Per 
Item #: SCP-4
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Those assigned to the containment and study of fictional anomalies, pataphysics, and sub-prime metaverses are to be well-versed and cognizant of the emotional and psychological climates of the narratives and characters with which they work. Personnel are to strictly resist emotional and psychological identification with said characters unless granted Level-5 approval.
No personnel involved in the management of, or who are otherwise aware of SCP-4 are allowed to create works of fiction, unless mandated with concurrent approval from both Lead Research and Administration. These personnel are to be thoroughly versed in Supplement 4-α.
Description: SCP-4 is the designation given to narrativic intersections that allow for pataphysical transportation and/or transfiguration1 between parallel planes. The conceptualization of SCP-4 began with the observation that sets of qualities can exist as constants between parallel narrativic layers. Instances of SCP-4 exists when (and as) any set of qualities sufficiently overlap between two narratives.
It has long been known and observed by the Foundation that fictional entities can traverse between pataphysical planes of existence. Until recent discoveries leading to and regarding SCP-4, the mechanism of such events was unknown.
Because conditions within instances of SCP-4 are indistinguishable across parallel planes, there are no pataphysical means by which a participant of the conditions may soundly argue that they are within one plane of narrative as opposed to another. It is via this lack of a narrativic frame of reference that pataphysical travel is possible. As such, instances of SCP-4 have been referred to as "narrativic singularities", "pataphysical wormholes", "construct overlaps", or "plot tunnels".
Pataphysical transportation via SCP-4 most commonly involves positive planar travel2, and can theoretically involve as many consecutive, parallel planes as feature the specific conditions of a given SCP-4 instance.
Addenda:
Summary of Supplement 4-α
Conditions and actions known to be conducive to SCP-4 are currently being discovered, confirmed by repeatable testing, and cataloged in Supplement 4-α. Below is a summary of this supplement.
Because physical qualities rarely exist as qualitatively co-identifiable between parallel planes of narrative, SCP-4 is typically limited to emotional states, psychological postures, and the arrangement of metaphysical/thaumaturgic components that are adopted or enacted by participants of parallel narratives. Cataloged examples include the following:3
- Identification with a sub-narrative character or characters.
- Perplexity resulting from the application of critical thought to anomalies.
- Dread regarding possible cataclysmic or apocalyptic/extinction scenarios.
- Jubilation resulting from victories, be it personal/existential or recreationally competitive in nature.
- The indulgence in prestige around one's Foundation assignment (whether a particular site or anomaly), reputation, or publications.
- Certain thaumaturgic rituals.
- Certain drug-induced states.
- The active pursuit of new anomalies.
- The process of authoring documentation regarding an anomaly, including but not limited to special containment procedures and descriptions.
Transportation and transfiguration are not limited to animate objects, and can feature inanimate objects. The most documented of these phenomenon are trans-planar movement due to descriptions of sounds. Sufficient descriptions of auditory signatures can become pataphysically entangled with sounds experienced by a supra-planar individual (and vice-versa).4 Auditory instances of SCP-4 can occur despite the perceived and authored sounds having dramatically different sources; as long as the signatures have sufficient overlap, pataphysical transportation and transfiguration can occur.
