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Item #: SCP-271-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-271-J is to be contained in a heat-resistant metal storage locker secured by a heavy duty security padlock at all times. The key is to be held in Dr. Collar's office [TBD] to prevent unstable subjects from obtaining the item. No tests on SCP-271-J are to be permitted during the week, with the exception of Friday, and testing may not take place before 9 A.M. or after 7 P.M. Testing may only be requested by personnel with Level 3 security clearance.All biological substances exposed to SCP-271-J-B for more than 2 hours are to be terminated via trash compactor immediately. If SCP-271-J-D are not terminated within three days of initial contact, all Foundation personnel within the facility must evacuate to any one of Site-██'s 4 evacuation shelters (now 3 following the "cheeseburger incident" on ██-██-████).
Description: SCP-271-J is a PS3 video game case observed to be 27.2cm in height (10.7 in) and 14.9cm in width (5.9 in). The case itself is worn and lacks cover art, instead replaced by clumsily scrawled text in green marker, reading "#1 epic stile". The disc within (designated "SCP-271-J-A") is also marked with this text, however it is computer generated in the font "Impact", correcting "stile" to "style". When SCP-271-J is closed while containing SCP-271-J-A within, it poses no functional threat or anomalous properties.When a subject opens SCP-271-J, it will emit a low buzzing sound only audible to the individual releasing it. After 5-6 seconds, the subject will begin to feel a natural impulse to insert SCP-271-J-A into a PS3 console. If no PS3 console is present, or there are no means to access one, the subject will attempt to [DATA EXPUNGED], causing all individuals witnessing it to feel strong sexual impulses. If SCP-271-J-A is inserted into a PS3 console, the subject will begin feeling intense euphoria and elation. If SCP-271-J-A is inserted from Monday to Thursday, the console will spontaneously combust. This effect has also been observed when inserted before 9 A.M. and after 10 P.M.
Immediately after insertion, SCP-271-J-A will (if currently deactivated) turn on the parent PS3 system and boot up "#1 Epic Style" (designated "SCP-271-J-B"). If the device is not functional or plugged in, the subject will enter a state of immense sadness and depression. Attempts to alleviate this ailment have met unsuccessful. The game will start by loading what appears to be the game "Fortnite's" main menu. If the game successfully loads the menu, the subject (further known as SCP-271-J-D) will enter a state of psychosis and assume that the game and reality are virtually indistinguishable.1 Despite being for PS3 systems, it has perfectly functional crossplay with other systems, marked by a "?" symbol instead of the Playstation logo.The menu includes an additional "DevTest: (version number)" tab, which contains three menu options labelled "Solo (You're lonely, fucker)", "Playground (Go outside)" and "Creative (Mate just go play minecraft)". When any option is selected, it will place them into the selected game type, and the game will include all the contents of an unreleased game update for Fortnite. If queued into a multiplayer match, the new items/changes will only affect SCP-271-J-D, suggesting it modifies the game clientside and not serverside. When the unreleased items are viewed from another device, they won't be visible and their effects won't function as they would on SCP-271-J-D's system (see Addendum for details).
If SCP-271-J-D plays or is within a radius of 3.7 metres to SCP-271-J-B for longer than 2 hours total, they will start to display sociopathic tendencies, increasing in severity depending on how much longer they've played since the 2 hour mark.2 A similar effect is observed within plants, animals, and Jerry from Tech Support, where they will wither, degrade, or attempt to consume themselves. If SCP-271-J-D is not terminated or put into stasis after 3 days of the initial 2 hour mark, they will reach "maximum rage" (more easily observed in Scottish subjects) and will go through any means possible to murder a random sapient individual within a radius of 3 square kilometres. If they lose track of their target or their target is terminated, they will define another target as needed, however they seem to prioritize personnel with high security clearance and people inside the restrooms. For this reason, all restrooms in Site-██ have been demolished and replaced with artificial bushes.
Addendum:
Date: 07/23/2019
Subject: D-7273
Update Contents: A yellow helicopter
Results: A player named "███69████" observed D-7273 flying above the trees, calling them a stupid c███ and immediately reporting them. When the subject was banned for hacking, they skipped the 3 day grace period and immediately went straight into "hitman" mode.
Takeaway:
"Is this for the document or for the Chinese I smuggled in this morning?"
