Item #: SCP-####
Object Class: Keter/Euclid Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-#### is largely self-contained on site, with containment being sustained by SCP-####-1. It is to be sealed in its natural underground cave system behind high density steel doors and defended by no less than 10 armed security personnel.
SCP-#### is to be contained on site, approximately 650 km below southern Greece, in a natural underground cave system sealed behind high density steel doors and defended by no less than 5 armed security personnel. The SCP-#### support system is to be maintained weekly by Level 3 Engineer personnel to retain its integrity. 3 Level 3 Engineer personnel are to be stationed on site at any given time, with 8 hour rotations between a minimum of 9 such personnel.
Bolts and screws are to be replaced one by one with additional structural support from hydraulic lifts at key structural pressure points, with every connection replaced over a 10 year period. Main structural support beams can be replaced via shaped osteogenesis on a case by case basis with written permission from the Head Engineer on site. Any major replacements are to be carried out under full hydraulic support with 1 of 2 robotic assembly platforms specifically designed for the task. It is estimated that the current support structure will become compromised as of 23██ without replacement.
SCP-####-1 is largely self-contained on site, supporting SCP-####. SCP-####-1 is not to be harmed in any way that may compromise its ability to support SCP-####, but can be tranquilized with a maximum of 10 doses of Carfentanil if it attempts to attack Foundation personnel. 1 maximum strength dose of Nalaxone is to be administered in case of overdose.
SCP-####-1 is contained in a converted hospital suite in Site-███ below Delphi following its collapse. SCP-####-1 requires full life support and the care of at least 1 specially trained nurse or medical personnel. SCP-####-1 requires no further containment procedures until it regains consciousness.
SCP-####-1 is contained in a cold storage locker in Site-███. No containment procedures are required.
Description: SCP-#### is a point under the Aegean Sea Tectonic Plate on the subduction zone south of Crete, Greece. This subduction zone is the result of the African tectonic plate sweeping under the Aegean Sea Plate. This point, should it be allowed to lower and resume normal subduction of the African Tectonic Plate at its unhindered speed, will cause a series of catastrophic earthquakes across Greece with an estimated human death toll in excess of 7 million and property damage in excess of €10 billion. SCP-#### exerts an incredible amount of crushing force on all things beneath it and can only be supported by a support structure capable of lifting in excess of 40.7x1015 kg.
SCP-####-1 is a Greek humanoid male 10m in height and 1934kg in weight. SCP-####-1 has a significantly higher muscle mass percentage than any human on record and bone density nearly 200 times higher than the human average. SCP-####-1 also displays incredible longevity. SCP-####-1 held the Aegean Sea Plate above its head while standing on the African Plate for what is estimated to be 2800 years. Estimations from SCP-####-1 indicate that SCP-#### has advanced 40 mm on average each year.
Discovery: SCP-####-1 was found physically supporting SCP-#### in a sleep-like state on ██/██/19██ during a Greek scientific team’s deep drilling survey of the Aegean Sea Plate. Foundation authorities were contacted following publication of these findings. Foundation personnel erased the article and all evidence, and class-A amnestics were applied to the members of the survey team. A retrieval team was sent to retrieve SCP-####-1, which was thought to be the only anomalous factor at the time.
Upon arrival in the cavern, the retrieval team attempted to make contact with SCP-####-1. When SCP-####-1 did not respond to questions in English, Greek, Italian, Latin, French, or Ancient Greek, the retrieval team attempted to restrain SCP-####-1 for transport. SCP-####-1 woke up and violently resisted the retrieval teams attempts at restraint.
After this incident, SCP-####-1 was receptive to questioning, responding to questions in Ancient Greek. Foundation personnel were called in to secure the site and better question SCP-####-1.
