Per 
!!NOTES FROM AUTHOR!!
this is my solution to all of the lolfoundation-y tests you get with collaboration logs, ie 914 and 1459
please don't take this too seriously
THIS FILE IS ONLY AVALIABE TO PERSONEL WITH XXXX-A CLEARENCE
A MEMETIC KILL AGENT IS ATTACHED THAT WILL TERMINATE ANY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL
imagine a big spooky fractal here thanks
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Personnel suspected to be infected with SCP-XXXX are to be immediately sent to temporary containment, interviewed, and exposed to Class-B amnestics, if no change is noted, the subject is to be observed for up to 30 days, at which the subject will be terminated if the effects of SCP-XXXX remain. Efforts are ongoing to find a way to permanently neutralize SCP-XXXX, and cure SCP-XXXX-1 instances.
Note from Doctor April
“I’m well aware of the unorthodox methods used to contain SCP-XXXX, but until we can find a neutralization method, I suggest we keep them as they are. We are open to suggestions but if our current models on how SCP-XXXX functions are correct - we don’t know if a true cure is possible.”
Description: SCP-XXXX Is a memetic virus that only infects SCP Personnel. SCP-XXXX is an unknown form of reality bending/memetic phenomena that can affect any SCP Personnel seemingly at random, although those with a lower Psionic Resistance Index are more likely to affected. Most personnel Infected by SCP-XXXX, herby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1 instances, show little signs of change on the surface.
Symptoms Signs of SCP-XXXX-1 include:
Anti-Social behavior
Uncharacteristic behavior/Inability to understand previously well understood ideas, rules, or questions, particularly personal ones.
Unusual use of time, such as over eagerness to conduct interviews/tests on SCP Objects.
General Unprofessionalism.
Interviews with SCP-XXXX-1 Instances show hesitance and lack of cooperation, with minimal questions answered, and often ends with the subject self-terminating through unknown means before questions can be answered.
INTERVEIW LOG SCP-XXXX-1-A
Interviewer: Agent XXXXX
Interviewee: Doctor XXXXXX (A suspected Chaos Insurgency spy)
Date: XX-XX-2012
Notes: At the time of the interview, SCP-XXXX was not discovered, although the subject was later revealed to be the first known SCP-XXXX-1 Instance.
Agent: Why have you been acting weird as of late, Doctor XXXXX?
Doctor: What do you mean?
Agent: What I mean is, you’ve avoided almost all contact with anyone, your office is a complete mess, and you keep refusing to do your assigned work.
Doctor: I keep saying that I’m working on the paperwork, I was overbooked and had a lot of assigned tests with SCP-XXXX, XXXX, and XXX.
Agent XXXX is heard writing on paper
Agent: See, that’s the thing. Do you know who assigned you to those objects?
Doctor: The Site Director?
Agent: We noticed that your digital schedule has been changed and does not match the physical copy we have.
Doctor: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Agent: Answer truthfully Doctor, or you will face punishment.
Doctor: Alright, fine. You win, I’ve already done what I came here to do.
Agent: Please explain.
Doctor: I’m a spy, an Insurgency spy.
Agent: What did you do?
Doctor: Why would I tell you?
Agent: You have no choice; we have our ways and will find out. This isn’t a game, quit acting like it is.
Doctor: We’re done here.
Agent: Guards, restrain him and bring him to-
Doctor XXXXX becomes unresponsive and his head hits the table
Agent: What?
END LOG
Autopsy reports of Doctor XXXXX show no signs of cyanide poisoning or any clear sign death. Although the brain had an unusually high Hume level2. The body was transported into cold storage shortly after. Doctor XXXXXX was assumed to be a low-level reality bender, although how and why the subject died so suddenly and without apparent cause is still unknown.
No signs of tampering other than Doctor XXXXXXX’s schedule changes have been discovered. Although a high priority search is currently in effect and a full search of Doctor XXXXXX’s office is scheduled for XX-XX-2012.
The phenomena were classified as SCP-XXXX after 3 other similar deaths from researchers, all having different claims on where they came from.
After the group of interest known as “gamers against weed” was discovered in 20XX, a raid on one of their original chatrooms revealed a possible connection between the group and SCP-XXXX. The following is an excerpt from the chatroom.
2012
DonDeLillo: hows work on the project jam?
jamjuar: It’s going really well, I finally got some good results.
