Per 
Abandon all hope yeet who shall enter: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/screw-the-format
- Ideas that I haven't yet written an article for:
- Eraser Mill
- Roaming Horde of Poop Enthusiasts
- An experimental 001 proposal
- Non-aggro Any%
- Forced Narrative
- SCP-991-J Get Lawyered
- (needs a better name)
- SCP-001 - How We Manage
- I enclose my demons within thee
- Non-dichtomically Owned Scarf
- Getting Old
- Everyone Has Their Price / Just One More
- Love
- Into The Green
- SCP-4XX4
- A room where dust accumulates in both temporal directions
- A double-negative antimemetic/memetic hazard
- A door that opens into an auction, where you will be sold.
- A person who creates a scare chord whenever he is startled
- An SCP that conceals information about itself by forcing a person to skip and then re-read certain portions of a text. (Already using this in SCP-9999-J, it wouldn't be eligible for the JamCon2020)
- A device that allows a person to travel retroactively. Upon using it, they will temporarily forget their current location, and believe themselves to be located in the previous location. They will instead already be at their desired destination.
- An amish man who functions as a reality anchor for any technology created after the 1600's, whether anomalous or not.
- An antimemetic cleptomanic burgular, who's this dapper and awkwardly polite elder Englishman. As long as he stays quiet and moves slowly, he is socially imperceptible.
- A humanoid entity the sole purpose of which is to be a financial and social burden on its caretakers (not another self-insert anomaly).
- A phenomenom where a public bus route will spontaneously be substituted by a line of passenger cars driven by bus drivers.
- Get Isekai'd
- Wake up and smell the ketchup
- Kitchen Nightmares
- A method of averting a K-class scenario by means of relegating the entire present reality onto a lower level - i.e. turning the universe fictional.
- A sandbox that functions like a sandbox in a video game. The sandbox is initially dilapitated and works erratically, but upon restoration efforts has much more versatile and less volatile functions. The Foundation tries to use it for profit/to create anomalous objects, but find it unwieldy, so they seek help from Internal Task Force 259 (or buddhists, or something like that).
- This tumblr text post: https://preview.redd.it/q2w8cd1gqrk41.jpg?width=620&auto=webp&s=4ba5387e56bb85358418b3600169114fadbc5110
- [THINK OF MORE, QUICK. JAMCOM INCOMING]
Ideas for tales:
That super short story that's just a list of names for parodies of Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting.
Synopsis: Two kids, childhood friends. One of them runs off to the [Circus of the Disquieting] at a young age (like 15, I guess), after witnessing a show from them. The other kid goes to a school like anyone else, and gets a regular job as a filing clerk.
However, he still regularly receives letters from the exploits of his friend. The dizzying heights and crushing lows. He compares his friend's exciting and dangerous life to his own, relatively mundane but safe assignment as a regular paper-pusher.
Fast forward fourty years. The Veil has long-since been broken. Our protagonist hears that the [Circus of the Disquieting] is no more. He himself is retired, and has lapsed into alcoholism. There hasn't been a word from his friend in years.
So one day, the man goes to the hills in the green of a summer night, and sees [an anomaly] flying in the sky. Free and unhindered, just like his old friend. He reckons: 'There goes the soul of a man who leaves everything behind for the faintest of dreams. One of never settling, never backpedaling, and paving their own roads through the wildest of thickets.'
He then looks back on his own life, and considers what his friend might say about him. He reckons his friend would likely know how to appreciate a mundane existence more than he himself ever could.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX6 is to be held at an undisclosed memetics research department with the codename RELIQUARY-06. A secondary, falsified article is to be maintained, describing SCP-XXX6 under a different purpose and numerical designation. SCP-XXX6 is to be kept in a high-security storage locker disguised and stored as a low-value storage locker in accordance to its secondary containment procedures. A cache of at least 5 kilograms of synthetic erasers must be kept within said storage locker.
During PANDEMEME1 events, a single uncompromised Foundation personnel with Level 5 access is to be informed of the nature of SCP-XXX6, and granted access to it. Said personnel is by pre-emptively approved order of the O5 Council to initiate a Whiteout Event.
Description: SCP-XXX6 is a cast iron hand-operated meat grinder, with an inscription dating its manufacturing to 1896. SCP-XXX6 can be used to manipulate the Noosphere by eliminating a single targeted memetic phenomenom from existence, a process referred to as a Whiteout Event.
Whiteout Events are initiated by grinding single piece of written text containing the name of a memetic phenomenom, followed by ~2.25 kilograms of synthethic rubber erasers using SCP-XXX6. The targeted pheomenom will become non-memetic, and thus no longer be transferable between baseline humans.
Due to ethical and informational security concerns, testing to confirm whether SCP-XXX6 functions on non-anomalous memes has not been approved.
Since 1966, SCP-XXX6 has been used on 7 occasions to prevent PANDEMEME event from spreading further.
Addendum XXX6-Alpha: Canis Incident, interview logs
On 5/7/2020, an anomalous humanoid manifested at RELIQUARY-06, claiming to have dubious connections with SCP-XXX6. The following is an interview conducted between said entity, designated as SCP-XXX6-1, and RELIQUARY-06's anomalous entity liaison John Smith (name changed to avoid identification of RELIQUARY-06).
BEGIN AUDIO LOG
SCP-XXX6-1: Yo you can't keep me here, you know that right?
John Smith: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid we can't allow you to contact a lawyer right now. How did you find RELINQUARY-06?
SCP-XXX6-1: Duh. I didn't have to find it. RELINQUARY-06 came to me.
John Smith: I'm not sure I follow.
SCP-XXX6-1: Alright fine, fuck it. I'm not gonna be a circuitous ass, I need to eat breakfast soon. Fucking dumbass, I'm your author! I'm one of those author-class entities, as mentioned in S. Andrew Swann's 001 Proposal. Your universe is fictional. Sorry if you didn't have clearance for that.
John Smith: This seems… a dubious claim.
SCP-XXX6-1: A 'dubious claim'? Fuck right off. You mean to tell me SCP-XXX6 is real? You think its article is real? It's written so idiotically! Consider for a moment, that a secretive, scientific, overtly-bureaucratic organization were to attain an object like SCP-XXX6, and the article in their database concerning it had 250 fucking words. Like, wouldn't there be research on it? Speculation? History? A list of known 'PANDEMEME' events? There's supposedly only six of them, and the article itself is already Overseer's only, so why wouldn't it list them?
John Smith: I'm sorry, what does SCP-XXX6 have to do with this?
SCP-XXX6-1: I fucking wrote SCP-XXX6, you dunkelkirk. That's what it has to do with this.
John Smith: Still, we have no reason to believe that-
SCP-XXX6-1: Fine I'll prove it then. The next thing you're going to say is "My motherass long Hong Kong dillydally fricklesticks dicks out for Harambe."
John Smith: My motherass long Hong Kong dillydally fricklesticks dicks out for Harambe.
Both parties are quiet for approximately the amount of time it takes me to figure out a natural length for an awkward silence. What?
John Smith: I… I need to contact my superiors.
END AUDIO LOG
SCP-XXX6-1: Wow, what a smooth transition.
The following is an interview between SCP-XXX6-1 and Dr. Katrina Dillon, a representative of the Pataphysics Department.
BEGIN VIDEO LOG
SCP-XXX6-1: Seriously? No faff, no mention about amnesticising non-clearance personnel? You guys have a death wish with SCP-3309.
Dr. Dillon: That's quite enough, SCP-XXX6-1. Now, I'd-
SCP-XXX6-1: Sorry for interrupting, but I never realized how aggravating it is to get called with one's SCP designation. Like, how are your sapient anomalies not rioting every five minutes?
Dr. Dillon: Please. I'm just trying to preserve some thread of normalcy. Can we call you something else, then?
SCP-XXX6-1: Call me H0dari. Written with a zero in place of an o.
Dr. Dillon: Alright, H0dari. Now, first off: this sort of a 'visitation' isn't very typical of Author-class entitites. Why have you decided to do this?
H0dari: See I've long since been dabbling in what you call 'Pataphysics'. Self-aware characters, meta stuff, messing up the medium… in some ways it's really the most entertaining of things to me. But I hadn't done anything of the sort for the SCP Foundation yet.
Dr. Dillon: I see…
H0dari: Problem is, the SCP Foundation is, from my perspective, a collective witing project. Meaning that people have done a shitload of meta stuff before me, and most of them are better writers that I am. So I had to go really balls-deep into this thing, you know?
Dr. Dillon: I'm not sure if I follow.
H0dari: Fucking eh, the previous interviewer said the exact same thing. I should've just skipped that John Smith bullshit and went for the jugular. You have no defining characteristics, Katrin! I flipped a fucking coin to decide on your sex, fact is it wasn't even a coin it was a broken piece of a plastic tape roll that I assigned arbitrary sides to! I write your fucking dialogue!
Dr. Dillon: Can we please get into the crux of this? Why are you here?
H0dari: I want to start giving out safari tours within the SCP Foundation Universe for other Author-class entities.
Silence for 5 seconds.
Dr. Dillon: What?
H0dari: Yea. I'll bring them down here, show them around a few of the shit you've got locked up, visit some MC&D resort, go see the Circus of the Disquieting… that sort of thing.
Dr. Dillon: Absolutely not. A single Author-class entity like you is enough to sway an article into deletion. What makes you think you can bring in a tour bus of them to muck things up?
H0dari: I wasn't thinking of a tour bus, maybe like three or four at a time. But you see, I've obviously thought about this in advance. That's where SCP-XXX6 comes in.
Dr. Dillon: Humour me.
H0dari: SCP-XXX6 is what anchors this article into canonicity, Think about it. Almost everyone headcanons the existence of dangerous memetic phenomena, right? But consider for a moment how easily something like that could spread uncontrollably and destroy the human psyche. Like, SCP-370? That shit could not be realistically contained. So naturally, I came up with SCP-XXX6, a neat little device that solves the problem of PANDEMEME events.
Dr. Dillon: I see. So your logic is, if the article gets deleted for being overly meta, it would also delete SCP-XXX6 from existence. By your rationalization this would cascade the prevented PANDEMEME-events onto humanity and thus 'invalidate' the whole canon, am I right?
H0dari: Bingo.
Dr. Dillon: This seems to me like extortion.
H0dari: Well I… I guess. It's slightly malicious, I'll admit, but times are tough in this level of reality and I need money. My studies aren't going anywhere, so I thought 'Why not found a travel agency that arranges trips into a fictional universe?'. It's at least pretty innovative, wouldn't you say?
Dr. Dillon: I can't relate to the sentiment. You're toying with the state of our reality.
H0dari: Hey, it's not my reality.
Special Containment Procedures: Mass media are to be constantly monitored for suspected SCP-5XX5 activity. Online posts, phone calls and other media regarding suspected SCP-5XX5 activity must be suppressed. Civilians exposed to SCP-5XX5 events are to be amnesticized with retrograde Class A amnestics.
The Foundation is to maintain a front company posing as a comedic reality TV show under the name 'The Scatological Institute of Hineystan', to be used for identifying and locating subjects of SCP-5XX5 events, as well as further discrediting reports of SCP-5XX5. Under said front, the Foundation is to seize and repay cheques and other prizes issued by SCP-5XX5-A-HOST. Items seized from SCP-5XX5 events are to be tested for anomalous properties and stored accordingly. As no objects seized thus far have displayed anomalous effects, tests are only to be conducted for novel items.
Description: SCP-5XX5 refers to a repeating daily phenomenon affecting a single person (hereafter referred to as the subject) globally. During SCP-5XX5, a group of 3-32 SCP-5XX5-A instances will manifest outside of, and subsequently forcefully enter a bathroom wherein the subject is in the process of defecating.