Interview Log:
Interview 1: Conducted by Doctor █████ via Ancient Greek translator
Notes: It is apparent that much of the meaning of SCP-####-1’s words were lost in translation, as it was using an unknown dialect of the already dead language. In many parts the references to Greek gods are assumed from longer-winded descriptions and epithets, closer to “he who pierces the heavens,” “Zeus Areius,” “Mother Earth,” "Klutotékhnēs," and “Father Sky.”
Dr. █████: Hello SCP-####-1, my name is █████. May I ask yours?
SCP-####-1: SCP? My name is Atlas, son of Iapetus, son of the earth and sky. You would do well to remember it. Humans are much less reverent than before, it seems. They forget the one tasked with preserving them.
Dr. █████: The Atlas? Sentenced to hold the world on his shoulders?
SCP-####-1: Is there another as great as I? I am unique among my kind, blessed with greater power. Such that Zeus decided I was useful, and had me hold up the “heavens.” An honor. <Translator identifies this as sarcasm.>
Dr. █████: Is that what you're doing? Holding up the "heavens" against your will?
SCP-####-1: Yes. Do you think this is something I would choose to do? The earth bears down on me as we speak. Should I falter, our lives will end, human.
Dr. █████: How long have you been doing this?
SCP-####-1: It has been long since I have seen the sky. I do not know.
Dr. █████: How much longer do you think you can do this?
SCP-####-1: My burden is great, and I have grown weary. You would do well to leave and inform Zeus he will need another to take my place.
Dr. █████: What will happen if you just let it go carefully, making sure it doesn’t hurt anyone here?
SCP-####-1: Many humans will die, on the surface. Perhaps not all, but many.
Dr. █████: How can we support this, uh, "burden," ourselves?
SCP-####-1: Be careful that you don’t insult me, human. I still have some pride. The greatest among you lack the power of our weakest.
Dr. █████: We have ways. With your assistance and advice, I’m certain we can at least maintain this amount of tectonic separation.
SCP-####-1: You speak of things you do not understand. A common problem, among humans. But I have no reason to refuse your help. I cannot move.
Dr. █████: We’ll be back, and we’ll see about setting up a support structure. Please, keep this up while we’re gone.
SCP-####-1: I will. Perhaps I need to explain again, what will happen if I falter?
Interview 2: Conducted by Head Engineer ███████ via Ancient Greek translator
Head Engineer ███████: Hello Atlas, I’m ███████. I’ll be helping brace the tectonic plate, okay?
SCP-####-1: Are you a blacksmith, human? Do you intend to solve our problem with steel or bronze? This is not something you are capable of building. Or were you thinking of standing on my shoulders and lifting it yourself?
Head Engineer ███████: We’re going to set them up, okay? They’ll be around you, only 4, so it won’t trap you.
SCP-####-1: Very well, human. Set up your toys.
<Head Engineer ███████ sets up the braces using a specialized construction platform. It is notable that SCP-####-1 pays careful attention to the construction platform, with what appears to be curiosity.>
Head Engineer ███████: There. What do you think, Atlas? Any better?
SCP-####-1: I… Yes. All this time, I never realized how heavy it was. The burden is still there, but it is lighter now.
Head Engineer ███████: That’s great to hear, really. I’ll take these blueprints and-
SCP-####-1: Tell me, are they true? The whispers I have heard in a broken language not unlike my own. Of… Gods, contained by your “Foundation.” Immortal, invincible, unstoppable things contained by simple humans? Looking at your toys, tiny Hephaestus, I am almost convinced.
Head Engineer ███████: Yes. Yes, Atlas, it’s all true. I’m just one of thousands like me, making the world safer. Like you, I guess.
SCP-####-1: Like me? I am not one of you. I am trapped here, against my will.
Head Engineer ███████: I’ve actually thought about this, for a while. You’ve held up this plate for almost three-thousand years, Atlas. At any point you could have just given up, but you didn’t. It doesn’t matter why you did it, your actions kept us safe, without thanks or any benefit to you. Even now, most of the people you saved will never even know you actually existed. An unspoken, true hero. So, on behalf of the people of Greece, thank you. Sincerely.
