Per 
- Home
- Stupid Ice Cream
- IoI-XXXX-1: A Very Gneiss Rock
- Sheriff Sherrif
- DaRk cArNiVaL
- Steven
- A Ball of Rubber Bands
- temp
- A Fountain of Blood
- camelCasedVariableName
- Oreadin the Duck
- SCP-XXXX (A Horrible Beast)
- SCP-XXXX (Rosa Mart)
Hi! Welcome to my sandbox! If you're seeing this, it means that either you're stalking me, or someone (probably me) linked you here. Or maybe you're just moderating or whatever, which is totally fine. If you're interested in reading my work, I would recommend that you start on the tabs with the following labels, in roughly descending order:
- Steven
- SCP-XXXX (Rosa Mart)
- A Fountain of Blood
If one of the tabs mentions another, feel free to look into it. Anything else either isn't done or else just isn't something I consider a good idea. Or is blank. Point is, if I linked you here, none of those tabs are why.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-1 is to be kept in ██████, Idaho. The city is to remain evacuated at all times, and any unauthorized persons attempting to gain entrance should be deterred by any means necessary. Movements of SCP-XXXX-1 should be monitored at all times. Any unauthorized persons attempting to come within twenty (20) meters of SCP-XXXX-1 are to be terminated immediately. Each day, five (5) D-Class personnel, each of whom are to be males between the ages of 38 and 54, are to interact with SCP-XXXX-1, each at 2-hour intervals, beginning at 10:00 AM. Interaction is defined as any successful transaction with immediate, on-site consumption of product (SCP-XXXX-2). Any personnel that consume SCP-XXXX-2 are to enter quarantine. If, after 3 hours, subject shows signs of infection, subject is to be immediately terminated. Otherwise, quarantine may be dissolved. Any personnel that consume SCP-XXXX-2 are forbidden to interact with SCP-XXXX-1 for at least six (6) months. All instances of SCP-XXXX-3 are to be terminated immediately.
Description:
SCP-XXXX-1: SCP-XXXX-1 appears to be a handicap-accessible van, modified into an ice-cream truck, staffed by a Caucasian male in his early thirties. However, further research has shown that these are actually the same entity. Between the hours of 8:00 AM and 7:00 PM, SCP-XXXX-1 will emit a sound possessing a melody that bears some resemblance to "Greensleeves." During this time, SCP-XXXX-1 will follow any available roads at sixteen (16) kilometers per hour, actively attempting to stay within any city. If a subject approaches SCP-XXXX-1, it will gently stop, decrease the volume of the sound it produces, and open its side doors. SCP-XXXX-1 will then attempt to vend any of its available "food items." These products are classified as SCP-XXXX-2. If any purchased instance of SCP-XXXX-2 is not consumed immediately, SCP-XXXX-1 will confront the subject, usually beginning on relatively amicable terms. Continued resistance will result in increased aggression on the part of SCP-XXXX-1, going through phases of yelling, profanity, and threats. In the final stage, SCP-XXXX-1 will close the side doors, shut off the sound it produces, and attack the subject through standard vehicular means. When such a subject is knocked over, SCP-XXXX-1 will glide over the subject, and the subject will disappear. SCP-XXXX-1 will then move to another portion of the same town and resume normal operation. The presence of women and children has been known to greatly decrease the rate at which SCP-XXXX-1 passes through aggression cycles.
SCP-XXXX-2: Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 have numerous appearances, including varying flavors of ice cream, numerous forms of ice cream toppings, and many well-known candies. No more than three (3) hours after consumption, SCP-XXXX-2 will attempt to infect the subject. The rate of success is determined by the subject's age and gender, with a ██.██% chance of success in males between the ages of thirty-eight (38) and fifty-four (54) years of age. This rate is increased with both older and younger subjects, with extremely high levels of success in subjects that are female, above the age of 72, or below the age of 13, with no reports of failed infection in girls under the age of 13. Successful infection results in the subject becoming of an instance of SCP-XXXX-3.
SCP-XXXX-3: Early signs of SCP-XXXX-3 infection, onset being within no more than three (3) hours, include symptoms of restlessness, increased vital signs, and diaphoresis (cold sweats). Within twenty-four (24) hours, SCP-XXXX-3 will show dilated eyes, itching, and extreme thirst. Within forty-eight hours of initial infection, SCP-XXXX-3 will demonstrate obsession, hallucinations, and hyperphagia, all of which seem to revolve around ice cream. A fully-infected instance of SCP-XXXX-3 will attempt to eat anything that it can fit into its mouth, usually giving verbal indications that it believes the object to be ice cream. It will also quite often bite uninfected individuals, who will then suffer risk of infection. Any attempts to restrain a fully-infected instance of SCP-XXXX-3 will be met with extreme violence, accompanied by inhuman levels of strength, endurance, and resourcefulness.
Item #: IoI-XXXX
Object Class: Anomalous
Containment Procedures: IoI-XXXX is to be kept in a size-1 standard containment locker. IoI-XXXX is not to be kept in the same site as any ████████-class object.
