FireThrone’s First SCP

A Very Stupid Handyman

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a sealed room measuring 10 m on each side. The room should have 1.5 m thick wooden walls, floor, and ceiling. No electronic or mechanical devices are ever to be presented to SCP-XXXX unless during testing. Room is to be furnished comfortably as a living area. SCP-XXXX seems to become increasingly angry at devices if they don’t work to his standards. See Addendum XXXX-01.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Caucasian male approximately 55 years of age. He calls himself “The Best Handyman,” and insists that is his given name. Facial scans show no records of him ever existing, and blood tests reveal neither who he is or if he has parents. He is 157 cm tall, weighing about 68 kilograms. SCP-XXXX has blonde, thin hair, and a round face.

SCP-XXXX wears a blue jumpsuit with resemblance to an engineering uniform. The uniform has many stains of unknown origin, and samples have been taken for testing. See Addendum XXXX-02. No logos, names, numbers, or any kind of identification is found on the suit.

SCP-XXXX is usually in a cheery mood. He usually has a thin smile on his face, but seems to perk up when around other people. He constantly is fiddling with the wooden toys given to him and hums showtunes to himself.

SCP-XXXX will talk on and on about how he is “the greatest handyman you will ever meet”, and ramble about his incredible intelligence. When presented with a standard IQ test, he scored a 65, meaning “cognitively delayed.” When asked any question about engineering, or solving any basic mechanical problem, he would tell you to open up the back panel and make sure all the wires are going to the correct slots. Testing has shown he is in a 1st grade reading level, unable to do algebra, long division, or any basic elementary school task. When asked to describe previous jobs, he will talk about the various devices he has fixed while in the facility, but can not recall any events outside of the facility. His only outside memory is the town of ███████, Missouri, where he was initially recovered, working on a construction site. See Discovery Log.

SCP-XXXX’s anomalous ability occurs when asked to fix an electronical or mechanical device. He will proceed to pick up the device, examine it, and then retrieve a small, red tool box, (SCP-XXXX-1), that SCP-XXXX can pull out from anywhere. SCP-XXXX has pulled SCP-XXXX-1 from under his bed, behind his coach, in the closet, behind the closet, from inside his pillow, etc. After retrieving SCP-XXXX-1, he will pick out a screwdriver and any other required tool, and walk back to the device. He will then take the device, and open up a control panel on the back of the device, whether there was one present or not.

After exactly 20 minutes of working, if it is not fixed by then, he will put the panel back on, and bang it against a hard surface. The device is usually repaired by this action. When the item is not fixed by this, it will shatter into many shards of stained glass, regardless if the item was made of said material or not.

If it is fixed in the 20 minutes of working, he will hand the device back to the owner, pat him on the back, and ask for $20. If the money is refused, SCP-XXXX will get angry, yell at the owner, and grab the item, quickly undoing his previous work. It has been noted that SCP-XXXX will take any form of currency, even slips of paper labeled “$20.”

Any device “fixed” by him will work twice as well for a period of 2-12 months, before breaking down and not functioning at all. When qualified engineers try to repair it, they say it’s perfectly functional and shouldn’t be acting the way it it. The only person able to fix it in this state is SCP-XXXX, who will proceed in its regular routine. There have been no record of SCP-XXXX being unable to fix a device he already repaired. After it is done, it will instead ask from 30 to 50 dollars. If refused, it will get angry, yell at the owner, and throw the device against a nearby wall, and it will shatter into stained glass shards.

Discovery Log

The foundation was first alerted to SCP-XXXX’s existence due to a surveillance camera on a construction site in ███████, Missouri recording a worker roundhouse kicking a porta-potty so hard it flew 50 feet. The moment the porta-potty hit the ground, it shattered into tiny shards of glass, injuring 3 nearby workers. A local response team was sent onto site to contain the anomaly, collect glass samples, wipe the video tapes, and interview the fellow workers. They discovered that SCP-XXXX was not hired nor volunteering at this job, and not even the manager knew who he was. SCP-XXXX was successfully contained.

Addendum XXXX-01

List of items SCP-XXXX has broken in “tantrums.”

  • TV
    Reason: Smashed TV after it wouldn’t play international channels.
  • Microwave
    Reason: Smashed Microwave after it wouldn’t heat fast enough.
  • Toilet
    Reason: Smashed Toilet after it got clogged.

On 5/7/20██, by orders of lead scientist Dr. Jeylor, SCP-XXXX was then sedated, and all mechanical or electronically devices were removed from containment unit. Security cameras were then removed from wall and placed in ceiling light fixtures, hidden from view.

Addendum XXXX-02

Record of stains found on SCP-XXXX’s suit:

  1. Oil
  2. Sewage
  3. ████████
  4. Sewage
  5. Apple juice

Addendum XXXX-03

Psychological and Physical exam of SCP-XXXX. Report filed by Dr. Ferrick and Dr. Caston.

Psychological exam: SCP-XXXX seems to have the mentality of a 8-9 year old, and has active ADHD. “That explains the constant fiddling with toys,” says Dr. Ferrick.

Physical exam: SCP-XXXX has incredible strength, but doesn’t seem to notice. While his outside appearance suggests laziness and lack of strength, he can break objects that could never be broken by the average human. “After reviewing video footage we found of him breaking a toilet over his knee, we discovered it doesn’t break or crumple, it shatters like glass. This has been consistent with every other device it breaks. How this happens is unknown.” Quoted from Dr. Caston.


WARNING. LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE REQUIRED.


The McGlover Incident

D-Class #90533, Chase McGlover, was apart of a controlled experiment with SCP-XXXX. #90533 would present a calculator with the buttons smashed and unresponsive, and would ask SCP-XXXX to fix it. After giving the request, SCP-XXXX retrieved SCP-XXXX-1 from under his bed, and began examining it.

After a few minutes, #90533 sneezed. Suddenly, SCP-XXXX stopped humming. He looked up at #90533, frowning.

SCP-XXXX: What’s wrong?

#90533, taken aback by his anger: Nothing, I just have a cold.

SCP-XXXX: I can fix that.

SCP-XXXX then reached under the table, and pulled out an identical box to SCP-XXXX-1, but painted white (SCP-XXXX-2). It then pulled out a dart gun, and shot #90533 in the neck. SCP-XXXX then took both SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2, approached #90533’s body, pulled out a razor, and shaved off all his hair. After doing so, SCP-XXXX opened a panel on his scalp. After 20 minutes of work, SCP-XXXX pulled out a small green USB labeled “The Sniffles.” SCP-XXXX stored the USB into SCP-XXXX-2, and put SCP-XXXX-2 behind his coach. After closing the panel, SCP-XXXX proceeded to continue working on the calculator.

#90533 was removed from the room, and was sent to the medical ward, marked as an E-Class. After 4 days of a coma-like state, he finally woke up. #90533 had increased brain activity after SCP-XXXX’s procedure. #90533 was put under close supervision, and after 4 months exactly, had a major stroke. He was then taken to the medical ward, in which all medical devices read him as flatlining. But while being taken to the coroner, he was noted as still having a pulse.

#90533 was presented back to SCP-XXXX. He then retrieved SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 to begin working. Instead of SCP-XXXX in his usual happy disposition, he was grave and serious. He proceeded to open up a panel in the same place as before, and worked for 2 hours straight, getting more and more frustrated as he worked. After 2 hours, he angrily took #90533’s body, and threw it at the wall. When making contact, #90533 shattered into millions of shards of stained glass. SCP-XXXX took a shard of glass, and kept it in a special compartment of SCP-XXXX-2, filled with three other pieces of stained glass. He then retreated to his bed and cried until he fell asleep.