Jazlyne Chmielewska
Item#: xxxx
Level2
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
notice

Charlie

SCP-XXXX

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in Site-49 in a standard level 2 containment chamber. Per request of SCP-XXXX, only a single researcher is to enter the containment chamber at any given interval.

SCP-XXXX is allowed Foundation resources, including kitchenware and foodstuffs, if/when requested.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a female domesticated European polecat or "Ferret". SCP-XXXX is compliant and amicable with its handlers. SCP-XXXX answers to the name "Charlie", and has no physical abnormalities; however, it is sapient, behaving atypically from nonanomalous ferrets, and is capable of speech, speaking English in a thick, Scouse accent. SCP-XXXX also claims to speak Arabic, although it has yet to prove this claim.


    • _

    Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

    Interviewer: Junior Researcher, Doctor Richard Clarkson

    Foreword: Weekly interview log between researcher and SCP-XXXX.

    <Begin Log>

    Dr. Clarkson: Junior Researcher Richard Clarkson, assigned SCP-XXXX Interview Logs, Log XXXX-1a. We ask that you cooperate and answer the following questions truthfully. Immediate action will be taken if you fail to cooperate.

    SCP-XXXX: I do not intend on jarggin' your research, Mr. Clarkson.

    Dr. Clarkson: Do you know when and/or why you were created?

    SCP-XXXX: I believe I was born just like any other ferret was, abar nine years ago in Northern Africa, and I was taken from me home not long after and brought to a quaint, well in town called "Liverpool".

    Dr. Clarkson: Do you know how and/or when you gained your anomalous properties?

    SCP-XXXX: If you are referring to me talkin', I ha' been speakin' for as long as I can remember, I believe I was born with it. English ain't my first language. I began speakin' an Afroasiatic Semitic language called Arabic before I learned English. I caught the Scouse accent from growin' up in Liverpool.

    Dr. Clarkson: What about your ability to cook?

    SCP-XXXX: That is a more personal question, and I can hear the curiosity in your voice. That jarg question isn't on your paper, is it?

    Dr. Clarkson: I- um-

    SCP-XXXX chuckles.

    SCP-XXXX: I learned to cook not long after I was brought to Liverpool, I was interested in the cookin' shows me owner would watch on the tele and she offered me lessons. Oh, she was proper skint, but sound nonetheless. She only ever spent her pounds on a bevvie or two, but started buyin' some scran when I had an interest in cookin'. She cared for me like no other did, she was like me ma' to me.

    There is a moment of silence.

    SCP-XXXX: Is me accent too thick for youse? Like-

    Dr. Clarkson: There will be no further questions asked.

    SCP-XXXX: G'wed, if youse ever decide to come back, don't be so stern. Open up, it's okay to be geggin' in, I don't mind. Ta-ra, Mr. Clarkson.

    <End Log>

    Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX's Scouse accent is difficult to understand at times. Further interviews requested.

    • _

    Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

    Interviewer: Junior Researcher, Doctor Richard Clarkson

    Foreword: Weekly interview log between researcher and SCP-XXXX.

    <Begin Log>

    Dr. Clarkson: Afternoon, XXXX

    SCP-XXXX: Afternoon, Mr. Clarkson, and please, call me Charlie.

    Dr. Clarkson: Today I am here to inspect your dishes.

    SCP-XXXX: Abar time! I have been waitin' for any of youse chocka beauts to send in one youse lads to taste my well in scran! I was begginin' to thing youse was blaggin' me 'ead or youse couldn't be arsed, az if!

    There is a moment of silence.

    SCP-XXXX: I'll jus' get youse some a that scran.

    SCP-XXXX makes the dish in around 30 minutes before bringing it to Dr. Clarkson

    SCP-XXXX: It's the most I could do in the short time youse have to spend here.

    Dr. Clarkson samples the dish.

    SCP-XXXX: It's an old vegetable broth that me ma' use' to make me whenever I was feelin' under d' weather.

    Dr. Clarkson: Mhm.

    Dr. Clarkson writes down the following notes: "SCP-XXXX's resulting dish does not have anomalous effects upon consumption."

    SCP-XXXX: Well? Is it sound? It was tasted proper boss when I tasted it myself.

    Dr. Clarkson: It is pretty good, actually. I have never been one for soups. Did you put anything else in this?