Description: IoI-XXXX is a rock. Visual and physical analysis suggests it is composed primarily of gneiss, and chemical analysis corroborates this. Its only known anomalous property is that multiple ████████-class objects have indicated it to be an anomalous object of extreme destructive potential.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently uncontained. Field agents are to keep continual watch for SCP-XXXX activity and call for assistance immediately upon any sign of SCP-XXXX-1.
When mobile task forces arrive, SCP-XXXX-1 instances are, if possible, to be taken alive for questioning, or terminated if doing so will prevent Foundation or civilian injury. Viewers are to be administered Class-C amnestics and returned to the nearest city or town. Anomalous objects created by SCP-XXXX are to be captured and brought into Foundation custody.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a phenomenon by which new SCP objects and anomalous items are created. To date, ██% of these items have been sentient, ██% of them hostile, and ██% of them apparently impossible to neutralize. There is a near-perfect split among these objects to be classified as anomalous, Safe, Euclid, or Keter.
SCP-XXXX-1 is a male humanoid entity with combed black hair that frequently droops into its face. It wears large, round glasses and professional attire. SCP-XXXX-1 is capable of predicting the creation of anomalous objects through SCP-XXXX, and will attempt to summon a crowd (varying between 20 and █00 "viewers") to witness the event. Usually, it will attempt to make the process more appealing by charging admission, claiming the event to be a show of mere whimsy, meant to entertain and enlighten viewers. These events are commonly described by viewers as "modern art" and having mildly dadaist tendencies, despite having no apparent deviation from the expected results of the sudden appearance of an anomalous object.
Viewers will usually be terminated by SCP-XXXX-1 through non-anomalous means while the "show" is progressing. SCP-XXXX-1 will always provide a victim with a choice, so that no action on its part will directly result in the death of a viewer. It will, however, do everything in its power to convince the viewer to choose the option that will result in their death. To date, only one survivor without Foundation interference has been logged. He was later neutralized by the SCP created during the corresponding event.
It is unknown whether SCP-XXXX-1 is responsible for SCP-XXXX, SCP-XXXX is responsible for SCP-XXXX-1, if SCP-XXXX-1 simply has foreknowledge of SCP-XXXX, or if both are caused by an as-yet unidentified third presence. To date, SCP-XXXX has produced an estimated ███ SCP objects, of which ███ are in Foundation custody.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Field agents are to keep continual watch for SCP-XXXX activity and immediately report any signs of SCP-XXXX.
A task force, armed with tranquilizers, specializing in child-based phenomena is to attend each SCP-XXXX event, but any members of the task force with children of their own are to be excluded from this process. The task force is to attempt to peaceably remove any and all children from the SCP-XXXX event prior to its penultimate stage of advancement, and is to minimize civilian injury and death after this point.
Class-C amnestics are to be provided to all children that attended the SCP-XXXX event, and class-A amnestics are to be administered to the family of any child killed in an SCP-XXXX event.
Description: SCP-XXXX appears to be a traveling carnival with themes surrounding the macabre. Only individuals without children of their own are able to perceive SCP-XXXX, as well as any items it produces, including advertising materials. Promotions for the carnival target children and attempt to convince them to attend a one-night event without notifying their parents of where they will be.
Attendants and staff at SCP-XXXX events are dressed as skeletons or monsters. They will attempt to frighten and startle guests, but otherwise offer a helpful, amicable attitude towards anyone present. Entry, food items, and ride access are provided without cost, though the words "There's always a price" are seen on fliers and signs throughout SCP-XXXX events.
At 12:00AM, all staff and attendants at an SCP-XXXX event will vanish, and all children present will experience a sensation of vertigo, followed by extreme rage and violent tendencies. At this point, the children cannot be convinced to leave the event willingly, and will remain violent until dawn. At this time, any deceased guests and all SCP-XXXX paraphernalia will disappear; however, blood lost by those killed in the incident will remain.
SCP-XXXX events are known to occur as often as once per week, with no known means of predicting where new events will occur.
Yet another day at the Foundation. I was in the middle of about four projects, waiting on people to get back with me on three of them, and the remaining one blocked until the moon was waxing gibbous. Don't ask. My hands hovered over my keyboard, fingers itching to type a reply to an email, just as soon as my mind could concoct a polite-enough phrasing for "why the hell can't you morons read". I stared at the empty reply, I don't know how long, until someone walked up to me.
I turned to face him. He was grossly overdressed in a pressed black suit. His hair was blue and spiked, and his skin looked pale. Almost gray. The room itself seemed to get colder as he approached, and yet he was one of those people who just exuded way more heat than anything human ever has business putting off.
I made eye contact, and that was more than enough for him. "Hey, I understand your department has picked up some of the guys we had to let go," he said. "Budget cuts, you know how it is."
Unfortunately, I knew all too well.
He went on, "well, one of 'em was supposed to stay with us, but a little bug in the system managed to let him slip away with the rest of 'em. Turns out that that little glitch has been there for oh, so long and quite a few people are running in circles freaking out. A lot of 'em are hoping to get it swept under the rug before the higher-ups find out about this embarrassing little incident. Let me tell you, heads will roll."
"And you want me to point you to HR for them to sort it out?"