- Dr. Smithson
Date: 8/15/2019
Subject: Jerry from Tech Support
Update Contents: Atchisson Auto Assault-12, known in-game as "Automatic Shotgun"
Results: On obtaining the firearm, Jerry attempted to cannibalize himself, whispering it was to "hide the evidence". His kidney was successfully re-acquired after the operation.
Takeaway:
"It's for the document, not your violation of safety protocols. Also, it's takeout, not takeaway."
- Dr. Gally
Date: 8/21/2019
Subject: D-5404, accompanied by a golden retriever 3 months of age and a potted plant.
Update Contents: Star Wars X-Wing fighter ship (Playground mode)
Results: After 2 hours and 26 minutes, the plant started to shrivel up and was completely deceased two minutes later. After playing for 2 hours and 41 minutes, the golden retriever started to lose its fur. Twenty minutes later it was a pool of blood and bones. D-5404 was indifferent to the situation, claiming "he needs to get a victory royale". Once he made contact with the dog's remains, he immediately started to degrade as it did. After half an hour, it looked nearly identical to what was left of the golden retriever.
Takeaway:
"Guys have you seen my wallet? It's the leather one with the stripes and the picture of █████ from that anime H█e██nt██ Eye"
- Dr. Barson
Date: 9/03/2019
Subject: Dr. █████, now D-9646
Update Contets: They were kept in the main menu
Results: She refused to play the game, stating it would make her violent. While this is technically true, it shows that persistent bitches have the ability to resist the cognitohazardous effects of SCP-271-J-B. She left the scene unharmed.
Takeaway:
"Schedule a test with SCP-682 for D-9646. She's not getting off the hook after that outrageous claim."
- Dr. Lanson
Date: 9/22/2019
Subject: Dr. Salter
Update Contents: A virtual integration of SCP-096 as an NPC
Results: The real SCP-096 was not triggered during this session as it was an artistic representation. Dr. ████, who was observing as a player on a separate device, described Dr. Salter being flung across the map after running into a tree. He was then eliminated mysteriously by the same entity, which was named "YOUGOTSUK113".
Takeaway:
"Who the fuck put Salter in there? I get he's not the brightest, but what the fuck? This is what the calendar and D-class are for, you numpties."
- Dr. Zlotzer
Date: 9/23/2019
Subject: None
Update Contents: None
Results: None
Takeaway:
"Hey you guys spellt contents wrong on the page about d-9646 just to let you now"
-m e
Date: 10/01/2019
Subject: D-0978
Update Contents: A "Smart Potion"
Results: A player named ████████ witnessed D-0978 holding the potion and stated it looked like he was ███████ off. He then stated "It's another one of those shitty SCP things, en't it? Oh fuck sake, that Foundation's really shit at their job." 05-█ is currently tracking their location. They simply cannot stand such underhanded insults.
Takeaway:
"Hey Dr. Barson, I think I found your wallet! I'm assuming it's yours, because it made me as hard as Dark Souls"
- Dr. Canard
Date: 10/09/2019
Subject: SCP-116
Update Contents: A sewing kit
Results: SCP-116 attempted to commit suicide in-game using the sewing kit. When it realized it was impossible, [DATA EXPUNGED], resulting in ██ human casualties, as well as Dr. Smithson's pet cactus.
Takeaway:
"Actually, it's takeaway depending on where you're from. So shutup."
- Dr. Biscut
Date: 11/13/2019
Subject: D-8943
Update Contents: Fortnite Chapter 3
Results: D-8943 was evaporated upon loading, sending out a shockwave igniting all objects within a twenty metre radius. D-1213 stated his ashes tasted oddly reminiscent of Dr. Kemsin's █████████.
Takeaway:
"This section is for noting what we should take away from the test, you fucking idiots. You can't just waddle on in and have a fucking conversation. Hope you all have fun with the game next week. Why D-1213 tasted D-8943's ashes and how he knows what Dr. Kemsin's █████████ taste like is something me and them are gonna have a chat about. Now stick to the fucking point."
- Dr. Sharp
Date: 11/16/2019
Subject: D-0907
Update Contents: MicroSD card, usage unknown
Results: An anonymous player stated "Oh you found that card thing too, nice.", causing a state of panic among observing personnel. When Dr. ███ attempted to track their IP, it was blocked by a message reading "This VPN is sponsored by RAID: Shadow Legends". The Foundation is still attempting to retrieve this hidden copy of SCP-271-J.
Takeaway:
"Call off the testing for now, we need to find this guy. Probably for the better considering the idiots leaving messages here."
- Dr. Salem