A recreation of the logo for SCP-5XX5, based on paraphernalia retrieved from manifestations.
SCP-5XX5-A instances will introduce themselves as representing 'The Scatological Institute of Hineystan', and proceed to relay a large amount of attention, including various congratulations and awards, onto the subject. This activity culminates in SCP-5XX5-A-HOST endowing a cheque equivalent in value to 1,000 USD2 onto the subject. After this, all SCP-5XX5 instances will exit the bathroom and dematerialize.
SCP-5XX5-A claim to choose subjects who have produced the largest amount of solid waste on a single defecation out of any other human during the current 24-hour cycle.3 How SCP-5XX5-A instances gather this information, and whether it is accurate or not has not been ascertained. This selection process has several unknown variables which exacerbate tracking and reproducibility. First known encounters of SCP-5XX5 are from June of 1982.
SCP-5XX5-A instances appear to be humans of various age, sex and race; however, all instances share the distinction of wearing a clothing pin on their nose at all times. These have been stated to be an anatomical feature, though the Foundation has yet to perform a physical examination on an SCP-5XX5-A instance to confirm or deny such a claim.
SCP-5XX5-A instances have not been observed to age during over 40 years of classification. Collected evidence suggests that SCP-5XX5-A instances may be a type of tulpa.4
SCP-5XX5 instances can be categorized into several distinct subcategories:
| Instance | Appearance | Role |
|---|---|---|
| SCP-5XX5-A-HOST | Caucasian male; age ~50-60; graying blond hair; brown tuxedo | Responsible for conducting the general proceedings, interviewing the subject and handing out cheques. Present at all known SCP-5XX5 manifestations. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-CAM | Afro-American male: age ~30-40; black hair; white t-shirt, red baseball cap and gray sweatpants. | Responsible for filming SCP-5XX5 events.5 Will typically utilize a large-scale camera characteristic to high-budget film productions, but has been observed resorting to smaller devices to accommodate smaller facilities. Present at all known SCP-5XX5 manifestations. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-DOC | East Asian female; age ~35-45; black hair; white laboratory coat. | Responsible for measuring the exact amount of excrement produced by the subject by using a large, conspicuous mechanical device resembling a vacuum cleaner. Will occasionally impart dubious dietary and nutritional advice to subjects. Present at all known SCP-5XX5 manifestations. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-SONG | Afro-American males; age ~20-30; black hair, sometimes with white streaks; dress in accordance to current fashion, carry amplifiers, speakers or a boombox. | Provide music for dance numbers, as well as various general sound effects and musical cues, most notably a reoccurring theme song played at the beginning of every SCP-5XX5 manifestation at which they appear. Appear in groups of 1 to 4. Do not appear if local time is past 20:00, or if the locale is otherwise inappropriate for loud noises. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-PEP | Females of various race; age ~20-25; blonde or brunette hair; light blue cheerleader outfits | Will proceed to perform a choreographed dance routine, as well as providing occasional motivational chants. Appear in groups of 5 to 17. Do not appear without at least a single accompanying SCP-5XX5-A-SONG instance. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-MASK | Sex, Race and age unknown; wears a full-body costume resembling anthropomorphic excrement. | Mainly incorporated as the central dancer in the routine performed by SCP-5XX5-A-PEP instances. Will occasionally interact with the subject in a playful manner, though has not been observed to vocalise. Is only known to appear when more than 10 SCP-5XX5-A-PEP instances appear. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS | Various races and sexes; ages ~25-60; stereotypical journalist attire circa 1960. | Take copious amounts of photographs of SCP-5XX5 events. Will typically attempt to interview the subject. Appear in groups of 1 to 7, though not present at all known SCP-5XX5 events. |
| SCP-5XX5-A-FAN | Various sexes and races; typically ~20-45 years old, but outlier instances as young as ~2 and old as ~90 have been encountered; wear various t-shirts commonly depicting cartoon renditions of feces, as well as depictions of SCP-5XX5-A-MASK. | Act as audience and additional unassigned personnel. Appear in groups of 5-15, though are not universally present. |
In excess of 450 unaccounted individuals during the preceding 41 years have encountered SCP-5XX5, but eluded amnestication.6
Addendum 5XX5-Alpha: A recorded SCP-5XX5 event
On 07/12/2007, SCP-5XX5 occurred at a civilian residence in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Due to self-stated paranoia, the subject had installed an audiovisual recorder in their own bathroom, capturing one of the few known full video recordings of an SCP-5XX5 manifestation.
Foreword: The subject, a resident of Grand Rapids, is a 42-year old man whose identity has been withheld for privacy reasons.
Begin Video Log
Faint music is heard from outside the room.
Subject: Huh?
Further commotion.
Subject: Who's there?
SCP-5XX5-A instances breach the door and enter. The subject vocalizes loudly in distress. In excess of twenty instances are present - due to the size of the room, most elect to remain in the adjoining hallway.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Con-gra-tu-lations, my good sir! We represent the Scatological Institute of Hineystan, and you, yes you, have just excreted the largest amount of waste out of any human on the planet!
Applause and cheering from other SCP-5XX5-A instances. SCP-5XX5-SONG plays what is presumed to be the theme music for SCP-5XX5.
Subject: The fuck are you doing in my home!? Vamoose! Out, right now or I'll call the cops!
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Can you believe it, ladies and gentlemen? Out of 6.6 billion people7, this courageous individual has surmounted all odds to achieve our grand pri-
Subject shoves SCP-5XX5-A-HOST away. SCP-5XX5-A-DOC approaches and attaches a large vacuum-like device into the toilet's piping system.
Subject: Outta my face, you hear!
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Calm down, sir! You don't wanna miss the weigh-in! Hit it, doc!
SCP-5XX5-A-DOC: Here's the verdict!
An SCP-5XX5-A-SONG instance switches the theme song into a drumroll. SCP-5XX5-A-DOC actuates their vacuum. The toilet bowl is quickly emptied into a clear glass container,8 after which a digital screen displays the purported weight of the feces. After fluctuating briefly, the numbers settle on 7.50 kilograms.
The vacuum plays three rapid ringing sounds, followed by applause and cheer from SCP-5XX5-A instances.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: A whopping 7.50 kilograms - astounding! That's nearly 16.4 pounds for our viewers in the States. This puts you sir cleanly into our Top 100, at a respectable position of 83.
Another round of applause. Various SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS and SCP-5XX5-A-FAN instances crowd around the subject to take photographs.
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-1: Sir, what's it like to be the number one at number two in the world?
Subject: Get away from me!
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-2: What are your career plans for the foreseeable future? Are we to expect more content anytime soon?
Subject: E-excuse me?
SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-1: Sign my toilet paper!
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-1: What's your secret? Prunes? Horse laxatives? Any sponsorships that you'd like to endorse?
Subject: A-
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-3: Sir I represent The Hineystan Post and we're looking for a full interview. How's tomorrow sound?
SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-2: I love you!
SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-1 reaches a pen and an unopened packet of toilet paper onto the Subject.
SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-1: Put one for Joey, one for my boy Joey Jr. and one for my girl Joey Jr. Jr.
Subject: Fuck off!
Subject violently throws the packet onto SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-1's face.
SCP-5XX5-A-FAN-1: I'm never washing my face again!
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-4: Sir I'm from Channel Poo News, how'd you like to be on our morning show next Saturday?
Subject: Get out of my house you stupid cunts!
SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS-1: Who-hoah! Can't put that on the air, no siree.
Subject: Fuck all of you - I'm calling the cops on you daft fucks!
Subject attempts to reach for its phone on the nearby table, but is unable to get up due to the surrounding SCP-5XX5-A instances.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Hold it there, good sir! You haven't even received your awards!
Subject: What - awards?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Yes! Complimentary from our sponsor, Hineystan Bathhouses, we're proud to present to you three packets of genuine Hineystan Bathhouse Toilet Paper. Hineystan Bathhouse - to soothe your aching butt!
Applause
Subject: Well whoop-de-
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: That's not all! As a commemoration of reaching our Top 100, you are entitled to this gilded plaque bearing your name and position at the time.
Slightly louder applause.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: And finally, to all of our talented and lucky winners, I hereby present to you a cheque for one thousand dollars!
Applause and cheering. A jingle plays as SCP-5XX5-A-HOST pulls out a large novelty cheque seemingly from the inside of its suit, and poses with the still seated Subject, along with SCP-5XX5-A-MASK as an SCP-5XX5-A-PRESS instance photographs the interaction.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: With these final congratulations, I bid thee farewell. Go in peace, noble warrior of the bowels!
Subject inspects the cheque and appears confused.
Subject: I… I don't know what to say.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST laughs.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Worry not. At the very least: nobody can say that nothing came out of you, haha!
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST turns around, spreading its hands.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Alright, that's a wrap! Let's go everyone!
All SCP-5XX5-A instances vacate the premises and presumably demanifest. Subject remains seated, eventually flushing and rising up to wash their hands.
END VIDEO LOG
Subject was later identified after informing law enforcement about a home invasion. All paraphernalia was confiscated and exchanged for a comparable sum of money. Class A amnestics were issued to Subject and related law enforcement officials.
Addendum 5XX5-Beta: An interview with SCP-5XX5-HOST
In January of 2014, Foundation nutritional therapist Dr. Hassan Abdulkareem assigned to SCP-5XX5, proposed to artificially induce an SCP-5XX5 event in order to conduct an interview with SCP-5XX5-A instances and covertly implant SCP-5XX5-A-HOST with a long-range tracking chip for ease of locating future SCP-5XX5 events. The project was approved of, and five D-class personnel were drafted into the project as volunteers to be fed a specialized diet to maximize waste output.
On 2/13/2014, the project caused the successful manifestation of SCP-5XX5 within a testing chamber of the Dietary Lab 01 of Site-17. The following is a video log of said event.
Foreword: The Subject, D-18755, was briefed on SCP-5XX5 beforehand, and was in radio contact with Dr. Abdulkareem in the event that SCP-5XX5-A instances would refuse an interview with Foundation personnel. Subject is equipped with a notepad, and has been instructed to scribble into it after SCP-5XX5-A's responses in order to listen to Dr. Abdulkareem's questions without unnatural pauses.
BEGIN VIDEO LOG
Faint music is heard from outside the testing chamber.
Subject: Oh fuck, did it actually work? Is that 'em?
Dr. Abdulkareem: I believe so, D-18755. Just remember to stay calm, don't instigate anything and repeat my questions to them verbatim.
The door to the testing chamber opens, and a fanfare typical of SCP-5XX5 events is played by an SCP-5XX5-SONG instance. All SCP-5XX5-A entities enter the testing chamber.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Con-gra-tu-lations! We represent the Scatological Institute of Hineystan, and you, dear sir, have just made the biggest-
Subject: Alright, I get it. Listen, I've got a few questions for you.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST appears flustered.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Questions? Like, an interview? I, uh… How do you know about us?
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) I heard about you people from a friend, and I wanted to try out if I could attract your attention.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: So… you're a fan? Oh, happy day, another fellow combatant of congestion! Well I do believe you've earned an interview, sir. We can postpone the formalities for a moment, if you're not going anywhere, har har.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST turns around to SCP-5XX5-A-CAM.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST (whispering): Get my better profile, and tell the DJ's to play something… something interview-like.
SCP-5XX5-A-CAM (whispering): Track 07?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST (whispering): That's good. Maybe a remix, with the base turnt down.
SCP-5XX5-A-CAM (whispering): All the mixing equipment is back at the studio.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST (whispering): Phooey. Forget it then, we'll add it in post.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST turns towards the Subject and seats itself in the provided chair.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Now then my good sir, what would you like to know?