    SCP-XXXX: Nothin' more than the ingredients youse given me. But most of the carrots ain't fresh.

    Dr. Clarkson: I will request fresher ingredients for you.

    SCP-XXXX: Ay, ya don't have too! The stuff I'm makin' is fine as is.

    Dr. Clarkson: Its the least I could do for you.

    SCP-XXXX: Well that implies that ya could be doin' a whole lot more.

    <End Log>

    Closing Statement: Request to bring SCP-XXXX fresher vegetables pending approval.

    • _

    Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

    Interviewer: Junior Researcher, Doctor Richard Clarkson

    Foreword: Weekly interview log between researcher and SCP-XXXX.

    <Begin Log>

    Dr. Clarkson: Hello again.

    SCP-XXXX: Afternoon, Mr. Clarkson.

    Dr. Clarkson: You know the drill by now.

    SCP-XXXX: May we skip the first few questions today? A brand new recipe for a broth came to me in me kip last night.

    Dr. Clarkson: It is standard, you know that.

    SCP-XXXX: Well it doesn't seem like youse want to ask the questions any more than I want to answer em, maybe less. Why can't we just be havin' a heart to heart?

    Dr. Clarkson: These interviews must stay professional.

    SCP-XXXX: What is defined as "professional"?

    Dr. Clarkson: I am not required to answer any questions you ask me.

    SCP-XXXX: Dick, we ha' been speaking for months now.

    Dr. Clarkson: Emotional connections between personnel and contained anomalies is prohibited.

    SCP-XXXX: Do we not have a connection? I always thought we were sound friends.

    Dr. Clarkson: I know you well.

    SCP-XXXX: Know me well? Is that it? Do we not have anythin' else?

    Dr. Clarkson: Personnel and subject are not allowed to have any type of bond. I ask you these questions for the sake of research.

    SCP-XXXX: Research? Ya say that as if that's all ya see me as! Just a test subject to experiment on! Ya say that like I'm nothin' to youze!

    Dr. Clarkson: Well- Maybe I have grown a slight attachment..

    SCP-XXXX scurries across the desk to face Dr. Clarkson.

    SCP-XXXX: "A slight attachment" ya say?

    Dr. Clarkson: I rarely have anyone else to talk to around here.

    SCP-XXXX: Open up a bit! I can tell youse, I ain't the bitin' kind.

    Dr. Clarkson: … well then-

    Dr. Clarkson is seen turning off the audio recorder and conversing with SCP-XXXX for 30 minutes before leaving the containment chamber.

    <End Log>

    Closing Statement: Dr. Clarkson insists that the information he has collected from conversing with SCP-XXXX will help further research on it's anomalous properties.

    Notes: As long as these conversations are beneficial to research than he can talk for as long as he wants. He has been getting a lot more information from it than anyone else who has entered that room has.

    - Dr. Chmielewska

    • _

    Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

    Interviewer: Researcher, Doctor Henry Newt Tyson

    Foreword: Weekly interview log between researcher and SCP-XXXX.

    <Begin Log>

    SCP-XXXX is currently cooking.

    Dr. Tyson: SCP-XXXX?

    SCP-XXXX: Aye? Who are youse?

    Dr. Tyson: I am Doctor Tyson. I have a few questions for you.

    SCP-XXXX: If its 'bout Dick, I swear I didn't know he was lactose intolerant.

    Dr. Tyson: He is alright, but that is not what I am here to ask you about.

    Dr. Tyson puts a paper of simple math problems on the table, SCP-XXXX climbs onto the table.

    SCP-XXXX: Ay, youse must think I'm a blert don't ya? Is it 'cause I'm a ferret?

    Dr. Tyson: It's just a simple test.

    SCP-XXXX: less than simple, Mr. Tyson.

    Dr. Tyson hands SCP-XXXX a small pencil, SCP-XXXX correctly answers every problem in neat cursive. Dr. Tyson looks over the paper before exiting the containment chamber.

    SCP-XXXX: Bring me somethin' harder next time!

    <End Log>

    Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX shows basic mathematical knowledge. Further tests will determine how much it know.

    Note: Do you believe she could be of help to the Foundation? We have enough anomalous personnel that should be designated entities. Then again, this specific site doesn't have any. Let's just see where this goes.

