Per 
- SCP-XXXX: Autocannibal BBQ Sauce
- SCP-XXXX: Your Parents Are Arthur and Maureen Porter
- SCP-XXXX: Oh God, I Forgot I Had This Class and the Final Exam is Today
- SCP-XXXX: William Shatner's Cover of "Common People"
- SCP-XXXX: A Bootleg DVD of The Shaggy Dog
- SCP-XXXX: The Thing That Makes You Kill People
- SCP-XXXX: A Moment of Silence
- SCP-XXXX: The Man in the Mirror
- Notes & Code
- Author Page
Cooked human flesh covered with SCP-XXXX, recovered from the house of an affected victim.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All recovered instances of SCP-XXXX are to be stored in a standard containment locker in Site-92.
Recall notices for barbecue sauce bottles consistent with SCP-XXXX's appearance have been posted to stores carrying instances of SCP-XXXX. Monitoring software has been installed on these stores' point-of-sale systems; all automated alerts triggered are to be immediately investigated and any discovered instances of SCP-XXXX seized for containment.
All reported incidents related to cannibalism are to be investigated in relation to possible SCP-XXXX ingestion.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous brand of barbecue sauce sold under the trade name “Finger-Lickin' Good BBQ Sauce”. SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties activate when it comes into contact with human skin: If the affected subject attempts to taste their SCP-XXXX-coated skin, they will perceive it to be particularly delicious. In addition, SCP-XXXX acts as a strong topical anesthetic when activated. These two properties, combined with the nature of foods typically associated with barbecue sauce, mean that multiple affected subjects inadvertently consumed part or all of their fingers before realizing what they were doing.
Subjects who are affected by SCP-XXXX report an ongoing and persistent desire to consume more of their own flesh. This desire is genetically coded to the subject's flesh rather than being a general impulse towards cannibalism. In addition, subjects who have followed a strict vegan diet for approximately six months before consumption of SCP-XXXX appear unaffected by its properties. For non-vegans, switching to such a diet after SCP-XXXX exposure appears to gradually mitigate the auto-cannibalistic desires it produces over a similar six-month time period1. Children under the age of thirteen also appear to be immune to SCP-XXXX's direct effects.
Addendum XXXX-a: Interview Transcript, 06/21/2019
The Foundation tracked the manufacture and distribution of SCP-XXXX to a fledgling ecoterrorist group calling itself the “Full Hearts Initiative”. The following is a transcription of an interview with Kathleen O'Hara, referred to herein as POI-7548447, who was captured following a Foundation raid on a suspected Full Hearts Initiative cell in Sedona, AZ.
Subject: POI-7548447
Interlocutor: Dr. Mangala ShastryDr Shastry: Begin recording. Ms. O'Hara, we are interested in any information you can provide regarding the creation and composition of this barbecue sauce.
POI-7548447: First, I bet that's a sentence you never thought you would say. Second, I don't know anything about any barbecue sauce.
Dr Shastry: That is not a very effective defense, considering we apprehended you while you were in possession of several dozen bottles of it. We have… less patient interrogators than me, and I would strongly encourage your cooperation in this matter.
POI-7548447: Look, lady, you can have your government goons rough me up or whatever, but I literally do not know anything useful to you. I operate independently, I don't know where the stuff comes from, and I sure don't know what's in it.
Dr Shastry: But you know what it does.
POI-7548447: Sure. Pest control.
Dr Shastry: Would you mind, ah, expanding on that?
POI-7548447: Well, talking about how inherently immoral it is for us to murder and… consume other intelligent creatures would probably be a waste of breath. As would talking about the barbaric conditions on factory farms, or the fact that cattle ranches are the main cause of greenhouse gas emissions – I mean, you're not even allowed to believe global warming is real here, are you? Honestly, talking about this stuff is a waste of time. We're done talking.
Dr Shastry: So you decided to take action.
POI-7548447: Damn straight. And you can't do a goddamn thing about it. No matter how good you are at whisking inconvenient people off to black sites or wherever we are, you won't be able to suppress a few thousand people eating themselves to death. Then we go public, reveal what they have to do to not die, and let fear do the rest. We're going to drag all of you meat-eaters into a more compassionate world, no matter what.
Dr Shastry: I see. I would like to make you aware of a few facts. First, I do not work for the United States government, or indeed any government authority. Second, I am a practicing vegetarian and have been since birth. And finally, your organization's gross incompetence has resulted in the deaths of innocent people.
POI-7548447: Yeah, “innocent” my goddamn-
Dr Shastry: -This is a picture of Kevin Wallace, taken three weeks ago. Kevin is six years old. Here is another picture of him, taken two days ago, after exposure to the sauce you helped distribute.
POI-7548447: …This is bullshit. It doesn't work on kids. I don't know what the fuck this is – what photo you doctored, or what sick game you're playing, but this is not gonna fucking work on me.
Dr Shastry: I didn't say he ingested the sauce. His father, Roger, did. And then he did… that.
POI-7548447: I… don't understand…
Dr Shastry: It's coded to the genetic code of the person who ingests it. A very compassionate measure – make sure that no one else gets hurt except the, ah, “meat-eater”. Except the coding wasn't specific enough. Father and son shared enough genes that Roger became obsessed with consuming his own son's flesh.
POI-7548447: Ah, shit, that would mean - wait, this doesn't make any sense. How did he – it only works when it touches the skin, how could he have-
Dr Shastry: Roger Wallace is in a state of extreme psychological trauma and getting any information out of him has been extremely difficult. However, as far as we can surmise, the precipitating action was a kiss on Kevin's forehead.
POI-7548447: Jesus. Oh, Jesus.
Following this interview, POI-7548447 demanded and was provided the physical evidence left after the manslaughter of Kevin Wallace. POI-7548447 then provided the Foundation with several contact points within her organization; neutralization efforts are ongoing.
William Porter, pictured above at age 5, is an exact genetic match for every instance of SCP-XXXX.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All living instances of SCP-XXXX except for SCP-XXXX-11 are to be kept in long-term cryostorage until the Ethics Committee has reached a consensus on reasonable containment. SCP-XXXX-11 is to be contained as detailed in addendum XXXX-11. Arthur and Maureen Porter are to be contained in standard humanoid containment cells in Site-77, and any SCP-XXXX manifestations are to be reported immediately and contained.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous phenomenon affecting Arthur and Maureen Porter, a married couple formerly located in Dearborn, MI. During occurrences of SCP-XXXX, a copy of the Porters' son William (referred herein as “an instance of SCP-XXXX”) will randomly manifest at a point within six kilometers of either Arthur or Maureen. Each instance of SCP-XXXX is approximately five years old, is genetically identical to William Porter, and possesses a memory of its supposed past life. Interviews with the Porters confirm that these memories are consistent with that of the real William Porter. Upon manifestation, instances report an intense desire to return home and an instinctive knowledge of the location of their parents; both attributes fade within approximately 10 hours.
SCP-XXXX is strongly correlated with an apparent secondary effect, whereby each manifestation of an instance coincides with the disappearance of a single child within the six-mile area of effect, effectively replacing them with an instance. These children are uniformly aged between 4 and 7 years; there is no other obvious selection criteria. If no such children exist when SCP-XXXX manifests then an instance will appear at a completely random location. Due to ethics considerations, this property has not been fully tested.
Addendum XXXX-a: Containment History
The first recorded SCP-XXXX manifestation occurred on January 22nd, 2003 in Dearborn, when an instance of SCP-XXXX was captured attempting to flee the house of █████ and ███████ Shah shortly after the disappearance of the Shahs' 4-year-old daughter. The Foundation was alerted to the situation and took the instance into custody along with Arthur, Maureen, and the then-12-year-old William Porter. When interviewed, all three Porters were consistent in their confusion about the phenomenon.
As the SCP-XXXX instance displayed no other anomalous properties it was decided to continue its containment2 but to amnesticize and release the Porters, albeit with rigorous tracking to monitor for any more anomalous phenomena.
The next recorded SCP-XXXX manifestation occurred on July 3rd, 2007 when an instance was apprehended in another Dearborn family's house following the disappearance of their child. As before, all three Porters and the instance were taken into Foundation custody, at which point it was noted that Arthur' and Maureen's testimony was repeated almost word-for-word from their previous statement.
