Per 
It was a cool autumn morning when Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian sat silent on his porch, corn cob pipe in hand, firmly placed in an antique rocking chair surveying his massive plantation complete with vast crops of wheat, corn and rye ready for that years harvest. his net worth was somewhere between 200 and too many million dollars and all he could thank for it was a microwave and day old fish sticks.
8 years prior…
Ethics Committee Liaison Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian really did not care much for the lunch Site-17 had been serving that day. What was a man to do in this situation? Well…recook yesterday's lunch of course!
So he took the initiative and got himself some fish sticks from the Ethics Committee mandated break room's fridge and carefully separated each individual fish stick on a thin paper plate and put in the what was possibly the single cheapest microwave on earth. He entered the desired cooking time into the microwave and…no beep from the buttons. No flashing numbers on the screen above the buttons, not even a small internal light turning on when the door was closed.
"Fuck."
Was the only part of the cascade of swears, profanities, blasphemes, curses and cusses that he wished he could scream out as loud as he could. There is one thing you do not deny any man, and for Cimmerian, that thing was lunch.
So, almost uncharacteristically, he decided to go out and do something about it, drove 30 minutes to Target and purchased an actually decent microwave. After returning as soon as possible from the combined needs of getting back to work and not getting starred at or called Harvey Dent, he installed the new microwave, took out the fish sticks (which already thawed to gross levels) and put the fish sticks in the new microwave.
Finally…salvation…lunch will arrive soon.
After precisely 2 minutes and 45 seconds, the microwave emitted a series of beeps signifying one thing. The food he long desired would finally deliver him from hunger. He grabbed the plate, bit into one of the fish sticks, and broke 3 teeth.
The sheer scope of Dr. Cimmerian's lexicon of foul language was downright legendary. Somehow, with the incredible pain in his mouth, he was able to ignore any sensation other than the most primal rage humanity has witnessed.
After the greatest rant in all the multiverse, he noticed why he broke his teeth on the fish sticks. The insides were not cheap, heavily processed mystery fish, but instead one of the most precious materials in humanities history.
Gold. Solid, pure, 24 karat, shimmering, glossy, metallic yellow gold
After this realization, he cut the breading off another fish stick. Gold. Another stick, gold. 3 more sticks, gold, gold gold. Without knowing it at all beforehand, Dr. Cimmerian was now in possession of an infinite gold machine that surely would have been locked up with the rest of the anomalies had anyone else found out before his purchasing of it. How could he pass up an opportunity of this magnitude? So, while no one was looking, he reached over and unplugged the microwave. And that was when Clef showed up to tell him all about his new shotgun shells
