Per 
Item #: SCP-8594-J
Object Class: Piece Of Shit
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8594-J is to be contained within the ████████ High School, because he's too fucking stupid to graduate. SCP-8594-J is so pathetic he can't go a minute being by himself, and to prevent him from wasting SCP foundation space, he is allowed to be a student of ████████ High.
Description: SCP-8594-J is a fucking scumbag named "Chris L. █████", born on March 5th, 1977. SCP-8594-J seems to be capable of many athletic feats at the cost of IQ points, and has shown extreme skill in soccer, football, and basketball. SCP-8594-J doesn't have a personality outside of sports.
SCP-8594-J has been in high school since 1993, because his single digit IQ can't get him out. His anomalous properties are how someone so fucking stupid managed to get to junior year of high school, and how someone can be so much of a dick. SCP-8594-J prefers to hang around other assholes, and tends to unfairly target Dr. Salem with his stupid attempts to make himself seem cool.
Despite the fact SCP-8594-J is a completely useless piece of shit, the inbred bastard does possess several anomalous abilities:
- Being a waste of human DNA
- Ability to call Dr. Salem gay (which I he is not)
- Ability to knock Dr. Salem's lunch tray out of his hands
- Force Dr. Salem to give him money
- Make Dr. Salem do his homework
Interview Log #1:
Interviewed: SCP-8594-J
Interviewer: Researcher P██████
Date: 03/12/2019
<Begin Log>Researcher P██████: Okay, I'm just here to ask a few questions, then you'll be free to go.
SCP-8594-J: I am a dumb piece of shit.
Researcher P██████: We know. Now, can you spell your name? We just want to get a good idea of your intelligence level.
SCP-8594-J: I don't know how to spell.
Researcher P██████: Oh. Well, seeing as I only have questions related to spelling, I guess you're free to go, you fucking idiot.
<End Log>
Interview Log #2:
Interviewed: SCP-8594-J
Interviewer: Dr. Salem
Date: 04/30/2019
<Begin Log >Dr. Salem proceeded to stand, then rushed and subsequently assaulted SCP-8594-J. This continued on for about three minutes until Salem became visually tired and seized. SCP-8594-J repeated during the beatings "I am a piece of shit", and foundation staff members watching did nothing to try and stop Salem's assault.
<End Log>
Addendum-8594-J-1: Termination has been considered, but deemed "a waste of time and materials".
Addendum-8594-J-2: On 10/21/1994, SCP-8594-J revealed that he had a relationship with a fucking bitch named N███ S█████████, who described it as the worse thing ever. Nine days prior, Dr. Saem had asked N███ out on a date to see the [DATA EXPUNGED] movie in which she rejected him infront of a large crowd of people.
