Exstacc 3

i swear this is the last sandbox I'm making

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5782 is to be kept in the possession of the best performing researcher of each month at Area-██, as it serves no other immediate purpose and there is no reason to contain it, as losing it would be of no interest to the SCP Foundation.

Description: SCP-5782 is an ordinary, small sized, painted steel box. Through all means, figuratively, physically, scientifically, and anomalously, SCP-5782 is unable to be declassified as an SCP. Any means to directly declassify or destroy SCP-5782 have failed thus far, being obstructed by a variety of means. A list of common causes include:

• Personnel being unable to comprehend SCP-5782 as anything but an anomalous object, and, therefore, being unable to morally or correctly declassify SCP-5782.
• Mainframe servers shutting down before changes indicating SCP-5782's declassification can be uploaded.
• Foundation terminal firmware malfunctioning to the point of non functionality.¹
• Personnel that are attempting to explain SCP-5782 dying spontaneously from various means²
• Containment cells holding SCP-5782 becoming inaccessible to personnel attempting to destroy it physically.

SCP-5782 was discovered following a raid on an AWCY art exhibit. Following the raid, SCP-5782 was preemptively given a designation and placed into a standard storage locker. Following testing that concluded SCP-5782 was non-anomalous, researchers attempted to declassify SCP-5782, but were unable to through any means. After this realization, two small handwritten notes, one smaller and attached to the prior via scotch tape, was discovered on the bottom surface of SCP-5782, reading:

Hey! You guys get it? No? Well, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out.
The thing's useless.
It literally does nothing.
Enjoy! ~Joe

Wait, wait, one last thing.
You literally can't get rid of it.

Following this incident, Researcher Verina requested permission to test SCP-5782's primary function. Permission granted by onsite Director Farris.

Footnotes

1. Commonly referred to as 'bricking'

2. This has been noted to occur in only personnel with underlying health issues.