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Uh… Can you tell me more about Hineystan?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Of course. I wouldn't expect you to know that much about us. Hineystan is what you people call a different dimension. Us, people born in Hineystan, can traverse unaided between Hineystan and your dimension, which we refer to as Offworld.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) You give off the impression of producing a TV show. However, we on, uh, Offworld don't have such a show airing. Are you aware of this?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Yes. Regrettably, our show only airs in Hineystan. Regardless, I keep hopeful of a less repressed future wherein our art form can flourish in Offworld as well.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Is there a reason why you don't broadcast on our world?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Originally we had plans to eventually build a broadcasting tower on this side of the proverbial pond. That fell short after about three months when we realized that, despite repeated incursions into Offworld and loudly advertising ourselves, nobody recognized us. I was heartbroken. Was there too much competition? Was it something with my face that made me forgettable?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST leans back, furrowing its brow and crossing its arms.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Eventually, after we started seeing our first repeated visits, we realized that someone was making them forget. Didn't really know what to do. We thought that maybe we're not wanted company, and decided to keep broadcasting local. In fact, sir, I might recommend that you keep our little encounter a secret for that reason.
Subject: Understandable.
At this point, Dr. Abdulkareem realizes that SCP-5XX5-A has a likely conflict of interest with the Foundation, and changes topics to avoid bringing up the subject.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Uh… if it's not a touchy subject, may I ask whether that's a real clothes pin on your nose?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST points at its nose.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Oh, this thing? Yes it's 'real' - at least as real as any of us. I'm not sure if I understand your question.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) What I meant to ask is: is that clothes pin a part of your body?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Sure is. As much as we love shite, the 'bouquet' is nothing to write home about, oh no, no… We've had these things since birth.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) This begs the question: When, and more importantly how were you born?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST is silent for 8 seconds, and rubs its chin in apparent contemplation.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Must've been twenty… no, goodness me, it was almost forty years ago! Lawdy lawdy, where does the time go… I…
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST leans back and looks away, taking a deep breath.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I haven't thought about it in a while, but it must be… Me, my crew and the entire city of Hineystan didn't exist before the early 80's.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST is silent for a moment, swallowing visibly.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: It's not something you wanna consider too much. I have this vague recollection of what existence was like before physical manifestation… sort of like pages of interconnected books floating in ether. Gradually, we'd become more pronounced and gain association with one another. Like… it was all very organic, but still intelligently-controlled.
Dr. Abdulkareem briefly consults with a group of colleagues. Dr. Amanda Hopkins, one of Site 17's resident psychologists, suggests that SCP-5XX5-A may be tulpa9.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Are you thought-forms? As in, uh, tulpa?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I wouldn't know the technical term… but I don't suppose humans are normally born the way I described. We initially only had a single-minded purpose of keeping the show running. The beginning was such a haze of flow that we didn't stop to consider the reality of our existence until months, maybe years later. As the years went on, we sort of… mellowed out. Got to thinking, and started self-reflecting. I'll tell you what: the season it clicked, we were all a mess of existential dread.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) About your show… Is there any chance that you might stop producing it?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Oh I've thought about it. We've been stuck in a rut format-wise since the first season, and our 'clients' seem to get grumpier by the year. I still can't believe how irritated people become on the shitter.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Can you elaborate on why your people have such a fixation towards feces?
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST quickly leans forwards and points at Subject accusingly.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: No, it's you people who have a fixation! Defecation is a completely natural and neutral act, and there shouldn't be anything shameful about it. From our point of view, we were merely filling a niche unseen on television.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST leans back to their seat, looking upwards.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Ugh. Sometimes with you people… The amount of verbal and physical abuse our crew goes through, there are days that I wish I could just leave this project entirely and pursue another career. Imagine what we, who don't age, and need neither food nor rest,10 could do in the entertainment industry!
Dr. Abdulkareem is informed that this is an unfavorable course of discussion.
Subject: (repeating after Dr. Abdulkareem ) Can we go back to your current show? I'd be interested in knowing how you're able to determine your, uh… clients.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST doesn't correct its posture, and remains despondent.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I wouldn't even know… our IT guy handles it.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST leans their head forwards, squints their eyes and points a finger towards the Subject.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: But let me tell you how positively irked it makes me to be doing this job, at such a high production value, for free, for forty years, and still get absolutely shat on constantly.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST bends forwards, its torso resting limply over its knees, and begins to cry.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Is a little bit of recognition too much to ask?
Subject breaks procedure, leaning forwards to console SCP-5XX5-A-HOST, laying a hand on its back.
Subject: Oh come on man, don't be like that.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST momentarily actuates its clothing pin to sniffle.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I'll be fine. Sorry. I don't usually like to dwell on my life too much.
Dr. Abdulkareem reprimands Subject, asking to let go of SCP-5XX5 and attempt to continue the interview. SCP-5XX5-A-HOST suddenly jerks to attention, grabbing Subject's arm. Subject recoils backwards, while SCP-5XX5-A-HOST stares at Subject intently.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: You're wearing a mic.11
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST nervously looks around the room. It stares directly at Camera 03. The other SCP-5XX5-A instances in the room appear flustered, and begin to whisper among themselves.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I should've recognized a cam when I see one. You're one of them!
Subject: Hey, peace man, they forced me into this, I got nothing against you!
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST frowns, and lowers its head.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: It's quite alright, I'm not mad. It's just… I've spent all my life doing this show, because it's what I love. I've been convinced that if people could feel the same excitement, that same passion for this artform that I do, then our winners might be happier, and I'd have to endure a lot less abuse during filming too.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST sighs.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: I've been a fool. Nobody likes this show besides myself. It's one to seven billion and counting.
SCP-5XX5-A-CAM walks up to SCP-5XX5-A-HOST and rests a hand on their shoulder.
SCP-5XX5-A-CAM: Hey now, that's thirty-five to seven billion
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST leans over to SCP-5XX5-A-CAM.
SCP-5XX5-A-HOST: Yeah.
All SCP-5XX5-A instances demanifest suddenly. In place of SCP-5XX5-A-HOST remains a cheque for 1000 dollars in Subject's name. Cheque was confiscated to be returned to Subject as cash after their release.
END VIDEO LOG
Addendum 5XX5-Gamma: Post-interview actions regarding SCP-5XX5
The project of artificially summoning SCP-5XX5 was deemed successful, despite the breach of conduct in the adjoining interview causing an incident. The underlying reasons leading to this incident remain a matter of study in the field of contacting anomalous entities.
In the days following Februray 13th 2014, SCP-5XX5 manifestations deviated significantly from previously recorded. SCP-5XX5-A instances did not appear to Subjects at all - instead, Subjects received their cheques in the mail the following day. Established containment procedures were found to be effective.
SCP-5XX5 events have since fully manifested only sporadically. Notably, the appearance of SCP-5XX5-A-HOST is consistently described as noticeably older than before.
The following article has been compiled by SCP Foundation artificial intelligence construct H0.aic, based on the monitoring of pre-determined variables which it had access to.
Item #: SCP-00112
Object Class: Apollyon13
Special Containment Procedures: None. Justification: H0.aic is not intended to develop actionable instructions. H0.aic is to compile and process and archive information which humans and other artificial intelligence constructs can utilize to develop effective containment procedures.
Description: At 00:00 on 7/2/2021, the quantifiable variable HBPI14 deviated from its expected value of 0.5 to 0.84. According to the given guidelines, a prolonged value of <0.75 indicates the occurrence of an Apollyon-class anomaly.
The following are guidelines for the reference values of HBPI:
| HBPI value: | POBC15 | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 0.5 +-0,01 | 99% | An artificial intelligence is no more adept at predicting human behaviour than random chance. |
| 0.6 | > 1% | A considerable fluctuation in the predictibility of human behaviour. In baseline circumstances, this indicates a systematic flaw in programming or measurement. |
| 0.75 | > 0.0001% | Human behaviour is systematically skewed for predictibility. All or most of humanity is affected; no non-anomalous causes have been theorized. Invariably constitutes as an Apollyon-class anomaly. |
| 0.9 | Irrelevantly infinitesimal | Humanity is universally under the influence of a mind-effecting anomaly. |
| 1 | 0 | A theoretical value which can only occur if humanity has collectively perished. |
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX3 is to be kept unpowered in a standard storage container. Due to safety and informational concerns, testing of SCP-XXX3 is prohibited.
The appearances of known SCP-XXX3-1 instances are to be intermittently circulated among law enforcement officials within the West Coast United States, and are to be identified in such context as delusional and highly dangerous escaped inmates of various mental hospitals. This is to discourage civilian interference in the unlikely event of an SCP-XXX3-1 instance reappearing.
Instances of SCP-XXX3-1 are considered irretrievable, and are no longer actively pursued. However, any arising information regarding known instances of SCP-XXX3-1 must be reported to the Intelligence Director of Site-64 and investigated on a case-by-case basis. Should no new information about any SCP-XXX3-1 instance arise before January 1st 2039, SCP-XXX3-1 will tentatively be reclassified as Safe.
Description: SCP-XXX3 is a neural interface device comprised of an adjustable helmet (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXX3-B) and a desktop computer. SCP-XXX3-B uses 32 diodes to administer transcutaneous electrical pulses to stimulate the subject's brain, inducing a catatonic state. Personnel in such state of uncosciousness will hereafter be referred to as SCP-XXX3-1.
SCP-XXX3-1 instances will remain unconscious for a variable16 period of time, and cannot be forcibly awakened. Neuroimaging by EEG17 during this time indicates highly increased activity in the hippocampus area, as well as overall dramatic restructuring of the brain.
Once this period of unconsciousness has passed, SCP-XXX3-1 will awaken and display a radically altered set of skills and personality traits. Most notable of these are:
- Hostility and uncontrollability
- Increased dexterity
- High resistance to pain, discomfort, sensory overload, cognitohazards and memetic agents
- Knowledge about subjects and anomalous phenomena of which SCP-XXX3-1 instances could not possibly have attained themselves
- Aversion towards using lethal force
SCP-XXX3-1 instances will invariably proceed to breach containment and avoid any and all efforts at apprehension or recontainment. Subjects typically employ their surroundings in an unpredictable and destructive manner, improvising tools, weaponry and escape routes from seemingly impossible situations. Notably, no recorded SCP-XXX3-1 instance has resorted to lethal violence. All SCP-XXX3-1 instances thus far have fled generally westward from Site-64, however thorough scoutings have not revealed any possible common destination.
All attempts at disseminating information about the experiences of SCP-XXX3-1 instances during their uncosciousness have so far failed. SCP-XXX3-1 instances rarely vocalize while conscious18. In the marginal amount of cases in which interrogation of SCP-XXX3-1 has been attempted, the subjects have fled immediately.