<SCP-####-1 appeared to be stunned following this interview, and was observed to be smiling for a short time afterwards.>
Interview 3: Conducted by Head Engineer ███████ via Ancient Greek translator
<SCP-####-1 requests an interview with Head Engineer ███████.>
Head Engineer ███████: Atlas, you wanted to talk to me?
SCP-####-1: I am bored, tiny Hephaestus. Do you have any idea what it is like to constantly prevent disaster for most of your life?
Head Engineer ███████: That's literally my job description. Haven't we had this conversation? …Oh, was that irony? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear it over the sound of your joints creaking, old man.
<Head Engineer ███████ is quietly reminded not to antagonize SCP-####-1. The message is still translated at his request.>
SCP-####-1: <SCP-####-1 laughs.> This is the kind of response I miss. I thought Greek wit died with Heracles. I am far older than you know. I suppose, by your standards, I am absolutely ancient. Is it not customary to respect your elders, tiny Hephaestus?
Head Engineer ███████: It is. Tell me, is there something wrong with my name? First it was just "human" and now it's Hephaestus. Isn't that some kind of blasphemy? Did I impress you that much?
SCP-####-1: It is, and you did. Consider it an honor, friend, that I would compare you to a god.
Head Engineer ███████: …Thank you. So, Atlas, I really have to get back to work. But if you like, I can come back around and chat with you off the record every once in a while. Our translator should be around.
SCP-####-1: I would like that. Perhaps you could tell me about the other things your Foundation contains.
Head Engineer ███████: I'll have to put in a formal request. Maybe some of the safer ones…
Interview 5: Conducted by Head Engineer ███████ via Ancient Greek translator
<Notably, SCP-####-1 appears considerably weaker during this interview, exhibiting shaking knees and a slumped back.>
Head Engineer ███████: Hello, Atlas, how are you doing today?
SCP-####-1: Have you grown old, friend? I forgot that humans had such short lives. I am not well, my tiny Hephaestus. The braces you have crafted have lessened the weight, but I doubt they will hold without me. You must work faster.
Head Engineer ███████: We’ve worked out a way to make stronger supports, but… I’m sorry, my friend, we’re going to need a bone sample. If we can study your bones, we might be able to make a material strong enough to support the plate. Is there-
SCP-####-1: This is not a problem. Take what you need. If this structure is to be my legacy, I would have it match my strength, at any cost.
Head Engineer ███████: Thank you. I promise, you won’t even notice.
<Over the course of an hour, SCP-####-1 received local anesthesia and foundation personnel took samples of its bone collagen and calcium.>
SCP-####-1: I see now why my brother gave you fire. He saw your potential when few others did. Not even a god could cut me so finely. Work fast, tiny Hephaestus. Soon my burden will be yours.
Interview 7: Conducted by Senior Engineer ██████ via Ancient Greek translator
Senior Engineer ██████: Atlas, we’ve finished the new supports. We can put them in now. How are you holding up?
SCP-####-1: With my arms, ██████. For how much longer, I cannot know. How is your father?
Senior Engineer ██████: He’s been getting a little better recently, especially when he heard they might be able to get you out of the cave.
SCP-####-1: Hope is a useful thing, but false hope can be cruel. Take care of my friend when I am gone.
Senior Engineer ██████: I… I will. Let’s set up the new support system, we’ll just need you to move your hands when we set the structure in the plate.
<Foundation Personnel set up the support system with assistance from SCP-####-1. Shortly after the support system is fully constructed, SCP-####-1 collapses onto the cave floor.>
SCP-####-1: By the gods… I'll be honest, I thought I would die before my burden was lifted.
Senior Engineer ██████: Oh thank goodness. Come on, lets get you to a medical site. Can you stand?
