Jef Hamish

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Scp-xxxx is to be contained in a standard anomalous materials storage locker inside site 186 187.

Description: Scp-xxxx was contained on 20/3/20 after being recovered from “mighters cave” by staff participating in standard survive training exercise before being brought to site 186. Scp-xxxx is a standard deck of 52 playing cards before being drawn will appear as standard poker cards with the inscription on the back of the card reading “his lordship” and an illustration of a crown made of flesh and bones below this. The cards are held in a small cardboard box with the text “anarchist playing cards” with the same inscription and text on the back of the box as on the back of the cards. Scp-xxxx's anomalous effects only take place when a person removes a card from the deck, instantaneously the card will change from a standard poker card to a card from a popular game. when the person who drew the card views it, they will experience anomalous effects. see test logs for examples of anomalous effects.

Test 1 - Date 24/3/20

Subject: D-1286 whose criminal past includes fraud and manslaughter.
Procedure: D-1286 was placed in a standard testing chamber and asked to draw a card.
Results: D-1286 followed the instructions given and received a card from the popular game monopoly “community chest life insurance matures collect £100.”. 6 minutes after receiving this card the foundation paid £100 to his next of kins bank account.
Analysis: this outcome is noteworthy as the foundation does not have life insurance for D-class personnel and it is unknown who authorized this transaction, this event also caused a security breach as knowledge of the foundation was processed by bank staff and D-1286’S next of kin but all the necessary cover-up actions have been taken to mitigate potential leaks. Analysis of the card did not show any anomalous properties but did contain 3.6mg of 228Ra.

Test 2 - Date 26/3/20

Subject: D-1298 has no prior criminal record
Procedure: D-1298 was placed in a standard testing chamber and asked to draw a card.
Results: D-1286 followed the instructions given and received a card from the popular game Monopoly “get out of jail free. This card may be kept until needed or traded.”
Analysis: D-1298 entire criminal record has been removed from computerised systems, hard copies and even the memories involved parties except for D-1298 who now by order of the O5 Council has been released.

Addendum: Sc.D Hamish has put forward a hypothesis suggesting the O5 Council’s decision was influenced by SCP-xxxx but has retracted this hypothesis from the record due to concerns for repercussions of this accusation.

Test 3 - Date 29/3/20

Subject: D-1326 a previous Sarkic cult member.
Procedure: D-1326 was placed in a standard testing chamber and asked to draw a card while thinking about transport.
Results: D-1326 followed the instructions given, after some protest stating “I am not worthy”, and received the ace of spades A growth appeared on D-1326 left hand that formed a spade-like shape and then separated from D-1326 leaving no scar or evidence of the growth even under close scrutiny.
Analysis: This test has proved that SCP-xxxx responds to the users' thoughts. After further testing on the spade-shaped flesh it was found to be anomalous and designated SCP-xxxx-1. When scp-xxxx-1 is held by D-1326 and he is thinking of a location he can use the shovel to dig into a wall he will create a portal to said location. Locations tested include Paris, Site 118, D-1326’s previous home and inside scp-1689 all successfully. A test to open a portal to daleport before the anomalous disaster was unsuccessful. Scp-xxxx-1 has now been classified Thaumiel and will be used to create a travel network for use by level-4 staff and above.

*01/4/20*: The foundation has ceased a card believed to be part of Scp-xxxx from a casino in ███████ from a civilian. The ceased card was from the popular game “monopoly” and read “Chance go back 3 spaces”. The recurring theme of cards from game “monopoly” has lead Sc.D Hamish to theorise that the deck has preferences in games. This card under analysis contained exactly 3.4mg of 228Ra, similar to that present on the card from Test 1, but it is unknown if this due to the civilian cheating using other radioactive poker cards that transfer the 228Ra to this card or if this card is related to Scp-xxxx

Test 4 - Date 03/4/20

Interviewed: D-1356 whose criminal past includes manslaughter and gang-related ties. D-1356 is shown to have mild mental retardation having an IQ of 55

Interviewer: Sc.D Hamish

Foreword: Sc.D Hamish insisted this test was carried out with him in the room to question D-1356 as the test was carried out. It was decided it would be much easier to agree with Sc.D Hamish rather than delay the testing due to his stubbornness.

<Begin Log>

Sc.D Hamish: Morning Alex

D-1356: you don’t know me. DON’T SPEAK LIKE YOU DO!

Sc.D Hamish: Ok let's try this again. Morning D-1356 could you pick up the deck of cards.

D-1356: (picks up the box and opens it)

Sc.D Hamish: D-1356, please don’t take out a card yet

D-1356: YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME AND WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH

Sc.D Hamish: Ok D-1356 we want to make this as painless as possible, could you just work with me on this, please.

D-1356: Who is we and where the hell am I? what is this place?
Sc.D Hamish: Calm down D-13—
D-1356: (interrupting Sc.D Hamish) What would you do if we walked out of here? Actually id punch you in the face first, then leave.
Sc.D Hamish: Could we please get back on topic, anyway please don’t you wouldn't get far the foundations' job is capturing people and objects.

