress of men — but you shall address me as Aurdrason. I have come to fulfill my destiny!"
little bit leery about the exclamation point but eh
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:16 PM
that sounds way better
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:17 PM
I am to enslave all of mankind, to render them powerless, to seduce them into obedience. My blood is made from lust, my flesh is forged from desire, my power is fueled by temptation! (raises its voice) Bow before me, fleshling, and worship your goddess!
i would actually go opposite, have it lower its voice, and cut the exclamation mark from the last sentence
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:17 PM
so that it could look like, more passionate?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:17 PM
like the first is the battle-cry; the second is the command, which is spoken softly
it makes the second bit sound more intimate
like the first bit is something she says all the time
the second bit is her finishing her monologue and making an actual command
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:18 PM
noted
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:19 PM
(rolls his eyes and writes down on the notepad)
'rolls his eyes' might be too much here
the fact that he says "Uh, okay" and responds by writing in his notepad, i think, gets across his 'yuuuuh-huh' sufficiently
ymmv tho
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:19 PM
i'll think about it
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:19 PM
So far you've shown that you're capable of manipulating spatial anomaly, which was indicated through SCP-#.
'you're capable of manipulating spatial anomaly' ?
and 'which was indicated through SCP-#' sounds… weird? like not a thing a person would actually say
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:20 PM
oh, so, SCP-# is the portal where the eldritch comes from, and SCP-#-1 is the eldritch
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:20 PM
right but 'you're capable of manipulating spatial anomaly' doesn't make sense grammatically
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:20 PM
ah okay
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:20 PM
'you're capable of manipulating the spatial anomaly' maybe
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:20 PM
oops, forgot the article
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:20 PM
or 'a spatial anomaly', or 'manipulating spatial anomalies'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:21 PM
what about "you've shown spatial manipulation ability"?
and should i remove the "which was indicated" part?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:21 PM
i think 'the spatial anomaly' works if we're talking about a specific anomaly
and yeah i would remove that prolly
SCP-#-1 murmurs, to which Interviewer Abe sighs.
you're writing this kind of like it's a story/novel, but it's a log
like to me this would read more credibly as
SCP-#-1 murmurs.
Interviewer Abe sighs.
or make it all on one line, but still two separate sentences
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:22 PM
okay, noted
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:22 PM
'to which' is, like, something the reader would presume, but a log would just list the facts of what are happening
maybe he's sighing in response, maybe not, maybe he's just sighing for whatever reason
Interviewer Abe: And how did you do so?
how did you do what; possess the d-class?
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:23 PM
yup
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:25 PM
SCP-#-1: The more I cast my eyes on you, the more you seem like a better substitute. Your goddess has paid interest in you. It is time to submit your shell to the supreme conqueror!
i feel like the second sentence should come after interviewer abe expresses a lack of interest in being a shell
ie
SCP-#-1: The more I cast my eyes on you, the more you seem like a better substitute.
Interviewer Abe: Uh, I don't think —
SCP-#-1: Your goddess has paid interest in you. It is time to submit your shell to the supreme conqueror!
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:25 PM
alright, that works
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:26 PM
Interviewer Abe rubs his chin dejectedly, then scoffs.
avoid adverbs when describing actions in a log; like, how do we know it's 'dejectedly'
just have him rub his temples or something
rub the bridge of his nose
that tells us 'oh he's dejected' without saying 'dejectedly'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:26 PM
alright, fixed
man i do that a few times, so if you see something like that, you can ignore it
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:27 PM
Interviewer Abe: What are you going to do then? Shouting at people to submit to you while not having demonstrated any other kind of power?
this feels like weird dialogue, like, he hasn't even turned her down yet
maybe uh
Interviewer Abe: So, is this what you do? Shout at people to submit to your will?
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:28 PM
so basically, let him react more, uh, gradually? make him doubt her before he rejects her?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:28 PM
or 'shout at people until they submit to your will?'
well i see this as him kind of poking fun at her/rejecting her/not taking her seriously
SCP-#-1: Gross underestimation. Once I am free, I shall tempt all of you walking lump of meat, and command you to prostrate to me immediately! Then I shall lead my army, whose numbers accumulating wherever I set foot on, to conquer the rest of your world!
you don't prostrate to someone, you prostrate before someone; replace prostrate with 'kneel' to see what i mean
"kneel to me!"