Addendum SCP-XXX3-Alpha: Test logs
The following logs contain all tests involving SCP-XXX3-1 instances. All SCP-XXX3-1 subjects used were D-class personnel.
| Test #: | Procedure: | Time SCP-XXX3-1 spent unconscious: | Result: |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Preliminary test to assess anomalous properties. Test 1 takes place in a standard containment chamber in the research facilities of Site 64. | 5 minutes 21 seconds | SCP-XXX3-1 awakens, initially appearing complicit. As subject is escorted for interview, SCP-XXX3-1 simultaneously trips over both guards, incapacitates them and jumps through an adjacent window which had been mistakenly left unlocked during routine maintenance the previous week. SCP-XXX3-1 lands on top of a moving armored vehicle exiting the facility. Guards are unable to sound a breach alarm before the vehicle reaches the outside perimeter of Site 64, at which point SCP-XXX3-1 dismounts the vehicle, absconding from the area. |
| 2 | Double-checking all known exits in the testing area. Calling for a sector-wide lockdown for the duration of the test. | 16 hours 54 minutes | SCP-XXX3-1 remains unconscious for significantly longer than expected. Lockdown has to be lifted after 16 hours and 54 minutes to resupply testing personnel. At this point, SCP-XXX3-1 awakens19 and renders all three guards present in its testing chamber unconscious. SCP-XXX3-1 disguises itself as an Agent, inputs the correct 6-digit code into the containment chamber electrical lock, exchanges shibboleths20 to evade notice from other personnel, dismembers its own finger and uses the resulting shattered bones as a lock pick to escape through a garbage schute. SCP-XXX3-1 re-emerges at the on-site waste management facility and drives the on-site garbage truck through the Site 64 boundary wire fence. Later investigation revealed that the Level 1 sanitation worker responsible for the truck had mistakenly left their keys into the loading area. |
As Tests 1 and 2 indicated that SCP-XXX3 likely instills a probabilistic anomaly onto SCP-XXX3-1 instances, recovery was deemed unlikely. Senior Researcher Ramis proposed that testing should be halted. Vested interest from the O5 Council overrode this proposal. Testing was allowed to continue on the condition that all used D-class would be injected with Contaminant 33-K21 prior to beginning the test. This would ensure remote termination in the event of a breach.
For safety reasons, all further tests were performed at a separate testing facility located three kilometers away from Site 64. This auxiliary site housed only SCP-XXX3, guards, a single research personnel for interrogation purposes, and a single D-class personnel at a time for testing purposes. Efforts to prevent SCP-XXX3-1 instances from breaching containment were increased.
| Test #: | Procedure: | Time SCP-XXX3-1 spent unconscious: | Result: |
|---|---|---|---|
| 3 | Securing the testing facility with twenty-seven (27) heavily armored Agents equipped with tranquilization darts. To prevent friendly fire, the affecting component of the tranquilizer has been engineered to work exclusively on the subject. | 110 hours, 2 minutes | SCP-XXX3-1 evades initial capture by consistently dodging all fired darts and incapacitating personnel using salvaged or improvised weapons. Subject is unsuccessfully pursued for eight hours using bloodhounds and motorized ground vehicles before Agents are recalled. |
| 4 | Heavily restraining the subject and completely sealing the testing chamber. Interview would be conducted remotely, using speakers. | 5 hours, 47 minutes | SCP-XXX3-1 does not respond to inquiries, and immediately proceeds to temporarily dislocate both of their shoulders to free themself, and performs an unknown kinematoglyph to translocate themselves outside of the testing chamber.22 SCP-XXX3-1 manifested in an abandoned maintenance tunnel underneath the testing site. As this area had no surveillance, the SCP-XXX3-1 instance was able to abscond unnoticed, climbing a tree to surpass the perimeter fence. |
| 5 | Using a subject suffering from Tetraplegia. | 78 hours 44 minutes | Upon awakening, subject is unresponsive to questioning, instead electing to direct verbal abuse towards staff before spontaneously vanishing. |
| 6 | Funneling a sedative gas into the containment chamber of SCP-XXX3 immediately after SCP-XXX3-1 regains consciousness. Interview would be conducted by a member of MTF Omicron Rho ("The Dream Team") | 361 hours 57 minutes | Procedure effective at first. As containment are about to commence interviewing, one of the stationed Agents incapacitates everyone present and enters SCP-XXX3-1's containment chamber. The hostile Agent injects SCP-XXX3-1 with a needle of adrenaline, awakening them. Both proceed to flee the facility. Security footage shows the hostile Agent to be visually identical to the SCP-XXX3-1 used. It is presumed that SCP-XXX3-1 employed an unidentified temporal anomaly. |
After the events of Test 6, a meeting amongst staff involved with the SCP-XXX3 project was held. Project Lead Dr. Wachowski pointed out a possible flaw in testing procedure:
"[…] SCP-XXX3-1 instances have, in recent tests, began utilizing anomalous measures to evade capture and interrogation. There's no known cure for Contaminant 33-K. Not any known to the Foundation, that is. What's to say that SCP-XXX3-1 aren't using anomalous methods to evade termination through Contaminant 33-K?
I propose a single test in an attempt to discern whether SCP-XXX3-1 instances truly expire as a result of Contaminant 33-K."
| Test #: | Procedure | Time SCP-XXX3-1 spent unconscious | Result |
|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | Inserting several sub-cutaneous tracking chips into SCP-XXX3-1. Injecting SCP-XXX3-1 with a large amount of soluble liquid containing trackable nanobots, in addition to Contaminant 33-K. For the purposes of this test, staff did not interfere with SCP-XXX3-1. | 43 minutes | After escaping the testing facility, SCP-XXX3-1 proceeds North West West for approximately nineteen kilometers before stopping. Sonar imagery indicates that SCP-XXX3-1 likely engaged in an unknown thaumic ritual. Immediately following this, all injected tracking chips and nanobots in the subject's body cease functioning simultaneously. Investigations of the area reveal the tracking chips and nanobots discared on the ground. Soil in the area notably contained large amounts of Contaminant 33-K. |
Due to the results of Test 7, further testing with SCP-XXX3 was prohibited, and current containment procedures were enacted.
Item #: SCP-5XXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation is to monitor the activities of GOI-(whatevernumber Gamers Against Weed is)23 members who are involved in the production and distribution of SCP-5XXX-A instances. Said members are to be apprehended and interrogated at the first opportunity. Instances of SCP-5XXX-A are to be retrieved and contained whenever encountered. To prevent possible sabotage and espionage, all SCP-5XXX-A instances must be contained at Facility G24.
Foundation archivists are recommended to review all extant Foundation articles concerning anomalies with the following properties:
- Object class Safe or Anomalous
- Known or suspected connection with GOI-[GAW]
- At least superficially beneficial anomalous properties
- A recovery log adhering to Narrative Profile 5XXX.
Should a pre-existing anomalous item be discovered to be an SCP-5XXX instance, it should be relocated at Facility G, and its previous designation be retired in favour of SCP-5XXX-AX.
Description: SCP-5XXX refers to an ongoing effort by GOI-[GAW] to create and distribute anomalous objects at various locations in USA, Central Europe, East Asia and South Africa. This process has undergone limited study, however its opus moderandi has been outlined as such:
- Select members of GOI-[GAW] will collectively decide upon a non-existant anomalous item and its effects.
- A fictitious background will be crafted to optimize legitimacy.
- The item in question (hereafter referred as an SCP-5XXX-A instance) will be created by GOI-[GAW] members through anomalous means.
- The SCP-5XXX-A instance will be transferred to its desired location. Evidence to indicate the desired narrative will be left on-site, including but not limited to diary exceprts, video recordings or components of known thaumic rituals.
Some SCP-5XXX-A instances are left unattended near civilian areas, while others are delivered directly to civilians via post.
Item #: SCP-991-J
Object Class: Thaumiel25
Special Containment Procedures:
Description: SCP-991-J is an incorporeal humanoid entity with the appearance of a 35-45 year old Asian male wearing a black business suit. SCP-991-J is capable of instantaneous translocation of itself and a single subject of its choosing.
SCP-991-J claims to function as a legal representative to several unstated persons or groups, delivering court summons and translocating individuals to SCP-991-J-1. Translocated subjects are either returned to their place of origin immediately following court proceedings, or after having served extended incarceration in a supposedly interdimensional prison. SCP-991-J has to date exclusively targeted anomalous entities or objects.26
SCP-991-J-1 is an interdimensional court in which juridical cases by SCP-991-J are handled. SCP-991-J-1 does not adhere to any known architectural style or culture native to Earth, and is superficially composed of an open field covered in blue mucus, and various amorphous green rectangular objects used for seating. All entities native to SCP-991-J-1 appear identical to SCP-991-J with the exception of a 12-meter tall
SCP-991-J accepts trial by absolution as an alternative punishment. This entails that the Lead Researcher attributed to the anomaly be transported to SCP-991-J-1 to act as a witness in the court proceedings and, after being prompted, vocalizes Key Phrase 991-J. Key Phrase 991-J is as follows:
"I solemnly vow that [entity in question] will perform neither hijinx or shenanigans under [current jurisdiction] criminal law, as attested by me. Should I be found in contempt of court due to a false testament, may my hair turn gray on my 40th birthday and may the boogeyman eat my trousers."
Upon successfully recounting Key Phrase 991-J, all entities will be transported to their location of departure with no further anomalous effects.
Due to its properties, SCP-991-J is being utilized by the Foundation as a temporary form of containment for several hazardous anomalous items and entities.
Addendum 991-J Alpha
The following is an abridged list of recorded legal cases involving SCP-991-J.
| Anomalous entity: | Accused of: | Sentence: | Notes: |
|---|---|---|---|
| SCP-173 | Public indecency | 3 months | SCP-173 has been registered as a sex offender. |
| SCP-2295 | Operating without a license | None. SCP-2295 was not convicted due to being a minor. | |
| SCP-3121-B | 141 counts of traveling without a visa | None. SCP-3121-A used Key Phrase 991-J | |
| SCP-4666 | Trespassing and public nudity | 5 months | This occurred during summer months, leading to no change in Weissnacht events. |
| SCP-106 | Vandalism | 1 year | During SCP-106's incarceration, SCP-991-J demanded that Key Phrase 991-J be changed to the form "[…] boogeyman (in absentia) eat my trousers." |
| SCP-4213 | Trespassing, theft, shoplifting, traveling without visa | Unknown | The entities within SCP-991-J-1 were found to not be immune to SCP-4213's compulsive effects. SCP-4213 demanded to be 'let go', upon which the court proceedings were put on indefinite hiatus. SCP-4213 proceeded to wander off, and has not been sighted since. |
| SCP-3671 | 1615 counts of violent threat. | 5 months. | |
| SCP-2006 | Unlicensed use of image | None. Foundation personnel used Key Phrase 991-J. Maintaining SCP-2006's delusion of its frightfulness is critical, and uncontrolled encounters with unknown entities could prove detrimental to this. | |
| Person of Interest "dado" | Quackery. |
Special Containment Procedures: Attempts are to be made to redirect SCP-4X1X's migration patterns to align as closely as possible with Foundation-owned facilities, and as far away from civilian settlements as possible. To this end, SCP-4X1X has been incentivised as delineated in Addendum 4X1X-1. In addition, pre-informed Foundation facilities are to enact Procedure 4X1X-Alpha once yearly on their assigned date.
(Description of Procedure 4X1X-Alpha.)
When inhabiting a Foundation Site, SCP-4X1X is to be constantly monitored. Personnel are discouraged from interacting with or acknowledging SCP-4X1X unless it initiates discussion.
Description: SCP-4X1X is a migratory humanoid entity in the appearance of a caucasian female.27 The entity's migration pattern encompasses the entire mainland European continent, which it traverses primarily on foot during the span of a single calendar year.
SCP-4X1X hosts the following anomalous effects:
- SCP-4X1X can instantaneously pick up items it makes direct eye contact with within a 3.52 meter radius. These items are limited by size and weight similarly to a normal human.
- Items picked up by SCP-4X1X are relocated into an extradimensional and -temporal space, hereafter designated Domain I. Items stored in Domain I can be retrieved at any time by SCP-4X1X.
- SCP-4X1X is capable of limited interaction with items within Domain I. Notably, SCP-4X1X can combine items both physically and conceptually.28
- SCP-4X1X does not experience permanent physical death. Instead of expiring, all items picked up by SCP-4X1X are expelled from Domain I, and SCP-4X1X is spontaneously transported to the previous location in which SCP-4X1X slept.29 This is is hereafter referred to as a D Event.
