Per 
Test 914-1201
Name: Junior Researcher Townsend
Date: 05/11/2019
Total Items: Four 1×1×1 m limestone blocks
Input: One limestone block
Setting: 1:1
Output: One limestone triangular pyramid, same mass
Input: One limestone block
Setting: 1:1
Output: One limestone cylinder, same mass
Input: One limestone block
Setting: 1:1
Output: One limestone hexagonal prism, same mass
Input: One limestone block
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Sapient object. Composed of several concentric rings of limestone, with eyes carved along the outer edges. Refers to itself as a "Throne". Capable of levitation.
Note: Dear god. I think I made an angel. -Junior Researcher Townsend
Note: That's great. Figure out how to get rid of it. The incinerator doesn't work on it. -Dr. Beiderman
Note: Acid seems to have done it. Doesn't matter what tier of pluripotent entity it is, it's still made of limestone. - Intern Snevets
Test 914-1202
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 05/11/2019
Total Items: Three Magnetic Construction sets
Input: One Construction set
Setting: Fine
Output: One Construction set, with pieces of various lengths. The excess plastic from the shortened pieces have been attached to the lengthened pieces.
Input: One Construction set
Setting: Fine
Output: One Construction set. Pieces have been found to be flexible, and capable of holding their shape.
Input: One Construction set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pile of fine powder, composed of a mixture of plastic and magnetic particles. The pile is easily shaped and molded, sticking to itself. When making contact with any plastic or ferromagnetic metal, with the exception of SCP-914, The pile will assimilate the metal and increase in volume via an unknown method. Object Incinerated.
Test 914-1203
Name: Intern Scott
Date: 05/11/2019
Total Items: 3 sets of Scottish Bagpipes
Note: Wanted to try and make an instrument. Skipping the first two tests because of predicted outcomes, and the fact that these things are expensive. - Intern Scott
Input: One set of Bagpipes
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same set of Bagpipes, coloured a different shade of tartan.
Input: One set of Bagpipes
Setting: Fine
Output: One set of Scottish Bagpipes that anomalously fill with air despite having no blowstick. It also lacks a bass drone.
Input: One set of Bagpipes
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One set of Scottish Bagpipes that, when held, force the user to play Flower of Scotland repeatedly until the Bagpipes are forcibly removed from them, or the user loses consciousness due to exhaustion.
Test 914-1204
Name: Junior Researcher Townsend
Date: 05/11/2019
Total Items: Four 10×10×10 cm wooden blocks
Input: One wooden block
Setting: 1:1
Output: One wooden sphere, same mass
Input: One wooden block
Setting: Fine
Output: Ten miniature wooden toy soldiers. Animate through unknown means. Attempted to assault Junior Researcher Townsend, before being crushed by previous output.
Input: One wooden block
Setting: Fine
Output: Ten pieces of wood of non-Euclidean shapes
Input: One wooden block
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden sphere, shaped like a bowling ball. Exited booth at an unknown speed, hitting Junior Researcher Townsend in the foot.
Test 914-1205
Name: Intern Scott, D-5962
Date: 02/11/2019
Total Items: Three Guy Fawkes masks
Note: Got these left over from Halloween, also skipping first two settings because of expected outcomes from previous tests. - Intern Scott
Input: One mask
Setting: 1:1
Output: One hockey mask from the movie Friday the 13th.
Input: One mask
Setting: Fine
Output: One Guy Fawkes mask which, when worn, causes the wearer to identify himself as V from the movie V for Vendetta.
Note: D-5962 was restrained and the mask removed. D-5962 administered Class-A amnestics. Mask incinerated.
Input: One Mask
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One mask which, when worn, makes the wearer attempt to kill the most senior person in the room. Incinerated after D-5962 attempted to strangle Intern Scott. D-5962 restrained and the mask removed, after which D-5962 committed suicide through repeatedly hitting his head against his cell wall.
