Goobomber

First, unfinished Draft

SCP-XXXX: The World is Code and God is a Terrible Programmer

Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a (insert measurements here) humanoid containment cell. (insert basic amenities here). During testing, SCP-XXXX is to be brought to an above ground testing area, with only objects relevant to the tests being provided. When not testing, SCP-XXXX’s hands are to be constrained by boxing gloves, in order to prevent unauthorized use of SCP-XXXX-T.

Addendum 527.1: Initial Interview

[BEGIN LOG]
Doctor Sentux: Hello, SCP-XXXX
SCP-XXXX: Mornin’ doc. And please, call me Jeromy.
Sentux: I can’t do that I’m afraid
SCP: Ah, no problem. I’m used to being referred to as a number by now. Fits in with my abilities, right? Though I would’ve gone with a common error number. Would be more relevant.
Sentux: You don’t get to choose your identification number.
SCP: ‘aight, I get it. So, what’re we talking about today?
Sentux: I want you to talk about how you got your anomalous properties, and then go into detail about the code you read on your computer.
SCP: Sure, why not. So before I got this “ability”, I was just a random schmuck. I graduated in computer science, and was working as a freelance programmer for a while.
Sentux: We do not need the details on your personal background. Please proceed to the events that lead to you obtaining your anomalous properties.
SCP: Sorry, but I feel that a bit of background is pretty important when telling a story. Provides context and the like.
Sentux: alright. Please continue then.
SCP: Anyway, after an extended period of being unable to find any work, I got an email for a quick job. Was from a group called the “Maxwell Institute of Technology” or something like that. Point is, they offered me 2000 dollars for what they described as “experimental programming help”. Since it was two grand for essentially one day of work, I couldn’t refuse. In retrospect I should’ve realized that it was too good to be true, but hey, I was desperate.
Sentux: Can you describe what exactly the “experimental programming help” entailed?
SCP: It was… odd to say the least. When I agreed I thought it would be something like modifying code to fix a particularly frustrating series of bugs. I didn’t expect the subject of the modification to be me.
Sentux: This is how you obtained all of those connection cables on your body, correct?
SCP: Yep. In hindsight, I should’ve left the moment they started injecting various data ports into me. Like, what would forcing a USB port into my left arm actually accomplish other than create one bloody cable? But at this point my morbid curiosity had taken full hold over me, and since the anesthetics were dampening my other logical functions, I decided to just see where this was all going.
Sentux: After the ports were inserted into your body, you were given access to SCP-XXXX-T, right?
SCP: Oh, the computer? Yeah, that was when they gave me that old hunk of junk. They just told me to tell me what I saw, and what I saw was… some of the absolute worst code I have ever read in my entire life. It was like someone tried to recreate a trainwreck in C++, both in the end result and the actual code itself. It was so bad I nearly vomited. Though in retrospect that was probably the result of the anesthetics wearing off. After I told them what I saw, they just said to start editing the code and see what happens.
Sentux: And this was when Incident-404 occurred, correct?
SCP: Yes, this is when everything went all fucky. They just told me to start editing variables to get a feel for what they did. I had no idea what they meant by that, there was no compile button, but hey, I was still getting paid so I obliged. About 15 minutes or so of button mashing passed before something actually happened near me. One of the scientists starting floating, which gave me a bit of a jolt, but they said to just continue. This should’ve raised several red flags, which it did, but they threatened to not pay me if I didn’t continue, so I did.
Sentux: How long did it take for you to realize what was going on?
SCP: Honestly? About half an hour. I started editing the variables of something labeled as HUmON256, which I quickly discovered to be me. Like, this entity was literally the code that made me, me. I changed one variable and for a moment I felt like I could see everything. I could see everything in a 100 mile radius, and this was when I discovered the damage that I had inadvertently done. Buildings were flipping out, people were flying high into the sky, water levels were rising and falling at speeds impossible to comprehend. I quickly pressed ctrl-z to return my view to the world around me, and found that the room I was in was similarly having a fucking stroke. Walls were changing colors, the ground was moving up and down, and the lights were flashing so fast that one of the poor scientists was having a seizure. Another scientist’s body was bugging out, different aspects becoming bigger and smaller, skin tearing as his bones became bigger, his face disappearing for split seconds to give full view of the internals of his skull, all while he started making unholy, ear-piercing scream-like vocalizations. I edited the variable that let me see the world around me to a massive variable, and saw the “glitches” spreading out, with the intensity becoming higher and higher the closer it was to the epicenter. Me. Without thinking, I held ctrl-z for as long as I could trying to undo what I had done before more damage could occur. It took 5 solid minutes for everything to return to normal, but it felt like an eternity. By the end of it, I had undone all of my edits, but the damage remained. I increased my field of view one more time, and saw buildings collapsed, bloodstains on the ground below where people were once flying. The scientists around me had all expired, and a blob of mangled flesh was all that remained of one of them. It was… pretty fucked up, to say the least.
Sentux: It was shortly after this when the foundation found you, correct?
SCP: Yeah, I was taken by some army looking motherfuckers, who interviewed me on exactly what happened. I explained what had happened, and after trying to display what the computer could do, before realizing that I don’t want to end the world and stopping when a wall started to get bigger, I was taken into your custody.
Sentux: I see. Now, can you go more in depth into the nature of said code?
SCP: OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I GOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS CODE? WELL, IF YOU INSIST
Sentux: please stop screaming
SCP: FUCK YOU, I GOT SHIT TO SAY