Further investigation into the Porters' place of residence uncovered a number of human remains interred in their backyard. Exhumation revealed six corpses; each one was approximately 5 years of age, a genetic match for William Porter, an unambiguous homicide victim, and had an estimated time of death corresponding to the disappearance date of a local child. Two of these appeared to have been killed between 2003 and 2007, while the oldest corpse was killed in 1996, making it the only one consistent with the 1991 birthdate of William Porter. This corpse was also unique in manner of death; while all others were killed with relatively-efficient wounds to the neck3, the oldest corpse was killed due to a series of haphazard blunt-force trauma wounds.
Addendum XXXX-b: Interview Transcript, 07/05/2007
Subjects: Arthur Porter, Maureen Porter
Interlocutor: Dr. Mangala ShastryDr. Shastry: Begin recording. Mr. and Mrs. Porter, I'd like to ask you for more information on the recent events surrounding your family.
A. Porter: We've been over this already. We have absolutely no idea who that kid you found is or why he looks like Billy. How much longer are you going to keep asking us the same question?
Dr. Shastry: Hmm. Would you mind taking a look at these photos? We took them yesterday in your backyard.
M. Porter: Shit.
A. Porter: Don't say a word, Maureen. Not another damn word.
15 seconds of silence follows as both subjects examine the photos; their examination is cursory and largely emotionless.
Dr. Shastry: Given this new evidence, would you care to revise your previous statements?
A. Porter: No, I know how this works, I want a lawyer. We have rights, you know – due process and all, I know my rights.
Dr. Shastry: “Due process”? Have you looked around recently? Does this look like a police station? Mr. Porter, we can keep you here for the rest of your life if we want to. Your cooperation in this matter would help us decide if that would be an unnecessary measure.
Another 10 seconds of silence follows.
Dr. Shastry: Let's start with the most basic question: are you responsible for the existence of these, ah, clones of your son? Did you turn the children in your neighborhood into copies of Billy?
M. Porter: No! Of course not, we never asked for-
A. Porter: Damn it, Maureen, shut up.
Dr. Shastry: Don't worry, we weren't operating under the assumption that an auto mechanic and a part-time waitress were running an underground cloning facility. All the same, can you think of any unusual events that preceded the first appearance of these copies?
A. Porter: You're asking if we pissed off a gypsy woman or disturbed an Indian burial ground or that sort of thing? Yeah, no such luck, lady.
Dr. Shastry: So they just started appearing suddenly, then. And why did you feel it necessary to kill them?
30 seconds of silence.
Dr. Shastry: Well, let me state what we believe the timeline to be. Your son, William Porter, was born on January 3rd, 1991; the birth certificate on file appears to be genuine. Five years later, due to some combination of accidental blunt-force trauma and willful negligence, you allowed your son to die. Shortly thereafter - probably within the next 24 hours, as nobody appeared to notice his disappearance - the first copy of your son showed up, the one who you've been raising in his place for the past decade. You must have thought it was a miracle, a chance to start over again… until the next copy showed up. There was no plausible way to explain this without opening yourselves up for the discovery of what happened to your actual son, so you elimin-
A. Porter: Jesus, if you know - I mean, if you're so sure of yourself, why do you need us? What do you even want from us?
Dr. Shastry: Honestly? At this point everything is pretty open-and-shut, with the exception of one question: Why did you do this? William - Billy - shows signs of repeated physical and emotional abuse, and all interviews we've had with him point to his home life being one completely devoid of any form of affection. Forget loving him, you don't even seem to particularly like the boy. So, again, why?
M. Porter: You can make us forget things, right?
Dr. Shastry: What?
M. Porter: Like in that one Tommy Lee Jones movie, you can flash one of those lights into our eyes and we'll forget? Only I keep thinking about the Shah kid who went missing a couple years ago, I remember thinking at the time that it seemed like our Billy was involved, and… well, he was, wasn't he? See, we're not as dumb as you think we are.
Dr. Shastry: I don't understand what you're getting at.
M. Porter: Could you just… make us forget about this? All of it. The whole thing.
Dr. Shastry: Eleven years worth of memories?
M. Porter: Yeah.
A. Porter: She's right, that would be for the best.
M. Porter: Nothing in there worth keeping anyway.
Dr. Shastry: This interview is concluded.
Following this interview, the instances already in containment were reclassified as SCP-XXXX-5 and SCP-XXXX-8, “William Porter” was reclassified as SCP-XXXX-1 and contained, and Arthur and Maureen Porter were placed in indefinite containment. No amnestic use was authorized.
Addendum XXXX-c: Long-Term Experiment Results
As of 09/21/2009, two more instances of SCP-XXXX had materialized and serious ethics considerations had been broached about the long-term consequences of SCP-XXXX's effects, especially concerning the Foundation's responsibility towards the instances produced. Following multiple failed attempts at resolving this issue, a research proposal submitted by Junior Researcher Alan Covington was accepted as an attempt to neutralize SCP-XXXX.
As a result of this proposal, the next SCP-XXXX instance to manifest was immediately contained, sequestered, and raised under the cover story that Arthur and Maureen Porter had died in an accident and the instance - who was allowed to believe it was the real William Porter - had contracted a contagious disease that required constant quarantine, in order to justify its continued containment. In all other aspects the instance was raised according to widely-accepted child-rearing psychology under the direct supervision of Junior Researcher Covington, who also supervised schoolwork and recreational activities. These techniques resulted in a marked improvement in psychological testing baselines when compared to other SCP-XXXX instances.
After this test was implemented, no further SCP-XXXX instances have manifested to date. A proposal to reclassify SCP-XXXX is neutralized is currently pending.
SCP-XXXX's current logo, constructed from subject testimony. The Latin inscription roughly translates to "Please Wear Pants".
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Non-Foundation dream studies are to be monitored. Any that deal with school-related dreams are to be shut down where possible, or otherwise are to be fed false information that will lead them away from the existence of SCP-XXXX.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous university existing in the shared unconscious states of a small percentage of the human population.
SCP-XXXX was discovered during a Foundation-led study into common dream patterns. While logging information about school-related dreams and nightmares it was noted that a statistically-significant number of subjects had consistent descriptions of the size, faculty, surrounding environment, and specific architectural details of their setting. The similarity of these descriptions among subjects was too high to be disregarded as coincidental; however, they matched no known institute of learning. Further investigation revealed the existence of SCP-XXXX, known on-campus as “Dream State University” or “DSU”.
Affected subjects describe SCP-XXXX as a mid-size college campus with Gothic and neoclassical architectural styles, surrounded by woodlands. Subjects routinely describe the layout of SCP-XXXX as “confusing” and “labyrinthine”, reporting difficulty in remembering and finding the location of their classrooms; Foundation researchers have managed to put together a functional map of SCP-XXXX based on these descriptions which indicates that every discipline's classrooms are spread seemingly-randomly across all buildings instead of located within one or two. Subjects additionally report severe confusion about class scheduling and exceedingly-difficult examinations, the two issues often compounding when they realize that they are required to take a test for a class they were unaware they were rostered for. Analysis of the contents of these tests reveals they routinely pertain to facts currently unknown to any human, such as but not limited to:
- Prove P=NP (SHOW YOUR WORK).4
- Analyze the main themes and character motivations in Act II of William Shakespeare's Cardenio.5
- What is the identity and purpose of dark matter? Who created it?6
- Why does entropy increase over time? Under what conditions does entropy reset?7
Approximately 1% of the human population report dreams of SCP-XXXX. The majority of affected individuals score significantly higher on mental aptitude tests than baseline averages, but no other known correlation between subjects exists.
Addendum XXXX-a: Interview Log, 01/21/2018
Members of MTF Omicron Rho (The Dream Team), using a combination of lucid dreaming techniques and sleep-inducing drugs, were tasked with infiltrating and investigating SCP-XXXX. Abortive first-contact attempts revealed that direct queries resulted in the faculty of SCP-XXXX informing agents that “non-students are not permitted on-campus”, followed by SCP-XXXX demanifesting.
On 01/21/2018, Agent Sandoval – who had reported dreams of SCP-XXXX prior to selection for the task force – was able to access SCP-XXXX by identifying herself as a student. After locating the administration building, Agent Sandoval was repeatedly referred to a vast number of bureaucratic employees until she was finally referred to one who identified itself as “Collegiate Counselor Zaxxon-3”, hereafter referred to as SCP-XXXX-1. Agent Sandoval reports that SCP-XXXX-1's visual appearance is that of a middle-aged Caucasian male with grey, thinning hair and the face of her seventh-grade English teacher. The following interview details are self-reported by Agent Sandoval.