- SCP-4X1X does not accure injuries from physical damage; rather, after a certain amount of damage30 SCP-4X1X spontaneously experiences a D Event.
- SCP-4X1X has anomalously efficient muscle memory, allowing it to quickly internalize difficult and otherwise time-consuming skillsets.
- Other sapient entities are unable to initiate discussion with SCP-4X1X. When discussion takes place, invariably initiated by SCP-4X1X itself, personnel report the inability to move or diverge from topic during it.
SCP-4X1X harbors borderline-obsessive tendencies towards seemingly arbitrary goals. This typically entails obtaining items which it perceives as rare or unique (such items are hereafter designated SCP-4X1X-Q). While a clear pattern for SCP-4X1X-Q instances has not been established, SCP-4X1X shows minor statistical preference to items which have unusually long descriptors, or are personal belongings of human beings.
SCP-4X1X is exceptionally adept in combat. It has shown the propensity to fend off or neutralize almost any entity or entities that inhibit it from attaining its desired SCP-4X1X-Q instances.
SCP-4X1X displays symptoms of antisocial behavour and psychopathy. It generally regards humans with indifference or annoyance, and has not expressed moral qualms with its own criminal behaviour, up to and including murder. SCP-4X1X views relationships as purely transactional, a trait which has allowed the Foundation to incentivize its otherwise violent and destructive behaviour using Procedure 4X1X-Alpha.
Addendum SCP-4X1X-1
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: Anomalous objects under the SCP-001 designation are to be used in Foundation field work and containment as delineated in this article. (Maybe add something more specific for each 001-A through -G instance)
No personnel outside of the O5 Council are to be made aware of the nature, existence or anomalous nature of SCP-001. Appropriate cover stories for all SCP-001 instances as non-anomalous devices must be provided and adhered to stringently. Foundation-used Kant counters must be programmed t ignore SCP-001 instances.
No other article besides the SCP-001 documentation may reference SCP-001 or the apparent fallacies in Foundation policy which the absence of SCP-001-like anomaloies would pose.
Description: SCP-001 refers to various anomalous items which the Foundation uses to facilitate containment and information control. (Add something to this later - seems very banal.)
(An item which retroactively suppresses internet-based connections from sending out anomalous footage during containment breaches or recovery of anomalous items.)
(An item that affects the Noosphere in a way to prevent anomalies which target authoritarian and repressive societies and power structures.)
(All the crumbfudgery with the Foundation's database? That's not an anomaly though, don't include it.)
(Think of more, goddanm this is a god-fucking-awful 001-proposal :)
Item #: SCP-XXX7
Object Class:
Special Containment Procedures:
Description: SCP-XXX7 collectively refers to the former apartment of POI-XXX7, and the numerous anomalous phenomena and entities present within.
The bedroom of SCP-XXX7
- SCP-XXX7 hosts at least a single SCP-3010-1 instance
- The bed of SCP-XXX7 is a confirmed instance of SCP-072.
The bathroom of SCP-XXX7
[REDACTED]31
POI-XXX7, the owner of SCP-XXX7, inhabited SCP-XXX7 from July 2007 until their death in November 2009. Unusually, POI-XXX7 was initially unrelated to any singular anomaly, nor did they belong to any known Group of Interest; Surveillance of POI-XXX7 commenced as a result of Project Planeswalker32.
POI-XXX7's ontokinetic abilities manifested passively in an unconventional manner. POI-XXX7 caused gradual and subtle reality alterations to occur in areas they frequented, SCP-XXX7 being the sole notable example. Concurrently however, POI-XXX7 hosted an equally passive reality-anchoring ability which nullified all anomalous phenomena in their perception. POI-XXX7 was thus likely oblivious to their anomalous properties.
SCP-XXX7 and POI-XXX7 have both been subject to extensive research by the Foundation. The following is an excerpt from The Dangers and Possibilities of Internanomalous Phenomena by Doctor Amanda Fremont, who quotes SCP-XXX7 as an exceedingly rare instance of the "Three Stooges Syndrome [Think of something better]":
def. the //Three Stooges Syndrome (TSS) is a colloquial term used to describe conditions in which multiple unrelated anomalous phenomena of similar calibre coexist within the same immediate area.//
[…] SCP-XXX7 presents a unique chance to document the limited interactions of anomalies in a semi-natural environment. Outside of Foundation storage facilities, SCP-XXX7 is believed to have the largest documented concentration of anomalous objects and phenomena in the world.
Item #: SCP-47XX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: As of March 1999, the remaining parts of SCP-47XX are too small to be recognized by any of their owners. While its anomalous properties have not ceased, they no longer have a propensity to be displayed.
Pre-existing Foundation assets embedded in the Moscow State University are to report if new activity relating to SCP-47XX arises.
Description: SCP-47XX was originally a hand-knitted green wool scarf. The concept of SCP-47XX's ownership fluctuates between different pupils of the Moscow State University. This conceptual shift happens gradually over the course of 8 hours between the hours 0800 and 1600. During this time, portions of SCP-47XX will be partially owned by two people.
Individuals who perceive or have perceived themselves as owners of SCP-47XX (hereafter denoted SCP-47XX-1) are unable to recognize its anomalous nature. As such, if SCP-47XX-1 instances attempt to retrieve SCP-47XX at any time between the hours of 0800 and 1600, they will do so by severing the portion of SCP-47XX belonging to them.
Severed portions of SCP-47XX still display its anomalous properties. Over time, SCP-47XX will be reduced to increasingly smaller parts, all independently shifting between owners. Portions of SCP-47XX have a recorded maximum of 78 different owners.
Should any individual not currently an SCP-47XX-1 instance acquire portions of SCP-47XX, they will be compelled to return them to their respective current owners33. As such, the Foundation has not discovered a manner of wholly or partially removing SCP-47XX from the Moscow State University.
History: SCP-47XX was discovered in August of 1998, after a Foundation Agent embedded into the Moscow State University reported unusual behaviour amongst students. See Test Logs for initial confirmation of anomalous properties.
Acquiring all existing samples of SCP-47XX was deemed time-consuming, costly and possibly damaging to the veil. To mitigate public exposure SCP-47XX, the Foundation used embedded assets to orchestrate a short-lived fad of wearing
As of March 1999, all known portions of SCP-47XX have been reduced to singular strings. As no currently-known SCP-47XX instance is inclined to pick them up or wear them as apparel, SCP-47XX's anomalous properties have effectively become negligible.
Item #: SCP-4XXX
Object Class: Neutralized
Special containment procedures: As of 2011, SCP-4XXX has ceased all anomalous activity. Copies of any iterations of SCP-4XXX-1 and SCP-4XXX-2 currently in possession of the Foundation are currently held at a standard medium-size storage locker at Site 28. Copies of SCP-4XXX-1 and SCP-4XXX-2 are safe for viewing, and inquiries to do so should be submitted primarily to Researcher Mortauge, and secondarily to any available level 3 researcher.
Any remaining information regarding the movies Kunst Zukuft – sind wir noch cool? and Kunst Vergangenheit – varen wi cool? must be censored from all sources available to the general public. Any civilians displaying knowledge of the aforementioned movies must be apprehended, interrogated and amnesticized.
POI-4XXX-1 through 11 are presumed to be deceased. POI-4XXX-12, -15 and -22 have been detained.
Description: SCP-4XXX is the designation given to two short films titled Kunst Vergangenheit – varen wi cool? and Kunst Zukuft – sind wir noch cool?, hereafter referred to as SCP-4XXX-1 and SCP-4XXX-2, respectively. Both movies were produced, written and cast by the members of the anomalous art group Are We Cool Yet? (AWCY) in West Germany.
Between 1974 and 2002, the release date of SCP-4XXX-1 and SCP-4XXX-2 changed retroactively each year. During the first calendar day of each passing year, SCP-4XXX-1’s release date moved back one year, while SCP-4XXX’s release date moved ahead by a single year, always remaining at the current.
This anomaly is limited only to the original film reels of SCP-4XXX. Any copies and re-masterings of these reels are non-anomalous and retain the information of SCP-4XXX’s iteration during the copying process.
In every iteration observed, SCP-4XXX-1 is a surrealist, retro-futuristic satire film, depicting ordinary life of citizens in an eccentric society. Themes of state-level incompetence, bureaucracy and oppression are commonly interspersed with varying degrees of absurdist imagery. While SCP-4XXX-2 retains the same subject matter, its style sways more towards realism, taking a pseudo-documentary approach.
While the story arch of both movies remains the same throughout all observed iterations, the filmography and editing is consistently constrained by the technical limitations of the time period. SCP-4XXX switched to digital format in 1995 with the release of Sony DV, while the group responsible for SCP-4XXX-1 seemingly used professional film equipment in iterations before the release of the Quadruplex videotape in 195634.
Both movies of SCP-4XXX have been shown mainly at Sommes-Nous Devenus Magnifiques35 since the first movies were released in 1974. The Foundation became aware of SCP-4XXX in 1996, and was able to apprehend three members of the film crew of SCP-4XXX-2 in 2004 after a meticulous surveillance operation.
Addendum SCP-4XXX-Alpha Interview logs
Below are excerpts of interviews between Junior Researcher Seville and the film crew of SCP-4XXX.
Date: 1/12/2004
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Seville.
Interviewee: POI-4XXX-12 Albert W. Schuman, the director of SCP-4XXX-2.
Notes: The room is protected by a Scranton Reality Anchor as a standard precaution against reality benders. Interview originally conducted in German.]
Researcher Seville: ”Please state your name and occupation for the record.”
Schuman: “My name is Albert Walter Schuman, and I am an artist and a journalist.”
Seville: ”Very good. It says in our files that you were the director of SCP-4XXX-2.”
Schuman: Confused stammering “Excuse me?”
Seville: ”Pardon me. I’m referring to the movie, Kunst Zukuft - sind wir noch cool?”
Schuman: ”Ah. That project was under my artistic control, yes.”
Seville: ”Do you care to elaborate on why you embarked on such a project?”
Schuman sighs
Schuman: ”Looking back on it, there must’ve been some grand plan. This all started in 1973. We were young and enthusiastic back then, and had just joined the collective. The Deveneus was upcoming in a short year, and we wanted to be featured. Jörnhaus36 had just brought back some temporal wares from the Middle East, so we cobbled together this admittedly high-flying idea of using retro anomalies.”
Seville: ”I see. How exactly was this done?”
Schuman: "I could tell you all about our lives as young university renegades, drunkenly arguing about the Soviet Union, playing checkers until three in the morning, feeling like our lives were already stagnant and daft before twenty-five. From those grease-soaked, cold dormitories, our minds were intertwined into the same frequency. That frequency would eventually coalescense into Kunst Zukuft - sind wir noch cool?.
Seville: "Can you elaborate on the actual process itself? The process of creating anomalies?"
Schuman hesitates
Schuman: ”I'm afraid I cannot readily give you this information. Producing anomalies, at least for myself, is a very personal matter, and frankly there isn't any consistent way to describe the process. At least not in a replicable way.”
Seville: ”We have many accounts of reality benders explaining their trade, and have reached the same conclusion. Humor us, please.”
Schuman sighs
Schuman: "If you insist. [CLEARANCE LEVEL 4 REQUIRED]”
Junior researcher Seville receives command from an earpiece to interrupt Schuman’s explanation.
Seville: ”That’s quite enough, thank you.”
Note: Interview was ended early to have all participating Foundation personnel screened for the presence of any anomalous effects. Due to later analysis determining that POI-4XXX-12 had divulged classified information, Junior Researcher Seville was later amnesticised.