"HR!" he exclaimed, seeming bewildered and disappointed at the same time. "No, no, no. You got me all wrong. I'm talking about the guys. You know, 'SCP'-dash-some-numbers."
"You're here to take back a skip," I questioned flatly.
"Yeah! Problem is, I don't know what number he is. I figured, hey, who better to ask than the ones who've been takin' care of him for the last"
He pretended to mutter something as he cleared his throat. Then he cocked his head to one side and used his thumb to scratch behind his ear. His fingernails were some kind of disgusting dark yellow, like a cross between vomit and dental plaque. "So, yeah, you probably want to know who the heck I'm talking about."
"That'd probably help," I said.
"So, yeah, the guy mostly just sits around, but he's like, insanely fast and strong, you know? You can't really contain him, he just tends to sorta… bide his time, I guess?"
"Sounds like a lot of them. Maybe be a bit more specific."
"Right, right. He, uh… won't die. Ever. Like, literally no matter what you do to him, he won't die. Like you could drop a nuke on his head and it'd just grow back. Kills anybody on sight."
"If it ever really got out, it'd be pretty much the end of the world?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Still pretty general, but I think I know which one you mean. You got your ID?"
"Of course!" he proclaims, as he pulls out a dark-green photo ID card with a bright-yellow "C3".
Seems to check out.
I pull up the site intranet and I punch in the magic numbers. It's one of the few SCPs I actually know by number. A few seconds later, we're looking at the containment procedures on SCP-682.
"Your—" he seems to say, pauses, actually formulates a coherent sentence before talking, and tries again. "You're in the right section of the library, but I can see we're still not on the same page here. I'm looking for something a bit more… wanna say the technical term is 'humanoid'."
"Impossible to kill, probably keter, can't really contain it, humanoid, and kills everyone it sees," I attempt to clarify. I still couldn't tell you how many different skips fit that description, but I'm pretty sure it's a lot.
"No, no!" he shouts, exasperated. "Kills everyone that sees it."
"Seriously? Why didn't you lead with that?"
He shrugs.
"About two meters tall, white skin, can't talk, instantly knows if you so much as look at a photo of it?"
"Yeah! You know him!"
I looked at him again, with suspicion. "How long did you say it's been since the transfer?"
"I didn't. It's been a while, okay?"
I should say so. SCP-096 has been here forever. I pull up the containment procedures and description, just to verify.
"A five-meters-cubed steel box? What were you people thinking?"
"Probably that it'd help the guards sleep a little better at night."
"Right, right. The guards," he said. "So, can you take me to where the box is?"
"I… why?"
"Well, I need to take him back with me. I trust you'd rather have me take the whole box than try to pull him out of it."
"You can't just take a skip. There's all sorts of red tape you have to get through."
"You gotta get where I'm coming from, though. Our… uh, site director, he doesn't even know this guy isn't still in our facility. If he starts hearing about paperwork to get a guy back when we're supposed to already have him, well… that's pretty much the definition of a containment breach. Our site has a really good track record on those. I think this would make the… third one. Ever."
"Seriously?"
"Pretty sure. Considering how personal the boss took it last time… let's just say I'm honestly afraid of finding out how he'll react if he finds out it's happened again. Point is, I'm not the only one. I've got a small army of paper-pushers begging me for a chance to help cover this up. We'll be able to smooth out any concerns you might have. But first things first, I need to get this guy back where he belongs. I'm not askin' ya to lend me a crane, here; I just want ya to tell me where the box is."
He was already in the building, presumably by using a level-three researcher security clearance. I figured, if that was the case, he's already authorized to review low-danger on-site containment areas. If not… he couldn't have been anything kept on this site, and I'm not a guard. It would be better to keep my head down. Still, either way, there was something that didn't add up. "So, then, if you're willing to resort to forgery here, then why tell me the truth?"
"Because, with you, I don't need to lie. You've only got the easy half of the story to believe, and as much as you wanna hear the other half, you believe what I've told you. Since you don't trust me, that's pretty solid right there."
How does he know all that?
"You're probably asking yourself, 'How does he know all that?'. Well, I'll tell ya, and finally put your worries to rest, if you take me to the box."
What was I to do? "Fine," I groaned. I got up from the chair and led him to the elevators.
On the way down, some gears clicked in my head. "That ID of yours is fake, isn't it?"
"Here," he said, pulling it back out of his pocket. "See for yourself."
I took the card and looked at it carefully. It looked like the ID for a level-three C-class researcher. It had a name. It had an employee number. It was flawless.
I took him to room 096.
He looked at the cube, turned back to me, and pointed with his thumb. "That it?"
"Yeah. You can tell by the armed guards defending it."
He smiled.
"Are you planning on keeping your promise?"
He smiled even more. "Of course I am. Y'see, the guy is cursed. You guys seem to have figured out only half of the curse—his proportions are all out of whack, no color or hair or anything else like that but the face is still normal, forced to slay any who gaze upon him. Thing is, there's that bug I mentioned before. The one that let him slip out? The exact nature of the curse is that he must immediately, with his bare hands, slay and devour any other who bears his image."
"But… 'who bears his image'? He's only killed people who looked at him."