[inset rest of log here]

SCP: Oh, one more thing.
Sentux: Hm?
SCP: When I first got this ability, there was one other user with read-write access
Sentux: and?
SCP: …I removed it by accident and I don't know how to give it back

General Ideas

SCP Aspects:

• character is a 34 year old man of Inuit Descent
• Has a laptop labeled SCP-XXXX-B, which is what he uses to edit the world’s code
• Has mild connections to the Maxwell Church

Character personality traits (will be brought to light in the interview)

• Has a constant feeling of mild annoyance, at both the world around him and his “abilities”. Has a snarky attitude to those he talks to.
• Computer science Major, knows a large deal about how to code, which only increases his frustration at how fucking horribly the supposed code of the world is
• Wants nothing more than to be rid of the whole computer business, but his morbid curiosity on just how bad the code is prevents him from doing this
• Also he is physically bound to the computer so

There’s that

• It’s like the code is a never ending car crash that he just can’t take his eyes off of.

Interview Structure

• Formal introduction between parties, the SCP is generally polite but a bit of an ass
• Talks about the origin of his “abilities”, which will be expanded upon in an associated tale written in the first person, labeled “Programmer Problems”
• At some point in the conversation starts to rant about the nature of the code, becoming more and more agitated as he begins to use… colorful analogies to describe it.

SCP eventually realizes how long he has been going on, stops, and apologises for going on for so long, before discussing what he wants to do with this ability, but expresses fear of fucking something up like in Incident-404. The code is held together by spit and tape, so a misplaced variable could potentially cause the entire system to collapse, potentially causing a class-XK scenario

• He is also now in the center of this terrifyingly messy code, so removing him is out of the question. (may remove this part, too contrived)

Origin of abilities

• Was an experiment by the maxwell church to access the “source code of the world” in an attempt to find the fragments of their god
• SCP got roped into this business from an email sent to him about the experiment, which was intentionally vague but fuck it, he needed the money, the job market is harsh sometimes. There has to be a reason why he received this email, either something he was connected to in the past or some base anomalous properties.
• Experiment ensues
• Let’s take a moment to write a little part of this tale, shall we?
• * “I had no fucking idea what the experiement would entail. In hindsight, I should’ve left the moment they started injecting various data ports into me. Like, what would forcing a USB port into my left arm actually accomplish other than create a bloody cable? But at this point my morbid curiosity had taken full hold over me, and since the anesthetics were dampening my other logical functions, I decided to just see where this was all going.”
• After various cables were plugged in, a computer was brought out, which each cable was connected to.
• Not sure how it worked, but it fucking did. The computer was connected to the code of the world. It needed to have a “host” that had some anomalous properties, and the SCP was the perfect host for a reason that I need to come up with (GTR please help)
• He was a particularly poorly written entity in the code, which allowed him to exploit vulnerabilities in the world to gain access to the source code, because of course the programmer left a system in place for this and forgot to remove it
• One day drunkenly said “Sudo make me an admin”, which gave him admin properties. Somehow this caught the attention of the Maxwell Church (something changed with him, need to find a good reason HOW) (This will likely not be included in the final draft)
• Only he can use the computer, the computer doesn’t accept any commands from anyone else
• The SCP gives the code a quick look over (which seems to be written in C++), eyes slowly becoming wider as he realizes just how much of a travesty the code is. People around him either agree or can’t see anything on the screen because they aren’t him, can’t decide
• Incident 404: SCP-XXXX tries to edit aspects of the world around him. Causes an integer overflow error on a wall next to him, creates a nearly infinitely long wall that penetrates the earth, a nearby apartment structure leading to 1 casualty and 2 injuries, and collides with one (1) satellite, gaining the attention of the foundation. Foundation is quick to respond, finding all members of the experiment to have suffered strokes due to a typo made by the SCP in a “nearby entities” variable.
• SCP-XXXX is taken into custody by foundation.
• Experiments will be covered in a log.