Pesterb8: lmao did you finally get into the brain of a rat or something?
jamjuar: No, hold on I'll show you.
jamjuar uploaded 1.png
jamjuar: I got control of one of those scp guys and caused some trouble lol.
Pesterb8: HOLY SHIT thats amazing
DonDeLillo: wow, did they find out?
jamjuar: Sort of, I managed to bail though, they have no idea. Told them I was a spy for something else and cut off the connection. I bet their going to be scratching their heads on that one for a long time.
Pesterb8: so, b8ta when?
jamjuar: Soon, still working on it.
jamjuar: I’ll show you how it works
jamjuar uploaded setup.png
jamjuar: I got an old pulse oximeter and hooked it up with a usb here.
lesbian_gengar: remember jam, don’t get us caught.
jamjuar: Don’t worry Esther, I won't. I'm also going to keep this semi private for the moment, I'm obviously not going to just hand them out to everyone.
jamjuar: You don’t even have to have powers to use it either, I did some thaumaturgy so it works regardless.
2013
Pesterb8: jam
Pesterb8: jam
Pesterb8: jam
Pesterb8: jammm
Pesterb8: jammm jaaaaaaaarrrr
jamjuar: What’s up?
Pesterb8: heard you got the things finished
Jamjuar: Yeah, I got a few done.
Jamjuar: Did you want one for testing?
Pesterb8: .
Pesterb8: quit reading my mind
Jamjaur: but before I give you one theres something important I have to tell you
Pesterb8: ????
Jamjuar: I still havent found a way to bring the people back after being unplugged
Pesterb8: so?
Jamjuar: It kills them, James.
Jamjuar: but I can trust you right?
Pesterb8: yeah, of course
2013
Pesterb8: hey @jamjuar
Pesterb8: how do I make this thing work
Pesterb8 uploaded recent.jpg
jamjuar: Did you download the .zip too?
Pesterb8: yeah
jamjuar: Okay unpack it and run final.bat as administrator. Make sure you’re connected to the internet too.
jamjuar: Then select the location of the person you want to inhabit, currently there's only 2 pre-programed in, scp and the coalition.
Pesterb8: ok I selected scp and theres a bunch of names and shit all over the screen.
jamjuar: It’s finding a suitable host, it might take a sec.
DonDeLillo: im throwing money at the screen and I still don’t have one jam
jamjuar: be patient I only have a few handmade ones in stock atm. Don’t worry though I contacted someone who can make loads more.
Pesterb8: ok so now I select one?
jamjuar: First put the device on your finger, then select a name.
jamjuar: And to unplug, make the motion of removing the device on the finger that you put it on.
Pesterb8: fuck yeah lets goo
jamjuar: Remember to keep a low profile.
2013
Pesterb8: jam this thing is amazing omg
jamjuar: You like it?
Pesterb8: fuck yeah, check this out
Pesterb8 uploaded scp_1459_extended_test_log.txt
Player: Dr. Hadley
Statement: "Homestuck."
Result: Twelve instances of SCP-1451-1 were dispensed, wearing plastic horns of various sizes and shapes, and marked with symbols of various colors. After approximately 30 seconds, one instance was given several weapons by a robotic arm and began to bludgeon, slash, and stab other instances to death with them. Each instance had a different blood color. This continued until another instance used its paw to lightly tap the instance’s muzzle several times. A white ball was then dispensed; the ball exploded, terminating the remaining instances.
Notes: The cookies dispensed were shaped like pumpkins and had question marks on them.
[D8A EXPUNGED]. - Dr. Serket
Pesterb8: @bones i think youll like this lmao
bones: I have no opinion on this matter.
Petserb8: @acuterobot?
Petserb8: come on robo, you think its funny right?
jamjuar: God damnit James I told you to stay low.
Pesterb8: relaxxx, it was just one little thing
Pesterb8: totally worth it too, some old fart str8 up had to write this out and put it on the log, lmfao i can finally die happy
jamjuar: how did you unplug?
Pesterb8: i found a hole and burried myself lol
2019
Pesterb8 uploaded scp_1459_extended_test_log.txt
Player: Junior Researcher Jacob Hernandez (accompanied by Junior Researcher Samantha Fischer)
Statement: "Sans Undertale"
Result: Two instances of SCP-1459-1 manifested within the chamber: one normal, and one skeletal but animate. The skeletal instance's left eye socket began to glow blue, before the apparent direction of gravity within SCP-1459 began to shift violently, not affecting the skeletal instance but killing SCP-1459-1 through blunt force trauma. After SCP-1459-1 was deceased, a second SCP-1459-1 instance manifested in its place and underwent the same process as the original. This cycle recurred 37 total times before a kitchen knife manifested near the ceiling of SCP-1459 and fell on the skeletal instance, which collapsed into dust.
