Hemogoblin
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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-XXXX is to be kept in storage Site-19. Collected instances of SCP-XXXX-1 shall be incinerated unless needed for further testing.

As of incident XXXX-A, all researchers performing experiments on SCP-XXXX are required to take a class on proper handling and use of 19th-century artillery before being allowed to interact with SCP-XXXX.

Description:

SCP-XXXX is an American Civil War-era howitzer which is capable of firing only potatoes. If loaded with a projectile and gunpowder charge sufficient to expel the projectile out of the barrel, when fired, the cannon will simultaneously remove any projectiles from its barrel, generate, and expel an instance of SCP-XXXX-1, a potato (Solanum tuberosum) of the "russet burbank" cultivar. The kinetic energy of the SCP-XXXX-1 upon exiting the muzzle is consistent with the energy that would normally be expected from firing a potato with such a powder charge. The origin of SCP-XXXX-1 is unknown. No anomalous properties have been observed in SCP-XXXX-1 instances, and class-D personel report that they are "quite tasty" when cooked.

Markings identify it as made in 18██ at the Union ████████ Foundry with serial number "209". No record of a gun of this type being made at this foundry have been found. It weighs 232 kilograms and is .34 metres long, with a bore of 5.03 centimetres. It is made similarly to other artillery of the time, with the exception of its unusually small bore, which is the approximate diameter of SCP-XXXX-1.

If the powder charge is insufficient to expel the projectile (regardless of whether it would expel a potato), the projectile will remain in the barrel. No anomalous properties have been observed while using non-anomalous S. tuberosum specimens or propellants other than black powder. It has been determined that the anomalous effect of SCP-XXXX only extends to the end of the barrel. Close examination of SCP-XXXX-1 reveals that a unique specimen is produced for each firing.

Addendum XXXX-01: Test log for SCP-XXXX

+ Test log

Addendum XXXX-02
Approval pending for use of SCP-XXXX to dispose of unwanted and otherwise indestructible SCPs.

Not likely, not until we figure out exactly what happens to the original projectiles. I don't want clouds of vaporised 402-A being distributed across the upper atmosphere.
-Senior Researcher ████████████

On ██/██/201█, it was proposed that SCP-XXXX might be used as a food source. After lengthy review and consideration, the idea was vetoed as un-economical by Site Director ███████.

How did this idea make it this far up the chain of command? I'd think at least one of our researchers had enough math skills to know that using a $5 powder charge to make a 50-cent potato is fine for research, but simply not feasable if you actually want potatoes.
-Site Director ███████

Addendum XXXX-03: Acquisition Log
SCP-XXXX first came to the attention of the FOundation following the arrest of J███████ H███████████ for manslaughter. H███████████ had been at an outdoor college party when he had loaded SCP-XXXX (then part of a Civil War monument) with a powder charge and a combination of confetti and female undergarments. He then attempted to fire it into the crowd, expecting them to be showered with said items. Instead, ████████████ █████████ was struck on the head with a SCP-XXXX-1 instance, and died soon after from brain trauma. Following the insistence by H███████████ (and several others present) that SCP-XXXX was not loaded with SCP-XXXX-1, Foundation officials were notified. After removal and replacement with a similar artillery peice, the object's anomalous qualities were verified, and it was designated SCP-XXXX. All involved persons were given class A amnestics, and were led to believe that ████████████ █████████ died in a fall.

Addendum XXXX-04: Incident XXXX-A
As Researcher ██████ was loading SCP-XXXX, the powder charge ignited prematurely, and was impaled by the fragment of the ramrod and impacted by the SCP-XXXX-1 instance, causing severe internal trauma. He was rushed to the infirmary, where he died due to internal bleeding soon after. Permission to reclassify to Euclid denied.

No, we're not reclassifying to Euclid. Sad as it is, it was his own fault for standing in front of a loaded cannon.
-Senior Researcher ████████████

At risk of sounding irreverent, it's not a cannon, it's a howitzer. There is a difference.
-Dr. ██████████