Per 
How to make an attractive
greenlight proposal.
A wise DrAkimoto from IRC once said:
The process of greenlighting is just a tool. Focus on fleshing out your idea first, because that is your ultimate goal.
A wise fairydoctor from IRC once said:
Fix your Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar first, you wouldn't want to leave an incompetent impression of yourself on potential critters.
Preface:
After you've considered the quotes above, you're ready for this guide. This is an advanced essay intended for new users1 that just cannot seem to get your idea greenlit no matter how you fix your proposal. I will preface this by explaining that this guide is a just an exposition of how to format your idea attractively and clearly, and by no means will you get a greenlight if you just read this2.
I've witnessed many writers with great ideas, but with terrible formatting, and I wrote this in the hopes of helping these poor souls out.
This is not a what-to-do and what-not-to-do page, we have many of that, including but not limited to:
1. Mackenzie's Pitfalls
2. How to write an SCP
3. Humanoid SCP guide
Check those out if you have troubles making an attractive idea. Check this guide out if you're looking to make that idea sound attractive. Let's dive right into some techniques you should be using to knock the socks off greenlighters3.
Part 1: Woes of deciding on a good Elevator Pitch
STOP. PUTTING. YOUR. FULL. NARRATIVE. IN. THIS. SECTION.
Most newer authors seem to be confused about what an Elevator Pitch is, and although it may sound intuitive to many of the long-time wiki users, new authors tend to think that 'Elevator Pitch' equals to 'Basically I'm supposed to put all my ideas in this section right?'
No, you're not supposed to. Elevator Pitch is not exactly a summary of your Central Narrative, but rather a summary of your core anomaly. Say, your idea is of an immortal humanoid, you don't do this:
hello my idea is basically that this guy who cannot be killed and he will break into a house. people see him not dying even though they shoot him but he just comes back to life and stuff. this is because he has powers to revive himself and he is immortal and can manifest a dark shadowy figure so that he can kill someone that has killed him before in the past and he is till mad about this. he was the cause of many accidents including him getting caught by MC and D and killing many people to escape. he cannot be caught by foundation because of shadow.
Ignoring the premise of the idea, I will point out some places where this Elevator Pitch fails to attract attention of potential critters.
1. It's too long.
An Elevator Pitch should usually be a one-liner that is able to completely seize the attention of anybody that decides to critique your idea. It should be a snappy summary of the core anomaly and the basic plot, and it shouldn't be punctuated with details.
2. You're explaining too much.
Why would critters want to read the entire story line when you haven't given them an attractive enough summary of the idea? Nobody will want to read that whole chunk because it fails at what an Elevator Pitch is supposed to be: Little details, summary of plot and anomaly, a rhetorical statement that entices readers to learn more about the anomaly.
Let's do an exercise on this. Try transforming the above idea with these points that I mentioned. Here's what I managed to truncate it into:
An immortal demi-human with the ability to manifest shadows as a self-protection measure breaks out of Marshall, Carter and Dark as a failed experiment, wreaking havoc and is uncontainable by the Foundation.
By removing the bloat in the elevator pitch, we got a short and sweet summary of what critters should expect in the story that they will be looking at. Unnecessary details that shouldn't have been in the pitch in the first place has been cut away,
uncontainable by the Foundation.
and this instills in critters a seed of curiosity about why it cannot be captured or contained4. This is what the idea amounts to in the end, a story of the demi-human's revenge. I've seen many other better examples of elevator pitches that completely focuses on enticing the readers, with minimal5 explanation of plot. Here are some examples:
The process of a star's age is fast-forwarded, causing a supernovae and the cause of this: an ancient civilisation that wants to commit genocidal suicide on itself.
The story of a researcher recovering from amnesticisation, recalling the horrors of the Foundation's acts enacted upon him and his wife.
What happens to the D-Class when they are subject to this SCP: a Lovecraftian horror that requires emotions for sustenance?
This will help critters to see if your pitch manages to convey what you wanted to convey, and is a huge assistance to them, allowing them to smoothly write a critique.
Be Succinct, Cogent and have a Paucity6 that entices. That's what SCP stands for.
Part 2: How do I phrase my Central Narrative?
Show and explain the exact sequence of events that will be happening in your actual draft.
Usually, first-time authors are pretty hesitant to reveal all the details of the story, instead opting for a halfhearted explanation of the idea itself, leaving out many details and not giving critters any material left to crit.
Here's what I mean when new authors are not willing to give up details that are absolutely essential to the story:
A Burger King chain is under heavy police investigation due to the disappearance of people on its premises. It is unclear how they disappear and Foundation will only find out near the end of the draft. People somehow don't know that others are disappearing in the restaurant, and no meaningful investigation can be held by police.
Due to the strangeness of these events, Foundation sends an undercover agent to track down the anomaly, a witch that kidnaps people to suck their blood. Foundation agent does not make contact with Foundation anymore after he tracks the witch.
In this central narrative pitch, critters can only infer that the idea is pretty bare-bones and there isn't really much of a story or explanation for critters to stay invested. Let's point out some issues together:
It is very vague in its explanation of the flow of the story.
It is unclear how they disappear and Foundation will only find out near the end of the draft. People somehow don't know that others are disappearing in the restaurant, and no meaningful investigation can be held by police.