The following is a collection of presumed auditory instances of SCP-4.| Potential Auditory-Mediated Events - SCP-4 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Personnel | Conditions | Observation | |
| Agent Stone | Writing to TV static. | Apartment flooded, Agent Stone found in a state consistent with death by drowning. Significant water damage to adjacent units. | |
| Agent Ray | Crumpling sheets of loose-leaf paper during failed writing attempts. | Fire alarm and auto sprinkler system triggered. Agent Ray suffered full-thickness burns, currently in recovery. Charred wood found at the scene. | |
| Agent Walker | Detailing a sexual scene for a novella. | An bloodied Caucasian woman spontaneously manifested on the desk of the agent. Death was from recent stab wounds. No DNA matches, description not fitting of Agent Walker's characters. | |
| Agent Haycraft | Writing a Western drama. | Complex in ruins after damage suggestive of high winds. Local forecasts showed clear weather. | |
| Agent Willux5 | Threw a drinking glass to the floor in frustration. | Agent's beacon was tracked to Coronado Beach, San Diego, CA, USA. Reported being transfigured in the midst of a massive breaking wave just off shore. Reassignment pending. | |
On Supra-Transfiguration
In light of the emerging data suggesting that SCP-4 may be achieved via auditory means, more complete and controlled study designs are underway that involve additional physical parameters. These tests involve the trial-and-error, reverse-engineering of suspected physical overlaps, supra-planar to PU-α. In hopes of empirically deducing higher pataphysical planes, such tests are modeled on successful sub-planar travel. It is expected that transfiguration will take place between PU-α and postulated higher planes of narrativic existence which, at the time of writing, are yet to be scientifically confirmed or explored.
The following was mistakenly recorded and automatically transcripted via a malfunctioning proximity unit located in the Site-23 break room. Its contents have been deemed unimportant and have been tagged for deletion.
"… florid? Is that the word for it? I guess so, that about fits. I mean Christ, our jobs and sometimes our lives depend on your organization of the information."
"My articles? Florid? I beg your damn pardon."
"I suppose it must be nice in some ways sitting behind your computer screen all day. No sense for what is practical out in the cells your containment procedures call for or the hours of terror and death we endure so you can pen a sentence of the description. You aren't out there having to sift through articles that fail to place all the necessary information in a concise, upfront manner. Not like in the old days, when it was the special containment procedures, the description, maybe an addendum or two. Everything you need to know, succinct, right there. Lemme give you an example.
Recently, I was trying to get caught up on an anomaly — your anomaly — that we were assigned to on remarkably short notice. The information, and I mean the real crucial stuff, was absolutely nowhere in the description, man! You drop that much of a bomb and not a hint towards it in the containment procedures?! And while I'm at it, why do you just cross out information? What the fuck, do you know where the fucking backspace key is?! Why not replace it with a more informative sentence while you're at it?
(A loud, violent sound occurs; likely the pounding of a fist upon a table.)
Don't smirk, you clever little shit. The information my team and I needed, I mean really needed, were in the fucking exploration logs… very, very lengthy logs. And at the very end, turns out. And hell, it wasn't even spelled out there! If we didn't read between the lines, or apply a good shit's-time of critical thinking to it, we might have missed the part about it having the potential to cause an XK. It was a freakin' miracle nobody died.
I mean shit, I'm not an English major, but I'm not a dumbass either; I can eventually figure it out. But I'm a MTF agent, not a damn critic, and I need the details right the fuck when I need them, not after reading cohort analysis and commentaries only to bank on the most supported theory. Do you know how goddamn dangerous that waste of time is? Do your damn job and extract the pivotal details into the meat of the article, and be direct about it. That's all I'm askin'."
"Hm. Well, yes, I do see your point. I may be an academic here but I'm not insensitive to the acuity of the front-line situations involving the anomalies I write on. The short answer is that I have to adapt if I want to stay on board here, and it would just be someone else here for you to yell at if I chose not to. I'm well aware of the trends away from your old style, as you called it. But let me explain something to you that you clearly don't know about yet.
Go look at the most recent recipients of Foundation grants and you'll see that they are written in the new style. The ones written in your old style are virtually absent, relics now. The most iconic of them wouldn't get past the peer review process. Do you know what this means? It isn't me you have your issue with; the Foundation itself is incentivizing these newer styles. So what am I to do, hm? A whole new generation of researchers and authors, with better techniques and familiarity with exponentially increasing technological aids and more dynamic compositional methods are nipping at my heels, salivating at my rank, 24/7.
