HoleMuffinZ

[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]]

Item #: SCP-687-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-687-J Is to be kept in a standard containment cell. No non-compostable items are to be in the same room as SCP-687-J, except for testing.

Description: SCP-687-J appears to be an black oak leaf. SCP-687-J is capable of english speech, and appears to be more intelligent than the average human. It is theorized that SCP-687-J is able to speak by letting out helium gas, due to its high pitched voice, and its similarity to that of a human who has inhaled helium. If SCP-687-J is in the vicinity of litter, or non compostable waste, it will begin to lecture whoever littered, or is using non compostable items, about pollution and global warming. If there is no person in the area, SCP-687 will mumble to itself that it “Just cares about the Earth.” SCP-687-J appears to be able to cause uncontrollable crying in humans if upset.

Addendum:

+ Show Interview

Interviewed: SCP-687-J

Interviewer: David Marshall

Foreword: Interviewer is told to enter room with plastic straw and ask questions.

<Begin Log>

Interviewer: "Hello, 687."

SCP-687-J: "What the fuck is that?" Referring to the straw in interviewer's hand.

Interviewer. "A plastic straw"

SCP-687-J "You fucking dipshit! Did you know that plastic can take over one-hundred YEARS to decompose? If I had fucking arms I would shove that straw up your bitch ass nose!"

Interviewer. "Excuse me?"

SCP-687-J "You fucking heard me you bitch! You think that the Earth is to be taken for granted? Your entitled ass thinks your so fucking helpful, helping contain shit you think is scary, while the real horror is the way you pollute mother nature!"

Interviewer "I’m sorry, I will reuse the straw later."

SCP-687-J "You better you fucking bitch!"

Interviewer "I’m going to ask a series of questions. First off, why do you feel the need to be explicit and rude? Do you have a form of tourettes, or do you just choose to be this way?"

SCP-687-J "I fucking curse because your ungrateful ass keeps polluting the beautiful place I call home!"

Interviewer "Which would be?"

SCP-687-J "Earth you complete fucking moron!"

Interviewer "What's your opinion on paper straws?"

SCP-687-J "They’re a fucking godsent!"
Interviewer "Where were you first discovered?"

SCP-687-J "Your bitchasses decided to pick me up after some fatass threw his candy bar wrapper on the ground, so I dissed that fatass so hard he cried and called the police! What a fucking bitch."

Interviewer "Wow, that's, impressive."

SCP-687-J "You bet your ass it is."

Interviewer "How do you think humans should help the environment, give me some examples."

SCP-687-J "First off your bitchasses could start caring less about corporations depending on fossil fuels and ban then all together."

Interviewer "But that would take a chunk out of the economy."

SCP-687-J "I’m a fucking leaf, you think I care about fucking money? Speaking of which, stop cutting down trees to use as fucking currency!"

Interviewer "What do you suppose we use instead?"

SCP-687-J "Cryptocurrency is a fucking good idea. Until your bitchasses decided that it shouldn’t have an absolute value, like the fucking idiot pigs you are."

Interviewer "Do you think Earth day helps save the environment?"

SCP-687-J "I’m shitting myself after that stupid ass question. Honestly, you have a foundation based around containing FUCKING WORLD ENDING SCPS AND YOU ASK THAT IDIOTIC QUESTION! YOU KEEP ACTUAL GODS A SECRET FROM THE FUCKING WORLD, AND THAT'S THE BEST QUESTION YOU CAN COME UP WITH? NOT “What's your opinion on current pollution laws?”, NO YOU ASKED ABOUT A FUCKING HOLIDAY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Interview ended after interviewer ran out of room in tears. SCP-687-J has demonstrated an ability to be able to control emotions.