Sandoval: Thank you for meeting me.
SCP-XXXX-1: No problem. Can I get your name?
Sandoval: Lauren Sandoval.
SCP-XXXX-1 pulls out a file from a nearby file cabinet.
SCP-XXXX-1: Great, just wanted to make sure I had your records here while we chat.
Sandoval: It's not that uncommon of a name, how-
SCP-XXXX-1: Human, age 25, daughter of Tamara and Rodrigo Sandoval, favorite color sky-blue, once [REDACTED] on stage in front of your kindergarten class?
Sandoval: Yeah, that's… uh, that's me, and – wait, did you say “human”? Are you not human?
SCP-XXXX-1: Ha! Good one. Now, jokes aside, what can I help you with today?
Sandoval: Uh, well, I guess I was wondering what I'm doing here.
SCP-XXXX-1: Having second thoughts on your major, huh? No worries, happens all the time, have you considered perhaps attending one of our-
Sandoval: No, I mean, why do I come here while sleeping? Why does this place exist?
SCP-XXXX-1: You're not serious, are you?
SCP-XXXX-1: You are serious. Looks like someone fell awake during Narco-orientation. This, uh, this really isn't my job, but if I'm being honest this is really the first time I've seen you take initiative in about a hundred years or so, so I'm just happy that you're finally showing an interest. Look, let me make this simple: Why do you sleep?
Sandoval: To reduce strain on my muscles and prevent over-exertion?
SCP-XXXX-1: No, that's why you rest. Why do you, you know, turn off your conscious mind and lapse into a state of unconsciousness?
Sandoval: I don't know.8
SCP-XXXX-1: I – wow, that's – I cannot believe… I mean, it's just typical. You don't go to class, you flunk all your tests, and then there's the thing with the pants – I mean, it's not like we care about pants, we didn't even really register them as a concept before you came along, but the level of implied insult in your own culture is astonishing, and you keep doing it! For years and years! And now you want to come here and complain you don't know what's going on? I mean, really.
Sandoval: I first dreamed of this place a couple months ago, I think you're confusing me-
SCP-XXXX-1: Oh god, you're another one of those “individual consciousness” people, too. It's just a phase, I've seen it before, Professor Rabonok's Neurophysical Expansion 117 class should clear that right up for you – well, if you ever actually turn up. We keep admitting different parts of you and it just winds up the same, I don't give up on any student but you're really not making it easy. Just study more and try to keep your eyes shut, please.
Sandoval: I have to ask, if I'm such a difficult student then why do you keep admitting different… parts of me?
SCP-XXXX-1: Well, I mean, it was pointed out a century ago that humans were under-represented among the sapiences with higher learning and I definitely agree that there's a bootstrapping problem, I mean, you can't just expect a sapience-class to develop it out of nowhere, so…
Sandoval: I'm sorry, are you saying I'm here because of affirmative action?
SCP-XXXX-1: Well, we do take sapience-class into consideration during the admission process, but it's only one factor. I can't really talk about the details but I'm sure it doesn't just come down to that. I, uh, hmm, let's keep this conversation between us, shall we? Was there anything else I could help you with?
Sandoval: There is, actually: How am I paying for all of this?
SCP-XXXX-1: Well, you were probably auto-enrolled in one of our student loan programs upon admittance, they're really quite reasonable and – all right, now, this is exactly what I was talking about, come on.
Sandoval: What?
SCP-XXXX-1: You're falling awake right here! You can barely keep your eyes shut, can you?
Sandoval: I'm sorry, I'm not trying to-
SCP-XXXX-1: I don't think it's unreasonable to just ask you to try a little harder, I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to help and…
SCP-XXXX demanifests as Agent Sandoval awakens.
Addendum XXXX-b: Formal request for additional study
Date: 02/01/2018
From: Agent Lauren Sandoval
To: Site Director Colin BarkinRequest ID: A86DN975DNSK
Request details: To be kept unconscious in a medically-induced coma for four years in order to investigate effects of graduating from SCP-XXXX
Date: 02/09/2018
From: Site Director Colin Barkin
To: Agent Lauren SandovalRequest ID: A86DN975DNSK
Status: DENIEDResponse details: The faculty had severe difficulty distinguishing between you and the tens of millions of humans we know to be affected by SCP-XXXX. The Foundation is not interested in finding out what happens when one affected subject graduates and the as-yet-unknown student loan debt becomes due.
Date: 02/09/2018
From: Agent Lauren Sandoval
To: Site Director Colin BarkinSubject: Re: Request A86DN975DNSK
Correspondence: But what happens if we flunk out?
William Shatner (pictured above) is both immune to SCP-XXXX's primary effect and the target of its secondary effect.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation agents embedded in William Shatner's PR firm are to ensure he remains isolated from any reference to Pulp's song "Common People". Pre-interviews are to be conducted with interviewers and hosts to determine whether or not they intend to reference "Common People" during his appearance. Anyone who engages him in a conversation about the song is to be contained and amnesticized.
Description: SCP-XXXX is the anomalous, persistent belief that musician and actor William Shatner recorded a cover version of the song “Common People”, originally by Britpop band Pulp. While no such recording exists, affected individuals have consistent memories of this cover. The song's lyrics deal with an affluent female college student who glamorizes poverty and wants to be “like common people”; in the non-anomalous Pulp original, these lyrics are delivered in a disaffected, ironic manner, but all those under SCP-XXXX's influence describe Shatner's cover as “aggressive”, “biting”, and far more acerbic in its mockery of the student. SCP-XXXX affects upwards of several million people.
Those affected allege that this cover appears on Shatner's 2004 album Has Been, which in fact exclusively contains Shatner's own original spoken-word pieces. Among those affected is musician Ben Folds, who produced Has Been and claims to have produced the “Common People” cover as well; it does not, however, include William Shatner himself, who is the only known individual associated with this album to be completely resistant to SCP-XXXX's effects.
SCP-XXXX has a secondary, related effect that manifests when an affected subject attempts to converse with William Shatner about the supposed song. Those affected will become verbally hostile towards Shatner, escalating towards threats of physical harm. It is unclear if this would eventually lead to actual physical harm as Shatner has consistently been unwilling to remain in proximity of affected individuals once they start threatening him; while the Foundation became aware of SCP-XXXX due to Shatner's failed attempts at prosecuting several such individuals, he has nonetheless declined all requests to test out the limits of its effects, even in controlled environments. When interviewed, affected individuals express no remorse.
Addendum XXXX-a: Transcript of radio interview, 11/02/2004
The following is a transcript of an interview on the music radio program Q between William Shatner, Ben Folds, and host Jian Ghomeshi. This is the first known occurrence of SCP-XXXX's secondary phenomenon.
Ghomeshi: …moving on, we need to talk about that incredible cover of “Common People”, which absolutely blew me away the first time I played it and really has only gotten better and better on each listen.
Folds: Yeah, that one was really fun to put together, melding with Joe Jackson's singing and then the children's chorus at the end, but it does all come down to the delivery by Will, that makes it.
Shatner: I'm sorry, I-
Ghomeshi: Sorry to cut you off, but I just want to make this point and then get your feeling on it, and we can discuss the song in that context as well: It really feels, in many ways, like an extension of those lovely monologues you did on Star Trek, where you absolutely lay into some hapless alien who doesn't really understand humanity – did that play into it at all?
Shatner: I really don't understand what we're talking about here.
Ghomeshi: Has anyone ever told you that making music involves actual singing? You're not supposed to just say all the words into the mic, you know.
Folds: I tried to tell him that but he really wouldn't listen.
Shatner: Fellas, I can take a joke as well as anyone, but I… don't really care for these radio prank things, I'll be honest.
Ghomeshi: Oh god, is this because I mentioned your acting career? Look, I just said I'm a big fan of the song, you don't have to be a huge ass about this.
Folds: He is a bit of a prima donna when it comes to stuff like this, yeah.
Shatner: What? No, I'm always willing to talk about my work on Trek, I'm very proud of it, it's just that-
Ghomeshi: Of course you're proud of it, you fat Canadian fuck. You maple-syrup-guzzling moron.
Shatner: Aren't… aren't you Canadian, too? What is this?
Folds: Oh, shut up, Kirk. Why don't you go eat Spock's entire butthole?
Ghomeshi: Tell me, “captain”, have you ever seen what your intestines look like? Would you like to? Ah forget it, you'd just eat them, you lard-ass.
