Jim North's Imaginarium
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Director Yamaguchi's office was less stark than Janice had imagined. It still had the muted earth tones common among other site directors' offices she had seen, almost to the point that it could have been a direct copy/paste job, but that in itself was more human than she had expected.

In both her official and freelance capacities as a computer-based troubleshooter, Janice had met a few of the AI that the Foundation had created and collected over the years. While not overly familiar with any of them, she had come to notice a few common traits, among them being a rather loose grip on what it meant to be human. The SCP-designated AI generally fell into the utterly alien or those who had formerly been human until ripped from their organic shell and stuffed inside a machine, tearing away whatever in them had been human in the process.

As for those that had been developed in-house, she could never make herself ignore the fact that she was speaking with a personality construct, a set of code that each intelligence had taken on to better communicate with their human counterparts. She didn't doubt that each one had selected their particular mask with a purpose, but it was still a mask, and through it was filtered a perspective that could absolutely pass as genuine but not as human.

The Yamaguchi intelligence, she decided, had almost certainly not decorated the office itself.

Potted plants lined much of the side walls, interspersed with wooden shelves laden with books. Janice approached a bookshelf at random and ran her fingers across the spines. Crooking a finger over the top of one of the books, she pulled it out, flipped it around, and let it fall open. She didn't recognize the story held within, but it was indeed an actual book. A work of speculative crime fiction involving a hard-boiled private detective, if the text she skimmed over was any indication.

After closing the book and putting it back in its slot, Janice walked past the director's desk and stepped up to the wide, tinted windows that stared out over the nearby beach, giving a panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean beyond. Several high-flying cirrus clouds were lazily drifting through an otherwise clear blue sky that stretched across the horizon.

Janice turned around. Leroy had closed the door behind himself and was busily occupying himself with rustling his hands nervously in his jeans pockets, obviously trying to wait patiently while the doctor took in the surroundings. In one of the far corners of the room, leaning with its back against the wall, was a robot similar to the janitor that she had seen earlier.

"Is that the director?" Janice asked, pointing.

Leroy peered around behind him, eyes wide as if he expected the AI itself to be standing right over his shoulder. "Oh yeah, that's her frame," he said, obviously trying to suppress a shudder. "It's just been sitting on the recharger ever since she disappeared. I checked the access log to see if maybe she's tried to jump into it when we weren't looking, but it's clean."

"Hmm. I'll take a look myself here in a bit. In the meantime, where's the mainframe?"

"You're standing right behind it, actually." When she gave him a look of confusion, he gestured between them. "The desk," he said. "She had all of the components taken out of their original housing and transferred here. Most of it is in the desk, with some cables extending down into the floor to hook up to the main network lines."

Janice stepped forward to study the desk more closely. The exterior was made of intricately carved wood that had been stained a deep, dark red, bordering on burgundy. She reached down to open one of the side drawers only to find that they were the facade for a door that opened onto the front panel of a large computer tower. The tower filled the entire space within, its only features being a single Foundation-style USB port, a short row of indicator lights, and a round keyhole that presumably inhibited access to the components beyond.

The top of the desk was flat, smooth, and completely clear of clutter. There was no computer terminal, no phone, no desk calendar, and presumably no need for any of it given the office's main occupant.

"So, should I assume that I already have clearance for this system?"

"Yeah, most of it," Leroy said, nodding. "In fact, you should have access to just about everything in the building. If you need to get into something you don't, it'll have to go through Mr. Wilson."

"Of course it will," Janice said quietly with a mixture of annoyance and resignation. She pulled out the site director's chair and sat down.

Reaching behind her left shoulder, Janice pulled her personal AR display from where she had put it while fiddling with the settings in the elevator. It slid into view over the desktop, a ghostly panel dense with options, links, and information. One of the links touted itself to be a connection to her current location's network, so she reached out and tapped it.

A series of security checks scrolled by, letting her know that she was who she claimed to be, then disappeared as the physical desktop she was sitting at started to populate itself with all the standard equipment a modern office needed.

"So what's with all this theatricality?"

Leroy's head snapped up as he was dragged out of his own thoughts. "I'm sorry?"

"The site director is an AI, right? So is just about everyone else around here. Why the desk? Why have an office at all?" she asked, throwing her hands wide to take in their surroundings. "If the point of doing all this automation stuff is to get rid of the human factor, why bother working so hard to make them seem and act human? Why am I currently loading up a phone and a computer screen and, Jesus Christ, a fucking desk lamp when Yamaguchi could just network directly into the phone lines and intranet from inside the system itself?"

"I, uh … " Leroy blinked rapidly for a moment. "I guess I never really thought about it. Probably to put the higher-ups at ease about the whole thing? I mean, it's one of the things that got me excited about the project."

Janice tapped a fingernail on the desk's smooth surface. "Yeah, it's all 'pretty cool', you said." She sighed and shook her head. The desktop had fully loaded, and the central mystery was calling her.

While she figured that the virtual mouse wouldn't pose any problems, the prospect of typing on a keyboard that wasn't really there felt like it would slow her down until she got used to it, so she eschewed it completely and pulled out her phone. It only took a few moments of sorting through the AR app to get the phone's keyboard linked to Yamaguchi's computer, then she was rapidly sifting through the mainframe's folders.

Most of what she found was the expected accumulation of work files related to Site-3408's operations. SCP files, monitoring programs, expense reports, incident reports, requests for more funding, et cetera, et cetera. She swept through most of it with only a quick glance to ensure no interesting wheat was hidden amongst the tedious chaff. There was simply too much of the latter for her to carefully go through unless she intended to sit at the desk for several days doing nothing but.