"Right. That's the other half of the curse. Any who gaze upon his image shall take upon themselves his likeness. We didn't really piece it together until we heard about his escape, but the ones who see him… their faces don't transform as fast as he gets rid of them. As much as he hates doing that to his own image, he does it before things really take their full effect."
"I… don't get it. How do you know that, and how did that let him breach containment?"
"It let him breach containment because the compulsion gives him the power to overcome any obstacle in his way. Strength, speed, endurance, and agility are bestowed on him to fulfill the curse. When we deliberately turned loose some of the other guys, one of them must have carried his image into your world. Then, anyone who saw that image… the curse actually let him cross all the way over. As for how we know so much about the curse… we're the ones who cursed him."
"What?"
"When he was alive, he was extremely fond of himself. So, this is his eternal punishment. He was struck hideous, except the face he loved so much remains the same. He is isolated, alone. The only interaction he has with his image, is that he has to carry it, and ensure no one see it, or else he'll have to destroy it. It was meant that he could never see any face other than his own, ever again."
"You did this to him… because he was a narcissist?"
A clang, something hard ringing against steel.
"The original, you might say. But it seems like it might be best not to continue this conversation while he's still amongst the living. I'll see you… when I see you." The strange man and the steel box disappeared in a ball of blue flames.
I looked at the card in my hand. Black joker.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a perfect vacuum tube sufficiently sized for SCP-XXXX. The tube must be at least 100 meters tall, and equipped with air regulation at the top and bottom. At no point is SCP-XXXX ever to be brought above sea level except during transit. Upon installation of SCP-XXXX into a containment tube, SCP-XXXX is to be dropped into the tube from the top to provide it with sufficient starting inertia. The bottom of the tube is to be made of [DATA EXPUNGED] to provide a more inelastic collision. A mass of air equal to the mass of SCP-XXXX is to be sent through the vacuum tube from the top to the bottom, at the end of SCP-XXXX's upswing, in order to help maintain continuous velocity. The mass of air collected from the tube should be 1.2 times the quantity of air deposited into the tube. This is considered normal. If this factor changes by any significant degree, the local site administrator is to be notified immediately.
SCP-XXXX is to be moved to a new containment area once per twelve months. This serves to ensure that SCP-XXXX does not outgrow its containment cell and that the containment cell does not damage the site infrastructure. New containment areas should be selected to maintain a balance across the planet as a whole to ensure minimal impact on gravitational fields.
Description: SCP-XXXX is currently a ████-kg ball composed of rubber bands. If kept at rest, its mass and volume will increase at an exponential rate over time. Any object touching SCP-XXXX will experience a similar growth. No change in pattern or tension, except those expected from testing, have been observed in the outer layer of SCP-XXXX.
Testing has shown that there exists an infinite number of rubber bands inside SCP-XXXX, with the mass of the rubber band being directly proportional to its average distance from the center squared. Each band taken from SCP-XXXX shares its anomalous properties.
…
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept at the Site-███ medical ward, and to be used for sanctioned experimentation and emergency purposes only. Except as part of sanctioned experiments, SCP-XXXX is to be kept plugged into a live power outlet and supplied with a full reservoir of ice. Medical personnel at Site-███ are to be transferred to other positions after one month of active duty, and are not to be transferred back for at least one year.
All medical staff are required to check the status of SCP-XXXX regularly. If its power cable is ever found to be unplugged, a level-two emergency state is to be enacted, and is not to be repealed until a full head count of all medical personnel and patients has been made. If any individual in the count is missing or dead, security tapes are to be reviewed to confirm [DATA EXPUNGED]. If this is not the case, or if all personnel and patients are counted alive and showing no signs of exsanguination or loss of intelligence, procedure XXXX-alpha must be enacted before the state of emergency is repealed.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a biological machine stored within the chassis of a Coca-Cola brand soda fountain. The ice reservoir contains a 1-meter heart-like organic structure that continuously pumps blood throughout the machine. Any ice or living biological material also stored in this compartment is converted to additional blood, while other materials are ejected through unknown means.
Activating any of the spigots will cause blood to pour out of the spigot, assuming there is sufficient blood in the system to do so. DNA testing is invariably inconclusive, but a definite correlation between the spigot used and the blood type of the resultant material has been observed.
Addendum SCP-XXXX-1: Contrary to initial hypothesis, the efficacy of procedure XXXX-alpha in preventing further incident is not positively correlated to the quantity of organic matter in the subject, but rather in relative intelligence. For this reason, D-class personnel with high IQ ratings are to be given higher priority in the future, rather than those with higher body mass.
http://www.sodadispenserdepot.com/pics/soda-fountain-461b.jpg
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Keter (provisional) Euclid (See Incident Report XXXX-██)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a size-one standard anomalous containment locker. Adjoining lockers are to be kept free of hats and hat-like objects. SCP-XXXX is to be removed only for testing. SCP-XXXX is to be worn for at least 16 hours within any 48-hour time period, and must remain under surveillance when it is not worn. In the event that movement is detected, or in the event that 32 hours have passed since the last time SCP-XXXX was worn, SCP-XXXX is to be worn continuously for 24 hours. Once 24 hours have passed, normal wearing schedule is to resume.1
Anyone wearing SCP-XXXX is to be reclassified as E-class personnel. This decision is pending review as the efficacy of the new containment procedures are analyzed. Wearers are to refrain from attempting to support the full weight of SCP-XXXX on their own.