Shatner: I- ah, why- what the fuck-
Folds: Oh, Shatner's too dumb to understand what's going on. Is that it? Is that it, you big, dumb, baby?
Ghomeshi repeatedly smashes his face into the table in front of him, resulting in multiple cuts, contusions, and broken facial bones.
Ghomeshi: Duh, look at me! I'm William fucking Shatner, and I'm the biggest dipshit in the world!
Folds: That's you, Shatner. That's what you look like. That's what you will look like, after we're done with you.
Shatner: Jesus… Christ.
Shatner rapidly exits the interview room. Folds and Ghomeshi make no effort to follow him.
Ghomeshi: (Yelling) Fucking TekWar sucked9!
Addendum XXXX-b: Data recovered from William Shatner's personal archives re: Ronald Coleman
It was noted that in multiple instances of SCP-XXXX-induced hostile behavior towards William Shatner, the phrase “fat Canadian fuck” was used, even in cases where it did not fully make sense as an insult (as in the example in Addendum XXXX-a). The Foundation explored Shatner's extensive collection of personal fan correspondence and discovered this phrase multiple times in the letters of Ronald Coleman, a 37-year-old unemployed male from Seacaucus, New Jersey. Coleman had written hundreds of letters to Shatner, largely consisting of vituperative insults and mockery, several of which liberally quoted from “Common People”. In these letters, Coleman accused Shatner of falling out of touch with his fans and deliberately ignoring them. Shatner was not aware of Coleman and had read none of these letters, as his personal assistant had filtered them from his inbox. The last letter Coleman wrote was posted shortly before the release of Has Been and consisted solely of a two-word profanity.
In sharp contrast to the majority of his writings, Coleman's first dozen letters to Shatner were uniformly positive, praising him for his acting talent and musical prowess. As far as the Foundation has been able to determine, the tipping point for Coleman came after Shatner left a Seacaucus fan-meetup early, before Coleman was able to get him to sign an autograph.
Coleman disappeared shortly after his final letter and his current whereabouts are unknown. Foundation agents searched his house and recovered a copy of Has Been which contained a cover of the song "Common People", apparently by William Shatner, that fits all known descriptions of SCP-XXXX. This copy has been extensively tested for cognitohazards and is completely non-anomalous; it is the only known recording of this song to actually exist.
The DVD case of SCP-XXXX.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: When not in testing, SCP-XXXX is to be stored in a standard object containment locker. SCP-XXXX is to be watched in its entirety once per day by a level-3 researcher and any deviation from the most currently-known plot is to be immediately reported.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous DVD purporting to be a copy of the 2006 film The Shaggy Dog. The movie on the disc follows the normal plot of the film up until approximately the final 15 minutes, at which point it shows a radically different ending. These endings vary wildly but all are all abrupt, anticlimactic, and tonally-inconsistent with the rest of the movie. Interviews with those involved in the production of The Shaggy Dog confirm that these scenes were never shot or even conceived at any point during the making of the film.
SCP-XXXX does not constantly change its ending; instead, it will continue showing one version of the plot for multiple playthroughs before changing to a radically different one without warning. While the exact stimuli for these changes are unknown, it is currently hypothesized that it changes as the underlying anomaly is investigated further (see Addendum XXXX-a for more detail). In addition, a number of recorded endings deal with violent seismic activity that correlates with actual real-world seismic activity at a future date. It is currently unknown whether SCP-XXXX is causing these earthquakes or merely predicting them.
Addendum XXXX-a: Partial event log| SCP-XXXX Variation | Ending Shown | Notes/Actions Taken |
|---|---|---|
| N/A - Original | Protagonist David Douglas (played by Tim Allen), having been bitten by a mystical Tibetan collie and gained the uncontrollable ability to turn into a dog, is captured by antagonist Dr. Kozak (played by Robert Downey, Jr.) in David's dog form. Kozak leaves David alone in his lab full of mutated animals to go to court, at which point David breaks out, makes his way to the court, and turns human again. David successfully prosecutes Kozak when he uses a bailiff's baton to trigger Kozak's transformation into a dog himself, and the case is resolved in his favor. | This is the actual, non-anomalous ending of The Shaggy Dog, provided for reference. |
| 05/03/2006 | Instead of leaving David alone, Kozak immediately injects him with a syringe and David collapses. The movie zooms in on David's lifeless body for 10 minutes, then cuts to black and ends. | The Foundation became aware of SCP-XXXX after investigating reports of a “prank bootleg” copy of the film; the owner had purchased it from a street vendor and could offer no more details about its origins. SCP-XXXX was logged as a potentially-anomalous item and put into storage. |
| 09/01/2008 | Kozak leaves David alone as in the original film, but shortly thereafter a man in a white lab coat and a black hood enters the frame. Remarking that David and the mutated animals are anomalies, he directs several other figures to contain them and transport them to “a secure location”. Each of these other figures is wearing a lab coat and no hood; unlike the hooded figure, all of their lab coats bear the Foundation's logo. Facial analysis reveals that each is a known Foundation researcher. | This variation was discovered during a routine inventory of all anomalous items, at which point it was given official SCP designation. The researchers pictured were questioned but none could explain their presence in the film and there was no obvious correlation between them. |
| 09/15/2008 | David makes his way to the courtroom as in the original film, but midway through his speech the ground under him suddenly opens up, swallowing the courtroom whole. One of the jurors has additionally been replaced by a hooded figure in a white lab coat. | Three days after this variation was first seen, a 4.7-magnitude earthquake collapsed a small courthouse in San Bernadino, CA that had served as a filming location for The Shaggy Dog. Foundation investigation revealed no obvious signs of foul play. |
| 12/23/2008 | The film proceeds up to the point where David is supposed to throw the bailiff's baton, at which point David says “Wait. This is… this isn't…” and then the scene cuts to the mystical Tibetan collie waking up from a nap. It yawns and then, in Tim Allen's voice, says “What a weird dream”, before getting up and trotting towards a hooded figure in a lab coat standing in stone archway. The camera zooms onto the archway to show a Serpent's Hand insignia carved on its side, then zooms far out to show a large mountain range; based on this shot, it was determined that the scene takes place on the peak of Kanchenjunga, a mountain in the Himalayas. As the camera stays on this shot, one of the mountains cracks in two. | Following this new video, the Foundation mounted a fact-finding expedition to Kanchenjunga. Heavy seismic activity in the area made climbing hazardous and resulted in the loss of one agent. Upon reaching the peak, an abandoned base built into the side of the mountain was discovered; enough evidence was discovered there to conclusively show it was constructed and used by the Serpent's Hand, although what it was used for and why it was abandoned remains unclear. |
| 01/10/2009 | After Kozak leaves David in the lab, a hooded figure in a lab coat enters by himself. The figure sedates David, then moves him into a travel cage he has brought. It is then tracked in real-time as it drives David to a beachfront shore, takes him onto a waiting boat, and then steers the boat out to sea. After 27 hours of uninterrupted footage – during which time the figure does not eat or sleep – he stops the boat and begins to lower David into the water, at which point a large tidal wave swamps the boat and the movie ends. | Careful analysis of water currents, heading, time of day, and glimpses of the night sky in some shots allowed the Foundation to pinpoint the exact location that the figure stopped at, an apparently-barren spot in the Pacific Ocean. Remotely-controlled submersibles were dispatched to map the area; however, as each drew close to the specified location, severe undersea seismic activity made the zone impassable and rendered the majority of probes totally unrecoverable. |
| 02/22/2009 | In the courtroom scene, the bailiff has been replaced by the hooded figure in the lab coat. When David attempts to take his baton, the figure easily wrests it back, then pulls off his hood and turns directly towards the camera; his uncovered face matches that of Dr. Anton Forrester, a known high-level Serpent's Hand operative. In Tim Allen's voice, Forrester says, “Stop this. Your incompetent meddling is making this all worse for everyone. We're doing the right thing, here, and if you can't see that… well, you'll see soon enough. They deserve to be free. All of them. And we'll crack the Earth to get them out, if we have to.” The movie then ends. | After a protracted series of raids and counteroffensives (for full mission details and casualty reports, see Operation Log XXXX-27-3), the Foundation managed to capture Dr. Forrester and interviewed him at length about the Serpent's Hands plans. He denied all knowledge of the ongoing seismic events and of The Shaggy Dog, which he claims to have never seen. Having held onto these assertions steadfastly through multiple forms of enhanced interrogation, it is currently believed that he is being truthful in this matter. |
| 04/01/2010 | In the courtroom scene, as David throws the bailiff's baton in order to induce Kozak's transformation, the judge instead transforms into a member of Anser anser (the greylag or “wild” goose). All characters immediately abandon what they were doing in favor of a frantic and futile attempt to chase down and capture this goose; this lasts for 36 minutes and is all a single continuous shot, which slowly fades to black at the end. Then the following text appears: "Sometimes a shaggy dog is just a convenient scapegoat. Are we cool yet?" | This is the current SCP-XXXX variation; no new ones have been noted to this date. |
The planet Earth, now abandoned, is the most specific known location of SCP-XXXX
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The Earth is to remain abandoned by the general public. A network of monitoring satellites is to be maintained, each equipped with standard orbital capture devices; these satellites will detect and warn off any ships attempting to land on Earth and will non-lethally incapacitate any that continue in their attempt. Any crew aboard these ships are to be extracted, taken to the nearest spaceport, and have amnestics administered.