    - Dr. Chmielewska

    • _

    IN PROCCESS OF BEING REWRITTEN

    Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

    Interviewer: Junior Researcher, Doctor Richard Clarkson

    Foreword: Weekly interview log between researcher and SCP-XXXX.

    <Begin Log>

    Dr. Clarkson: Charlie?

    SCP-XXXX: Dick! Where have ya been? Did that dairy really do a number on youse?

    Dr. Clarkson: I'm fine now. No more butter in those dishes, though.

    SCP-XXXX: Right.

    Dr. Clarkson: Anyway, the other researchers and I have been discussing some … uses for you.

    SCP-XXXX: I hope ya don't mean youse gonna use me as a tool or anythin'.

    Dr. Clarkson: Think of how our research could benefit her and the rest of humanity!

    SCP-XXXX: I'm thinkin', I don't see any benefits.

    Dr. Clarkson: Our research could help us… discover what gave you these… gifts.

    SCP-XXXX: …I'm listening.

    Dr. Clarkson: With your help we could discover why you can speak and cook such amazing foods, and maybe find out how other animals could do the same! It could benefit everyone who has an animal companion! Everyone could share a bond with animals like the one you had with your owner.

    SCP-XXXX: R-really?

    Dr. Clarkson: That's what we are here to do.

    SCP-XXXX: Ev'ry one should have to same connection I had wit' her. I can't imagine how anyone else could live without a friendship like that!

    Dr. Clarkson: So, will you do it?

    SCP-XXXX: Is right!

    Dr. Clarkson: Fantastic, your contribution to our research is greatly appreciated.

    SCP-XXXX: This is for the brighter future of animals, Mr. Clarkson!

    <End Log>

    Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX has been convinced to allow further research to take place. Please be advised that the Foundation does not intend to use research and valuable resources to advance animal evolution in any way.

    Note: Very good, Dr. Clarkson. We have another object that has been brought in from ██████, Alaska. You will be moved to your new assignment in two weeks, I am sure you will take a liking to this one.

    - Dr. Tyson


Archived/Scrapped Drafts
Item#: xxxx
Level2
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
caution

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be left in a 12cm x 12cm x 12cm wooden crate in sector ██ of site -1█. SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a 6m x 6m x 12m containment chamber in sector-██ of site-1█. Two security personnel of level 3 clearance or higher must be posted outside of SCP-XXXX’s containment chamber at all times. Only personnel of level 3 clearance or higher are allowed to enter the containment chamber. SCP-XXXX must be cleaned by D-class personnel every 24 hours with ██████ brand dish soap and soft sponges to prevent damage. SCP-XXXX must never be cleaned using the rough/abrasive side of any sponge (see experiment log XXXX-1a). D-class personnel that clean SCP-XXXX with an abrasive sponge will be disciplined. D-class personnel that clean SCP-XXXX with an abrasive sponge more than once will be scheduled for termination.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a square, golden brown, ceramic pot with pink, hand-painted flowers measuring 11cm x 11cm x 11cm with a cylindrical cavity of 10.9cm in diameter. The exact date of which the object was made is unknown, however, the object’s underside has the year 17██ engraved into it. The object’s yellow flower patterns appear to change on a daily basis. Each time the patterns change, an excessive amount of dirt and dust collects on the object, despite no dirt having been present inside of the containment chamber. The object’s height also appears to change by 2mm every 24 hours.

When SCP-XXXX comes into contact with any rough/abrasive surface, visible cracks will appear. Attempts to mend these cracks have been unsuccessful, as any mending product is rejected by the object (see experiment log XXXX-1d). Soft sponges and normal dish cleansing materials appear to cause no damage to SCP-XXXX.

Discovery: SCP-XXXX was discovered in a flea market in ████████, Arkansas after a local federal agent noticed the flower patterns change and a thick layer of dust and dirt collected on the object. The object's seller, Mr.█████████ , was interviewed about the object's anomalous behavior (see Interview log XXXX-2a). SCP-XXXX was brought to site-1█ soon after.

Notes: SCP-XXXX's behavior is very odd for being a flower pot, or at least we believe it's a flowerpot. It could be a very decorative, square bowl for all we know. Further tests with different cleaning products pending approval.

- Dr. Chmielewska