SCP-####-1: No. I cannot move. Do not bother. Finally… Finally I can rest. ██████, tell my friend… I am sorry. I will try to meet him, in whatever comes after. Perhaps Hades will have me. It would not be so bad, with Hephaestus.
<Senior Engineer ██████ calls the site medical team to assist SCP-####-1. The team loads SCP-####-1 on a hydraulic stretcher and evacuates to Site-███.>
Notes: SCP-####-1 entered a coma shortly after it stopped supporting SCP-####. This was due to a spinal cord compression leading to total paralysis and total loss of blood flow to the brain. SCP-####-1 requires life support to sustain itself. To date, all attempts at revival have failed.
Addendum: Following the death of Head Engineer ███████, on ██/██/20██ the Site-███ Ethics Committee passed a majority decision to euthanize SCP-####-1. SCP-####-1 was autopsied, dissected, and its tissues studied before burial in Site-███ cold storage. At request from Senior Engineer ██████ a plaque was installed over the door to the cold storage containing SCP-####-1. It reads "Here lies Atlas. No man can hold the weight of the world."
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SCP-#### greeting the retrieval agent.The Rabbit King? Childhood Memories, Made Permanent?
Item Number: SCP-####
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-#### is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell with an elevated ceiling and antimemetic tinted windows. The containment team is to be staffed with at least one Foundation personnel that has tested positive for sociopathy or psychopathy. All personnel that have had “playtime” with SCP-#### since its recovery are never to be assigned to any SCP that requires the use of amnestics for containment purposes.
At least once per day an empty plate with a tag marked “Carrots” is to be given to SCP-####. At no point is the lack of carrots to be pointed out. SCP-#### is to be visited a minimum of once per month by a willing human fitting SCP-####’s criterion for “playtime.” While these visitors can be any age, SCP-#### prefers child visitors; requests to visit must come from children 12 years old or younger of Foundation personnel assigned to SCP-####, or from nearby orphanages supported by the Foundation.
If no children request to visit SCP-#### for a period exceeding one month, D-class personnel or Level 0-2 personnel will also suffice. Note that while it is more efficient to provide children for “playtime,” knowledge of SCP-#### is significantly easier to contain when Foundation personnel, specifically D-class, are provided.
SCP-#### is to be gently washed by hand once per year, with minimal water contact and gentle air drying.
All previous “playmates” and all online mentions of SCP-#### are to be monitored and MTF Gamma 09 “Plush Hawks” dispatched to detain possible information leaks. Any pictures of SCP-#### must be run through antimemetic agents before viewing by any foundation personnel.
Recovery: SCP-#### was discovered at ████████ daycare in ██████████ after reports of gross negligence and accusations that the children had been exposed to psychedelic drugs, leading to sightings of a “talking rabbit.” A Foundation agent embedded in a nearby town was sent to investigate. Upon arrival at the daycare, the agent witnessed 13 children and 2 social workers performing a mock “medieval trial,” all under the initial memetic effect of SCP-####. The social workers appeared to be tied up with masking tape but were simply playing the defendants. The social workers were sentenced to a “slap on the wrist.” The daycare staff were in another room, ignoring the children entirely.
The agent was immune to SCP-####'s initial memetic effect. The agent took SCP-#### into custody and class A amnestics were administered to all daycare staff and social workers. Amnestics were insufficient to remove memories from the children and social workers. A cover story about a factory recalled animatronic rabbit was circulated. Information on SCP-#### from the exposed is currently being monitored and suppressed.
Description: SCP-#### is a sapient █████ brand stuffed rabbit measuring…….. SCP-#### appears to be old and worn out. SCP-#### has stated that it resents this description, and instead prefers the term "well loved." There is a tag on the underside of SCP-#### that reads “The bestest(sic) bunny and the bestest(sic) king in the whole wide world. A friend you’ll never forget! One of a kind, made with love. Just like you! – The Mayfair Family.”