Whenever SCP-XXXX is donned or removed, or if surveillance is interrupted, the weight of SCP-XXXX is to be measured and documented. If a decrease in the mass of SCP-XXXX is ever detected, researchers should attempt to find the lost mass and test it for anomalous properties.
SCP-XXXX is to be kept at a site with no other hat-based anomalous objects. Site [DATA EXPUNGED] is to be kept free of any other hat-based anomalous objects.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a hat of a style not known in any identified cultures. While it is primarily a blue-dyed cotton, the lining of SCP-XXXX is embroidered with pieces of jade, shaped into as-yet unidentified symbols.
When worn, SCP-XXXX is known to rid the scalp of dandruff, shed hair, and lice. In addition, SCP-XXXX is known to remove excess oils, split ends, and tangles from the hair itself. As this process continues, the mass of SCP-XXXX increases by an amount equal to the material lost, but the composition of SCP-XXXX appears to remain unchanged.
If SCP-XXXX is left unobserved in the presence of another hat,2 if SCP-XXXX has a mass greater than 0.32 kg, it will undergo a process through which a portion of its mass will manifest as a newly-produced hat. These hats, determined to be entirely non-anomalous having shown no signs of anomalous composition or activity, range in mass from 0.02-0.20 kg and will contain stylistic and material elements from SCP-XXXX and from the other hat.
When SCP-XXXX is left unobserved in the presence of multiple hats, no hypotheses regarding the priority of its selection have been statistically proven.3 The production process has been observed to occur as quickly as [DATA EXPUNGED] seconds, but the process has not been observed to re-initiate within one hour of a successful production. It seems that SCP-XXXX's production ability is limited only by this time limitation and its stored mass.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-1 is to be kept in a size-50 standard humanoid containment cell, with modifications as noted in Document XXXX-A. Modifications requested by SCP-XXXX-1 may be added to this document with the approval of Site Director █████. All modifications proposed by SCP-XXXX-1 to its containment cell are to be recorded and documented, regardless of whether they are included in Document XXXX-A. Modifications noted in Document XXXX-A are to be considered for adoption as standard protocol in the construction of new humanoid containment cells.
SCP-XXXX-1 may be employed in the repair of damages made to Site ██ with the approval of Site Director █████, or with the approval of B-class non-combatant personnel in the event of a containment breach, excluding those initiated by SCP-XXXX-1. any Site, only with O5 approval, or in accordance with section 8-Sigma of the Emergency Mitigation Guidelines.
SCP-XXXX-1 regularly breaches the integrity of its containment cell. Unless SCP-XXXX-1 leaves the containment area, this is to be considered normal, and no alarms or evacuation procedures are to be initiated. A B-class or non-combatant C-class A C-class A D-class personnel is to go to SCP-XXXX-1's containment area with any standard-size piece of stationery and a writing utensil. In the event that SCP-XXXX-1 does not restore the integrity of its containment cell when it has finished writing, a priority-three priority-two constructive work order is to be raised to restore the containment cell. The stationery is to be returned to research staff, for translation, recording, and documentation.
SCP-XXXX-1 is to be kept in a dedicated site with minimal scientific personnel and a standard double contingent of guards. The site is to be administrated remotely by the site director of Site ██. Traps are to be placed throughout the site in such a way that the most-advanced traps lead back to the subject's containment cell towards a false exit near the center of the building. The facility must have no fewer than three flights of stairs between the subject's containment area and the false exit, as well as an additional two flights of stairs between the false exit and any real exits. Elevators are to be rendered inoperable in the event of containment breach are forbidden on the site. SCP-XXXX-1's wings are to remain clipped at all times. All stairwells in the facility are to possess airlock access, and are The entire facility is to be depressurized during any containment breach, and human-compatible breathing apparatuses are to be made available to all facility members.
SCP-XXXX-2 is believed to be a Euclid-class memetic hazard, and appropriate measures are to be taken. SCP-XXXX-3 and SCP-XXXX-4 are classified Safe and are to be kept in size-1 standard anomalous containment lockers.
Description: SCP-XXXX-1 is an intelligent specimen of anas platyrhynchos domesticus (the domestic duck). While incapable of speaking, it has attempted to communicate in multiple written languages, one of which is similar to Latin. It demonstrates intelligence near what is believed to be the human limit, and has cohesive memory of a reality which is not contiguous with that of the Foundation.
SCP-XXXX-1 has comprehensive knowledge of construction, cooking, and metallurgy, allowing it to create and destroy nearly anything with minimal effort. It has, at the time of this writing, found and exploited ███ distinct flaws in the humanoid containment cell, and proposed solutions to prevent future containment breach with each incident. Fiscally viable solutions are recorded in Document XXXX-A, which currently contains ██ entries. It has also demonstrated an ability to repair damages dealt to any object in a matter of seconds. It has accurately guessed the square footage of Site ██ within █%, and has notified Foundation personnel that it could, given the proper construction materials, rebuild the entire facility in a matter of three months. What prompted this notification is unknown.