And, to be honest, I empathize with you. I do. You might not be able to tell, but I compromise with these demands; others revel in them. I put a bit of the old style in my works because I believe it was a successful formula, and for good reasons. But that time is over, and as much as I hate to admit it, the Foundation might not be alive if it wasn't. Our scientific paradigm — like any other — is not immune to the pressures of taste and transient style."
(Sighing.) "I… I'm sorry, I didn't realize all that is going on. I'm sorry for calling you a clever shit. I… I guess I'm still hot-headed; a field report of mine was rejected and returned to me last week. I'm ashamed to say I'm as upset at that as I am with the near-deaths of a few in my command this week. It was the first submission in twelve years to be rejected like that. The comments said that the 'pacing' needed to be better, and complained of a 'lack of character development'. Why do my reports have to be cryptic when they could be scientific… what are we aiming for here?"
"Survival."
"Survival? Just… don't; I just calmed down."
"I'm speaking of a broader scale than individuals here, no offense… beyond the tithe of individual lives that is unfortunately necessary for the Foundation's work and progress. There is a component to our presentations for outside funding that inarguably relies upon a sort of… entertainment value. Our work must be captivating, not quite above all else I'll say, but sufficiently so. That's my opinion, at least, and my best answer for you.
But, and just as important, maybe the answer is sanity. Personally, I can say that when your life is all about cataloging anomalies, one after another, after another; even as unexpected and unusual as they are, it still gets a redundant and boring. That's human nature. Publications can be remarkably rewarding, yes. But only eventually; most of the time, it is a painstaking trudge of a process, oppressed by anxiety over the count of citations it will or won't merit."
"All these anomalies and the real concerns for authors are citations?"
"Oh, yes. You would be surprised. They are the currency of reputation in our line of work."
"I had to dig real deep to find your name tied to that publication… aren't authors' names usually part of the classified information?"
"They're encoded, but not usually classified, per se. Unless there is reason to explicitly include names in the documentation or to add further layers of encryption, the Foundation prefers to simply post employee ID numbers with the publications."
"So why do authors worry about a publication's citation count so strongly if it's not immediately apparent who actually wrote it?"
"Citations, like it or not, are the only quantifiable method to indicate quality that we have. It's not the only way to adjudicate a publication's worth, but it is the most expedient. In a simplified but very visceral sense, our citation count is our worth here. Now that's obviously an oversimplification because the system is a very sensitive, but not a very specific gauge. In other words, highly-cited publications are almost always of good quality; but minimally-cited publications are not always an indication of poor quality. Sometimes, the low count can be a function of poor reception instead. The catch is that in our vocation and given this competition, there is little motive for pragmatic separation of the two.
I understand how silly this may seem to someone who looks Keters in the eye from time to time, but academic writing can be an unimaginably relentless, unforgiving, and unsympathetic arena. Notoriety, even by proxy, is like oxygen. The ID numbers garner a familiarity all their own. It's funny; I remember a time, for instance, that ID#40232 meant nothing to me! Now I would be… just, honored to publish with them.
But… lately, no, it honestly hasn't been all that enjoyable of a job to me; more of an unhealthy obsession that follows me everywhere, personally. And I'm not sure, but that might especially for those who do have notable repute; I imagine they are under increased pressure and expectation to produce quality papers, one after the other. I almost feel bad for them… but a high count of citations… it's just too desirable to completely feel that way for them.
Why do you hang around here? I know you've had a long career; you could retire with a nice severance package and forget the rat race here.
… Because I love it here. I really do. I am still so happy about having come across this organization. I don't want to think about if I hadn't. It has enriched my life so much, and I can never fall out of love with it, no matter what. And finally too, it seems to me a bit of enjoyment and art are returning to my process, which is the brighter side of these changes in trend. I have to ask myself honestly if I don't truly want these developments, and want them to continue… they are liberating, in ways. Putting it bluntly, they represent more avenues for potential success.
(Sipping can be heard in a pause.)
I think we're going to have to get over our issues with these trends, or become extinct.
