Per 
Item #: SCP-ORANGE-J
Object Class: Holy Spirit
Special Containment Procedures: To be honest, I am not sure where this orange came from.
But there's an orange. I think I placed the orange there, I'm not sure. Maybe this orange is like god's child and I should treat it like my own. This orange is the single greatest thing I've ever seen. It's texture is as bumpy as a road, to my liking. I think god has chosen me for this purpose. I knew the one main reason I was here was to care for this orange. There is nothing in my life more important. If this orange is found not in my house or in my care. You must report it to me, as when you set your eyes on this orange, it is your sworn duty to protect it. Nothing in this planet can save us if that orange is not being helped.
Will god come down and give us a beating?
Will Jesus grow from the orange?
Only one thing is certain; this orange was sent by god.
Description: This orange is amazing. Not your average cheap orange you find at the market. But an orange given by god to humanity. He is giving us another chance at saving ourselves before the end comes. This orange will protect us, and we must protect it.
1st Duty: Preservation of orange.
2nd Duty: Cleaning of orange.
3rd Duty: Praying to orange.
If you refuse to do each of these actives daily, you will be destroyed along by the mighty power of god and his followers. You will be met with a horde of the devil which will kill you for not saving the orange. Please, if you have see this orange it is reminded again, report it to me.
Addendum:
MESSAGE FROM O5 COMMAND
Honestly, I hope this is a joke,
I swear to fucking god if you've smoked something again and the first thing you've seen is a bloody orange, then god help us all.