SCP-XXXX-1 also demonstrates an understanding of human medicine approximately contiguous with medical professionals of the 1800's late 1900s. Before its capture, it demonstrated an anomalous level of skill in swordplay. However, SCP-XXXX-1 is self-reported to have few social skills, and studies have shown it possesses a distinct inability to deceive Foundation personnel. There are no reliable records to indicate how containment of SCP-XXXX-1 was contained. Interviews with on-site personnel suggest that SCP-XXXX-1 initially manifested within Foundation custody.
SCP-XXXX-1 refuses to remain housed in an avian containment cell, and was officially moved to humanoid containment when this was determined to require fewer Foundation resources.
Other SCP-XXXX objects were found on SCP-XXXX-1's person at the time of capture. in Foundation custody, with documents suggesting they were once present on SCP-XXXX-1's person.
- SCP-XXXX-2 is a leather pouch which has been reported by SCP-XXXX-1 to contain a memetic hazard that could result in containment breach if observed. Studies with D-class personnel are pending approval. contains more internal volume than external volume. To date, contents are discovered to be primarily dirt, though other contents include:
- A semi-corporeal boring creature, resembling an emaciated pangolin. No attempts to feed it have elicited response. It does not respond to stimuli of any kind.
- Five spheres, each 7.5 centimeters in diameter, each made of jade bearing unique colors and anomalous physical properties
- A pair of jade boots, displaying properties similar to the white and blue varieties of the jade spheres.
- Several different fruit-bearing plants.
- Other as-yet unidentified items.
- SCP-XXXX-3 is a vial of a viscous green fluid. When poured out of the vial, the fluid will expand and take the shape of a two-meter 1.9-meter gaint large slug wearing a saddle. Testing has shown the slug to have gravity-manipulating properties that cause any person riding it to remain on its back, regardless of the relative orientation of the slug to the earth. No efficient means of returning the fluid to the vial has been found. Spectroscopic analysis of the fluid indicates that it is applesauce, containing green food coloring and two unknown types of stone. jade.
- SCP-XXXX-4 is a wing covering, containing several hundred observable clockwork components, and plated with solid gold. Its only discovered anomalous property is that SCP-XXXX-1 is still able to fly while wearing it.
Other, non-anomalous objects were found on its person, including a blue kilt and a bronze sword, both expertly-made and sized for SCP-XXXX-1. Both were confiscated upon containment, and the former was returned to SCP-XXXX-1 upon request.
Addendum XXXX-A: Interviews with SCP-XXXX
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Addendum XXXX-B: A note from Site Director ███████
"SCP-XXXX demonstrated cooperation with the first site directors to oversee its containment. I'm afraid I must conclude, with the untimely death of Counselor ██████, that these amicable days are long-gone. The subject simply won't bother writing with us anymore, and only responds to prompts in the form of puzzles and, apparently, psychological help. I've managed to distract it for now by asking it come up with a way to solve 3-SAT in polynomial time, but… I think it might actually pull it off. This thing has obviously gone stir-crazy in the last few centuries. Next time it decides to go on one of its attempts to prove how 'shoddily' we make this place, I'm sure it's going to find out the exit is a fake. That thing is our ace in the hole here, and once that [EXPLETIVE] duck has figured it out, he will escape. He will find our other sites, and there will be a repeat of the [DATA EXPUNGED] incident. I'm trying my best to keep this skip from trashing the place again, but it's only a matter of time. I'm retiring soon. I pray to God that I don't have to see another one of his rampages. I'm so sorry for the next guy to take this job." - Site Director ███████
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a cell made of a material no weaker than reinforced concrete. SCP-XXXX is to be fed 1.8 kilograms of solid intake materials (which may include fungi, plant materials, animal muscles or fats, and mammary secretions and products) each day, as well as 4 liters of dihydrogen monoxide. Solid waste materials may be used as fertilizer, while liquid waste materials contain potentially-lethal concentrations of salt and ammonia and must be disposed of with care.
SCP-XXXX requires an environment consisting of ~30% oxygen and ~70% nitrogen to survive. Its natural processes involve the pollution of said environment, but the levels of these elements in the atmosphere around SCP-XXXX are to be kept constant.
No personnel are to be assigned to SCP-XXXX for more than two weeks during every six-month period.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a sentient biped measuring approximately 1.6 meters. The orifice at the beginning of its one-way digestive system continually secretes a highly-corrosive acid and contains twenty-eight bone protrusions used for ripping, tearing, and pulverizing solid intake materials. Evidence suggests that SCP-XXXX previously had more of these protrusions, and that at least four have been forcibly and/or surgically removed. Whether this was done by SCP-XXXX itself or performed by an outside entity is unknown. The mouth also contains a modified muscle covered in specialized chemical receptors, with which SCP-XXXX is capable of identifying items by dissolving them in its mouth. SCP-XXXX also has similar chemical receptors connected to its air intake systems, allowing it to detect a wide variety of chemicals in the parts-per-billion.