Date: 1/12/2004
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Seville.
Interviewee: POI-4XXX-15 Boris Kucheff, the lead actor of SCP-4XXX-2.
Notes: The room is protected by a Scranton Reality Anchor as a standard precaution against reality benders. Interview originally conducted in German. Extraneous questions removed]
Seville: ”What sort of reception did your project receive from the anomalous art community?”
Boris: ”We were bigshots all throughout the seventies. It was all we heard, that we’re so creative, persistent and daring. It ruffled some of their nostalgia feathers I think – you know how as you get old, the classic movies that you grew up with seem like they were made too long ago? I guess a lot of those old beans thought that our concept hit too close to home.”
Seville: ”Were you in contact with the other team during the filmmaking process?”
Boris: ”Not directly. We went different ways immediately after it all started. Literally. Nobody ever saw them after. They left some secret messages in the movies, and based on those seems like they were having a bad time.”
[Seville is prompted to ask for elaboration through an earpiece]
Seville: ”What did these messages say, exactly?”
Boris: ”I can’t remember all of them, and we don’t have copies of the film ourselves anymore. But I recall the first message, received in 1976. All it said was ‘HALT’.”
Seville: ”What did you do in regards to this message?”
Boris: ”We couldn’t do anything. The [ONTOKINETIC PHRASE REMOVED] was already set, and was going to run to its natural conclusion whether we wanted or not. Let me tell you, I would’ve called it quits in ‘76 as well if I knew what it’d do to us.”
Seville: ”Care to elaborate?”
Boris: ”See, back when the thing was still running, us the second team were sort of, you know, eh?”
Kuchoff silently gestures with his hands for six seconds
Boris: ”We were going about our lives normally, but all of us complained of exhaustion and boredom. Every year. I couldn’t hold a job for the life of me. And on every New Year’s Day we all got sort of reset. Us, the entire team found ourselves transported back at our old hideout in Hamburg.”
Seville: ”Do you think that these events were related to SCP-4XXX?”
Boris: ”What? Oh right, that strange designation system of yours. Yes, absolutely.”
Interview 3:
[Time, date, place.
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Seville.
Interviewee: POI-4XXX-22 Isabelle Weber, stagehand of SCP-4XXX-2.
Notes: POI-4XXX-22 is a non-anomalous human, but her close involvement with and knowledge of anomalies was determined to be reasonable grounds for temporary containment. Interview translated from German. Extraneous dialogue removed
Seville: “What was the filming process of SCP-4XXX-2 like, and how did it affect you?”
[Weber stays silent for twelve seconds]
Seville: ”Miss Weber?”
Weber: ”Sorry. Can you repeat the question?”
Seville: ”What was is like filming SCP-4XXX-2?”
Weber: ”I can’t remember anymore.”
[Silence for seven seconds]
Weber: ”I… I’m too tired for this.”
Seville: ”That’s alright, we can postpone the interview if you like.”
[Unintelligible murmur]
Seville: ”Excuse me?”
Weber: ”I’m just… I can’t do this. I keep thinking that any day now, any year now I’ll find it in me to have a full nights sleep when I’m… when I’m…”
Seville: ”Go on, please.”
Weber: ”No, I don't wish to speak about it.“
Silence for eight seconds
Weber: "Can I speak to a therapist?"
Seville: ”I’ll see what I can do.”
Note: Interview was terminated early. Due to their non-anomalous nature reducing any risks for escape, POI-4XXX-22 has been provided with Foundation-issued therapy sessions until they are fit to take part in interviews. A proposition to amnesticize and reintrduce POI-4XXX-22 into civilian society with an altered identity to deter contact from anartist circles is pending.
Interview 4:
[Time, date, place. Interviewer: Junior Researcher Seville. Interviewee: POI-4XXX-12 Albert W. Schuman, the director of SCP-4XXX-2. notes: The room is protected by a Scranton Reality Anchor as a standard precaution against reality benders.]
Seville: ”Let’s continue from where we left off. Please refrain from using extranormal language.”
Schuman: “You asked me to.”
Seville: ”The results were expected, yes. However, we must ask you to refrain from now on.”
Schuman: ”Right.”
[Six seconds of silence. Seville shuffles his papers.]
Seville: “How did you come up with the theme to your movie?”
Schuman: ”The seventies… well, that’s almost the answer in itself. The seventies. Back when we were all young, West Germany was turbulent. Polarising movements and controversial political figures rocked the foundations of the peaceful social democracy on which the country was built on. That turbulence didn’t spare the anomalous community either. We had all sorts of nutjobs joining in to make some dreadful, contrieved horseshit that kills people or shatters their soul or something stupid like that.”
[The interviewee averts their gaze for six seconds.]
Schuman: ”Not unlike today, not at all. But anyways, this political disparity split our group as well. The future of Germany back then seemed so uncertain, and most of us were sure that the whole of Europe would collapse into anarchy and be swallowed by the Soviets in a matter of years. This whole deal of democracy and freedom felt threatened, and so fleetingly brief in comparison to the historical standard of monarchies and tyrannies. We had this rather macabre idea, a competition of sorts: From 1974 forwards and backwards in time, who'd run into insurmountable outside resistance first?”
[Eleven seconds of silence]
Schuman:”I suppose you know just how that went.”
Addendum SCP-4XXX-Beta: Timeline of SCP-4XXX:
1973 – SCP-4XXX is conceived by Albert Schuman and (The other director). Both of the movies are filmed and edited during the first six months and released in July 23rd 1973.
January 1st 1974 – the anomalous properties of SCP-4XXX manifest for the first time. The release dates of SCP-4XXX-1 and -2 are now 1972 and 1974 respectively.
1974 – SCP-4XXX is presented at the Sommes-Nous Devenus Magnifiques.
1976 – The crew of SCP-4XXX-1 append the message “HALT” into the end credits of SCP-4XXX-1.
April 27th 1980 – the current iteration of SCP-4XXX-2 is broadcast on the German TV channel Das Erste. Due to its obscure airing time and non-intrusive nature, this incident was not particularly noted by anyone outside of Are We Cool Yet?.
1991 – The release date of SCP-4XXX-1 is now 1955. Since the first consumer-grade home video recorder, Quadruplex video tape was released in 1956, further iterations of SCP-4XXX-1 were recorded using professional film equipment.
1994 – Sommes-Nous Devenus Magnifiques is held for the second time since SCP-4XXX began displaying anomalous properties. Different iterations of the films are played extensively, though the creators are scarcely present due to sickness and chronic depression.
1995 – Sony DV was released. SCP-4XXX-2 switched to a digital format.
August 1996 – The Foundation becomes aware of SCP-4XXX. The item is classed as Euclid due to its uncontained but obscure and easily concealed nature. Two members of the crew of SCP-4XXX-2 are captured and transferred to Site 17.
January 1st 1997 – The captured AWCY members spontaneously disappear from their cells as per the secondary anomalous effects of SCP-4XXX.
2002 – The release date of SCP-4XXX-1 is now 1944. SCP-4XXX-1 is flagged as “Degenerate art” by Joseph Goebbels of the National Socialist party (NSDAP) of German Reich. The crew of SCP-4XXX-1 is captured as enemies of the state and sent to the Treblinka I extermination camp.
2003 – SCP-4XXX ceases anomalous activity. Object tentatively reclassified as Neutralized.
January 2004 - Three more AWCY members related to SCP-4XXX are captured and interviewed.
April 2004 - POI-4XXX-22 is amnesticized and released into the general population under a new identity, having proven to not possess any valuable information about SCP-4XXX or the AWCY.
2005 – What is presumed to be the original film reels of SCP-4XXX are retrieved from the basement of an abandoned anart gallery in Dusseldorf, Germany, and are confirmed to be non-anomalous. Neutralized designation affirmed.
Item #: SCP-47XX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The entrance into SCP-47XX is to be sealed with a blast door. Due to Incident SCP-47XX-Alpha, access to SCP-47XX has been temporarily barred from all personnel regardless of clearance level.
The entrance to SCP-47XX is to be guarded at all times by two personnel who are not privy to the nature of its anomalous properties. Any personnel showing interest in entering SCP-47XX are to be apprehended, interrogated and amnesticised. As a pre-emptive measure, the precise location of SCP-47XX should be restricted to Level 4/47XX personnel.
Should evidence arise that a human being inside of SCP-47XX is attempting to exit the anomaly, guards are permitted to open the blast door and apprehend said person for interrogation. In this event, guards are under no circumstances permitted to look inside SCP-47XX.
Description: SCP-47XX is a solutional limestone cave located in the Aracaunía region of Chile. SCP-47XX is of indeterminable size, and its internal structure beyond that observable at the entrance is largely unknown.
SCP-47XX hosts several anomalous phenomena. Personnel inside of SCP-47XX will become keenly aware of all physical, informational and anomalous properties of any items they become aware of. This effect persists whether personnel have any sensory perception of said item.
Most notably, personnel looking into SCP-47XX (hereafter referred to as SCP-47XX-1) will invariably see an object (hereafter referred to as SCP-47XX-2) which holds considerable value to them, to the point that such personnel will typically abandon their current activities and attempt to retrieve said object. Upon reaching SCP-47XX-2, SCP-47XX-1 will notice another SCP-47XX-2 instance of such value that they will abandon their attempt at retrieving the original SCP-47XX-2, and pursue this new object instead37. This process will continue seemingly indefinitely, causing any and all subjected personnel to go missing into SCP-47XX.
It is unknown whether the effects of SCP-47XX are compulsory. When prompted, SCP-47XX-1 will invariably be able to justify the thought processes behind their actions, even when acutely aware of the fact that no personnel have ever exited SCP-47XX.
The existence of SCP-47XX-2 within SCP-47XX is debatable. SCP-47XX-2 are demonstrably tangible in regards to SCP-47XX-1, but subsequent surveying of the cave reveal no traces of SCP-47XX, even in cases where SCP-47XX-1 have been observed to leave them behind.
Addendum SCP-47XX-A: An exploration of SCP-47XX.
Item #: SCP-4XX9
Object Class: Keter
Threat Level: ● Green
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4XX9 is to be housed at Site-X9. No other anomalous objects, entities or documents relating to anomalies other than SCP-4XX9 are to be housed at Site-X9. The location and nature of Site-X9 is to be provided exclusively to staff working at Site-X9 and the O5 council, or on a need-to-know basis.
All firearms and weaponry at Site-X9 must be kept in bullet- and blast proof cases in all events besides a hostile outside incursion. Should such an incursion occur, SCP-4XX9 is to be immediately secured in an isolated room with no view of outside. To avoid having to amnesticize SCP-4XX9, any SCP-4XX9-Beta instances without proper clearance must be integrated into the staff of Site-X9.
Any staff in extended contact with SCP-4XX9 must score within the 98th percentile in Foundation-issued loyalty evaluation.
Staff is to accompany SCP-4XX9 at all times during outside recreational activities. In the unlikely event that SCP-4XX9 attempts to breach containment, accompanying staff are to make any and all attempts to persuade SCP-4XX9 to stay at Site-X9. A list of approved incentives for this purpose is provided in Attachment 4XX9-Yotta.
In all respects except those detailed in these containment procedures, SCP-4XX9 is to be treated as a civilian.
Description: SCP-4XX9 is a female human of Kenyan descent born in 1993. SCP-4XX9 hosts a passive compulsory effect manifesting as an insurmountable desire to prevent SCP-4XX9 from being subjected to physical or mental violence of any kind. This effect propagates in situations where the theoretical instigator of violence is unaware of the presence or existence of SCP-4XX9, even in cases where instigators are non-sentient animals or bacteria.
