Jackredfrog

WARNING
FURTHER READING OF THIS FILE WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION OF THE READER, AS WELL AS THE LAST AND NEXT THREE GENERATIONS OF THE READER'S FAMILY
APPROVED BY O5 Council

Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

WARNING! THIS FILE █████████

Description:

SCP-001 is a Rumor

SCP-001 is a Legend

SCP-001 is an Idea

SCP-001 is a Collaboration

SCP-001 is not a Noun, or an adjective, or a word, SCP-███, ███, ███, or ███

SCP-001 is SCP-001

SCP-001 is ████████ ███ ████ ██ ██ ██

SCP-001 is

Ok Fine

SCP-001 is a record that appeared on DR. ████████'s desk at 16:00 Hours on January 31st, 2014.

We do not know where it is from, or who wrote it.

If you are reading this, you aren't dead yet, therefore you MUST have proper clearance.

Addendum: 001-1
The following is a transcript from a presumed O5 meeting on ██-█-████.
13:00 Hours, Site-█
Begin Log
██████: Well then, let us begin!
O5-██: Do we have to?
O5-██ And O5-██: YES
O5-██: SHUT IT! Go ahead.
O5-██: OK! The topic of today is, what Skip should be 001?
O5-██ and O5-██: WHAT?!?
O5-██: We said we wouldn't start this again!!!
O5-██: Yeah, we DID
O5-██: YOU did, I Didn't
O5-██: DON'T START THIS! PLEASE!!!
O5-██: Why not?
O5-██: I HAVE THINGS TO DO TODAY OTHER THAN THIS!!!
O5-██: Ok we all know that isn't true
O5-██ and O5-██: TOPIC PLEASE!!!
O5-██: *Sigh* Stenographer, stop typing for a se…

** * 15-minute break* **

O5-██: THAT is why!!!
O5-██: Look, we all know your "daughter" has a recital today but for the love of the Thing sitting next to me STOP TALKING!
O5-██: We've been debating over the spot for years guys! Let's just pick one and be done with it!
O5-██: SCP-184?
O5-██: Stan turn on come ambiance, please…
The following Audio was played

O5-██: Thank you
O5-██: First off, HELL NO. 184 is pure trash honestly! An oversized paperweight that changes fucking reality. So what??? If we're going by scale and therefore power of an SCP, SCP-682 should be 001!
O5-██: DAMMIT NOT AGAIN
O5-██: 682 is WAY more fun to mess around with! If they were 001 I couldn't have fun with them!
O5-██: YOU LITTLE SHIT
*O5-██ proceeds to smash O5-██ with their foot*
O5-██: TICKLES!!!
O5-██: NOOOOOOOO! STOP!!! HELP M-
*O5-██ falls over, breaking the table in front of them*
O5-██: YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! You can't even control yourself for one Fucking meeting??? You Lizard piece of shit!
O5-██:…
O5-██: Wait…
O5-██: When did we have
O5-██: a stenographer?
SCP-173, SCP-682, SCP-999, SCP 184, SCP-420-J, SCP-343, SCP-735, SCP-096, SCP-049, Dr. Bright, and SCP 004-J all look at the sternograph…
O5-██: DID YOU JUST???
Wait

OH FU-
End Log