Jon Milne

SCP-XXXX

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a standard containment chamber in Site 45, located in ██████, the United Kingdom. SCP-XXXX's containment chamber is modeled after the drawing-room of Balmoral Castle, Scotland, and is filled with the following objects:

-Two Haines chairs in the centre of the room, clad in a Modern Gordon Tartan throw.

-Tartan carpets

-A replica desk of the variety of the 1775 design by George Hepplewhite, situated in the furthest left corner.

-A large fireplace at the far end of the room.

-A replica gold framed clock of the variety of the design by Ferdinand Berthoud.

-Two replicas of Landseer portraits.

-A Woolworths three-bar electric heater.

-A Stag's head and antlers up on the wall.

When entering the room, male personnel are to face SCP-XXXX and bow from the neck, while female personnel are to do a small curtsy. All personnel must then first address SCP-XXXX-01 as "Your Majesty", and then as "Ma'am"¹ in all subsequent addresses.

Six cash-in-hand financial transactions involving SCP-XXXX are to take place every day, three where it is used as payment, and three where it is given as change. A cash register, and purchasable items, are also situated in SCP-XXXX's containment chamber for this purpose.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a British One Pound Sterling Coin resembling the variant introduced into circulation in the United Kingdom from the 28th of March 2017. SCP-XXXX has a milled edge, and is composed of a dodecagonal outer ring of gold-coloured nickel-brass,² and the inner planchet is made of nickel-plated alloy. The obverse of the coin depicts HM Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, while the reverse of the coin depicts a rose, leek, thistle and shamrock bound by a crown. SCP-XXXX has a mass of 8.75g, a diameter of 23.43mm, and a thickness of 2.8mm.

SCP-XXXX has a number of anomalous qualities:

-It has an initially low level memetic effect (which gradually increases throughout the day) on anyone in possession of it, in that whenever a cash in hand transaction is made in any shopping store, the individual will feel compelled to spend SCP-XXXX as part of their payment, in most cases if it has not already been used as payment earlier that day. Similarly, anyone working in a shopping store that has SCP-XXXX along with other money, will feel compelled to give SCP-XXXX to a customer as part of monetary change for any appropriate payments the customer(s) make (for example if a customer pays with a £5 note for a purchase that costs less or equal to £4), again in most cases as long as it has not been already given as change earlier in the day. It has been observed that a minimum of three instances each of a payment and a giving of change are enough to satiate SCP-XXXX until the next day.

-SCP XXXX is capable of moving around its containment cell by rolling around on it's side, and using a "bouncing" mechanism in order to leap up onto slightly higher areas, such as chairs, and desks.

-SCP-XXXX is sentient, with the side depicting HM Queen Elizabeth II, known as SCP-XXXX-01 being fully capable of speech and mannerisms consistent with those of the real life of the Queen, as well as full knowledge of her life and that of the British monarchy up to the date of SCP-XXXX's creation, which according to interviews with SCP-XXXX-01, is May the 2nd 2017. SCP-XXXX-01 is aware that they are not the real HM Queen Elizabeth II, and has no capability to "exit" from SCP-XXXX.

-SCP-XXXX-01 is driven by a compulsive need to be used in financial transactions. If a period longer than 4 hours has passed without SCP-XXXX being used, SCP-XXXX-01 will grow increasingly agitated, causing it to complain, and for its memetic effect of compelling present individuals to use it to grow until they end up using it. The longest observed period in experimentation of SCP-XXXX not being used in financial transactions is 5.5 hours.

Warning: Further information on SCP-XXXX is classified, and only accessible to members of the Overseer Council. Be advised that any attempt to impersonate the Overseer Council will be punished by immediate termination. If you are a member of the Overseer council, please input your User Authentication, Personal Authorisation Keyphrase, and command in order to access the rest of the SCP-XXXX file.