D-1356: we disagree (D-1356 proceeds to draw the card “nope” from the game exploding kittens).

<End Log>

Closing Statement: after drawing the nope card all video recording hardware malfunction and, according to eyewitnesses, D-1356 placed down the deck to punch Sc.D Hamish and then proceeded to walk out of site 186. Site staff have stated that they saw D-1356 but were unable to physically capture D-1356.if they had the intention of capturing D-1356, personnel would temporarily suffer memory loss until D1356 had left line of sight. Originally it was theorized by site researchers that D-1356 had some kind of memetic barrier around D-1356 but this is unlikely as even personnel with high memetic resistance were unable to contain D-1356. D-1356 has been redesignated SCP-xxxx-2 and is still uncontained.

Test 5 - Date 8/4/20

Subject: Sc.D Hamish
Procedure: Sc.D Hamish is to hold the deck and, when he chooses, take a card while thinking of transport to create a replacement Scp-xxxx-1 as D-1326 is often uncooperative. Sc.D Hamish will keep a written log of any events or communication with Scp-xxxx that has externally been undetectable by the foundation.
Results: Sc.D Hamish written log was never used as he reported no communication of any kind occurred, but researchers viewing did notice Sc.D Hamish looked visibly uncomfortable it is unknown if this was because of Scp-xxxx or simply from being the subject of a test. After drawing “Donjon” from “the deck of many things” in the popular board game “Dungeons and Dragons” Sc.D Hamish vanished leaving behind his clothing and the card.
Analysis: The description in “Dungeons and Dragons” of this card states that the receiver of the card is teleported to a random location and trapped inside an “extra-dimensional Sphere” due to the low probability of locating Sc.D Hamish he is now considered KIA and all experimentation on staff other than D-class has been discontinued. Sc.D Hamish’s should be reprimanded for his endangerment of his own life but the circumstances have been seen as their own repercussions.

Addendum: On 13/4/20 site 186 was approached by members of the church of the broken god asking for the foundation to transfer containment of Scp-xxxx. This request was denied and it is unknown how the church of the broken god found out about site 186 or Scp-xxxx.

Addendum: Work efficiency has increased since the removal of Sc.D Hamish.

Test 6 - Date 9/4/20

Subject: D-1368 ,convicted of manslaughter
Procedure: D-1368 was placed in a standard testing chamber and asked to draw a card while thinking about a room-temperature superconductor. This was to test what would happen if there was a request that could not possibly be found on a playing card.
Results: After D-1368 sat down and was given the instructions over the intercom D -1368 appeared agitated showing heightened adrenalin, After several attempts of trying to calm down D-1368 researchers announced this test a failure. When security officers attempted to remove D-1368, D-1368 was recorded shouting “you are all insults to Yaldabaoth” and then drawing “Ancestral Recall” card from “Magic the Gathering” that reads “Draw 3 cards or force opponent to draw 3 cards.”
Analysis: following this card all security stopped apprehending D-1368 and created an orderly queue followed by all researchers and all D-class staff at site 186 all researches drawing the same first card that appeared to be “the skull” from the role-playing game “Dungeons and Dragons” but this was unverifiable as the text on the card was written in an unidentifiable language and had a holographic coating unlike the original. 6 minutes after “the skull” was drawn a red cloak approximately 3m x 5m appearing to be worn by a humanoid figure, designated Scp-xxxx-3, would appear within 10m of the victim then state “I challenge thee to a duel” before disembowelling the victim. Scp-xxxx-3 was founded to be vulnerable to small arms fire by 18 security staff members who were able to kill or otherwise incapacitate Scp-xxxx-3. When 12 of the 18 security staff attempted to assist other staff their instances of Scp-xxxx-3, Scp-xxxx-3 would shout “very well then” then split into 2 instances of SCP-xxxx-3 one would continue attacking the original staff member and the new instance would attack the security staff member. Security staff who incapacitated or killed an Scp-xxxx-3 and did not attempt to protect other staff members would then be forced to draw a second card that would always be “balance” this card is believed to have altered the mind of the security staff to drive them to become obsessive of the inscription “His lordship” leading them to join the Sarkic cult in search of information on it. Members of staff who had been terminated by Scp-xxxx-3 continued to draw there 2 remaining cards although no anomalous effects came from these cards as the staff were unable to view said card. 5% of security staff, 0% of researches and 25% of D-class survived this event 100% of these survivors left with D-1368 and are presumed to have joined the Sarkic cult.

Addendum: 6 weeks after this event Scp-xxxx was recontained when it was found by foundation personnel during a standard survival training exercise.

Addendum: Testing on Scp-xxxx has temporarily been suspended, after this event, Scp-xxxx was reclassified Euclid as despite the disaster at site 186 a hazard is only present when testing on Scp-xxxx.