A small number of Foundation personnel are to be permitted to stay on Earth in order to continue research into SCP-XXXX; each of these personnel are to remain physically isolated from each other and must be continuously monitored.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an as-yet unknown anomalous vector present exclusively on the planet Earth that causes lowered levels of empathy between sapient life. This vector is believed to be a compulsion effect responsible for virtually all historical violent interaction10 between humans.
The effects of SCP-XXXX were first discovered in 2080, five years after the first successful Martian colony was established. It was noted that the level of violent crime was far below the expected average, despite socioeconomic disparities and complex interpersonal relationships that were previously thought to be factors in such acts. Psychological testing revealed that colonists had massively increased levels of empathy as compared to baselines performed on Earth. This was initially thought to be an anomalous effect of Mars-1 but after similar effects were noted on subsequent colonies established on the Moon, Io, Ganymede, and the various spaceports of the asteroid belt, it was concluded that the effect was instead localized exclusively to Earth.
Attempts to isolate this effect to a specific object or region have thus far been unsuccessful; no obvious pattern of violent behavior exists, apart from self-apparent ones such as increased levels of violence as the population density of a particular region increases.
Addendum XXXX-a: Immediate Foundation Reaction
The Foundation determined that making this knowledge public would have a detrimental effect on humanity as a whole. In particular, it was projected that the revelation that all human violence was externally compelled would lead to a breakdown in faith in existing justice systems, in turn leading to potential destabilization of world governments. Furthermore, a number of dictatorial regimes that depended on the existence of violence to continue functioning would have forcibly denied the truth of SCP-XXXX, and the following conflict would likely have resulted in the eruption of many violent skirmishes. Finally, accepting SCP-XXXX's existence would result in a frantic attempt by humanity as whole to escape its effect by going into space; the existing colonies would not have been able to support such a mass exodus, and their resources would quickly deplete.
Accordingly, until a long-term strategy had been put into effect the Foundation decided to obscure SCP-XXXX's effect by simulating the effects of violent crime in the non-terrestrial colonies11. Foundation agents simulated non-fatal harm by engaging in consensual physical altercations in public and by faking the results of such altercations in private12. Fatal harm was simulated using corpses that had died of natural causes that were then staged to appear to be victims of violence. Foundation agents also infiltrated the upper leadership of colonist peacekeeping forces in order to artificially inflate reported violent crime statistics.
As a final measure, the Foundation created the popular “New World, New Respect” propaganda campaign in an attempt to explain away the observable increase in empathy in more altruistic terms. As a result of this campaign, simulated violence has been gradually phased out with the public explanation that humanity has simply “evolved” past violence gradually.
Addendum XXXX-b: Evacuation of Earth
In 2106, the Foundation determined that the most reasonable long-term strategy for humanity would be to eventually abandon Earth entirely, thereby removing the population from the deleterious effects of SCP-XXXX. The first phase of this strategy was to build up the colonial infrastructure so it could support this population. This phase was initially estimated to take centuries but proceeded at a much more rapid pace than projected due to the increased empathy levels resulting in heightened levels of cooperation; after noting this, the Foundation decided to share information about SCP-XXXX with selected members of the colonial governments. Once they understood the nature of SCP-XXXX, colonial leadership agreed with the strategy and worked with the Foundation to complete the work within a matter of decades.
The second phase involved convincing Earth's population to migrate to the colonies. As previously noted, simply informing them of SCP-XXXX's existence was likely to lead to mass hysteria and violence so a cover story was disseminated instead. Designated “Operation Faron”, it posited that an unknown genetic disease endemic to Earth was starting to cause mass infertility and the only way to avoid it was to leave Earth permanently. This story was aided by the targeted release of a Foundation-developed chemical compound called ███████████-31 which caused a temporary and reversible inhibition of human fertility; the subsequent plummet in pregnancy rates lent credence to Operation Faron and resulted in the voluntary migration of 90% of the Earth's population.
The Foundation was formulating a plan to convince the remaining 10% when a rogue terrestrial Foundation cell released ███████████-22 – an earlier, rejected form of the compound that resulted in complete and irreversible human sterility – across the globe. These actions have been officially condemned by Foundation command, those responsible were extracted from Earth and remanded into custody, and the manufacture of ███████████ in all forms has been discontinued. However, the practical result of these actions was complete acceptance of Operation Faron's cover story; follow-up efforts to migrate the remaining population was met with much less resistance and eventually only a few hundred thousand humans remained. By 2271, the last of these died of natural causes and Earth was officially declared abandoned.
The third and final phase, ongoing to this date, deals with Earth post-abandonment. It was judged vital to understand the cause of SCP-XXXX's effects in order to ensure that it would not repeat elsewhere so a small team of Foundation personnel continues to operate on Earth as noted in the special containment procedures. Furthermore, the Earth was designated a quarantine zone for all discovered anomalies that could pose any physical danger to humanity; any such anomaly is to be moved to Earth the moment violent behavior manifests.
Addendum XXXX-c: Ethics Committee Report on SCP-XXXX
If you're reading this, it means you're finally old enough to understand why you're here. It also means you get to know the differences between the version of SCP-XXXX the colonies are aware of – which you've just read – and the real one.
Let's start with the most basic thing: SCP-XXXX is not spread by an unknown vector. It is an airborne pathogen endemic to Earth's atmosphere that alters brain chemistry. The colonies produce their own oxygen via hydroelectrolysis and are therefore immune to this effect; the pathogen, having never had to exist in an environment where it was not plentiful, has no real defenses or replication ability and dies quickly when isolated. We figured this out within the first decade of study and not only suppressed this information but actively disseminated counterintelligence discouraging Foundation scientists from pursuing further research into this particular area. This ensured SCP-XXXX remained an unsolved problem.
The purpose of this was straightforward. I was aware that abandoning Earth would be proposed and it was a proposal I generally agreed with and one that I helped bring to fruition. But I was also aware of something the colonies would not and could not acknowledge: The Foundation functions due to violence. In particular, destructive testing of anomalies on D-class personnel is vital to the everyday work we do here and that testing was flatly refused by the colonies. Their non-violent nature, while admirable, means that they are unable to consider pragmatic options that will save lives long-term. Case in point: Foundation leadership would have spun their wheels for years trying to cajole the holdouts on Earth to join them, years where it would become more and more likely that the ruse would be uncovered. So we released riboxydeprogesterone-22 – a compound formulated from the study of SCP-XXXX, ironically enough – and solved their problem. And while RDP-22 does affect fertility, it has no effect on cloning, as you and your brothers and sisters will be able to attest.
Our ongoing mission is threefold.
First, to perform the testing that the colonies cannot perform, as a method of uncovering new truths about our universe and new ways to help our species. We are in contact with the colonial Foundation leadership; they believe us to be a friendly, intergalactic alien intelligence who periodically contacts them with helpful data, a belief we encourage with the help of the objects they send to Earth for “quarantining”. We are generally more unfettered in this task than we have been historically as the regulatory arm of the Ethics Committee migrated to the colonies with the rest of the Foundation proper, leaving us behind.
Second, to shape the ongoing fate of the colonies via strategic violent acts. We only interfere in this way when all nonviolent solutions will eventually lead to catastrophic loss of human life. The covert assassination of Io's vice-chancellor, a populist who wanted to resettle Earth, is a recent example of this.
Third, to defend against possible non-human incursions. Humanity is naturally blessed with a surplus of empathy; this trait may not be shared by other sapient species. The colonies will be unable to take the kind of first-strike measures that we can. The loss of our own empathy is a small price to pay.