Note: Intern Scott has requested a leave of absence. Denied. - Veritas
Test 914-1206
Name: Dr. Auteaux
Date: 11/11/2019
Total Items: 2 DVDs of each volume of "Homestar Runner: Everything Else" in casing
Input: 1 Homestar Runner DVD, volume 1
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 shattered and melted DVD and case, seemingly afflicted by a blowtorch
Input: 1 Homestar Runner DVD, volume 2
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 DVD showing all assets used in the cartoons originally shown on 'Everything Else Volume 2", each for one frame
Input: 2 Homestar Runner DVDs, volumes 1 and 3
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 DVD containing game=play footage of all games featured on the site, as well as Homestar Runner cartoons not yet added to a compilation DVD; 1 Volume 2 DVD
Input: 2 Homestar Runner DVDs, both volume 2
Setting: 1:1
Output: 2 Seinfeld DVDs of seasons 4 and 8
Input: 1 Homestar Runner DVD, volume 3
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD containing the same cartoons, except with state-of-the-art CGI techniques applied to all assets, making them appear hyper-realistic. Footage is sped up by 300%, which is not able to be influenced by any DVD player settings.
Test 914-1207
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 11/11/2019
Total Items: Eight Teflon-coated frying pans
Note: These are surprisingly expensive. - J.R. Kai
Input: One frying pan
Setting: Rough
Output: One partially molten and crushed steel frying pan, trace amounts of various hydrocarbons and fluorine gas detected.
Input: One frying pan
Setting: Coarse
Output: One visually unchanged frying pan
Note: It was later discovered that the Teflon layer had been removed from the frying pan and was laid out across the floor of the Output booth.
Input: One frying pan, one Teflon layer from previous output
Setting: 1:1
Output: One frying pan coated with miniature Teflon buckyballs, giving it superhydrophobic properties
A schoolmate's research paper. Feel free to read it. I’ve uploaded it to Google Drive now and it’s accessible to everyone with the link. - Kai
Input: One frying pan
Setting: Fine
Output: One small sharp-edged metal discus and a simple steel spring-loaded launching device
Note: The discus works equally well as a non-stick frying pan, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "Lethal Chef". Assuming you don't slice your fingers off retrieving this thing, it actually flies surprisingly well. - J.R. Kai
Input: One frying pan
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniaturised and highly-detailed sculpture of Assistant Researcher King frying an egg. A tiny cognitohazard is etched on the back of the sculpture that induces in all Australian researchers a sudden desire for fried eggs.
Note: Veritas, I would like to file a request for all Facility staff to take a cognitohazard safety course. And some fried eggs. - R. Rasclon
Test 914-1207
Name: WR Markham
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Two hardback copies of In My Time by Former US Vice President Dick Cheney
Input: In My Time
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1:6 paper-mache model of Dick Cheney.
Input: In My Time
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A copy of The Necessary Evil, ostensibly authored by Liz Cheney (President of the United States 2021-2029) in 2039.
According to the book, a global war broke out in 2015 because of the actions of an SCP Foundation researcher named Madeleine Sailer, which indirectly led to the United States declaring war on Bangladesh, followed by an invasion of Kashmir by Pakistan, atomic bombings of fifty cities in ten nations, eventually leading to the public acknowledgement of the anomalous, and a new Civil Rights movement which essentially denounced the SCP Foundation's containment on sapient humanoid anomalies.
According to footnotes, by 2038, SCP-029 was stated to have started an apocalyptic cult in Hyderabad, SCP-096 was neutralized when Pittsburgh was nuked, while SCP-3009-C, as the Governor of Minnesota, was shot during her reelection campaign. A prominent member of the Church of the Broken God was elected as a state representative from Texas.
Note: While no memetic or cognitive hazards were detected, the autobiography was incinerated due to its written description of a certain "Four Pixels flag" of the new Civil Rights movement. We do not need an idiot to attempt reproduction of the flag and trigger 096 on a killing spree. - WR Markham
Test 914-1208
Name: Researcher Laskenta; D-48962
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Three electronic calculators
Note: As anomalous numbers normally represent a threat and it is not unlikely that 914 will produce such output, I got two members of Θ-90 as a security measurement. - Laskenta
Input: One calculator
Setting: Fine
Output: An abacus, made out of plastics and metal. The materials match the input. Non-anomalous.
Input: One calculator
Setting: Fine
Output: An abacus. The individual parts of this output are constructed from different materials than they were in the previous output, but the dimensions are identical.