(A vocal affirmation and a soft clinking sound, as in the toasting of glasses, are heard.)
By the way, someone of your clearance level can always contact us about our anomalies; we authors are insatiably eager to discuss our own works."
Records Notice: Discontinuation of Deletion
████ █████████, an employee in Records, has submitted a detailed proposal that has cleared first-pass Administrative approval which stipulates that an article's author or authors are to be immediately available via telecommunications for as-needed, remote consultation. This proposal aims to benefit new object assignees and urgent response teams.
An installment of this collaborative model is being piloted for objects whose documentation has been assigned upper-tier values of compositional obfuscation. Surprisingly, authors have reacted positively to the new (and uncompensated) responsibilities, many exhibiting elation. A vast majority are, as one author put it, "thrilled at any opportunity to further promote my works, which are, in my opinion, criminally under-appreciated."
In order to access the following important file, please complete the following procedures, in their presented order:
(1) Click on the "+" on the upper right hand corner of this file.6 (This primes the document for display.)
(2) Agree to the terms above by clicking below:
This image is 700x185px.
Special Containment Procedures: As you can see, SCP-4411-J warrants the introduction of a new object class. Per O5, this will be the only anomaly that will ever use this particular class,7 so there is no reason for explaining it in any detail.
Any and all database slots with numerical designations featuring a "4", a "1", and a "1" (in that sequential order) are to be locked in reservation, well in advance for any potentially new, anomalously-important revelations that might arise and thematically demand the slots. Administration has approved this place-holding due to their sole observation that all such slots do indeed contain the above-mentioned numbers, and in the specified order.
Any and all numbers preceding the specified sequence of numerals are to be ignored, in both the process of such reservations' conceptualization and in their justification by Administration. Any negative attention is to be erased from the record upon the population of a reserved slot, as opposed to overcoming it as a consequence of the spectacle.
SCP-4411-J. Looks like a Cisco phone.
Description: SCP-4111-J is a Cisco brand IP phone (Model# CP-7962G) of non-anomalous appearance.
If a phone call is made on SCP-4111-J to the number "4-1-1", an automated message can be heard. The reaction time of this response indicates the entity responsible is not human.
The means by which this number automatically answers itself are currently unknown. The identity on the other line is likewise unknown; it has been designated SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1, also known colloquially as "Information and Directory Enquiries".8
In all cases of contact, SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1 invariably emits a series of tones followed by an open-ended question regarding a particular person or persons. If and when Foundation personnel provide SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1 with the name of an individual via the numeric keypad upon SCP-4411-J, SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1 will reply with detailed information and statistics regarding that individual, including but not limited to:
- relationship status
- occupational changes
- net worth
- likes/dislikes
- physical data (e.g. height, weight, last vital signs)
- any headlines — tabloid or otherwise — or controversial gossip involving the person of interest.
Deductive dating methods estimate the anomaly to have originated sometime in the 1930s. Additionally, records indicate that at one time, SCP-4411-J involved human or humanoid audio signatures and response times. The Foundation has since attempted several times to solve the apparent disappearance of humans from SCP-4411-J (results are summarized in the elsewhere-available supplements).
Addendum 4411.1: Discovery
SCP-4411-J was discovered April 31, 2018 after Agent Jonkle misdialed when attempting to reach the local police.
Addendum 4411.2: Initial Interview
Cisco™ Brand Audio Recording Transcript
Brought to you by Cisco™: aiming to transform the customer experience, shape the future of the Internet by creating unprecedented value and opportunity for our customers, employees, investors, and ecosystem partners.
Interviewed: SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1
Interviewer: Agent Jonkle
Foreword: The following was recorded on May 2, 2018, using SCP-4411-J.
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Jonkle: (Dials 4-1-1.)
SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1: (In an automated voice.) You have reached Information and Directory Enquiries. Please enter the name of the individual you are attempting to find information regarding, followed by the pound sign. Para español marque siete por favor o para español oprima siete.