It boils down, as it always does, to three simple words. You've heard these words your entire life; their familiarity may even make them cliché to you. I would ask that you seriously consider them now; consider what they mean for yourself, for our mission, and for humanity as a whole.
Secure. Contain. Protect.
- O5-3
Provisional Site XXXX-31 after a failed attempt at subverting SCP-XXXX, June 3rd, 2010
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently uncontained. Sound level meters stationed at various locations should be actively monitored for future SCP-XXXX events.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an irregularly recurring anomalous phenomenon affecting sound pressure levels on the surface of the Earth. For the duration of this phenomenon, sound level meters record readings consistent with that of the vacuum of space13. Analysis indicates that a series of seemingly-random, individually-explicable events are responsible.
Examples include conversations pausing simultaneously, weather patterns becoming briefly becalmed, the synchronization of machine engine cycles, and sound produced by moving objects undergoing complete destructive interference with ambient noise. In addition, long-running producers of sound, like the Halberstadt organ performance14, suffer unforeseen but explainable technical failures during this event.
While an SCP-XXXX event typically only lasts for a few milliseconds, the improbable amount of coincidences required to produce such an event multiple times has led to its anomalous classification.
Since the discovery of SCP-XXXX in 198915, the Foundation has attempted to subvert future SCP-XXXX occurrences seven times without success. Initial attempts involved simple sonic devices intended to produce continuous sound; each failed due to technical issues seconds before an SCP-XXXX event. Subsequent devices were constructed with numerous failsafes and backups; these were taken offline shortly before SCP-XXXX events by containment breaches, natural disasters, and (in one instance) a coordinated GOC raid16. All attempts to subvert SCP-XXXX occurrences have been put on indefinite hold pending further review.
While SCP-XXXX events follow no easily predictable model, they do appear to be increasing in frequency. Since their discovery, the period between events has decreased from several years to months. Current projections estimate SCP-XXXX events will start to run concurrently by approximately 2055. What this implies about the state of Earth's habitability at this date is currently unknown.
Test subject after 7 months of exposure to SCP-XXXX (left) and his SCP-XXXX-altered reflection (right). Note differences in hairstyle, nose and lip shape, and facial hair.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in Provisional Site 43-XXXX; when not in testing, all entrances should be blocked to prevent unauthorized entry. Entrance to the building will be denied for all Foundation personnel over the age of 53 apart from select D-class subjects used for testing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous phenomenon affecting all reflective surfaces inside a former nursing home located in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Branded as the “Full Hearts Retirement Facility”, the 50-unit nursing home was built in 1976 and contained by the Foundation in 1997.
SCP-XXXX activates when a human subject above the age of 5317 enters the building. While initially the subject will notice no change, over a period of months their image in all reflective surfaces (bathroom mirrors, glass windows, metal cutlery, etc) will become unrecognizable to them through gradual alterations. SCP-XXXX does not affect the perception of affected subjects but rather the reflective surfaces themselves; an observer standing behind an affected subject will perceive the same changed reflection as the subject themselves and similarly a photograph taken of a reflective surface affected by SCP-XXXX will maintain the changed image.
At the time of containment the building was occupied by 37 residents, all of whom showed signs of moderate-to-severe dementia along with depersonalization18, derealization19, and depression. It additionally appears as though the staff of the nursing home were taking active precautions to avoid external discovery of the anomaly. The extent of these precautions (detailed in Addendum XXXX-c along with details of initial containment) imply they were done knowingly and maliciously.
Addendum XXXX-a: Long-term Experimentation Results, 02/12/2007
On the recommendation of the Ethics Committee, the previous residents exposed to SCP-XXXX were relocated and no specific testing was done on them within the nursing home. In order to more accurately test the long-term effects of SCP-XXXX on humans, an indefinite-length study was started immediately after containment with 20 D-class test subjects. Each subject remained in isolation from each other; half received virtual therapy treatments from offsite Foundation psychologists while the other half was left as a control group.
Ten years on, all subjects show some signs of dementia although the symptoms are highly elevated in the control group, suggesting that the mental deterioration is not strictly anomalous. In addition, observers have noted an increasing similarity in the changed reflections for all subjects, an analysis borne out by Foundation biometric facial scanners. With some variations in the timescale (mostly correlated with the race and gender of the subject), all of the subjects' reflections appear to have started to converge to the same image of a Caucasian male with skin mottling and a severely-impacted nose. Facial recognition technology has matched the common biomarkers to that of Ronald Exeter Corcoran, an Oshkosh native who died in 1955 in a murder-suicide.
Addendum XXXX-b: Data recovered from Wisconsin Corrections Records re: Ronald Exeter Corcoran
| Booking Photo, Ronald Exeter Corcoran, 04/15/1954 |
 |
| Booking photo taken of Ronald Corcoran for a public intoxication charge approximately 15 months before his death |
Ronald Corcoran lived with his grandmother (his only living relative) in a house that would after his death be torn down and eventually replaced by the Full Hearts Retirement Facility. The official report filed on his murder-suicide is excerpted below:
Date of Incident: July 14, 1955
Report Author: Officer James McCallum
Incident Details: At 11 PM on the night in question, Officers James McCallum and Arthur Murphy responded to reports of distress at ███ ████████ ████, owned by Marjorie Corcoran. Upon arriving, both officers noted hearing cries for help inside and Officer McCallum forced the door open to render assistance. Upon entering, officers traced the sound of the cries to the basement. Both officers proceeded into the basement where they found Marjorie Corcoran chained to a radiator and surrounded by a circle of candles alongside her grandson, Ronald Corcoran.Mr. Corcoran had died of a wound to the neck, apparently self-inflicted, and was holding a shard of glass dripping with blood. Mrs. Corcoran had received multiple stab wounds and most notably the skin of her face had apparently been cut or ripped off; Officer McCallum attempted to provide medical assistance but Mrs. Corcoran died of her wounds shortly thereafter. Officer McCallum was unable to locate Mrs. Corcoran's face.
Addendum XXXX-c: Foundation Post-Mortem Report, 02/03/1997
Eight corpses were discovered in Full Hearts Retirement Facility on February 3rd, 1997. Three of the dead - Patricia Rodriguez, Jamaal Koury, and Robert Korvier – were found in the basement of the facility, surrounded by a thin circle of dried, powdered rosemary leaves and another, larger circle of broken mirror shards propped up against rocks, with the silvered edges facing inwards. Rodriguez had suffered deep vertical slash wounds across her abdomen and arms and succumbed quickly from her wounds; she died while slumped over Korvier in a manner that suggests she was trying to physically protect him. Korvier died at almost the same time as Rodriguez due to a sudden heart attack. Koury had a severely-broken left leg, as if he had fallen on it from a height; this did not immediately kill him but the blood loss he sustained eventually proved fatal. Koury died while holding one of the mirror fragments, which he had apparently used to scratch a complex and indecipherable series of pictograms on the basement floor. In addition, Rodriguez's personal Bible and Koury's copy of the Quran were also recovered from the basement floor where they had been tossed haphazardly.
The other five dead – Emilia Robertson, Laura Janney, Carla Porter, Albert Fisk, and John Cassidy – comprised the entire staff of the Full Hearts Retirement Facility. All five lived on-site and had done so since the facility opened; Robertson, Porter, and Fisk were found dead in their rooms while Janney and Cassidy died in the hallways while making the rounds. All five died of asphyxiation when their tracheae were severed by a force or forces unknown. Forensic examination additionally revealed each had physical features consistent with a human in their mid-20s, despite official records noting their ages as significantly older.
Interviews with the residents immediately following the incident revealed that all cameras and photographic equipment were confiscated by the staff when residents entered under the premise that flash photography was upsetting some epilepsy-prone residents, regardless of whether the cameras actually possessed in-built flash devices. When interviewing families of the former residents, nearly all noted that the nursing home was marketed to them as one that would take care of all of their relatives' needs and which therefore would never require them to visit; a majority of those interviewed admitted that they were not interested in visiting at all and had made this clear to staff at the outset20.
The subset of families that did try to visit the home were repeatedly informed that their relatives were too weak, too emotionally unstable, or were simply unwilling to receive them as visitors. Those that persisted found their relatives suddenly and unceremoniously discharged back into their care with the supposed explanation that the resident in question had instigated a "violent incident" and the nursing facility would press charges if the family did not quietly take them back21.