Note: It is highly unusual for 914 to repeat its outputs. I will further investigate both results and deem both as anomalous for the time being. Even if there is a good chance that 914 messes with us again. - Laskenta
Input: One calculator
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The input, with five additional buttons, labelled "StA 1", "StA 2", "LfA 1", "LfA 2" and "Introduce" respectively. Pressing one of the two "StA" buttons will cause an anomalous effect that moves one of the above created abaci into the state that represents the value shown on the display of this output. Pressing one of the two "LfA" buttons will paste a value shown on one of the abaci onto the output. Pressing the "Introduce" button results in an anomalous effect that introduces the sum of the values shown on both abaci to the set of natural numbers. Pressing the "Introduce" button results in a cognitohazardous sound that affects every human that hears the button being pressed. Affected subjects will believe that the sum of the values shown on both abaci has been added to the set of natural numbers until they are reminded that the sum of two natural numbers will lead to another existing natural number.
Test 914-1209
Name: Intern Bolton
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Two 8ml bottles of Purell brand hand sanitizer, one sheet of A4 printer paper, one mechanical pencil
Note: Finally got set up here and started mingling with a few of the others. Wanted to try more than just an introductory message for my first log. Pre-approved, of course. - Intern Bolton
Input: One sheet of printer paper with the message "Hey, 914. Another new guy. - Bolton" scrawled on it, one mechanical pencil.
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same sheet of printer paper with a large, but crude, drawing of a screw on it. Mechanical pencil half empty.
Note: Oh come on, my handwriting's not that atrocious. - Intern Bolton
Input: One bottle of hand sanitizer.
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle with a spray nozzle instead of a hand pump, labelled "Full-body sanitizer". Testing revealed the spray to be extremely caustic to any materials touching the user's skin, including but not limited to bacteria, hair, tattoos, clothes, and metal jewelry. Any skin exposed to the spray is completely sanitized with minor temporary skin irritation. Unscrewing the spray nozzle from the bottle revealed the contents themselves to be ordinary hand sanitizer with no anomalous properties. Bottle and contents incinerated separately.
Test 914-1210
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Date: 11/11/2019
Total Items: Five silver-backed full body mirrors
Note: And that's the last of my October research allowance. - J.R. Kai
Input: One mirror
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shattered glass, one molten puddle of silver, one slightly bent steel frame
Input: One mirror
Setting: Coarse
Output: One sheet of glass, one sheet of silver plating, one disassembled metal frame
Note: I didn't even notice that the frame was assembled from separate parts. I suppose Coarse can be useful. - J.R. Kai
Input: One mirror
Setting: 1:1
Output: One frameless steel-backed mirror that evokes deep thoughts about oneself. that induces introspection. that contains a cognitohazard which causes viewers to reflect on their values systems. on their past failings. themselves as accurately as possible in words. Incinerated.
Note: What could possibly be the purpose of such a cognitohazard? - J.R. Kai
Input: One mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unchanged mirror that displays reflections in a mixture of colours, determined to be the reflected person's current emotional state. When there is no one present using the mirror, the reflected surroundings are coloured by the ambient atmosphere. Donated to the break room.
| Dr. Gears | Pale gray with one glowing dot at the centre of the reflection |
| Dr. Veritas | Mostly deep, muted red, interspersed by blotches of vibrant green and yellow across the reflection |
| Dr. Beiderman | An almost-equal swirl of various blue and green hues distributed across the reflection. A large amorphous splotch of deep black fills the "head" of the reflection. |
| Dr. Cleveland | Dark green with a brown silhouette of the reflection |
| Dr. Clockworks | Gray with orange blurred outwards towards the edges of the reflection |
| Dr. Zavalosa | Uniformly yellow and a single black circle at the centre of the reflection |
| Dr. Insano | Deep blue with red splotches across the reflection |
| Dr. Meyer | A blob of deep blue, blood red and black at the center of the reflection, surrounded by a thin layer of bright yellow |
| Prof. Wren | Pastel green with patches of yellow and pink around the outline of the reflection |
| Senior Researcher Vivic | Glaring yellow and neon orange, striped across the reflection |
| Senior Researcher Vil | Light blue background with orange polkadots on the reflection |
| Researcher Darby | Lime green in swirls with hints of light yellow and neon purple across the reflection |
| Researcher Cho | Alternating shades of gray and purple, with a circle of green at the centre of the reflection |
| Researcher Laskenta | Bright purple with small bursts of blood red across the reflection |
| Researcher Dafydd Lewis | Yellowish green with patches of white over the reflection |
| Researcher Miniwa | Light blue with a muted red outline of the reflection |
| Researcher Ija Rasclon | A medium grey with a slight light blue tint |
| Researcher MacLean | Dark green with purple spreading out towards the edge of the reflection |
| Weapons Researcher Markham | Fiery orange swirls with light blue spread across the entirety of the reflection |
| Junior Researcher Kai | Light gray with splotches of colour evenly distributed over the reflection |
| Junior Researcher Pines | Uniform pine green reflection |
| Junior Researcher Reimer | Olive green splotches over a light blue background reflection |
| Assistant Researcher King | Light purple and red blotches over a pink background reflection |
| Maintenance Technician Johnson | Light green with orange polkadots across the reflection |
| Research Assistant Walker | Pale green with an orange silhouette of the reflection |
| Intern Lunar | Dark red with swirls of blue and gold across the reflection |
| Intern Snevets | Uniform ocean blue with splotches of green and orange across the reflection |
| Intern Roman | Neon pink background and a yellow circle at the centre of the reflection |
| Intern Demole | Pale blue with hints of red across the reflection |
Input: One mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One hand-held mirror that reflects all light in a single direction via parallel light rays, being anomalously capable of storing up to 10 kilojoules of light energy. Incinerated, at the expense of a hole burnt almost 60% through the side of the incinerator.