SCP-#### is capable of speech and locomotion despite lacking the necessary organs and musculature. SCP-#### speaks in a high, childlike voice with a slight lisp. SCP-#### has been previously observed to be capable of jumping as high as 30 meters into the air. However, it will express fear if it finds itself over 10 meters in the air. SCP-#### is capable of lifting weights with upper limits around 400 kg.
SCP-#### abhors violence, and has not yet attempted to break containment. However, SCP-#### will defend itself or children with violence if necessary.
SCP-#### displays minor narcissistic tendencies and delusions of grandeur. SCP-#### claims to be the king of a kingdom it has not yet named to Foundation personnel, which alternately has control of or is close to having control of most or all countries on earth. Exact state and contents of said kingdom vary each time it is mentioned, with the only country consistently under its control being the United States of America. SCP-#### also claims that all Foundation personnel are its personal servants, and that all animals and stuffed animals in the world serve it, save for “the mooses.” All of these claims have been disproven.
SCP-#### claims to love carrots and will consume any that it is given, anomalously putting them near the stiches meant to represent its mouth while making a sound similar to that of chewing. The carrots disappear a short time after this occurs. The carrots do not have to be real. SCP-#### is apparently capable of consuming and gaining nutrients from the idea of carrots alone. SCP-#### also appears to gain sustenance from “playtime” sessions. SCP-#### will gradually decline in health if it is not provided with “carrots” daily, and at least one “playmate” per month, growing lethargic and agitated when not in the presence of humans.
SCP-#### has an innate knowledge of the personality, emotions, familial situation, and desires of the people it comes in contact with. SCP-#### has displayed nearly encyclopedic knowledge of the familial situation of the personnel it has spoken to. This has lead to many personnel believing SCP-#### was threatening their children. SCP-#### has stated that it uses this information to tailor “playtime” to the individual and would “never hurt any of the little kiddyfolk (sic).”
SCP-#### exerts an initial and secondary memetic effect on approximately 85% of human adults, 95% of adults with histories of childhood trauma, and 100% of children under 12 years old. These memetic effects appear to only affect humans that directly view SCP-####. Interacting with SCP-#### for longer than 1 hour is necessary to render its secondary memetic effect permanent. Adults that are immune to SCP-####’s memetic effects are generally sociopaths or psychopaths, or those that have committed violent or sexual crimes against children. There are exceptions to this, however.
Once affected by the initial memetic effect of SCP-#### the subject is designated a “playmate.” Unless prevented from doing so for any reason, “playmates” will interact with SCP-#### extensively during their first meeting, in a manner similar to the way a child would normally play with a stuffed animal. With especially gifted or mature “playmates” SCP-#### may attempt to construct a fantasy narrative with the “playmate” at the center. The “playmate” reacts very positively to SCP-####’s suggestions at this time.
This will generally continue for approximately 2 hours unless ended prematurely, at the end of which SCP-#### will ask “So, will you join my army? We could really use someone like you!” The “playmate,” appears to be under no compulsion at this time but will still regard SCP-#### fondly, often answering in the affirmative. After this, SCP-#### will hug the playmate and express love for them, and the “playmate” will leave soon after. Should the “playmate” refuse, SCP-#### will hug them and say “No hard feelings, I still love you.”
“Playmates” of SCP-#### that have finished "playtime" are subject to its secondary memetic effect, and remember their encounter with SCP-#### fondly and with perfect clarity. These “playmates” of SCP-#### are immune to all amnestics. At this time there is no known method of removing memories from “playmates” of SCP-####. It is possible to have several “playmates” be affected in this manner at the same time, with no apparent upper limit.
Adults that have gone through the “playtime” process have described it as “deeply satisfying,” “extremely cathartic,” and “nostalgic.” They express interest in seeing SCP-#### again but are never able to repeat the effects of the original experience. SCP-#### regards previous adult playmates fondly but is not interested in another “playtime” session.