SCP-XXXX is covered in a thin, flexible layer of waterproof tissue that is believed to be necessary for its survival, as the materials composing SCP-XXXX's body are almost entirely water-based. This tissue is extremely resilient, capable of recovering from cuts, burns, and sectional removal with minimal loss of integrity. This layer of tissue is also covered in sensors that allow SCP-XXXX to know the direction of gravity relative to itself as well as the size, shape, temperature, and pressure of any surface touching it. Despite its use as a sensory organ, this layer of tissue continually secretes corrosive oils and poisonous fluids similar to its liquid waste materials. While SCP-XXXX is believed to require its liquid components to survive, it has been documented to survive, and completely recover from, the loss of upwards of three liters of vital fluids.
SCP-XXXX is capable of perceiving both the frequency and intensity of electromagnetic radiation within a range of 430-770 terahertz in a 180-degree field. With this information, it is capable of detecting not only the presence of objects, but even their nature, going so far as to be able to distinguish Foundation personnel from each other using this sense alone.
Furthermore, SCP-XXXX is capable of detecting the frequency and intensity of vibrations in the atmosphere, allowing it to detect objects through movement. It has two distinct sensors for this purpose, allowing it to identify the direction and distance from which the vibrations were generated, as well.
SCP-XXXX has been frequently known to generate high-intensity vibrations: whether this behavior is related to its perception abilities is unknown. Speech-to-text programs will, most of the time, interpret these sounds as words in English or German. The mechanism by which SCP-XXXX elicits this response from the software, or if the elicitation of this response is deliberate, is unknown.
SCP-XXXX goes into a dormant state for approximately eight hours each day. During this time, its regular process of in-taking, polluting, and expelling air is diminished, and it remains unresponsive to minor stimuli. Evidence suggests it experiences vivid hallucinations during these time periods, but frequently suffers retrograde amnesia regarding the experience upon rousing again. The mechanism by which the process occurs is unknown, and it serves no apparent function.
Each of SCP-XXXX's four limbs is single-jointed, terminating in a complex structure containing five two- or three-jointed digits. The upper two structures have extremely high levels of dexterity and serve as SCP-XXXX's primary means of manipulating its environment. SCP-XXXX also demonstrates a strong ability to build structures and tools out of basic materials. Furthermore, SCP-XXXX has been known to utilize improvised weapons.
Prolonged exposure to SCP-XXXX causes death in sexually-reproducing creatures under one year in age, from the time of conception, as well as in unfertilized eggs, sperms, pollen, cones, and seeds.
Significant portions of SCP-XXXX have been known to die and be expelled from the organism as a whole. Extended observation has concluded that these materials are replaced with tissues generated inside the body of SCP-XXXX. Observation of how this process occurs is still ongoing.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid (See Incident Report XXXX-██)
Special Containment Procedures: A copy of SCP-XXXX is to be stored on the Foundation Cloud, stored using a standard Solomon-3-O5 Solomon-5-O5 encryption system, with an additional key held by the director of Site ██. A non-encrypted copy of SCP-XXXX is to remain isolated on the Site-██ intranet, with read-only permissions granted to all level-2 or higher researchers assigned to SCP-XXXX.
Anyone who views and hears SCP-XXXX is to be re-designated as a member of TF-█-█. Members are to be trained under basic dream recollection and lucid dreaming, and tested for loyalty to the Foundation on a regular basis. Each member is to carry all forms of receipt, not just those generated by SCP-XXXX, in Standard Cargo Pocket Delta of the MTF uniform. A team of personnel designated TF-█-█ is to be maintained at all times. All members of TF-█-█ are to view SCP-XXXX as part of their training.
Members of TF-█-█ are to be stationed at Site ██ at all times. They are each to be monitored for sleep patterns and debriefed after each sleep cycle. Newly-generated receipts upon awakening are to be confiscated and delivered to the local site director immediately. Any form of access to any recognized currency (see Document XXXX-A "Schmeckles" for a tentative list of currencies beyond those recognized in the global economy) is to be monitored and restricted by the local site director. Members may only be are to be removed from TF-█-█, by authorization of any Level 4 researcher or higher, through the administration of Class-A amnestics.
No Keter- or ████████-class objects are to be stored at Site ██. Inventory of all items stored at Site ██ is to be taken at four times the standard regularity. A full report of all financial and material intakes and expenditures is to be accounted and confirmed by no fewer than three level-four researchers every month.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a digital video consisting of an advertisement and containing an unknown audiovisual memetic agent. Subjects who watch SCP-XXXX will no longer experience normal dreaming. Instead, with each sleep, they will enter a dreamscape consisting of a grocery store, invariably recognized as a "Rosa Mart".
Access to funds within the dreamscape invariably reflects access to funds in real life. Any recognized currencies, and many unrecognized currencies, are accepted as payment for items. Attempts to shoplift invariably fail: exits are indestructible and will not open to shoplifters, and TF-█-█ members will only awaken upon exiting the store.
Upon waking, TF-█-█ members who have made purchases will find a receipt detailing their purchases. Whatever currency was used to pay for the purchase will be gone, and purchased items will appear (through unlikely, non-anomalous circumstance) within 3-5 days, not including Sundays and bank holidays.
