Per 
Item #: SCP-3316
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: [Due to SCP-3316 having the nature to appear in multiple places at the same time, agents are to observe the phone number on it and trace any calls to it. If a copy of SCP-3316 is found within the perimeter, it is to be immediately destroyed, or defaced to the point that the phone number on it is unreadable. Additionally, there is to always be 40 automated AI's calling SCP-3316-1 throughout the day, to make the lines to SCP-3316-1 unreachable by any civilians. Any instances of SCP-3316-2 are to be contained within Holding Cell ██ and not to be opened without express permission from a Project Non-Euc member with a rank of Level 3 or higher.]
Description: [SCP 3316 appears in the physical form of a small, white business card with the words "Billy and Joe's Rent It! You pay, and you can rent it!" above a crude cartoon illustration of two smiling stickmen, positioned near a telephone. Beneath this illustration is a phone number originating from the ███████ region. SCP-3316 is mainly comprised of cardboard, and is strangely durable, despite its often weathered condition. These cards are often reported to have been found disregarded and mistreated, with not many bothering to pick SCP-3316 up, much less call the number on it.]
[Upon calling the number on SCP-3316, the call will be answered by a male subject with a rather gruff voice, referred to as SCP-3316-1. Their mannerisms and accent seem to suggest that they are from the [REDACTED] region, and attempts have been made to find any "Billy and Joe"'s living in this area who run a business similar to this. However, none of the subjects interviewed or observed run such a business.]
[The nature of what SCP-3316 is renting out is unknown, and in the interviews conducted, was very evasive in our questioning.]
Interviewed: [SCP-3316-1]
Interviewer: [Dr. ████████, PhD]
Foreword: [SCP-3316-1 is spoke to as if Dr. ████████ were an average person,
interested in their product.]<Begin Log>
SCP-3316-1: ["Heya there, this is Billy 'n' Joe's Rent It. How can we help you?]
Dr. ████████: [Good morning, I saw your business card and I was wondering if I could rent what you're offering?]
SCP-3316-1: ["Sure, ███. That'll be 50 dollars a day. We offer a deal for a week though, that's priced at about… 200 dollars?]
Dr. ████████: [I'd like it for two days, if that's agreeable. What exactly is it that you're renting, by the way?]
SCP-3316-1: [Whaddya mean? I'm renting it, that's all ya need to know.]
Dr. ████████: [Your business card didn't really show what you were renting all that clearly. Would you mind describing what "It" is?]
SCP-3316-1: [It's just something I'm renting out, ok? I'm renting it, you're paying for it. It's simple. Now, are you gonna pay or not, ya' ███?]
Dr. ████████: [Certainly. I'm sorry for being too inquisitive, I hope we can do business again.]
<End Log>Closing Statement: [After the interview, Dr. ████████ found that $100 had been automatically subtracted from his debit card. We made [REDACTED] follow-up attempts to call SCP-3316-1, but none of them were answered.]
[After Dr. ████████'s interview with SCP-3316-1 concluded, a small Model-F 1988 ██████ emblazoned with the logo of SCP-3316 appeared in the parking lot of Foundation Site #2-█. The car was transported inside #2-█'s main facility and searched, but was completely empty aside from a small briefcase, known as SCP-3316-2. Between the times of 3:██ and 5:██ █M, SCP-3316-2 was opened, and then closed with 3 observers present.]
[The contents of SCP-3316-2, hereby known as SCP-3316-3, varied wildly between the people observing it, and as such, we have decided to include the testimonies of three people who attended the observation of SCP-3316-2's opening.]
Testimony 1: [Dr. ███ ]
["Nothing particularly wild or "out-there" happened when we opened SCP-3316-2. All that was inside was a small rabbit, with discolored fur. While some may find that interesting, given the, admittedly vibrant ████ color of its fur, I believe it was of no particular note. What was of note, however, was when it was shut. I saw the room become immediately stained with a red fluid, along with several "crystals" appearing quite suddenly. The strange little rabbit that was previously inside SCP-3316-2 was now on top of it, whole and alive. I am quite perplexed by this and believe more should be done to investigate what is causing this."]
Testimony 2: [D-Class Personnel "Joe Wallace"]
["Dude, I can't believe the doc is so calm about this all! I saw some… some sorta demonic DRAGON pop outta that briefcase! Then it clawed the Doc and his assistant in half, and their guts went flyin' all over the place! Like, blood everywhere, splashing over the walls! And THEN, it bit my goddamn ARM off, and was about to bite my head off before I shut the fuckin' briefcase! The next thing I know, my arm is like a nub, all healed 'n' shit, but still all like… bitten off. And the Doc was alive! Totally fuckin' alive! Goddammit, him and his assistant, that █████ dude, they're goddamn lucky. They're complaining about the cell and I'm here with only one arm!]
Testimony 3: [Assistant to Dr. ███, █████ Waltts]
["Well, SCP-3316-3 appeared to me as a spinning polygon of sorts, but it was constantly collapsing and warping in on itself. It glowed quite brightly, the speed of its rotation intensifying before shooting out… well, I can only really describe them as laser beams. They have a very bright color to them. It was like nothing I'd seen before. These beams were a whole new color altogether, not a shade or anything. And wherever these beams were fired, small jagged crystals just sprouted out of the ground. This happened for about… 16 seconds? Then the D-Class suddenly started acting anxiously and shut SCP-3316-2 tight. That's when the walls suddenly became stained a crimson red color, and his arm had just disappeared. We didn't dare open it again.]
Addendum: [The SCP Foundation is currently working with the Law Enforcement of ███████ to try and track down where the number is exactly originating from, but has had no success so far.]