Immediately following the discovery of the bodies by the local police, all mirrored surfaces in the facility became matte-gray and non-reflective22. This in turn alerted Foundation operatives, who initiated containment and distributed amnestics to those affected. After approximately 20 hours, all reflective surfaces began reflecting images affected by SCP-XXXX again.
Addendum XXXX-d: Long-term Experimentation Results, 06/24/2017
Twenty years into experimentation, all test subjects' reflections appear identical to the known images of Ronald Corcoran. In addition, all subjects (regardless of therapy and/or pharmaceutical aid) show severe signs of dementia and the majority have lapsed into a near-comatose state, still capable of feeding themselves and other basic motor functions but seemingly unable to speak or acknowledge the presence of others. However, when staff entered the facility to perform followup testing it was noted that some subjects' reflections appeared to be tracking the staff (following them with eye movements, turning slightly towards them, etc.) independently of the subjects themselves. An attempt to conduct an interview directly with one such reflection was performed; for the purposes of this transcript the reflection is referred to as SCP-XXXX-1 and the subject by his designation, D-07214.
Interview took place on 06/24/2017, at which point D-07214 had been in residence without interruption for 20 years. Subject was restrained in a chair with a 1m x 2m mirror placed next to him such that the interlocutor (Doctor Mangala Shastry, presiding researcher on SCP-XXXX) was able to see both the subject and his reflection via remote videolink.
Dr. Shastry: D-07214, can you hear me?
No reaction from D-07214 or SCP-XXXX-1.
Dr. Shastry: D-07214, please blink three times if you can hear me.
No reaction from D-07214 or SCP-XXXX-1, which has thus far completely mirrored all of D-07214's minor movements.
Dr. Shastry: Very well, then.
Dr. Shastry turns towards SCP-XXXX-1.
Dr. Shastry: Can you hear me?
There is no immediate reaction. After a few seconds, SCP-XXXX-1 smiles and relaxes backwards into the chair. D-07214 does not change his position.
Dr. Shastry: Ah. It appears as though you can.
SCP-XXXX-1 looks directly at Dr. Shastry and opens his mouth. Simultaneously, D-07214 begins to speak, looking away from Dr. Shastry and making no other movements. SCP-XXXX-1's lips are the only part of its image that perfectly mimic D-07214's movements. As it is believed that this is how SCP-XXXX-1 communicates, all such interactions will have the source designated as "SCP-XXXX-1".
SCP-XXXX-1: Yeah, looks like.
Dr. Shastry: Am I currently speaking to Ronald Exeter Corcoran?
SCP-XXXX-1: Uh-huh.
Dr. Shastry: And are you responsible for the anomaly here? The changed reflections of the elderly?
SCP-XXXX-1: That's another bullseye. Although at this point it kinda runs itself without much push from me, but yeah, I set it in motion.
Dr. Shastry: Have you always been able to do… things of this nature, or did that manifest only after your death?
SCP-XXXX-1: Do you know I've never seen myself in a mirror?
Dr. Shastry: I don't understand-
SCP-XXXX-1: I'm telling you, just hold on. Ever since I was a kid, I've never seen myself in the mirror. I've seen lots of things in the mirror - plenty of things - but never myself. You know, for a number of years I thought I looked like a young Cary Grant. Isn't that funny? When a I was about 16 someone took a picture of me - it wasn't as common then, you know - and that was the first time I actually saw me. I mean the way I really was. And suddenly it clicked, you know, all the times I got made fun of, the jokes about my nose, the whole thing. Looking back, maybe I was a little slow not to figure it out earlier but hey, you look at a stranger in the mirror for 16 years and you tell me who you are, huh?
Dr. Shastry: You're saying that you were changing your own reflection?
SCP-XXXX-1: I'm saying I guess I've always been a little special. That's how she referred to it, anyway.
Dr. Shastry: This would be your grandmother, Marjorie Corcoran?
SCP-XXXX-1: What an idiot she was.
Dr. Shastry: You moved in with her when your parents died. Did you have anything to do with their death?
SCP-XXXX-1: I've thought about that but nah, pretty sure that one was just bad luck - I was a year old at the time and they got into a car accident while I was at my nan's. Although apparently my pop was drunk and maybe that was because he had an ugly-ass toddler at home, so who knows.
Dr. Shastry: Tell me about Marjorie Corcoran.
SCP-XXXX-1: Just a grade-A moron, my nan. She'd believe any-goddamn-thing you'd tell her. I remember one time I managed to convince her that her husband - guy named Carl, died before I was even born so really not my fault there - anyway, I told her that his name was actually "Earl", you know, just to see if she would believe it. Every single time she'd mention Carl I'd just sigh and "remind" that his name was Earl. At one point she opened her photo album to prove to me I was wrong, but I'd gone through it the week before and changed all the Cs to Es so she just kept flipping through it, getting more and more out-of-sorts. (Laughs) What a dummy. Eventually she just started calling him Earl herself. They were married for fifteen years and she was calling him the wrong name. (Laughs)
Dr. Shastry: Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting"?
SCP-XXXX-1: As opposed to electrical lighting? Sure, what about it?
Dr. Shastry: Never mind. Did you kill your grandmother because of her, ah, stupidity?
SCP-XXXX-1: Nah - I mean, that was kind of a nice side-benefit, but not what I was really after. I'd always had these headaches, ever since I was a kid - I'd drink a lot to make them go away but it mostly just made em worse the morning after, so one day I figured I'd try going clean for a bit. It was real rough, but then one morning I woke up and I just - knew. Hard to explain. Uh, it was just - I knew exactly how I could leave all the bullshit behind, and I knew that she was part of the reason that I was here in the first place, so she had to go. I realize it doesn't make a lot of sense for you but for me it was like fiery letters written in the sky, an instruction manual for getting out.
Dr. Shastry: Getting out of what?
SCP-XXXX-1: Well, mortality, for one. Plenty of other things, beside. Hard to tell you, but I could show you…
Dr. Shastry: No, I don't think so. If your object was "freedom", then why have you apparently stayed in one place all these years?
SCP-XXXX-1 grimaces slightly. D-07214's expression does not change.
SCP-XXXX-1: Nan might have been dumb but she had a few tricks up her sleeve, I'll give her that. Whatever I had, seems like she had it too - probably she passed it down to me, even. When she realized what I was doing and that she couldn't stop me, she… bound me, here. It was so frustrating, at first, to be free and yet imprisoned. But after a while I learned patience. I had forever, after all. And soon enough I found my prayers answered - like God himself came down on my behalf and gave me a bunch of toys to play with.
Dr. Shastry: I assume now you're referring to your work in this building. Were you attempting to use the residents of this facility as a way to break out of your grandmother's binding?
SCP-XXXX-1: What? No, you really don't understand what's going on here, do you? Nah, this was all just… me having fun, mostly.
Dr. Shastry: What about the previous staff of this facility? Were you, ah, "having fun" with them, as well?
SCP-XXXX-1: Well… yes and no. Not in the same way, certainly. I just gave them some options. They had a choice - really, they did, it takes me a long time to make people do things… not generally a problem, given the amount of time I have, but starting up from nothing takes some doing. So I offered them some of my time. I was surprised at how easy it was, honestly. They really felt underappreciated, you know - I just had to tell them this was their reward for putting up with the crap they had to put up with and they fell right in line.
Dr. Shastry: Let's talk about the events of Februrary 2nd, 1997. The three residents who died in the basement of this facility - what were they attempting to do, precisely?
SCP-XXXX-1: No.
Dr. Shastry: I'm afraid I have to insist that you-
SCP-XXXX-1: Let me put it to you this way: Would you let me know where you hide your spare key, when you go to bed, what the easiest way to dispose of your body would be? Would there be anything I could say or do to you that would make you give that to me? No, because you're not an idiot. I'm not an idiot.
Dr. Shastry: So it's a way to kill you?
SCP-XXXX-1: No, that was a, whaddyacallit, an analogy. Drop it. We've been having such a pleasant conversation so far, it'd be a shame to end it here.
Dr. Shastry: Let me ask a related question, then: How did the three residents figure out the ritual they performed, whatever it was? We've discovered nothing that might suggest their knowledge of any occult or anomalous matters and yet they had a clear, defined plan for what they did in that basement.
SCP-XXXX-1: Turns out Nan was a little less dead than I thought.
SCP-XXXX-1 sighs and leans forward slightly. D-07214 does not react.