Through testing, physical violence has been postulated to include all forms of unwarrated force enacted upon SCP-4XX9, including:
- Terminating SCP-4XX9
- Wounding SCP-4XX9
- Severely discomforting SCP-4XX9
- Forcibly restraining SCP-4XX9
- Placing SCP-4XX9 into a medically induced coma
- Repeated amnesticizing [footnote]Amnesticizing a single person in excess of twenty (20) times has been noted to pose negative health effects.[/footnote]
- Depravement of nourishment, comfortable housing, excercise or hygiene
Similarly, mental violence has been postulated to include:
- Showing written or spoken aggression towards SCP-4XX9
- Threatening SCP-4XX9
- Maliciously lying to SCP-4XX9
- Depriving SCP-4XX9 of sleep, mental stimulation or socialization
- Directing any of the aforementioned activity towards people whom SCP-4XX9 is in close personal contact with (Such personnel are hereby referred to as SCP-4XX9-Beta)
- Harming animal or insectoid life within visual range of SCP-4XX9
SCP-4XX9 is hypothesized to be affected by its own anomalous effect, as it has not shown any type of aggressive or violent tendencies during containment. An alternative hypothesis has been constructed wherein total non-aggression and an unusually low amount of physical trauma has naturally incentivized the affable personality traits present in SCP-4XX9.
SCP-4XX9 itself has commented on the formation of SCP-4XX9-Beta instances, saying this secondary effect is likely the result of basic empathy, wherein SCP-4XX9 would became mentally distressed in the event that individuals it cared about were in distress or physical pain.
Amnesticizing SCP-4XX9 overrides all anomalous effects on SCP-4XX9-Beta instances. However, as detailed above, repeated amnesticization of SCP-4XX9 is not viable, as this could eventually result in physical or mental degeneration.
Discovery:
In April of 2014, the Foundation received reports of a possible mind-effecting anomaly in the town of ██ █████, New Mexico. Further investigations revealed that most of the town's 1██ residents were instances of SCP-4XX9-Beta. By scouting the common acquintances of affected civilians, Foundation Agents were able to pinpoint the identity of SCP-4XX9.
Retrieval team Agents were subjected to SCP-4XX9's anomalous effects, initially mistaking it for a memetic effect. Repeated memetic indicator tests were cross-administered amongst Agents, ruling out memetic influence. SCP-4XX9 showed minor awareness of its anomalous properties and was, after an extended interview, convinced that relocation into a Foundation facility would be in its best interest.
██ █████ residents and SCP-4XX9's close relatives were amnesticized to remove knowledge of SCP-4XX9 ever having lived in the town.
Addendum SCP-4XX9-1 Timeline of events relating to SCP-4XX9 after discovery
| ~Time: | ~Event: | ~Notes: |
| 11/4/2014, 14:14 | SCP-4XX9 is brought to Site 17 for containment. In a breach of protocol, SCP-4XX9 was allowed to spend the duration of relocation within the cabin of the containment van. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:20 | Newly-appointed project lead Jeremiah Stanton attempts to reprimand the Agents responsible for relocation of SCP-4XX9 for unprofessionalism, but repeatedly fails to do so as all Agents have become SCP-4XX9-Beta instances during the relocation. | At this point, the full extent of SCP-4XX9's anomalous properties was unknown, as well as the mechanics by which individuals are converted to SCP-4XX9-Beta instances. |
| 11/4/2014 14:23 | Project lead Stanton declares a possible ongoing memetic hazard and orders the barracks, along with SCP-4XX9 and all attending Agents to be quarantined. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:24 | A mandatory 30-minute quarantine for possible memetic hazards begins. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:27 | SCP-4XX9 asks to go outside. Agents present politely inform SCP-4XX9 that doing so is inadvisible. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:30 | SCP-4XX9 opens the mechanical doors to the quarantined barracks and exits the building. | Later analysis shows that personnel responsible for locking the doors in a quarantine situation did not comply with orders due to SCP-4XX9's effect precluding forcible physical containment. |
| 11/4/2014 14:30 | Absence of SCP-4XX9 is noted. Agent Wallace exits the building in an attempt to apprehend SCP-4XX9. A state of emergency is declared due to breach of quarantine. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:31 | Guards patrolling the perimeter of Site 17 unsuccessfully attempt to open fire upon SCP-4XX9 and Agent Wallace. Agent Wallace catches the attention of SCP-4XX9, who halts. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:32 | Agent Wallace and SCP-4XX9 converse. In a breach of protocol, Agent Wallace informs SCP-4XX9 what memetics are and why their possible presence requires quarantine. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:36 | SCP-4XX9 willingly returns to the quarantined barracks, escorted by Agent Wallace. | |
| 11/4/2014 14:40 | A new 30-minute quarantine of barracks are reinstated. | Due to SCP-4XX9's anomalous effects, the barracks remained unlocked for the entire duration. |
| 11/4/2014 14:48 | Several Site 17 guards confer with Site command in regards to having been unable to point firearms towards SCP-4XX9. The entirety of Site 17 is placed on lockdown due to a possible memetic hazard. | |
| 13/4/2014 09:01 | After extensive testing, the compulsory effects of SCP-4XX9 are conclusively determined to not be memetic or infohazardous. Lockdown of Site 17 is revoked. | During testing, SCP-4XX9 is amnesticized exactly once. This effectively revokes ██ █████ residents' status as SCP-4XX9-Beta instances. |
| 13/4/2014 15:37 | SCP-4XX9 is introduced to its long-term containment chamber. | |
| 13/4/2014 15:55 | Personnel responsible for SCP-4XX9 report being unable to lock SCP-4XX9's containment chamber due to the entity's anomalous properties. An emergency meeting in regards to the containment of SCP-4XX9 is scheduled. |
Addendum SCP-4XX9-2: Abridged transcript of an emergency meeting in regards to SCP-4XX9's containment efforts.
Time and Date: 13/4/2014 18:00
Attending personnel: Director of Site 17, Irina Fenton, Site 17 Head of Security Edgard Ritter, Project Lead Jeremiah Stanton, Containment Specialist Mary Haroldson, Containment Specialist Cho Zhou and Foundation Psychologist Julia Kopföffner.
Fenton: "Emergency meeting is opened. Let's make this quick. Stanton: situation, please."
Stanton: "We've just finalized testing SCP-4XX9, and the results are… not ideal in the sense of containment. In short, we cannot enact any sort of violence upon SCP-4XX9, and that includes physical containment."
Ritter: "Nobody in our staff is able to lock her in a room. Nobody is able to lock the room remotely. Nobody can even initiate automatic site-wide lockdown when SCP-4XX9 is in an automatically locked room. Keeping her on-site is a brewing catastrophe."
Fenton: "And that's not the worst of it, if I recall?"
Stanton: "No. There's also this entire issue with -Betas. SCP-4XX9 imprints a non-infectious form of her anomaly on all personnel she cares about - in this case, all personnel she encounters. Julia, if you will?"
Kopföffner: "Certainly. SCP-4XX9 is sociable, well-mannered, intelligent but slightly naïve, and empathetic. She cares deeply for just about anyone she meets, thus inadvertantly turning them into dash Beta instances. An excellent psychological profile for a non-anomalous human, but I must concur: this is very problematic for containment."
Fenton: "Can't we isolate her?"
Kopföffner: "Social isolation is a form of mental violence, I'm afraid."
Fenton: "And I assume that neutralization is out of the question. Right?"
Stanton: "We tried a few things with automated paintball turrets. However, no staff member agreed to try and coerce SCP-4XX9 to walk into them. We had a proposition to build autonomous turrets, but our mechanics refused."
All participants remain quiet for a moment. Director Fenton coughs
Fenton: "So. I guess you have a preliminary containment strategy?"
Mary: "Uh… Yes, ma'am. Taking everything into consideration, we belive the most viable solution is to, uh… to confine SCP-4XX9 into a specially-designed Site, designated as Site 9X, away from other anomalies and civilization at large."
Zhou: "Construction costs of Site 9X are estimated in the 200 to 300 thousand dollar range, and will likely take about five months."
Fenton: "Five months? The guys over in construction average out at five weeks for projects of this magnitude."
Zhou: "They do, but in this case we have to take extra safety measures in everything. There's a high likelyhood that personnel would refuse to introduce SCP-4XX9 into a potentially unsafe building."
Director Fenton remains silent, pinching the bridge of her nose
Fenton: "Great. The O5 are just going to rejoice upon reading this report. However, due to the relatively harmless effects and SCP-4XX9's cooperative nature, it's my personal assessment to tentatively classify it as Euclid. "
Director Fenton sighs
Fenton: "Okay, mission plan. First of all, We have to do something about dash Beta instances. There are already… how many of them on-site?"
Ritter: "Fourty-three confirmed, possibly more."
Fenton: "Too many. These personnel, now effectively exempt from all violence, are a definite security risk. Ritter, I want you to transport SCP-4XX9 to a secluded Foundation safehouse with an attending disposable Task Force to keep her secure and recieve all deliveries to minimize staff exposure. We then amnesticize SCP-4XX9"
Director Fenton momentarily stops in apparent contemplation
Fenton: "Oh, for fuck's… Is the room secured? Are there anybody present here who doesn't have Lever 4 clearance? Jeremiah, I'm looking at you."
Stanton: "Uh… I'm Level 3, yes."
Mary: "As am I."
Zhou: "Same boat."
Director Fenton murmurs to herself inaudibly
Fenton: "Right. The transcript needs to be Level 4 only. And you three have to be amnesticized after this, 'cause this is a major, major security issue. Just a little thought experiment for you all: What's going to stop a dash Beta instance from just… walking out of here?"
Silence
Fenton: "Yeah that's right. Us The Foundation cannot exert physical or mental obstacles onto dash Betas. If a dash Beta researcher suddenly decided to defect, they could just grab a fucking clipboard of sensitive documents and waltz into the nearest MC&D outpost to fund their retirement. If a dash Beta security guard lost their marbles and started a massacre, we couldn't shoot back!"
Fenton: "Frankly it's a miracle nobody has acted on this."
Ritter: "Site 17 isn't the most controversial of Foundation establishments, there's little reason for belligerency amongst employees."
Fenton: "Or maybe none of them have had time to realize the implications yet."
Silence. Head of Security Ritter momentarily raises a finger to speak, but ultimately refrains
Fenton: "We need to get SCP-4XX9 out of Site 17 at once. We'll amnesticize and vacate her into a secluded Foundation safehouse with some attending no-name MTF to keep her secure and recieve all deliveries to minimize staff exposure. Next, Ritter: We need to expunge everything and anything relating to the effects and the existence of dash Betas. Immediately."
Ritter: "Will do."
Fenton: "Once Site 9X is built, we'll have the same MTF transfer SCP-4XX9 in there. That MTF will in turn be permanently stationed at Site 9X. This way we don't need to risk another amnesticization of SCP-4XX9."
Fenton: "This also means we're undoubtedly dealing with a Keter-class object. That oughta get some wheels spinning."
Extraneous dialogue removed
End of log
Item #: SCP-4XX8
Object Class: Safe
Threat Level: ● Blue
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4XX8 is to be kept in an enlargened standard containment chamber. For the sake of pre-emptive caution, the chamber is to be kept locked and under surveillance when not undergoing testing or exploration.
Exploration of SCP-4XX8-Alpha requires that each crew member be equipped with a standard abroreal exploration kit, a safety line, a radio and a Foundation-issue ambiet noise generator. It is heavily recommended that only personnel trained against mind-affecting anomalies or those suffering from sleep deprivation and/or a severe caffeine addiction are to enter SCP-4XX8-Alpha for prolonged periods of time.
