Kapitano

Reply from Acting Head of Procurement Division, Site 53:

Hello there little brother. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten your old family, down there in the dark. I looked into what you asked, and found a reference to obsolete object classes.

As I understand it, there used to be 30 or so of them, arranged on a grid. The Y-axis was certainty of containment, and the X was danger level if containment failed.

At some point the X-axis were dropped and replaced by K-classifications - CK, XK, GK etc. Y was simplified down to three - and a few extra classes added for special cases, as and when the council decided.

Sorry I can't tell you any more. We should get together sometime, it's been ages.


Reply from S. Worth, Mnestics Devision:

Hi mate. Never noticed that one before. I reckon it's just an admin fuckup, maybe a typo. Soz I got nothing.


Reply from J. Rosenstein, Senior Researcher Site 16:

Bonega misterio, mia amikico!

I've been here 40 years, and I've never seen any other item with that class.

But proposals for object classes come and go, sometimes they get tried out for a few months, then dropped because there turns out to be no real need for them. My guess would be that one item got an experimental classification, which then got thrown, but someone forgot to reclassify the item.

Ĝis la revido.


Reply from K. Papadopolos, Validation Pool:

Sorry for the late reply. I do know there used to be a Thales class back around 1900, and a CL I asked said her predecessor was once assigned to a Diogenes.

Best, Kate


Reply from M. Munro, Archives Division Site 113:

I see you've found your own little puzzle to explore. That's good - shows I was right to recommend you.

May I suggest that you are better placed to answer your question than me? Over the years there have been thousands of possible anomalies documented, a lot of them with suggested containment classes.

You are a keeper of records, so call up a list of Potentials which anyone at any time thought might be a Zeno. Find the commonalities, and you'll find the meaning.

When you do, let me know.


Search found 3 items:

[1 of 3]

Item #: PAC-11482

Provisional Object Class: Zeno Neutralised (See Addendum)

Interim Containment Procedures: [REDACTED]

Description: PAC-11482 is an anomalous email scam, supposedly from "General Butterfingers Mbeki" of "a kingdom level above human". It offers to transfer "ten thousand lifetimes of health and joy", in exchange for "handling fees" - various occult ceremonies involving self-mutilation.

Victims were found to have aged 30-90 years following payment. Some of those still alive wished to repeat the ceremony.

Addendum: PAC-11482 seemingly ceased operation after 03/12/1998, when an unknown GoI persuaded it to travel "through many veils" to collect its fees - which did not exist. If monitoring finds no further instance after five (5) years, it is recommended that PAC-11482 be reclassified as Neutralised.

Containment Procedures redacted and SCP status denied, by order of [Click to Expand]

[Access Denied. Insufficient Clearance Level.]

[2 of 3]

Item #: PAC-2423

Provisional Object Class: Zeno

Interim Containment Procedures: Not Applicable

Description: PAC-2423 was a short-lived rollerdisco craze, peaking early 1973 and associated with PAC-2423-1. The set choreography includes gestures seemingly designed to summon PAC-2423-2.

PAC-2423-1 is "Skate to Hell", a dance record by the band Satanz Rollaz. No anomalous properties have been discovered in any instances, but six (6) copies are retained for research into PAC-2423.

PAC-2423-2 is a species of capriform class-4 manifestations, capable of speech in an unknown language and interaction with normal matter. No physical evidence or footage exists, but anecdotal sightings agree PAC-2423-2 is gregarious with humans and enjoys dancing.

Note: Item determined to be a media hoax. No further action required. - O5-█ [Click to Expand]

[No Further Documentation Found]

[3 of 3]

Item #: PAC-32314

Provisional Object Class: Zeno

Interim Containment Procedures: PAC-32314 has already been removed. Site is to be monitored for a further five (5) years.

Description: PAC-32314 is a posthumous update to the ██████████ personal vlog (PAC-32314-1), uploaded to the YouTube video sharing site on 23/06/2016. It appears to show channel owner Alice ███████, sitting in a low quality CGI rendering of its apartment, apologising for a lack of recent updates, referring to "unexpected travel committments" and "not having clocks anymore". [Click to Expand]

███████ died on 16/02/2016 from a brain aneurysm at age 19. No evidence could be found of involvement with GoIs or anomalous items. Attempts to contact it via the comments section yeilded no response.

Additional Containment Procedures: Updates to PAC-32314-1 are to be flagged to O5-2.


Reply from J. Rosenstein, Senior Researcher Site 16:

Saluton denove, Junulo.

I think you may be right, Samideano. There's a common theme of communication from beyond baseline reality in all three items. I can certainly imagine the higher-ups introducing a class for that - for things that can't be contained in our universe because they're in someone else's universe. And I can imagine the same higher-ups quickly realising they didn't need it, and quietly letting it go.

Most likely there were dozens of other PACs in the same class, all recategorised except for three which slipped through the net.

Renkontos baldaŭ.


Reply from S. Worth, Mnestics Devision:

Yeah it's kinda interesting and all mate, but I don't reckon you should bother yer boss about it. Don't want him thinking you've got too much time on yer hands, yeah?


Reply from K. Papadopolos, Validation Pool:

Automated Reply: Apologies. I have been called away and will be unavailable indefinitely. I will get back to you as soon as possible.


Reply from M. Munro, Archives Division Site 113:

Nice detective work but I really, really don't think we need to take this any further. We're paid a good wage to keep records in good order, not to go exploring unimportant byways. I hope you get my meaning?


Reply from Acting Head of Procurement Division, Site 53:

Very interesting, little brother. Look, I just happen to be in your part of the country today, so what do you say we catch up over a coffee? It's been ages and I absolutely do want to chat with you. Say at 16:00 sharp? Just us two.


Message from Personnel Division, Site 182:

Archivist Kevorkian, you failed to clock in for the last morning shift, and we have been unable to locate you. Please contact Personnel immediately.