Note: Kai, we just replaced that, like, last week. I’ll call the maintenance technicians before Veritas kicks all of us to janitorial duty. - Researcher MacLean
Test 914-1211
Name: Dr. Zavalosa, Intern Clockworks
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Two paper notes, one 1kg block of steel
Note: Intern Clockworks had requested reassignment from his prior superior and has been reassigned under me. He has just arrived and I am showing him the ropes, especially SCP-914. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One paper note, with the words: ''Hello, 914, I am Intern Clockworks, I will be working with you''.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A bunch of shredded paper, markless, a puddle of ink.
Note: You would like to use the other settings, Coarse and Rough typically result in the same thing. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One paper note, with the words: ''Hello, 914, I am Intern Clockworks, I will be working with you.''
Setting: Fine
Output: One paper note, with a paragraph detailing the benefits of joining the Church of the Broken God, non-anomalous.
Note: Is that supposed to happen? I was at least expecting some sort of response. Not something that had to do with the Broken God. - Intern Clockworks
Input: One 1kg cube of steel
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small metal statue consisting of a large gear anomalously floating and rotating on a smaller pile of semi-melted gears
Note: That’s…quite interesting but I won’t be keeping it. Dr. Zavalosa, is it okay if I put this on Rough? - Intern Clockworks
Input: Output in above test
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of scrap metal, non-anomalous.
Test 914-1212
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Two each of the following toys from the Power Rangers merchandise line:
-The Dragonzord from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
-The Falconzord, same
-The Red Battlezord from Power Rangers Zeo
-The Brachiozord from Power Rangers Dino Thunder
Note: As fans of the franchise may know, these are all Zords that were piloted by Tommy Oliver, one of the most famous and popular of the Rangers. For everyone else…well, at least now you have context. -Prof. Wren
Input: One Dragonzord.
Setting: Fine
Output: A toy model of Mechagodzilla md. Kiryu from Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla.
Note: Fair enough. -Prof. Wren
Input: One Falconzord.
Setting: Fine
Output: A toy model of Captain Falcon from the F-Zero game franchise. An anomalous feature was discovered by D-class wherein contact with the model's left hand, closed in a fist, causes 1st-degree burns and minor bone fractures in a 7cm radius around area of contact. Item incinerated.
Note: Yeah, we don't need anyone around here Falcon Punching anyone else, thanks. -Prof. Wren
Input: One Red Battlezord.
Setting: Fine
Output: The same toy configured as a twin-barreled gatling gun. This configuration is not known to be possible. Toy could be converted to normal humanoid configuration and back afterward.
Input: One Brachiozord.
Setting: Fine
Output: A trio of small, black/gold toy model Utahraptors. Upon booth opening, model raptors jumped on D-class and launched an unsuccessful attack. Models smashed and incinerated.
Note: Okay, time for the last one. -Prof. Wren
Input: The remaining Zord models.
Setting: Fine
Output: The four Zord models combined together as follows:
-The Dragonzord in its "Battle Mode" torso configuration. Tail and chest plate stored inside the Brachiozord.
-The Falconzord on the Dragonzord's back with its wings clamped around the torso and its wingtips facing forward.