Notes: 37 heart-shaped cookies, all of the cinnamon variety and with butterscotch chips, as well as the ingredients to make a 38th, were dispensed.
Pesterb8: LMAO IM NUMB HOLY SHIT XD
DonDeLillo: ok that is pretty fuckin funny
jamjaur: James what the fuck.
jamjaur: they’re definitely going to think somethings up out now, I thought you quit.
Pesterb8: COME ONNNNNN i had tooooo
Pesterb8: and like bruh dont worry hes in smash now its mainstream loll
kkrule: oh yea that reminds me I finally got one of them
kkrule uploaded scp_1459_extended_test_log.txt
Player: Dr. ████████
Statement: "Everyone is dead."
Result: A dead instance of SCP-1459-1 manifested. The robotic arms prodded, shook and palpated it for several minutes, then attempted to perform cardiac massage, but eventually pushed the instance through the trapdoor.
Notes:
God dammit. -Dr. ████████
Player: Dr. ████████
Statement: "Everyone is dead except Kirby."
Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 was deposited. The instance exhibited signs of anxiety for ██ seconds, before abruptly being vaporized by a luminous beam.
Notes: 7.3 kg of ash was dispensed.
That's more like it, but where's my cookie? -Dr. ████████
DonDeLillo: dead meme.
kkrule: I thought it was funny :(
Pesterb8: yeah kinda L8 there kk
Pesterb8: still funny as fuck tho
kkrule: :)
kkrule: I didnt get my cookie….
Pesterb8: check this one out too
Pesterb8 uploaded experiment_log_914_003.txt
Input: One memory stick
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Kingston DataTraveler G4 USB 3.0 8GB flash drive containing a single ExFAT partition with one file on it; analysis reveals to be all of the dialogue, in-game sprites and compilation of fan art of character "Sans" from "Undertale", a game created by Toby Fox in 2015.
Pesterb8: told them it was an empty stick, how are they going to explain this one away
DonDeLillo uploaded scp_1459_extended_test_log.txt
Player: Janitor Lupasu
Statement: "Massive anime ti-" (Note: Guards tased Lupasu before he could finish speaking)
Result: One instance of SCP-1459-1 is produced. Two large humanoids similar in appearance to Japanese anime characters Mina Ashido and Naruto Uzumaki sit at a large table with a kettle of tea on top. The tea kettle falls and crushes the instance.
Note: Cookie produced was Sencha-flavored.
DonDeLillo: nice.
DonDeLillo: well, almost nice
Kektagon uploaded log_of_extranormal_events.txt
Event Description: In the cafeteria of Site-77, one researcher was walking to a table when they suddenly collapsed on the floor. Everyone else in the cafeteria turned their heads and vocalized "Bruh." in a male voice. The researcher in question climbed back up and said "That was such a fucking epic fail, sorry everyone."
Date Of Occurrence: 01/01/2020
Location: Site-77
Follow-up Actions Taken: All researchers were questioned, everyone who was questioned recognized the abnormality of the event, but could only refer to it as a "bruh moment". It seems only the researchers who were involved in the event were only able to describe it as a "bruh moment".
Kektagon: these things are great, organized this with a couple of us yesterday
Pesterb8: .
Pesterb8: bruh
jamjuar: Guys I told you to tone it down, I have to find a way to give the people their lives back.
DonDeLillo: what?
jamjuar: every time you do this you’re killing someone.
Ketagon: ????????
2019
PM
lesbian_gengar: jam you gotta stop this
jamjuar: I don’t know how.
jamjuar: The guys I sold the paten to won’t respond
jamjuar: oh god how many people have one now
lesbian_ gengar: ?
jamjuar: anderson’s robotics, how many have they sold?
jamjuar: oh my god im a mass murderer im a fucking murderer jesus christ no non o
lesbian_ gengar: calm down, surely you can fix this somehow
lesbian_gengar: plus anderson has a pretty niche market right? Im sure theres not that many people who have one
jamjuar: this was never part of the plan I don’t know i don’t know how to fix it from the outside