Agent Jonkle: (Dials 5-5-3-2-5-8-8-7.)
SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1: You have requested information on JK Daktus. If this is correct, press 1.
Agent Jonkle: (Presses 1.)
SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1: Hold please.
(A sequence of tones can be heard.)
SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1: The individual's favorite color is [DATA REDACTED]. He has recently been employed as a [REDACTED]. His favorite Saharan plant is a [REDACTED ALSO]. His hobby involves writing fiction for a pretty peculiar site, [DATA EXPUNGED].
On this site, he might as well be King Midas, and has a cult-like following which grants him deistic-like powers to either sink or elevate any given article, regardless of its quality, by a few simple strokes of a keyboard.9
So, commentary by him strongly skews the reception of a given article, contaminating any otherwise self-directed means towards an assessment of quality by influenced third parties. He is strongly encouraged to not comment on the article this interview will ultimately be an addendum in, as the negative or positive repercussions will negate the article's ability to stand on its own merits, or lack thereof.
Speculation has arisen lately as to whether or not he is too popular, the quality of his articles no longer able to be dissociated from the reputation that his pseudonym justifiably carries (just look at the man's accomplishments here… I mean, just holy hell). Testing will take place that focus on his █ puppet accounts, tracking their activity in the months following his imminent retirement from high visibility, evidenced by the recent donations of all his belongings to the site's userbase (see Addendum 4411.3).
Like any good self-proclaimed God, he has an exclusive pantheon of invite-only participants, just like the sort all knew too well as high schoolers. Conducive to this passive subjugation is an following that is mostly of a similar demographic, the aesthetics of which are informed by how well a given anomaly might project into a first-person horror survival game.
Thank you for using Cisco services.
Agent Jonkle: (Hangs up.) … Spooky.
[END LOG]
Addendum 4411.3: Collected Text
On October 1, 2018, as part of a monthly re-analysis of all persons of interest those investigated via SCP-4411-J, Foundation informants were made aware of a guide an essay by JK Daktus which was posted to the pertinent database. The essay outlines the iconic format for his influential creations.
The Foundation immediately flagged this as an unauthorized publication; suspicion existed as to why it would be published, given that the information therein was already available to anyone via inspection of a given page and its source code, and because those elements which are not could simply be added to an existing author page.
Further suspicion was aroused given that the faithful reproduction of such a format by those other than him would instantly and forever more be seen as a by proxy, tailcoat-riding farce of a move, all to garner positive association that only he himself has justified. Lastly, it couldn't be imagined that someone, especially of such repute, would want others to mimic his style so similarly, when the strength of the site is creativity.
Upon further investigation however, the publication appeared legitimate, and the flags were removed. Below are highlights of a faithful reproduction:
JK Daktus' Guide to Essay on Article Formating[sic]10
1st Edition
[[include component:image-block name=jkdaktus.png|width=250px|caption=Hi guys! Ain't no pawty like a JK Daktus pawty.]]
This introductory text is whimsical so as to pad the fact that this is a post about me under a guise of being for you. Ta-da!
I don't know how much more I have to contribute to this site… crafting the smoothest and most visually impressive CSS themes, being in the top 5 all-time writers and consistently furthering a dynasty of monthly, top-5 articles since the modern era that averages 2.3 100+ articles per month… it seems unlikely I'll do anything else. I'm the Michael Jordan, or the Tiger Woods, or the Nick Saban, or the Yankees, or the Patriots, or the Lil B of the SCP Foundation. Where else is there to go?
May you have even more joy and success than I ever had using these techniques.11
…
…
…
…
= (Extraneous data omitted)
…
…
dicks, balls, the like, shits, fuck, meecrob, etc vulgarities, cock, pubes and such
…
…
…
…
…
Juiced for ya,
JK Daktus
Addendum 4411-J.4: Interview Log - JK Daktus Himself
SCP Foundation Department of Big Boy Matters
Interview Transcript
[BEGIN LOG]
JK Daktus was intercepted watering himself under a spicket when Agent Mommhanar approached him, disguised as a member of the paparazzi.