-The Red Battlezord's chest piece split in two to separate the arms and folded over to form shoulder plates, connected to the outside of the Falconzord's wings. The gatling guns around the hands are extended. Its feet are detached and connected at the base of the Dragonzord's legs. The remaining pieces are stored inside the Brachiozord.
-The above combination is standing atop the Brachiozord, whose neck and head are lowered and straightened out, with a cannon barrel in its mouth.
Note: Wow…not sure what I was expecting, but a Tommy Oliver zord combination…perhaps "T.O. Ultrazord" would be a good name for it?…was not anywhere near what I thought it'd do. I honestly expected this test to go w— - Prof. Wren
Note: 15 seconds after output booth opened, the "T.O. Ultrazord" began moving towards D-class. Multiple bursts of holographic weapons-fire erupted from its gattling arms, wing tips, and Brachiozord head cannon, accompanied by the sounds of laser fire and "Go Go Power Rangers" by Ron Wasserman. No damage was caused by the illusionnary blaster barrage, though D-class later mentioned feeling compelled to holler in pain and fall flat on his back after being struck by multiple bolts, at which time a holographic explosion erupted from D-class and filled the room.
Note: Further tests have shown the effect only occurs when the "T.O. Ultrazord" is placed within 1.2 meters of a D-class, suggesting it only "attacks" those it considers "evil."
Test 914-1213
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date:12/11/2019
Total Items: 3 pictures of the recent Facility Halloween party.
Note: Thank you all so much for coming. It’s nice to let loose sometimes, have a bit of fun. Our job is stressful, you know. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One of the above photos
Setting: 1:1
Output: A picture of last year’s Facility Christmas party. There are noticeable smudges obscuring the faces of personnel who are no longer working at the Facility.
Note: Instead of a smudge, this one employee has their face obscured by the number 17. What’s the significance of that? - Researcher Connolly
Note: If the rumors are true, then you don’t wanna know. - Researcher MacLean
Input: One of the above photos
Setting: Fine
Output: A drawing of SCP-914. Several bottles of alcohol are visible inside the Input chamber, while several researchers crowd around the mainspring.
Note: I’m fairly certain this never happened. Fairly. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One of the above photos
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A picture of the current Site-19 Facility 23 staff in a medieval setting. Staff appear dressed in outfits associated with their class, such as Dr. Veritas dressed in kingly robes, Researchers Vivic and Darby dressed as court jesters, Security Chief Sedna wearing a full suit of plate armor, and various staff dressed in silk outfits. Produces a cognitohazardous effect causing all within a certain radius to talk in a stereotypical medieval manner. Item incinerated successfully.
Note: Your Highness Veritas, I beseech thine humblest apologies for this inconvenience. However, if thou will permit me to say, thine kingly robes suit you very well, my lord! - Researcher Connolly
Note: Connolly has his anti-memetic treatment first. - Veritas
Test 914-1214
Name: Junior Researcher Dart
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: One copy of each ''Super Smash Bros.'' game
Note: This test aims to determine how 914 handles a series. I have one of each game in the series. All tests will be conducted on Fine. - JR. Dart
Input: ** One copy of Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64
Setting:** Fine
Output: A copy of the original, with several characters removed and added. One such addition is ''Banjo-Kazooie'', from the video game franchise of the same name.
Input: One copy of ''Super Smash Brothers Melee'' for the Gamecube.
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of the same game, with the anomalous property of influencing the person playing the copy to be convinced that Melee is objectively the best game in the series. Effect can be countered with amnestics. Object incinerated.
Input: One copy of ''Super Smash Brothers Brawl'' for the Nintendo Wii.
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of Brawl, but with improved mechanics. The most notable change is Meta Knight being nerfed. Random tripping has also been removed.
Input: One copy of ''Super Smash Brothers 4 for the Nintendo Wii U, one copy for 3DS.
Setting: Fine
Output: A combined version of both games, titled ''Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U Definitive Edition''. Contains all trophies and modes from both. Object not currently produced by Nintendo. Donated to break room, pending anomalous testing results.
Input: One copy of Ultimate for Nintendo Switch
Setting: Fine
Output: A hack of the game replacing all of the characters with SCPs and researchers. Titled "Super Smash SCP Ultimate". After the text “SCP-096” was spotted on a second playthrough in the Challengers' List, the game has been incinerated.
