rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be stored within the Anomalous Technology Department of Site-55. SCP-XXXX is to be kept switched off at all times. During testing, all faucets, hoses, drinking fountains, etc. near SCP-XXXX's testing chamber are to be shut off in order to prevent any interference.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an 8 cm x 16 cm remote control. SCP-XXXX's front face is equipped with a green button labelled Start, a red button labelled Stop, an On/Off switch, and a dial. The dial has three settings: Sweet, Salty, and Spicy. SCP-XXXX has an antenna approximately 5 cm in length protruding from its front.

All Foundation attempts to open SCP-XXXX in order to observe its inner components have failed.

When aimed at an object that dispenses any type of liquid, if SCP-XXXX's Start button is pressed, said object will instead dispense a random type of liquid correspondent to SCP-XXXX's current dial setting. (See Testing Logs for details.) When the Stop button is pressed, or when SCP-XXXX moves out of range, the object will return to dispensing its liquids as normal. SCP-XXXX's range appears to be around 10 meters.

SCP-XXXX was recovered from ███████, Ohio on May 15, 2018. At approx. 7:50 AM EST, a fire broke out at a local restaurant. At approx. 7:53, the local Fire Department arrived and began to hose down the fire. Two minutes after their arrival, the truck-mounted fire hose began to spray gasoline instead of water. The fire quickly spread up the stream of gasoline and into the hose itself, causing the fire truck to explode, killing █ firemen and █ bystanders. News broadcasts of the fire were able to capture footage of Clint █████, SCP-XXXX in hand, on scene. Clint has since been apprehended by the Foundation, and questioned in regard to SCP-XXXX (See Interview Log XXXX-A).

Interview Log:

Testing Logs:

Test I - 5/17/18

Subject: One (1) Super Soaker brand water gun, filled with standard tap water

Dial Setting: Sweet

Results: Subject dispensed cherry flavored cola. Analysis showed that it was not only safe to drink, but also chemically identical to cherry-flavored Coca-Cola.

Notes: I'm more of a Pepsi guy, but whatever. - Dr. Reeves

Test II - 5/17/18

Subject: Site-55 Break Room coffee machine

Dial Setting: Sweet

Results: Subject dispensed energy drink chemically similar to Red Bull, chilled to 4 degrees Celsius (39 degrees Fahrenheit).

Test III - 5/18/18

Subject: D-4788

Dial Setting: Sweet

Results: Subject seemed unchanged, then commented that their skin felt sticky. Analysis showed that Subject's sweat glands were producing maple syrup. Subject licked their arm, stated that it tasted nice, then promptly requested a shower.

Notes: We should test this thing on people more often! - Dr. Washington

Test IV - 5/19/18

Subject: One (1) two-liter bottle of cherry-flavored Pepsi

Dial Setting: Salty

Result: Subject dispensed human tears.

Notes: Smart ass. - Dr. Reeves

Test V - 5/19/18

Subject: D-4780

Dial Setting: Salty

Results: Subject's eyes began to leak soy sauce. Test was shut down near-instantly due to pain. No lasting damage to Subject.

Notes: Eh, you win some, you lose some. - Dr. Washington

Test VI - 5/20/18

Subject: One (1) bottle of store-brand Ranch Dressing.

Dial Setting: Spicy

Results: Subject dispensed mild-flavored buffalo wing sauce.

Test VII - 5/21/18

Subject: One gallon can of standard gasoline

Dial Setting: Salty

Results: Subject dispensed human blood. DNA tests show no match to any known human.

Notes: Wow, how edgy and deep of you. I drive an electric car, dick. - Dr. Reeves

Test VIII - 5/22/18

Subject: D-4890

Dial Setting: Spicy

Results: Subject's mouth and throat [DATA EXPUNGED]. Test was shut down instantly. Subject died approximately two minutes after the start of the test. Analysis revealed that the subject's salivary ducts were producing Hydrochloric Acid (HCl).

Notes: Nevermind. - Dr. Washington