JK Daktus: Not you again.
Agent Mommhanar: JK Daktus! May I have a minutes of your time please?! Are you are [PREVIOUSLY BANNED AND PROMINENT SITE MEMBER] reincarnate?"
JK Daktus: Please leave me alone.
Agent Mommhanar: There are rumors! Address the rumors!
JK Daktus: Sheesh, I can't go anywhere anymore. This is not cool.
Agent Mommhanar: Is it true you are a kind God?
JK Daktus: I am. I am a kind God. But I'm also bored. Don't you see? Can you imagine how dull it is to know that you have absolutely and completely conquered a massive and notoriously difficult community? There are no challenges for me anymore! Guess I could just wait until the 5k contest next month. BTW, if you take the votes from my joke article roasting the winner and add them to my original entry, I would have won the 4K.
Agent Mommhanar: You can't have too many amazing articles!
JK Daktus: But really, I've done it all and then some. Who else has 3 001 proposals?!?
Agent Mommhanar: No one is even close to it! Only the mighty one, may his article count soar ever higher! May <100+ articles be cast from thy disgust and to the WikiWalk team!
JK Daktus: What's left for me, but to troll others with my puppet accounts… slumming for the shit of it?
Agent Mommhanar: O Thou! Modder of Mods! Onliest thou hast graced us continuously with 100+ articles! Only thou art able to give unprofessional dialogue to the ultra-professional Foundation's head figures, and none of the otherwise supremely critical site veterans will get onto you for it like the do for those who are lesser!
JK Daktus: Maybe the amount of success I've experienced here should be a glaring indication to do something more than just hobby work with these gifts.
Agent Mommhanar: Heresy! Do not abandon us as orphans, my Lord! Do not forsake your imitators!
JK Daktus: Can you meaningfully put "The Lebron James of SCP Authors" on a resume yet?
Agent Mommhanar: Is it true that you are the love-child of [INFAMOUSLY DIFFICULT SITE MEMBER WHO WAS BANNED WITH SUCH BITTERSWEET SORROW BECAUSE THEY COULD RIGHT A HELL OF AN ARTICLE] and [O.G. APOSTATE]?
JK Daktus: No? Well I am going to be the one to change that.12
[END LOG]
Addendum 4411-J.5: Exploration Log
The following is an exploration log of JK Daktus' author page. Agent Osiris has been sent in with audio communications in an attempt to verify the information given by SCP-4411-J-4-1-1-1.
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Osiris: I'm loading the page now. Wait. This isn't it. I'm confused; I thought I was here, but I'm at a "Daktus Depository". There's like… 20 different pages of his here, I- I don't know wh-…
Command: For God's sake, get out of there.
Agent Osiris: Okay okay. (Click.) I did it.
Command: The address is on your data drive. Just click it.
Agent Osiris: (Click.) Okay, here it is. Damn, smooth as baby nuts.
Command: Please refrain from using unprofessional and immersion-breaking terms that would normally be waaay under us Foundation folk.
Agent Osiris: Damn, sorry. It's just… contagious. (Gasping) Look at all those upvotes… my God.
Command: What do you see?
Agent Osiris: … it's… it's just article after article of 100+ ratings… my God, does this guy write anything average? How… how does this even happen?
Command: Hmm. We're doing a systems check, hold on… looks like he isn't one of those authors who just deletes poorly-performing articles to keep the record clean. It's legit.
Agent Osiris: (Barfs.) My God… has there been an author so good before?
Command: Not really. He isn't #1 on some list yet, but it is only a matter of time.
Agent Osiris: Okay… I'm collecting myself and moving forward now. The articles have custom-designed media… says all the stats of the given article. My God does he update these scores manually? Oh no, thank God, it's an automated process. That would be an impossibly busy task. I'm seeing item numbers dipping from Series I to V. Good Lord.
