Per 
The following document is a small record of rules concerning Dr. Javaski's portal.
Due to recent events concerning the original author of this notice, Dr [REDACTED], the senior staff of the Foundation, members of the Safety committee and Medical Committee have asked the staff do issue a notice listing various actions that have been recorded by the site staff. This involves in-room-etiquette and what not to do with the various creatures that may emerge from it. All rules must be followed to the last letter to be eligible to enter the portal sector. All rules added are based on previous engagements.
1. All subjects must be cleaned and sterilized before entering the room.
2. All subjects must have physical and psychological examinations before entering the room
3. Do NOT touch any of the emerging creatures.
4. Do NOT interact with any of the emerging creatures
5. No, the creatures will not marry you
5.1 even if you say please
6. Do NOT attempt to procreate with any of the emerging creatures
6.1 Wearing a condom does not protect you from any harmful microbes, they are aliens.
7. Do NOT give the emerging creatures your name tag.
8. Do NOT attempt to manipulate the emerging creatures to pay your rent, or to fill in for your shifts.
9. If you see anyone breaching these rules, please do not report it to the emerging creatures.
9.1 No, they do not know English
9.2 Do NOT attempt to teach the emerging creatures English
10. Anyone caught practicing self-love to an image, or in front of any emerging creatures WILL be persecuted.
11. hjoniprgwsdo[eajls\fugovwsaoj
12. Do NOT let any of the emerging creatures edit this document.
13. Do NOT feed the emerging creatures.
14. That includes crackers, covering them in green slime does not make them "intergalactic" or "inter-dimensional."
15. No animals are to enter the portal room.
16. The emerging creatures should not and will not be kept as pets
16.1 nor are they to be used as prostitutes. Money means nothing to them.
17. No, the emerging creatures DON'T want to listen to your podcasts, watch your YouTube videos or donate to your Patreon.
18. Do NOT compare your genitalia size to the emerging creatures
18.1 Or make fun of them for having smaller
19. Do NOT give the emerging creatures any alcohol or mind-altering drugs
19.1 "He needed to mellow out dude" is not a valid reason.
20. No liquids are to enter the room
20.1 This includes Mountain Dew
21. Dr. Mann has a big nose.
22. Do NOT make fun of Dr. Mann's nose, he works very hard to keep the portal running.
23. Do NOT try to explain to the emerging creatures why 9/11 was an inside job. It wasn't.
24. Do NOT try to convert the emerging creatures to your or any other religions.
25. No, the emerging creatures don't want to hear/ read your new SCP idea/ story.
26. Do NOT edit this document if on mind altering drugs.
37. dude, do you think that scps are actually guys in zip up suits?
20 something. The portal's power room is only for authorized personal only, any breach of this rule will result in immediate consequences and arrest.
28. The emerging creatures do NOT make good fuel and are not to be used to power the portal.
28.1. No, it will NOT give you a promotion.
28.2. John's promotion is an anomaly, he saved the world, sort of.
29. DON'T put any of your body parts/ limbs inside of the emerging creatures.
29.1. Seriously what the [REDACTED] guys.
30. Do NOT eat the emerging creatures. No like actually what in God's name are you people doing I can't take this anymore. what the hell
(The author of this notice has been changed due to a health problem, the employee has since been suspended and shot for his intricate knowledge of the Foundation, thus ending this collection of notices.)