+ Input Overseer Security Protocols Now

Additional Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-01 is of high strategic value to the Foundation, due to her revealing awareness of a total of ████ "high priority" SCP objects and individuals, in addition to ██ past and present members of the O5 council. Despite her memories as the Queen ending in 2017, those memories are still accurate and up to date in 9█% of cases. Because of this, and the fact the O5 council are therefore confident of SCP-XXXX-01's loyalty to the Foundation, the 05 council voted unanimously on [DATE REDACTED], that SCP-XXXX-01's revealed knowledge does not constitute a security breach for the Foundation, and furthermore, the O5 council voted on a majority opinion on [DATE REDACTED] for the the current containment procedures to be put into place as detailed in the "main" section of this file. Nonetheless, all conducted interviews with SCP-XXXX-01 are to take place only with at least one member of the O5 council present.

Addendum:

Shortly after being made aware of the existence of SCP-XXXX, HM Queen Elizabeth II made contact with the O5 council to request an interview with SCP-XXXX-01. The O5 council voted on a majority opinion to approve this request, and arrangements were made to facilitate the Queen's meeting with SCP-XXXX-01.

Interview Log SCP-XXXX-01

Interviewed: SCP-XXXX-01

Interviewer: HM Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

Observing ex camera: O5-7, O5-9

(HM Queen Elizabeth II enters SCP-XXXX-01's containment chamber, and, facing SCP-XXXX-01, performs a small curtsy.)

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Your Majesty.

(SCP-XXXX-01, sat in one of the chairs and facing HM Queen Elizabeth II, proceeds to lean slightly forward on her edge, in an approximation of what could be described as a "bow".)

SCP-XXXX-01: Your Majesty.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Is it strange that even despite having just essentially curtsied to myself, that this is still not the most bizarre experience I have ever had?

(SCP-XXXX-01 is observed to smile)

SCP-XXXX-01: Absolutely not, although if you have read my file you will of course know that I am guilty only of sharing your memories. Please, won't you sit down?

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Of course.

(HM Queen Elizabeth II sits down in the seat directly opposite SCP-XXXX-01)

HM Queen Elizabeth II: I appreciate what they have done with your containment cell.

SCP-XXXX-01: Thank you, although I still remember with amusement when Mr Wilson referred to the castle as a "Rheinland Schloss".

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Oh, Harold! No matter how down I may have felt on a given day, he, perhaps more than any of my other Prime Ministers, always knew how to make me laugh. I recall he complained about the Piper of the Sovereign too. A pity. The presence of one here would make this chamber feel exactly like home.

SCP-XXXX-01: Quite, but unfortunately that was one line the O5 council refused to cross. "No bagpipes Ma'am. Never. Ever." I believe were their exact words. In any case, I am mindful of the time, Ma'am. Am I to understand you are going to spend me today? I apologise if you feel I am rushing you, but it has been 3 hours and 37 minutes since I was last used, and of course you will have read my file with regards to the anxiety I have about that sort of thing.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: You need not worry. I will be delighted to participate in the next experiment today. Much like with all my Prime Ministers, and anyone else of importance I meet, I make it a point to never have any of my conversations last any longer than they reasonably need to. Otherwise I feel rude about keeping them from any other more important business than just sitting and talking to an old lady who occasionally goes around the country and cuts ribbons for a living.

(HM Queen Elizabeth II clears her throat)

HM Queen Elizabeth II: I did however want to ask you about what it is that drives you? What I mean is, why are you anchored by the compulsion that you have?

SCP-XXXX-01: Well, there's two reasons really. The first is the most simple, that I adore the feeling actually valued by the people who use me.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Oh, how lovely! Despite my earlier cynicism, I too enjoy it whenever I get some reminder, be it from my husband, or children, or grandchildren, or even anyone I meet, of much they feel I mean to them. And the second reason?

(SCP-XXXX-01 appears to hesitate)

SCP-XXXX-01: Is there a way I would be able to express it without seeming incredibly rude?

HM Queen Elizabeth II: …You mean that I'm 93 years old, don't you?