Command: Anything about a favorite color?
Agent Osiris: Negative, Command. The articles are… just as funny as they are spooky at times. I don't understand; what must someone have done to have this much talent at this?!
Command: You've got to calm down and get a hold of yourself.
Agent Osiris: Did this mofucker… invent dado?! Is there really a God after all?! Am I READING HIS AUTHOR PAGE?!?
Command: Agent, your vitals are falling faster than some post-menopausal tiddies. Leave the site. Now.
Agent Osiris: … gotta make a workbench now… somehow… damn…
[END LOG]
Agent Osiris was unable to be reasoned with. He vowed to re-type all of JK Daktus' articles word for word until he "gets it", and has not been heard from since.
Further testing with SCP-4411-J has been suspended indefinitely, because that is what always happens, every time.
THE END
Thank you to JK Daktus for being consistently next-level. We expect to see you in a professional role regarding your writing talents in the future. Consider this roast a vote of confidence.
Dear Director Ton,
It has always been my dream to work for the forefront of paranormal research. I was raised on the X-Files, and Scully was the name of both my first dog, a red-toned Golden Retriever, and my first cat (and I had them at the same time). I knew from an early age what I wanted my life to be about.
Many years later, I was a part of the UIU. As satisfied as I was, I couldn't have anticipated my joy when I was recruited by the Foundation. I immediately became aware of how unfulfilling any other work, even that of the UIU, would thereafter be. It was the most professional moment of my life, and yet I was a kid again.
On my first jobs, I tried not to be envious of others. It isn't long until you hear of legends and the assignments around them; "That one cute guy from the cafeteria, he's on MTF yadda!", "That's the one who wrote the updated containment procedures for SCP-106."; "Bobby got promoted; he'll be working for Dr. Clef now. What do you mean, 'Who's Dr. Clef'?" But it was the very nature that had caught the eye of Foundation scouts that also fed my desire for more challenging, prestigious work.
That brings me to my time here at this illustrious site. I knew going in how demanding and stressful a job here would be; the stress is not the reason for this letter. I knew my position was never guaranteed and would be vied for, my place subject to the competition of incoming hires; the competition is not the reason for this letter.
I think that sometimes, dreams are meant to go unrealized, so that you don't die on the inside when you have to recognize them for the nightmares they really are.
Please accept my resignation letter and regard it also as a request for transfer. I appreciate the time and investment you and the staff here have given to me, and though I will not remember you, know that somewhere inside me, I will always be thankful for the work that you and this tremendous site do for us all.
Sincerely,
Maddie Willis
The following conversation has been recorded and archived for quality improvement initiatives and training purposes.
Director Ton: Madison, please, come in. Sit anywhere you'd like.
Madison Willis: Thank you.
Director Ton: Maddie… I read your letter this morning. And I am surprised, to say the least. You are one of the most promising researchers I've seen in years, you could be something great here, I know it.
Madison Willis: Thank you, Director.
Director Ton: … why are you leaving us?… Was it the Euclid?
Madison Willis: No.
Director Ton: … we can get you a better parking spot, I know the birds right there are real bad.
Madison Willis: That's okay, that's not why I'm leaving.
Director Ton: I know the workload has been a bit hard lately, but we have some temp workers and we are interviewing replacements for Michael and Shativ's old positions.
Madison Willis: It isn't that either.
Director Ton: … is it me?
Madison Willis: No, it's not you. I like you.
Director Ton: … Well, I hate to press you when you clearly are uncomfortable about this topic. But if I can't get an answer, then my superiors will wonder if I have a firm enough grip on my managerial responsibilities. If you really do like me, then please. I don't want to cite psychiatric reasons by exclusion, because I like you too, and don't want your legacy here to be tarnished. Can't you help me out?
Madison Willis: You've been a fantastic boss. Not just a boss, but a leader too. Seriously, thank you.