After getting the boring, predictable areas sorted through, she set into finding the .aic formatted files that would normally comprise the Yamaguchi intelligence. A quick, automated search pulled up nothing, to no great surprise, and a manual look through the local program files showed only a mostly-empty set of folders that were undoubtedly the original seat of the AI's coding. Once it had been given the ability and permission to move itself wherever it wanted, Janice had little doubt that the AI had rarely if ever returned to that particular cradle.

A thought occurred to the doctor. She cleared her throat, getting Leroy's attention again. "I don't suppose you guys use a different format for your AI?" she asked.

The technician shrugged. "Yeah, sorry about that," he said. "It'll be Alpha-India-Echo. The E is for 'Entity'. Mr. Wilson never really liked the whole 'Conscript' thing."

"Hmm. Nothing under that either, of course. Okay, if she's still sending orders through the system, doing paperwork, and whatever else, then she'll probably be remotely accessing this computer from wherever she is."

"Right. But I already checked all-"

Janice held up a hand. "I know, and I'm not doubting your work, Mr. McAllister. But you're in IT, so you know as well as I do that I'm going to have to go over the exact same territory again just to be absolutely certain, yeah?"

"Yeah," Leroy chuckled. "I guess you're right. Just remember, if anything starts going screwy, try turning it off and on again."

Janice smirked despite herself. "I'll keep that in mind."

The monitor's desktop was littered with a variety of icons for programs related to the day-to-day operations of the site. Janice opened a few of them at random, then tabbed back and forth between them. The first one to fully load up was a settings board for the automatic timers on the overhead lights. The second, controls to the building's power grid. The last two dealt with site security, specifically the CCTV surveillance systems and door locks.

Church of the Broken God: The Butt of MEKHANE

A motivational poster that says "DEFENESTRATE: Don't Wait"

Funeral for an MTF member. He gets out of his coffin, says something to the effect of "Fuck this, I'm getting a drink." Heads to the nearest bar. One of his former task force buddies elects to go into the bar to try and get him to give himself up, and they have a talk about the Foundation and their time there.

An art piece by Are We Cool Yet? that makes itself look like whatever SCP object a Foundation employee is assigned to work on at the moment.

An infovore that can be affected by stories about it in comic form. "The Foundation Five?! NOOOOO!!!" "Who are you?!" "Containment Specialist Aaron York. I'm the one drawing the comic that's going to put you away for a very long time." "Self-inserts are lame!" "You're lame."

I AM LOKI OF ASGARD - Reality bender with cyberparts. First letter of each line in the interviews spells out the title. Loki tried to trick the Church of the Broken God into thinking he was the mortal reincarnation of MEKHANE, but they catch on and stuff him full of malfunctioning cybernetic parts that dampen his reality bending abilities. He has voluntarily sequestered himself with the Foundation (Why not the Serpent's Hand? Maybe they're wise to him too.) and is generally cooperative, but doesn't let them know who he really is. Becomes infatuated with Dr. Anna O'Neill at Site-272 and turns himself into a woman to be more attractive to her.

Dr. Wondertainment Air Guitars (and other instruments).

Something about automated quarantines.

Sticker Sky - The universe is just an illusion, and the Earth's atmosphere ends only a few kilometers up. Those that can perceive it can see that the planet is surrounded by a solid wall covered in stickers of stars and other celestial bodies. Satellites can be found smashed into this wall, apparently destroyed but still working through anomalous means. Containment procedures involve encouraging the illusion of outer space, faking space missions, creating several false SCP articles regarding space-based anomalies, and encouraging automated space exploration over manned missions. Containment is threatened by all the commercial attempts at space flight.

Primer (Look up Ancient Greek word for it?) - A Socratic dialogue, ostensibly written by Plato, that teaches how to do Socratic dialogues. The work itself can only be discussed in the form of a Socratic dialogue. The article will be in the form of an interview with a D-Class that has read the primer.

MTF based completely around operating drones of various types.

A movie playing machine (Blu-Ray player?) that allows the viewer to telekinetically control things on the screen.

The Keter Thing That Keeps Unlocking Containment And Falling Out. Harmless, but virtually uncontainable.

Dave the Not Elf: Has somehow learned about the Foundation and wants to be an SCP object sooooo bad, dawg, you don't even know. Spent all his money on plastic surgery so he would look like an elf (because he also wants to be an elf) and then turns himself in at a Foundation site he has learned about (272, most likely). When they find that he's non-anomalous, they try to amnesticize him and send him away only to find that he has an anomalous reaction to amnestics. Like, he not only doesn't forget anything, he also floats up half a meter in the air and starts emitting light and sound like he's a goddamned laser show. The Foundation reluctantly admits him as a skip and a happy ending is had. By Dave's standards, anyway.

Stuck in the testing chambers.

Do something with the tractor tires outside?

Anomalous security guard Nicholas, disappears and reappears through doors, showing up randomly at just the right time to quell rioting D-Class, stop containment breaches, etc. Gains abilities or qualities that will help in the specific situation, even if they are detrimental to him. Gets healed imperfectly between doors. Enjoys being the hero at first, but it gradually wears him down. Has an earpiece and GPS tag, but they only work outside of doors.

Little kid version of people stealing the lives of their older counterparts. Except they only look like kid versions, dun dun dun.

Ghosts that possess drones! Foundation sends in some drones to a supposedly haunted house, but all of them malfunction and are irretrievable. Finally they send in a D-Class and he gets attacked by the ebil drones.

Shrinking houses or apartments. Every time a room disappears, the primary resident of that room is erased.

A blue jacket that replaces items in your hand with other items if held while putting your arm through the sleeve.