hm i guess that kind of works maybe I'm wrong
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:29 PM
it would be like, he's fed up with his whole job
so i'm trying to introduce him as rather jaded, like, oh man let's just get it done
though i think i got it wrong in this interview log, come to think o fit
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:31 PM
Interviewer Abe: Slow down there. What I have in mind is that, maybe it's better for you to at least move your arms and legs around. (walks around to the entity) And you seem slightly more interesting then most of those humanoids…
okay, this seems like —
like the interaction at the end here feels really weird and false and out of character for abe
like at best it's out of character, at worst it makes him feel kind of scummy to me (again, ymmv)
like have you ever seen the original ghostbusters
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:31 PM
nnnope
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:31 PM
oh, okay
well basically, uuuuh lemme see if i can pull the scene up
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:32 PM
so how can i show that the guy is interested in the anomaly, while not making him sound like a jerk?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:32 PM
https://youtu.be/ZGNoXIhKTLw
YouTube
Movieclips
Ghostbusters (4/8) Movie CLIP - I Want You Inside Me (1984) HD
this is basically the same situation you're trying to display here
(for context the lady in this scene is possessed by an otherworldly entity)
(and bill murray's character has wanted to bone her the entire movie)
the lady, not the demon who's possessing her
and now the demon has control of her and is like 'LET US MATE'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:33 PM
oh shit
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:33 PM
and murray's character is like 'OOH WOW HA HA this is… uh, okay, this is really awkward'
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:33 PM
that's some uncanny resemblace
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:33 PM
and there's even a moment where he's like "ha ha, okay, su—wait no no no this is totally unethical"
DrBoneZoneDog (Loves Cole)Yesterday at 8:33 PM
Ghostbusters but Bill Murray is trying to bone a ghost the entire movie
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:34 PM
i guess what i'm saying is that bill murray in this scene might be what you're trying to evoke, here
like, we come out of this scene liking bill murray's character because he's wanted to bone this lady the entire time but when she's possessed by a demon he realizes he's way out of his depth also he can't actually bone her because she's possessed right now (also uuh she's a goddamn demon)
so like, having your researcher respond to "LET US MATE" with "you seem really way more interesting than all the other humanoids" and then uncuffing her is like
thirty red flags for sleazeball
it doesn't make us like abe (not me anyway)
his response should be more like bill murray's, i feel like
like "OKAY you are kind of hot but NO FUCKING WAY"
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:36 PM
or least, evoke a sense of awkwardness?
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:36 PM
like, a mixture of terror, maybe a hint of arousal, and mostly professional
maybe awkward yeah
he definitely shouldn't uncuff her i don't think
he also definitely shouldn't tell her she's more interesting than most humanoids
i think his first response should be finding this incredibly awkward and not at all okay
like maybe he even brings up the whole "it's 100% unethical for me to sleep with an anomaly we have imprisoned, also you're possessing the body of someone else, who can't give consent" issue
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:37 PM
i see
i think i'm gonna move the uncuff part somewhere else
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:37 PM
you can have his initial response be "there is no way i'm doing this" but then have him kind of ease into it later
HumidHermitYesterday at 8:38 PM
alright
The Great HippoYesterday at 8:38 PM
it makes it feel more credible (and it's more realistic i feel; it's more like how it would actually go down)
Nico:
man
this reads like shitty anime dialogue
HumidHermitToday at 8:11 PM
where?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:11 PM
pretty much everything -1 says
HumidHermitToday at 8:11 PM
too quirky?(edited)
too exagerrated?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:11 PM
I am to enslave all of mankind, to render them powerless, to seduce them into obedience. My blood is made from lust, my flesh is forged from desire, and my power is fueled by temptation! Bow before me, fleshling, and worship your goddess.
read it outloud to yourself
if you feel like an idiot while doing so, its probably bad dialogue
HumidHermitToday at 8:12 PM
shit
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:13 PM
the researcher is also pretty unprofessional
i dont expect Gears level of non-resposnes
but this guy is acting like han solo
HumidHermitToday at 8:13 PM
too, uh, quippy?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:13 PM
way too quippy
HumidHermitToday at 8:13 PM
okay, i'll dial down the sass
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:14 PM
SCP-#-1: Will you mate with me?
lmao
she went from being I AM THE EMPRESS OF TEMPTATION
to this
HumidHermitToday at 8:14 PM
too abrupt?(edited)
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:14 PM
a being claiming such superiority would likely not even ask
just 'mate with me' your godess demands it'
or whatever(edited)
HumidHermitToday at 8:14 PM
oh yeah
be more demanding, you mean
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:15 PM
to be honest
this dialogue would make me slam the downvote button so fast
its like if it was written by a 13 year old seeking sexual wish fulfillment
i havent even finished the first thing
but the dialogue on -1's part, the unprofessionalism on Abe's part, and the sheer absurdity of it all reads like something Zack Snyder would drum up
HumidHermitToday at 8:16 PM
oof
not fucking zack snyder lmao
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:17 PM
SCP-#-1: Your rejection stems from your lack of imagination. I shall grant you the grandest, most euphoric treatment that your lesser body could, and will endure. Are you perhaps blind enough to refuse such an opportunity?
Interviewer Abe: That… Maybe.
this kind of shit would get you immediately fired
actually performing coitus with an anomaly is also very much a NO
?? invisible
CROM.aicBOTToday at 8:17 PM
SCP-2796 - Invisible Ink
by Dr Sketch
Object Class: Safe
Rating: +15
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:17 PM
no
?? 347
CROM.aicBOTToday at 8:17 PM
SCP-347 - The Invisible Woman
by agatharights
Object Class: Euclid
Rating: +178
HumidHermitToday at 8:18 PM
oh, shit, i intend "maybe" is for the "are you blind" part
miscommunication
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:18 PM
going through log 2 now
Abe's asking questions for real now, which is good, but the way they are asked is absolutely robotic
things like
Interviewer Abe: Could you give a summary of what those two have done?