SCP-XXXX-01: Oh dear. That's such an awful way of having to put it. But yes. For all I know, you could live as long as your mother did, or, well, sooner. Because of this, I have no idea how long I will remain in circulation for. And when the time comes for you to pass on, what happens to me? Will your son, the next in line for the throne, maintain continuity with your face on the coins? Or will his reign as the King see brand new coins in his image? If the latter happens, then obviously this is going to affect my monetary value. It's why I greatly savour the notion of being able to used financially while I still can.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: I am sorry to hear that. I can't imagine coping with the kind of anguish you feel every day.

(SCP-XXXX-01 takes a moment to compose herself)

SCP-XXXX-01: Yes, well. The aftermath of your reign as Queen has many uncertain consequences, even for where we are now.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Ah yes, this place. This Foundation.

SCP-XXXX-01: When was it they approached us again? 19██?

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Close. 19██. It was like a gravely wounded animal turning up on my doorstep. Hearing about the death of my predecessor, and what he had done, and how the O5 council, and by extension the Foundation, had come far too close to ruin. Of course, this couldn't ever be allowed to happen again. No-one else could be allowed to kind of have unchecked power and destructive influence that so very much wounded the Foundation before.

SCP-XXXX-01: And so they approached you. I do believe you initially weren't particularly impressed when they told you that your role in the Foundation would be more or less exactly the same as your other profession - a "constitutional monarch" I believe is the right term?

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Admittedly not, but then much like my feelings with whenever my Prime Ministers have gone and done something, "controversial", to put it lightly, I recognise the importance of the Sovereign giving unconditional support to the leaders they work with. And considering the sheer scale of what Mr ████████████ had done to the Foundation, I quite sympathised with the O5 council's belief that, for their next appointment of that position, they needed a stable and safe pair of hands at the top of the Foundation that would help be able to guide it and especially the O5 council through difficult times. And so I accepted their offer. I will not lie and say that I have no concerns of ethics about some of the things done in the name of the Foundation, but I am glad I am never asked to set policy or to personally choose who leads it.

SCP-XXXX-01: Indeed, and for all the depressing and horrifying documentations and briefings you have had to endure…

HM Queen Elizabeth II: SCP-████ and SCP-████ especially, good lord!

SCP-XXXX-01: Oh yes, quite! But still, there's all the documentations and briefings that greatly lifted your spirits, that healing bear especially, and of course the friendly relationships you have with the O5 Council too, especially with how they choose new council members.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: It is wonderful and quite flattering how they do it. Electing a new Overseer, and then taking them to meet me so that they can ask me permission to officially assign them into their role. And of course, I always accept, and they repay me with their own unconditional trust by keeping me briefed with all the important information they desire me to hear. Just like how it is with my Prime Ministers. It is a great privilege I feel to help serve the Foundation in the way that I do. Naturally, of course, I worry about what comes afterwards…

SCP-XXXX-01: That's the problem, of course. Once you go, who is there of significant, credible authority in the world who can be considered stable enough to keep the O5 council, and by extension the Foundation, in check? The O5 Council doesn't know, and all they can do is continuously study me, hoping I can produce some answers for the very real dilemma that faces them.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: Well, anyway, I am mindful of the time, and I feel I have lost my manners in keeping you for so long while talking about myself. Shall we go ahead and purchase something with you, Ma'am?

SCP-XXXX-01: Oh! Thank you! Yes, it would be an absolute honour to be spent by you today! What will you buy? Will you buy some tea? Will you buy some sweets? How about writing paper? Or will you - ah, sorry, Ma'am. When I haven't been spent for a while I can get a little "restless", to put it charitably.

HM Queen Elizabeth II: No problem. Shall we go?

SCP-XXXX-01: Thank you, Administrator.

Footnotes

1. pronounced with a short "a", as in "jam"

2. This nickel-brass outer-ring has properties of 76% Cu, 20% Zn, and 4% Ni