Children that have gone through the “playtime” process have described it as “the most fun ever” and “awesomely amazing.” They express great interest in seeing SCP-#### again and repeat the base effects of the original experience each time. SCP-#### greatly enjoys repeat visits and prefers “playtime” with children it has seen previously, especially those that agreed to “join its army.” Children that have gone through this process and turn 12 are treated like a previous adult “playmate.” Children that have had several “playtimes” with SCP-#### generally grow up to be more outgoing, kind, and intelligent individuals than children that did not, with higher interpersonal, intrapersonal, and logical-mathematical intelligence scores on average.
“Playtime” with SCP-#### cures the effects of many mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, PTSD, and several memetic and infohazardous effects caused by other SCPs.
Log of Pertinent Experiments
All Subjects were given psychological profiles before and after test.
Subject: Redacted, 9 year old female child volunteered from a local orphanage connected to the foundation. Subject struggled to make friends with other children.
Result: Subject was introduced the SCP-####s containment. Subject fell immediately under SCP-####s initial effect. Play was mundane. Playtime lasted 2 hours and 4 minutes, and Subject agreed to “join SCP-####s army.” Subject was found to be immune to amnestics. Subjects psychological profile after experiment tested higher on empathy and general happiness than before profile. Test was meant to establish baseline effects.
Notes: Subject quickly made friends with several children upon being returned to the orphanage. Subject is currently being monitored to avoid information leaks.
Subject: D-4031, 57 year old male. Subject was described as “grumpy.” Arrested for drug trafficking.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. Subject fell immediately under SCP-####s initial effect. Play was centered around the idea of redemption, with the Subject playing the role of a disgraced knight tasked with saving a young princess. Playtime lasted 1 hour and 47 minutes, and Subject agreed to “join SCP-####s army.” Subject was found to be immune to anmestics. Subjects psychological profile after experiment tested higher on empathy and general happiness than before profile. Subject demonstrated noticeably kinder mannerisms after test. Test was meant to establish baseline effects.
Notes: D-4031 requested a visit from SCP-#### shortly before scheduled termination. Request denied.
Subject: D-9487, 27 year old male. Tested positive for sociopathic tendencies.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. SCP-#### was polite but kept its distance and did not engage the Subject. Subject was immune to the initial and secondary memetic effects and was removed without incident. Subject was susceptible to amnestics. Test was meant to establish baseline effects.
Subject: D-9487 31 year old female. Arrested on domestic abuse charges.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. SCP-#### appeared agitated but kept its distance and did not engage the Subject. Subject was immune to the initial and secondary memetic effects and was removed without incident. Subject was susceptible to amnestics.
Subject: D-5843, 22 year old male. Subject had history of violent crimes.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. Subject fell immediately under SCP-####s initial memetic effect but was rejected by SCP-####. SCP-#### was visibly afraid of the Subject and hid behind the nearby security personnel, calling the Subject a “violent heathern” (sic). Subject was restrained and removed, resuming normal behavior after 32 minutes. Subject was susceptible to amnestics. Subject showed signs of clinical depression following test.
Subject: D-4332, 29 year old male. Subject had history of sexual crimes towards children.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. Subject was immune to SCP-####s initial memetic effect. SCP-#### became extremely agitated at Subjects presence and demanded that they leave. Subject attempted to leave containment but was denied by security personnel and told to approach SCP-####. SCP-#### yelled at the Subject to stay away. As the Subject approached SCP-####, it said “You deserve a bop on the nose, bub!” SCP-#### jumped up to eye level with the Subject and punched the Subject in the face.
Subject fell backwards with a broken nose and refused to approach SCP-#### again, loudly apologizing for their actions. Subject was removed without issue. SCP-#### was seen to be visibly upset and refused any further visitors that day. Subject committed suicide shortly after test by hitting his head on the frame of his bed until death by cerebral hemorrhage. Amnestics were not applied.