HumidHermitToday at 8:21 PM
so, how can i make it more natural?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:22 PM
'what actions are you referring to?' etc
HumidHermitToday at 8:22 PM
alright
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:23 PM
why is 2662 mentioned
and why does he address her as hentai goddess
also what is this guy's security clearance that he just happens to know about all this shit
HumidHermitToday at 8:23 PM
first two, bear with me here
i thought it was funny
third question, i haven't thought about it yet
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:24 PM
he's pretty casual about just giving out this information to something that he doesn't fully understand
serious potential infosec failure
HumidHermitToday at 8:24 PM
so get rid of those references?
or at least not make the guy acknowledge them?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:25 PM
it just seems really pointless to mention them
dont bring em up unless they have a reason to be there
im more willing to buy kadesh nanaya, but not cthulu(fuck off)
HumidHermitToday at 8:26 PM
i see
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:27 PM
On [date], Interviewer Abe proposes to the Ethics Committee that he provide SCP-#-1 with and assortment of media related to romance. He states that this is possibly the most optimal method to contain the anomaly, as it seems physically attracted to the interviewer as well as willing to know more about romantic topics. Permission is granted.
maybe its because i dont fully understand the anomaly yet
because its not written
but i dont really get this
and it kinda seems odd
HumidHermitToday at 8:29 PM
so remove this?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:29 PM
i dont fully know what the hell the anomaly does
HumidHermitToday at 8:29 PM
oh, so like, she's a reality bender
though here's one thing that's been in my mind
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:30 PM
if shes a reality bender why cant she just remove the cuffs
HumidHermitToday at 8:30 PM
SRAs
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:30 PM
that makes me even less interested
SRAs overall are kind of a 'nooooooooooooooooooooooo' concept
specially nowadays
HumidHermitToday at 8:30 PM
really?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:31 PM
its like telekill alloy
except not as bad(edited)
if you write telekill alloy into your containment procedures youll be publicly flogged and humiliated
SRA's just kinda… meh?
because they're logically non-functional
HumidHermitToday at 8:31 PM
damn, i wasn't aware of that(edited)
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:33 PM
log 3 just kind of
meh
HumidHermitToday at 8:33 PM
what is wrong with log 3?
to plain?
Vara "Bone Zone" xousToday at 8:33 PM
SRAs are good
HumidHermitToday at 8:33 PM
too inconsistent?
Vara "Bone Zone" xousToday at 8:33 PM
You just have to actually use them
And not just
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SRA that sucker"
HumidHermitToday at 8:34 PM
alright, then i'm doiing it wrong
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:34 PM
log 3 feels like it was written by a 13 year old seeking romantic wish fulfilment who has also never been in a relationship
HumidHermitToday at 8:34 PM
oof
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:39 PM
the subversion at the end i guess is kind of interesting? but its not really well handled.
its expo dump and he straight up tells her that all he was doing was just an effort to contain her
that would make her not be receptive to further containment attempts and be more guarded
also
this is
fucking cruel
and i do not like it
HumidHermitToday at 8:40 PM
too much?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:40 PM
its very cold blooded
its something worth writing about
but god damn
HumidHermitToday at 8:40 PM
that's embarassing of me
welp, i guess i'm gonna start from square one again
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:42 PM
Ill also be honest
it took a lot for me to move through the other 3 logs
because the first one put me off so bad
HumidHermitToday at 8:42 PM
so first log is the biggest problem?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:44 PM
I wouldnt say its the biggest
but its a HUGE
turn off
HumidHermitToday at 8:44 PM
so the problems are mostly how overractive abe is, and how ridiculous -1's dialogue is?
and the infodump?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:46 PM
yeah
the whole piece also feels like it was written by people who dont really know what theyre talking about
HumidHermitToday at 8:47 PM
does that come from the lack of, meaningful interactions between the characters?
or the lackluster dialogues?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:49 PM
both
HumidHermitToday at 8:49 PM
shit
what about the plot?
SamsaraSpiderToday at 8:49 PM
Need help? :GWfroggyBlobThonk:
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:49 PM
the plot makes sense I guess, but its heavily bogged down
HumidHermitToday at 8:50 PM
okay, so it's not the problem?
just like, okay dough covered in shit toppings?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:50 PM
that's not a bad analogy
HumidHermitToday at 8:50 PM
i get it
anything else?
besides the slipup with the SRAs and the references to other eldritch lords?
uncle"BONE ZONE" nicoliniToday at 8:56 PM
thats about it.
HumidHermitToday at 8:56 PM
welp
i guess i'm gonna rewrite the whole thing again
thanks for your help man