Several employees operate the store, all of whom appear to be identical and all identify as "Marty Rose". Instead of shelves, every aisle is lined with clear glass doors that lead into distinct areas. Marty Rose entities will not enter any of the areas, but are quick to ensure customers that they are all perfectly safe. Most commonly, these areas are laid out as domestic areas, such as bedrooms, bathrooms, living rooms, kitchens, attics, and basements. Items do not have listed prices, but any Marty Rose entity will immediately identify the price of any item in an unknown, but deterministic, manner. Prices are invariably considered extremely low.
SCP-XXXX was discovered when ██████ ████ opened a link to SCP-XXXX on a pornographic website sent from the email address [REDACTED]. ████ ██████ admits ownership of the address, but claims never to have sent said e-mail, nor to have visited the website. The video has since been isolated onto Foundation computers and all traces of its existence have been removed from the public Internet through [REDACTED].
<Begin Transcript>
<Camera begins showing the face of a man with brown hair, a bright green ball cap, and a strong Southern U.S. accent.>
Marty Rose: "Hey, You!"
<Camera cuts to different angle of same man.>
Marty Rose: "Yes, you!"
<Camera cuts to extremely close shot of man's face>
Marty Rose: "I'm Marty Rose, and THIS" <Camera zooms out, revealing a red-and-blue building labeled "Rosa Mart,"> "IS ROSA MART!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose standing outside the entryway. Several other Marty Rose Entities can be seen inside, performing janitorial services, standing by point-of-sale, and changing destinations for the glass doors. Marty rose, walking backwards, enters the building and proceeds down one of the aisles, camera following>
Marty Rose: "We've got almost anything you can imagine! Our selection just can't be beat!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, displaying a small battery for the camera>
Marty Rose: "Need batteries? We've got one-volts!"
<Camera cuts to a slightly-different angle, revealing Marty Rose in the same pose, holding a larger battery>
Marty Rose: "We've got two-volts!"
<Camera cuts to two Marty Rose entities, unsuccessfully attempting to hold an indeterminate number of batteries, each a different color>
Marty Rose (on left): "We've got red-volts!"
Marty Rose (on right): "We've got blue-volts!"
<A third Marty Rose entity rises mid-frame, presumably from a crouched position near the floor>
Marty Rose (center): "But don't think we've just got batteries!"
<Camera shows several stock photos non-corresponding to the items listed verbally>
Marty Rose (voiceover): "We have food items, dish soap, frozen desserts, regular desserts, pinball machines, furniture, even priceless works of art! We've got things that don't even exist! We've got things you can't buy anywhere else!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, pointing excitedly at the exit>
Marty Rose (yelling with increased fervor): "We even had a guy lead a live elephant out those very doors! You never know what you'll find at Rosa Mart! And new items come in every night! I'm sure we've got something you'll enjoy, so you science guys should come on down!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, wearing a pin-on button with a generic smiley-face> "And don't even get me started on customer service! We have a legion of friendly employees"
<Camera cuts to an estimated 6,000 Marty Rose entities standing and carrying various Greco-Roman, medieval, and unidentified melee weapons, as well as 600 additional Marty Rose entities, each sitting upon another Marty Rose entity wearing a saddle and barding>
Marty Roses (in unison): "READY TO SELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT TODAY!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, standing behind a point-of-sale counter>
Marty Rose: "And if you ever buy ANYTHING that you decide you don't want, we'll give you a full refund, no questions asked!"
<Marty Rose reaches into the register and removes a large quantity of cash of varying type and denomination, throwing it into the air, towards the camera. The cascade of money serves as a transition to the next shot4.>
<Marty rose is standing in the parking lot outside the building, the camera slightly above and gaining elevation throughout the shot. Marty rose spins clockwise, camera follows. By end of shot, camera is looking down on Earth from the upper atmosphere5>
Marty Rose: "Speaking of money, our prices are so low, they're OUT OF THIS WORLD!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose holding a moped>
Marty Rose: "A moped just like this one is the most expensive item sold in the last three months, with thousands of customers coming in every day. Now, how much was it?"
<Camera cuts to a classroom setting, Marty Rose entities sitting in each of 35 desks. One raises his hand>
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, wearing a toupee over its green ball cap, standing in front of a chalkboard>
Marty Rose (affecting German accent): "Yes, Marty?"
<Camera cuts back to classroom setting>
Marty Rose (lowering hand): "Fourty-seven dollars and sixty-three cents!"
<Camera cuts to a parade, composed of Marty Rose entities; parade seems to be in honor of one specific entity, wearing a vest emblazoned with an image of a moped and large, golden text marking "$47.63">
Marty Rose (voiceover): "That's right! With prices like those, just imagine the deals you can get on video games, refrigerators, air conditioners, personal computers, or whatever you want!"
<Camera cuts to Marty Rose, sitting on a stool, strumming an acoustic guitar. Lighting shows nothing else, but floor patterns are consistent with Rosa Mart interior>
Marty Rose (speaking gently): "All your needs can be satisfied at Rosa Mart. We can get you rare and high-quality items for unimaginably low prices. Why would you shop anywhere else?"
Marty Rose (speaking melodically):
"So come on down to Rosa Mart"
"It's just the smart thing to do"
"'Cause when you shop here at Rosa Mart,"
"Rosa Mart takes care of you."