Can you see the problem? A lot of things are left intentionally vague; as if the author is scared of spoiling their own story. Important details like how they disappear and why no one seems to care have been left out, painting a much less clear picture of the anomaly itself. Is it memetic, causing people to lose memory of it immediately after they see it? Is it invisible, allowing it to kidnap people without other's knowledge? Does it use some kind of special witchcraft?
As you can see, it leaves the critters with many questions they can't find an answer to. This leaves a negative impression on the reader. They will assume that you haven't thought out your idea since you omit the most important details even though you included in your draft. This is not a valid excuse to the critter's question of there being a lack of details. It's lazy pitching and you know it.
Critters would want you to lay out your plot in front of them naked so they can expose the plot holes, the nuances and kinks that need to be ironed out, to let them improve the strength of the idea. Let them have the meat, let them sink their itty bitty critty fangs into it. Make it substantial and worthwhile to crit.
So, how do you fix this? It's pretty simple. Offer to the critters explanations for pretty much everything that happens in your pitch and leave no loose ends behind when writing it. Here's a rewrite of the above pitch:
A Burger King chain is under heavy police investigation due to the disappearance of people on its premises. The basic anomaly, a witch that wants blood from humans so it can keep itself youthful, abducts humans and drinks their blood, a form of sustenance for her.
Strangely, their disappearance goes unnoticed by the people around them even if it happens right in front of their eyes, and any family member or friends they went with to Burger King will forget them as well. Foundation is able to conclude the witch has the ability to literally remove a person from existence just to cover up its crime.
Foundation sends an agent to track this witch who was disguised as a normal woman, and the article is a detail of the experiences of the agent that has been injected with an anti-memetic drug that makes him immune to the effects of the witch as he travels further into the monster's den.
Finally, he is led to a cult and the agent then realises he had been noticed from the start, and was just following after this suspicious woman to his death.
Ignoring the premise, this idea proposal does a much better job of explaining the reason why certain events unfold compared to the first one. It leads the reader from event A, to B and to C, giving expositions of the actions of characters. This is what constitutes a good proposal. Well-explained and a clear flow of events with a clear image of the theme the writer is going for.
Part 3: Hooking the reader with just one sentence or theme
Many new authors will have trouble with the Hook/Attention grabber. You might be wondering, what is the difference between this and the Elevator Pitch?
By the time critters are reading your Hook/Attention grabber, they would have already gone through the Pitch and Narrative. The purpose of this section is just to explain the origins of this idea, a main theme you want to send across.
If an Elevator Pitch is an explanation of your story, a Hook/Attention Grabber7 is like the origin story of this story. What idea inspired you to embark on this journey to write it? If you're confused, I'll show you what I mean. If this is the Pitch:
The story of a researcher recovering from amnesticisation, recalling the horrors of the Foundation's acts enacted upon him and his wife.
Then this is the Hook:
A tale about despair, the power of the Foundation and emotional catharsis.
Like I mentioned, just a short sentence on the main theme you want the readers to understand.
Part 4: Rant about mindset of new authors and their critters
Here's another little motto I have for new authors that you should be keeping in mind whenever you ask for crit.
Be Sensitive, Creative and Patient.
These should be the three commandments for prospective writers. Whenever you want someone to look at an idea, ask yourself these following questions, and if you're not demotivated by the end of it, you're either doing it wrong or your idea has already been greenlit8.
1. What do I want the reader to feel? Disgusted, melancholic, ecstatic, bittersweet… etc.?
2. Have I conveyed this theme through my narrative in my idea pitch?
3. What is the exact sequence of stuff that happens? Have I already written that sequence down?
4. Have I explained the reason why all these events happen?
5. Do I feel like this idea is good? Think with your inner voice. Seriously contemplate this.
6. Last but not least, do I think this idea deserves to be greenlit and posted to the mainsite?
Treat your crittters with respect, because crit on your idea isn't crit on your character, don't take it too personally. I've seen many authors personally take offence from a reply to their idea pitch, and that's not something the Foundation community wants to encourage. Take the comments in stride. Most critters are here to help you. In fact, if the critters are offering hurtful or unnecessarily spiteful critique, they will be the ones that will suffer public evisceration; not you.
Everybody will go through this stage of feeling dejected because you might think that your idea is not good enough when someone leaves harsh critique, but please understand that critters are as busy, or even busier than you are. They will be giving honest crit that you deserve, so don't cry about it. Instead, copy their critique into a word document and pore over every single plot-hole they exposed, every mistake they pointed out, then fix your post accordingly. Your idea will come back out stronger than ever, so appreciate what you receive.
In fact, you might gloss over the fact that critters aren't trying to be jerks; they genuinely want to see you improve this idea so it's ready for the mainsite. They're simply asking you to explain. So do what they tell you!
Just to put into perspective how many ideas are greenlit on a regular basis, here are some comments from Doctor Fullham:
You know, out of all 119 ideas I've critted, I think I've greenlit about 11. To be fair, I am a harsh critter.
Most critters will be as harsh9 as that dude up there, so make sure your idea is nicely formatted and well-explained so that it is at least worth having a look. Critters receive request PMs all the time and they're helping you FOC10. Have the grit to stick to one idea and keep revising and amending it. One day, it'll be good enough. I believe in you, author.