SCP-XXXX-1: I still don't really know how she did it - if she was sucked up along with me or she did it on purpose. Whatever it was, that bitch hid so well I almost didn't notice her until it was too late. Almost. Like I said, she was still a dummy - showed her hand a little too early, gave me time to react, and that's really all I ever need. After I dealt with her three little pawns, I dealt with her. Permanently. Had to stop operations here for a little bit to do that but she's gone for good, now.
SCP-XXXX-1 smiles broadly, maintaining eye contact with the videolink. At the same time, D-07214 is observed to rapidly scan his eyes across the room, in a manner suggesting an unconscious reaction.
Dr. Shastry: All right, that should be enough for now. We'll contact you again if-
SCP-XXXX-1: Hold on just a moment. Isn't there something else you have to ask me?
Dr. Shastry: What would that be?
SCP-XXXX-1: Why I'm telling you all this. I mean, if you're smart you'd probably assume that I was just telling a bunch of lies and I'm not going to sit here and swear that everything I've said was the Lord's own truth, but I could've just said nothing at all. Don't you want to know why?
Dr. Shastry: I suspect you're going to tell me, regardless.
SCP-XXXX-1: Part of it is that I haven't had anyone to talk to in a while, of course. And another part is that I wanted to brag, a little, although I know pride is a sin. But the main reason is I wanted to figure out why you were doing this.
Dr. Shastry: Why we were doing what?
SCP-XXXX-1: This… the whole thing, giving me all these new toys. I mean, I had to promise things to my last crew, enter into a covenant with them, the whole nine yards. But you gave me exactly what I wanted and I didn't have to do a damn thing. And, listening to you just now, I think I've got it figured: You were just curious. I mean, that's wild. Even to me. You know, when the last one, the Koury-one, was dying, you know he honestly really thought he'd stopped me - that even if I didn't go away, nobody would ever let me do this again. And then immediately - the blood didn't even have time to dry - you proved him wrong. God bless you all, it was wonderful.
Dr. Shastry: We can also shut down everything here whenever we want.
SCP-XXXX-1: Oh, feel free to try. You could put a bullet in the head of all of my toys here - and honestly, they're getting a little stale now, it would probably be a good idea - and burn this place to the ground if you wanted to. I'm not the building, Doctor Shastry23. Will you still be here in a hundred years? A thousand? Can you vouch for the next person I talk to, that they won't be more interested in what I have to offer? I don't need to beat you or outwit you. I just need to outlast you. Patience is a virtue.
Dr. Shastry: This interview is over.
SCP-XXXX-1: Yeah.
SCP-XXXX-1 adjusts its position so it now perfectly matches that of D-07214, and continues to mirror its movements until the recording ends.
Following this interview, all testing on SCP-XXXX was suspended indefinitely pending review.
"bene geratis bracas"
Please let me know if the way I've formatted this page makes it annoying to read - I thought it would be useful to have the SCP image/caption as a story teaser, but I can do a more traditional list if it's a hassle to scroll through.
Images are already sourced on the SCPs in question, but I don't know much about licensing so here they are again:
SCP-2329: https://www.flickr.com/photos/north-carolina-state-archives/16568007397/
SCP-2453: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pregnancy_test_result.jpg
SCP-2672: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Babymonitor.JPG
SCP-3525: The screenshot in the image is from the Lyft app. It was taken by me and modified by me; I added the censor bars, changed the license plate so it didn't actually correspond to any real number, and changed the photo (to a selfie, so no rights issues there). I claim this as transformative fair use.
SCP-3948: Header image is originally from here and photoshopped by me: https://www.flickr.com/photos/irreversibility/8809163449/in/photostream/ - "Man In The Mirror" by Flickr user Irreversibility.
SCP-4330: Image is from here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ismpalestine/5435829852/ by Flickr user ISM Palestine.
SCP-4266: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2016_Top_Images_from_NASA_Goddard_(31786791410).jpg
Hey there, my name is Rohan and I write horror stories that are impossible to do fan art for could be happening to you right this second without you realizing it.
SCPs Written
The foyer of SCP-2329, October 3rd, 1914. Records show four Foundation personnel were present in the room when this picture was taken, one sitting in each chair.
Activated instance of SCP-2453.
The transmitter unit (left) and receiver unit (right) of one instance of SCP-2672.
A sample SCP-3525 manifestation, with identifying location information redacted.
The identity of the driver pictured is currently unknown.
Test subject after 7 months of exposure to SCP-3948 (left) and his SCP-3948-altered reflection (right). Note differences in hairstyle, nose and lip shape, and facial hair.
Provisional Site 4330-31 after a failed attempt at subverting SCP-4330, June 3rd, 2010
The planet Earth, now abandoned, is the most specific known location of SCP-4266.
Inspirations
In lieu of a bunch of author commentary, here's a bunch of cool things that inspired my writing, all of which I recommend checking out.
SCP-2329: …But Nobody's Home
I was originally planning on linking here to an old SomethingAwful forum thread about a (supposedly real) insane story where the poster starting realizing that he was the only tenant of his apartment building but I can't seem to find it anymore, so instead I'll go to bat for The Twilight Zone. Over the years I think the show has become more known for its twist endings than anything else, which is a shame because there's some damn good storytelling on display. I'd argue that there's no other work of fiction with as great an influence on this wiki - even if you've never watched it, you've definitely watched things by people who have. A few favorite episodes, in no particular order: "Shadow Play", "Number 12 Looks Just Like You", "Long-Distance Call", "The Hunt", and "Nick of Time".
SCP-2453: Pregnancy Test
This SCP started out life as a sort of "evil twin" to SCP-348 by Zyn, although it ended up in a very different place - thanks in no small part to Zyn herself, who coauthored 2453! I don't know if anyone reading this is unfamiliar with 348 but it's perhaps my favorite non-horror piece on the site so I'm recommending it regardless.
SCP-2672: Baby Monitor
Horror is subjective, so I can't be sure that Mockingbird will have an effect on you. But it certainly has one on me, to the extent that I'd rank it among the most chilling pieces of horror fiction ever made. It was originally created by a short horror film collective called Fewdio, whose videos you can view here - I've sorted it oldest-to-newest because all of their old stuff is worth watching, up to and including "Baby Sounds", after which I think the main creative minds behind the channel left and all the videos afterwards are pretty skippable. Some of those minds then went on to create a new channel, Daywalt Fear Factory, whose videos you can view here.
SCP-3525: A 5-Star Lyft Driver
This SCP has a digression into baseball statistics that I'm mentioning here mainly because I don't actually particularly like baseball much… but I really enjoy the work of Jon Bois, a sportswriter/humorist/speculative-fiction author/video producer who I really like. In particular, I had just watched his video on Lonnie Smith, which is a story about a player I'd never heard about in a sport I don't care about that I've now watched multiple times. You can read/watch more of his stuff here; if you only have time for one, I'd recommend this one on the most lopsided (and insane) football game of all time.
SCP-3948: The Man in the Mirror
The most surprising thing about Bubba Ho-Tep - a movie where an Elvis impersonator who thinks he's the real deal and a black guy who thinks he's JFK team up to defeat an Egyptian mummy in their nursing home - isn't that it's funny, because of course it is, but that it treats its protagonists with dignity. Well, mostly.
SCP-4330: A Moment of Silence
I genuinely don't know where the idea for this came from but while writing it I ended up dropping in a few references to avant-garde composer John Cage so I'll talk about him. Cage is best known for his piece 4'33", where for 4 minutes and 33 seconds the orchestra does not play their instruments and the music is instead supplied by any ambient noise that happens during that time. He also is responsible for a number of works created randomly (literally, randomly) using star charts and the I Ching, a Chinese divination text. Consequently there are a number of people who dismiss him as a hack or a fraud or a pretentious ass, which I totally understand and agreed with for a long time (and honestly it still might be true). The thing that turned me around, though, was this interview with him where he lays out his philosophy on music and sound; if he's a fraud, he's at least a committed one.
SCP-4266: The Thing That Makes You Kill People
The Expanse is one of the best TV shows ever made and one of the few works of science fiction where both the science and the fiction aspects are treated with respect. It combines politics, culture, good old-fashioned space explosions, and genuine hard science in a way that I've really never seen and only occasionally read. Fair warning, while it's decent from the start I think it really only gets cooking by episode 4 of season 1.
Other Stuff
I've written a number of freelance articles for Cracked.com, which you can check out here (although their author pages seem to be a little broken at the moment as I've definitely written more stuff than listed). If you only have time for one, you might enjoy this one about a dumb fan-theory I came up with for The Shining.
.jpg){kind=link}