Should the natural ambient sounds within SCP-4XX8-Alpha cease for any reason, personnel are to engage their noise generators and cautiously retreat back to SCP-4XX8. In the unlikely case that provided noise generators fail, personnel are encouraged to produce noise themselves, either by means loud talking, yelling, whistling or by stomping the ground.
Update: Due to unforeseen circumstances, the exploration and study of SCP-4XX8-Alpha has been postponed to further assess its anomalous implications.
Description:SCP-4XX8 is a hand-crafted spruce wardrobe likely manufactured between 1949 and 1956. The object was recovered from an estate of a woman deceased in 1982. The inner back wall of SCP-4XX8 hosts a spatial anomaly, hereafter referred to as SCP-4XX8-Alpha.
SCP-4XX8-Alpha is an extradimensional space in the form of a temperate mixed forest hosting a large variety of minor anomalies. The weather, air quality and flora of SCP-4XX8-Alpha is parallel to that non-anomalous North Europe. SCP-4XX8-Alpha follows the same day-night cycle as Earth on the GMT+2 time zone, but lacks the seasonal changes, staying in a constant state of late spring or early summer.
The internal topology of SCP-4XX8-Alpha experiences moderate topological shifting during and between different explorations. Most notably, personnel within SCP-4XX8-Alpha will inevitably find a wardrobe identical to that of SCP-4XX8 after traversing in any direction for approximately twenty minutes. This will only occur if said personnel are no longer within sight of the their original point of entry or any subsequently discovered wardrobe. If entered, these wardrobes will spontaneously relocate entered personnel back inside of SCP-4XX8.
The topology within SCP-4XX8 has never been directly observed to shift. All such activity has been either measured or reconstructed from video footage. The traversed route inside of SCP-4XX8 can be consistently backtracked during the same exploration, or if markers built from foreign objects are placed within the desired area in SCP-4XX8. This effectively allows the Foundation to maintain consistent topology within explored areas of SCP-4XX8 through the use of a marker-based trails.
Upon entering SCP-4XX8, human subjects will gradually experience a parasympathetic nervous system rensponse atypical of their mindset. SCP-4XX8 promotes a calm, curious or tired set of mind in most subjects. Personnel who enter alone or do not have proper training with mind-affecting anomalies will typically fall asleep inside of the anomaly, necessitating retrieval. However, subjects suffering from anxiety, sleep deprivation, severe caffeine addiction or hylophobia38 experience only negligible effects.
SCP-4XX8 hosts several auditory anomalies. Despite the apparent lack of fauna, various North European and Baltic bird calls can be heard within SCP-4XX8, as well as other natural ambient sounds typical of similar forests.
Should all personnel within SCP-4XX8 cease movement and stay silent for ten seconds or more, there is a high chance of hearing a human voice beloning to a late adolescent female. This voice, hereafter referred to as SCP-4XX8-A, has been recorded to, among other things: whistle tunes of various popular and classical songs, attempt to imitate bird calls, speak quietly, and sometimes laugh in a stifled manner. SCP-4XX8-A does not respond when addressed, and its source, if extant, has not been yet discovered.
Item #: SCP-4XX4
Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All interaction or testing with SCP-4XX4 is prohibited. SCP-4XX4 is to be kept at Autonomously Guarded Site 109.
As a precautionary measure against the possible emergence of anomalies related to images or descriptions of itself, no photographs or video footage of SCP-4XX4 is to exist, and this article is locked from editing as of September 2018.
SCP-4XX4 is currently affixed to the center of a cubic opaque box 75 centimeters on each side, using glass restraints. This box is held in a fully opaque, airtight, soundproof cell. Standard pressure sensors and laser detection are placed on the floor and ceiling. Non-automated analysis of data received from any sensors concerning information related to SCP-4XX4 is strictly forbidden.
In the event of a protocol breach, Director of Site 10939 is to remain in their office and close off all possible sensory output originating from outside. After this, autonomous drones will attempt to retrieve SCP-4XX4. When SCP-4XX4 has been retrieved, Operation 4XX4-3 is to take place. Upon completion of Operation 4XX4-3, SCP-4XX4 is to be returned to its containment chamber. See Document SCP-4XX4-3 for further information on Operation 4XX4-3.
In the event of a containment breach, long-range tracking of SCP-4XX4 is best achieved by following any flocks of birds flying in circles. For short-range tracking, frequency analyzers to pinpoint the source of the effect of Iteration 2 are available.
In the events that a) re-containment of SCP-4XX4 by drones is deemed unfeasible, b) efforts to retrieve SCP-4XX4 extend for further than three days c) or SCP-4XX4 enters an area less than 2 kilometers away from civilian settlements, MTF-Eta-10 (“See No Evil”) is to be deployed in efforts to secure the object.
In the event that SCP-4XX4 undergoes an Iteration event due to a containment breach or mishandling, an emergency meeting will take place involving Director of Site 109 along with any O5 Council members available at the time concerning further action.
Description: SCP-4XX4 is a spherical object approximately 7 cm in diameter, assumed to be a tennis ball. Its primary anomalous effect is triggered when all of its secondary anomalous properties are discovered.40 At this point the object manifests a random new secondary anomalous property. This is referred to as an Iteration event. The effects from previous Iteration events have not been observed to cease upon new Iteration events.
At the moment all of SCP-4XX4’s anomalous properties are known, barring one. Thus, any sentient being becoming aware of this currently unknown effect will trigger another Iteration event.
The variety of these anomalous effects is unknown. Known anomalous effects range from cognitohazardous effects, memetic effects, effects triggered by sight, hearing and even smell, and physical alteration of the object.
Expunging data related to some or all of SCP-4XX4’s anomalous effects has been deemed an irresponsible and reckless endeavor, as it would likely make recovery by MTF-Eta-10 impossible. Furthermore, as testing of SCP-4XX4 is currently prohibited, there is no guarantee that such a process would prevent an Iteration event.
The current secondary anomalous effects of SCP-4XX4 in the approximated order of manifestation are as follows:
| Iteration | Effect | Notes: |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | SCP-4XX4 moves in a random pattern along the ground. | Maximum speed estimated to be approximately 5km/h. |
| 2 | A non-anomalous, upbeat song is played constantly by SCP-4XX4. | A recording of said song suggests it to be a high-pitched electronic rendition of ‘Yakety Sax’ by Randolph. |
| 3 | SCP-4XX4 is constantly on fire | |
| 441 | The color of the surfaces of objects SCP-4XX4 touches is changed into a gradient of the rainbow. After 3 minutes of physical contact, the surface will begin producing a highly acidic substance. The coloring will dissipate along the acid. | The coloration can be washed off with running water prior to dissipation to prevent the acid from forming. In addition, highly translucent materials such as glass and clear plastic are immune to the effect. |
| 5 | SCP-4XX4 emits an anomalous smell which causes vivid hallucinations and relaxation. | Cause of anomaly confirmed to be smell instead of hallucinogenic vapor. |
| 6 | SCP-4XX4 produces a visual cognitohazardous effect that causes nearby birds to fly in circles around the object. | |
| 7 | Objects weighing less than 100 grams within a radius of ten meters from SCP-4XX4 will float up for a duration of one second once every 2 or 3 minutes. | |
| 8 | Any human being with visual contact of SCP-4XX4 is compelled to repeat the word “Fetch“. This effect is presumed to be memetic but is not permanent; the effect subsides completely once the subject breaks visual contact with SCP-4XX4. | The full extent of Iteration 8 might not be fully known. Thus, it is unknown if Iteration 9 has occurred. See Addendum SCP-4XX4-A. |
History: SCP-4XX4 was originally discovered on the streets of Sao Paolo in 2006. Civilian reports came in about a group of feral dogs being chased by a ‘remote-controlled robot on fire, playing an annoying song’. A plainclothes agent Armando was sent to investigate and confirmed the anomalous nature of the entity after witnessing the effects of Iteration 4. Agent Armando attempted to contain the entity, but suffered acidic burns from iteration 4’s properties. Immediately afterwards, Iteration 5 took place.
Agent Cantu was called on-site to assist in containment. Upon arrival Agent Cantu noted the strangely calm demeanor of Agent Armando, despite suffering from blood loss, and SCP-4XX4 having molten large cracks on local roads and having caused several minor fires in the area. Agent Cantu was exposed to this effect as well upon smelling SCP-4XX4. He correctly identified this as an anomalous effect, causing Iteration 6. Agent Cantu requested backup from Biohazard Unit 1-B.
Biohazard Unit 1-B successfully transported SCP-4XX4 to temporary containment facilities. Agents Armando and Cantu were dismissed for medical and psychological evaluation. Due to the subtle effect of Iteration 6, personnel were unaware of Iteration 6’s effects at the time. Cover-up efforts relating to the damage caused by SCP-4XX4 was limited to select civilian amnestications and planted evidence of youth vandalism.
SCP-4XX4 was transported to a temporary containment site. Witness reports from Agents Armando, Cantu and members of the Biohazard Unit gave indication of the object’s escalating effects. Recognizing the possibly catastrophic results that an iteration event might have, testing was pre- emptively suspended. The object was placed into a fireproof opaque storage room with automated faucets blasting high pressure water on the floor every 2 minutes to wash off any acid from Iteration 4, and an air-filteration system to counteract the smell of Iteration 5.
During analysis of footage from the inital recovery of SCP-4XX4, reseachers noted odd flight patterns of birds in the area, and correctly recognized this as an anomalous effect, and thus causing Iteration 7 to occur.
One hour after Iteration 7, SCP-4XX4 breached containment, causing minor damage to its storage facility. Later analysis shows that this was directly caused by Iteration 7 disturbing the locking mechanism of the containment chamber door. SCP-4XX4 was succesfully retrieved and returned to containment by a biohazard unit. As an Iteration event was noted to occur without any intervention from staff, SCP-4XX4 was identified as a possible infohazard. SCP-4XX4's containment chamber door was fitted with an electromagnetic lock.
RAISA specialist Doctor Raine was contacted for extensive analysis of all events relating to SCP-4XX4. She was able to confirm with almost absolute certainty the nature of SCP-4XX4's primary anomalous property.
An O5-approved test was scheduled to confirm Doctor Raine's results.
Document SCP-4XX4-3:
This document describes Operation 4XX4-3, which is enacted any time SCP-4XX4 breaches containment.
As a cumulative result of its anomalous properties, SCP-4XX4 will always have a single anomalous property which cannot be known about. As such, its staff-created containment procedures will inevitably be insufficient. Operation 4XX4-3 is an initiative to correct this flaw. The containment procedures of SCP-4XX4 are partially procedurally generated by a computerized algorithm. This program is given a large database of singular containment protocols derived from other Euclid SCP’s of similar nature.
During Operation 4XX4-3, the algorithm will choose a single random addition or modification to the containment procedures of SCP-4XX4. This modification will be carried out before SCP-4XX4 is returned to containment. The modifications will be handled by staff unfamiliar with SCP-4XX4’s anomalous properties, and all participating staff must be amnesticated afterwards.
The procedural algorithm will gather information based on how long it took for SCP-4XX4 to breach containment. Protocol changes which precede longer periods of containment are strengthened, while others are either removed or modified after a certain period of time. Thus, overall containment efficiency should slowly improve over time.
Addendum SCP-4XX4-A: As of September 2018, SCP-4XX4 has breached containment in average about 10 times a month. This corroborates the notion that Iteration 9 has occurred. However, so far no containment breach has required the intervention of MTF-Eta-10. Furthermore, data analysis shows that during SCP-4XX4’s containment, the length of successful containment periods has increased. The current containment procedures, including the usage of Operation 4XX4-3, are considered successful and will be upheld until further notice.