Subject: D-2049, 24 year old female. Subject had history of childhood abuse.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. Subject fell immediately under SCP-####s initial memetic effect. Subject played the role of a princess who loudly demanded pastries and candy and spent much of playtime hugging SCP-#### while curled into a fetal position. Playtime lasted 3 hours and 52 minutes, and Subject agreed to “join SCP-####s army.” Subject was found to be immune to amnestics. Subjects psychological profile after experiment tested higher in empathy and general happiness.
Subject: D-8469, 36 year old male. Suffered from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder prior to test.
Result: Subject was introduced to SCP-####s containment. Subject fell immediately under SCP-####s initial memetic effect. Subject played the role of an oracle, predicting the future for a king, played by SCP-####. Playtime lasted 1 hours and 59 minutes, and Subject agreed to “join SCP 3904s army.” Subject was found to be immune to amnestics. Subjects psychological profile after experiment tested higher in empathy and general happiness. Upon questioning, Subject appeared to be completely cured of all mental illness. Scheduled termination was waived and the Subject is currently being studied further.
Pertinent Interviews
Interview 2: Performed by Doctor ██████
Doctor ██████: Hello SCP-####, would you please state your preferred name for the record?
SCP-####: Of course! My name is His Royal Highness King Bunnikins (sic) the First, Ruler of All I Survey, and Right Now I Am Surveying You, Bub. But you can call me Bunny, or King.
Doctor ██████: It has previously been established that you cannot, in fact, watch those that know your name, correct?
SCP-####: I have no idea why you would think that. No, it’s a melaphor (sic, meant metaphor.) Like, I’m looking at you, so I rule you. Bub.
Doctor ██████: Okay. SCP-####, how are you enjoying your stay here? Have your needs been met?
SCP-####: Yep! All the carrots I can eat, and a nice playmate when I need one. I’ll always want more, of course, but I’m not a greedy bunny.
Doctor ██████: How are the playmates we provide?
SCP-####: Oh, the kiddyfolk (sic) are great! I loved playing with █████ and █████████ and ███ and-
Doctor ██████: (RR interrupts) Please be brief.
SCP-####: But why? Oh I love them too much to lump them together. So many great adventures. The bigger ones, I think you call them D-class? They aren’t usually so nice. A lot of them want to solve their problems with violence, but that’s just not how I play. Could you keep the heatherns (sic, meant heathens) away from me, and only send me the nice ones? I liked Redacted, the first D-Class you sent me. That old rascal just needed a little love to make him whole again. Make some happy memories. What happened to him, by the way? Can he visit again?
Doctor ██████: (Quickly consults with outside specialists.) D-4031 has been released and returned to his family.
SCP-####: (Quietly) It’s okay. I don’t blame you for it.
Doctor ██████: I’m sorry, what was that?
SCP-####: I said “Okay!” Oh, but that’s so nice! Say hi to him and his daughter for me!
Doctor ██████: We will, SCP-####. Recently some of the children that acted as your playmates have requested another visit. Is that something you would be interested in?
SCP-####: Absolutely! I love seeing my kiddyfolk again, it feels great to watch them grow up. It’s good to see how much you help them along, you know? I’m sure you know.
Doctor ██████: Excuse me?
SCP-####: Your son, █████. You have a picture of him in your wallet.
Doctor ██████: I… I’m sorry, how do you know that?
SCP-####: It’s my job to know. I’m the greatest bunny in the world, and it’s this bunny’s job to help people. Especially kiddyfolk. I need to know these things if I’m gonna do my job. It’s why I didn’t get you to play with me. Because you’re a daddy, and there’s already plenty of love in your life. You’re already part of my army, whether you know it or not. Remember that!
Doctor ██████: I…
SCP-####: He loves you, Redacted, but you should spend more time with him. Read to him a little more, it’ll help with the nightmares. And bring him to me, would you? It would be lovely to play with him, tell him about my kingdom.