(Madison Willis shakes Director Ton's hand and exits the office.)
Security Records: "≥ Level 3 Break Room"
Camera 2b13
The following has been compiled by Director Ton for Senior Level Administration, as an investigatory effort to determine Junior Researcher Madison Willis' (MW) impetus for her abrupt site transfer.
00:02: MW can be seen entering timidly. The break room is filled with reputable researchers and specialists, all involved in discussions. Audio reveals them to be discussing their research. MW places her boxed lunch down on a nearby, unpopulated table and begins to unpack her meal.
00:35: Senior Level-4 Researcher Dr. Hogarth Janis14 is seen walking towards the table at which MW is eating. He is holding a stack of papers. MW sees him approaching and anticipates his proximity by cleaning her mouth with her napkin and taking a sip of water. Dr. Janis sits down at the table. MW can be seen smiling and extending a hand to introduce herself. Dr. Janis places a piece of paper from the stack he is carrying in her hand, and MW's smile can be seen receding.
Audio Transcription
…
MW:… Huh?
Dr. Janis: Do. You. Like. It?
MW: … yes, I do.
Dr. Janis: (to others) Yes! Another one people, that's three-digits in 83 hours!
(Unknown): Great job Janis, no one has forgotten the embarrassing paper you tried to publish last month.
(Also unknown): Yeah, you can recant the paper, but not the impressions!
01:13: Dr. Janis immediately removes himself from the conversation and table, moving onto an adjacent one. MW's reaction is clearly one of bewilderment. She returns to her meal, occasionally looking up to the room. She fixates on one individual, Dr. Killic.15
01:55: MW stands up and walks toward Dr. Killic. She smiles upon approach, her body language bashful (shoulders shrugged, top of the back slightly arched sideways) as she ingratiates herself into Dr. Killic's personal space. Dr. Killic extends a hand and the two shake, introducing themselves. MW is remains smiling as the conversation takes place.
02:28: Dr. Killic reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out an electronic tablet. MW's expression changes to what could be interpreted as confusion. Dr. Killic is showing MW something on the screen, pointing and pressing. MW seems uncomfortable. MW soon initiates a second hand shake and walks back to her table. She does not finish her meal.
14:10: Drs. Gold, Lafoy, Terriel, and Johnson have placed copies of their most recent publications on MW's lunch box. Another junior researcher from the same site-orientation cohort., Jemison Pinkle (JP), enters and sits with MW.
Audio Transcription
…
JP: This must be your first time in the break room.
MW: Yes.
JP: It can be a little overwhelming. It's like… these people are so smart. But they self-promote that fact just as much as they do their actual work! I want to say to them: "Stop pandering for citations! Get back to work! You are better than this!" But, of course, I don't.
MW: I mean, there isn't anything wrong with that, but… I don't know. There's no justification for it, but I expected some more modesty… at least from her.
JP: Who?
MW: Nevermind.
JP: Oh. So, where are your copies?
MW: I have a whole stack right here… I can't be expected to read all of these.
JP: No, I mean your copies. Copies of your latest.
MW: … my latest paper?!
JP: Yes!
MW: … I don't have any copies of my latest paper! It's on the database. Anyone can look at it at anytime.
JP: What?! … well yeah, but you think you're going to get all of those citations without some politics? Don't you want to be cited more?
MW: Of course, only an idiot would say no. But I tend to believe that an author should be sufficiently dignified to know that a quality work is going to promote itself just fine. It's tacky as hell.
JP: Oh my God. Jump out of that tower of yours, girl. Trust me, that will be burned to the ground in no time, and with you in it.
MW: Jemison… I don't think I have what it takes to impose my work on others so forcefully.
JP: Yeah, well that's okay. You don't have to. But you better get used to the other end of it.
15:14: MW and JP gather their things. MW leaves the publications she's been handed on the table.
This is the last recorded entry of MW into the ≥ Level 3 Break Room at Site 19.