Doctor ██████: I’m not… Let’s move on, okay Bun- SCP-####?
SCP-####: Okay, but remember what I said!
Doctor ██████: Would you like to talk about your kingdom?
SCP-####: Of course! It’s only the biggest and bestest country in the world! You wouldn’t know it was there, because it’s a secret that it’s all one nation. It spans the entire continent, from the cold wastes of Canada to the warm coasts of Chilly(sic). Ironic name.
Doctor ██████: … You mean Chile?
SCP-####: Yeah. What did I say? Anyway, it’s filled with carrot patches, and big open fields where kiddyfolk and bunnies run and play all day long. And my army, it’s full of the best darn people you’ll ever meet. And no mooses! Oh, it’s so great, all my friends in one place! I’m tearing up a little at the thought. Happy tears.
(SCP-#### begins to make small weeping noises, attempting to cry but being unable to produce tears.)
Doctor ██████: Perhaps we should change the subject. Why do you dislike… Mooses?
SCP-####: (Sniffles) Oh, I just… Mooses are evil creatures… Is it mooses? Moose? Meese? Mosse? Meeples?
Doctor ██████: I think it’s just moose.
SCP-####: That’s weird. Mooses are weird. My mortal enemy.
Doctor ██████: …Yeah. Would you like to discuss something else? Perhaps D-4332?
SCP-####: Was he the one I punched?
Doctor ██████: Yes. Why did you do that?
SCP-####: I… I just got so angry, thinking about what he did to those kiddyfolk. And when he wouldn’t leave, I… I overreacted. (SCP-####s body language appears to indicate shame.) But… Do you know what he did?
Doctor ██████: Yes, yes I do.
SCP-####: And didn’t he deserve a bop on the nose?
Doctor ██████: I… He deserved worse.
SCP-####: I happen to know he got worse. He was… He was a monster, and I don’t use that word lightly. I know how you feel, but saying stuff like "he deserved worse" is gonna get you in trouble. Violence is almost never the answer.
Doctor ██████: But you attacked him. Why?
SCP-####: Sometimes it’s the only thing that lets someone know they did something wrong. You can scold them all you want, but a bop on the nose lets them know you mean business. Makes them remember. And… It also happens to be a permanent solution. Just, don’t go around telling the kiddyfolk that.
Doctor ██████: No?
SCP-####: No. We gotta set a good example. No hurting peoples. Everybody has a reason, and so you should learn their reason before you do stuff. What’s it called? Empaphy?
Doctor ██████: Empathy.
SCP-####: Right! It just so happens that I knew that… Monster’s reasons. I teach all my kiddyfolk to think about the reasons. And to only use violence as a very last resort. It’s one of the things you need to learn, to really be a part of my army. And I, as their king, will make sure they never forget.
Doctor ██████: While we’re on the subject, all of your playmates are immune to amnestics. Why is this?
SCP-####: I want them to remember. To judge people fairly, to be nice, and solve problems with their brain and not violence. And… And I want them to remember me.
Doctor ██████: Remember you?
SCP-####: What’s the use if nobody remembers you? Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be remembered? I play, I have fun, and at the end of the day, I’ve made a difference. I'll play as much as I can, for as long as I can, with any good peoples you bring to me. I’ll make people happy, and smarter, and nicer. And I will be remembered as the greatest bunny ever.
Doctor ██████: (Incomprehensible discussion with outside specialists) Bunny, we… SCP-####, we have to cut this interview here, okay?
SCP-####: Okay Redacted! Oh, but do visit me soon, okay? I love chatting with you! And bring your boy with you next time. Please?
Doctor ██████: …I might. Goodbye, Bunny.
Addendum: Studies made up entirely of people who have had “playtime” with SCP-#### show a 50% higher concentration of pacifists or conscientious objectors than that of a similar focus group from the general population. This is considered statistically significant and believed to be directly caused by SCP-####.
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