Karas Staff Box o Doom

This is my staff box. Don't worry about it.

Kara's on staff and only sometimes does her job? Blasphemy!!!

JS on Site Crit Team (O' Doom),
JS on CO Seminars Team (O' Doom),
JS on Licensing (O' Doom),
JS on Forum Crit Team (O’ Doom)

Staff Stuff Below.

+ August 2020

SCP's

5120:

This feels a bit too long to get your point across when it could be a lot shorter and work out a lot better. Over all, the flow is practically non-existent and the drop downs felt redundant at best. There wasn't much important information given, and when there was, it was bogged down by irrelevant information or testing logs that prove nothing beyond information in the description.

I can tell you were trying to hit emotional beats, but those didn't hit because of the irrelevant information given. A lot of it could be cut and this would have the same idea and would probably give a more emotional hit at the end. It feels like its trying to be "When Day Breaks" but as a regular SCP. That isn't bad in itself, but when its in this context it isn't going over well.

For this to be a +1 from me, it would need a major overhaul from what it is now. As much as I would like to like this, its too long and I couldn't really get into it beyond the small sections where it is interesting and compelling. I hope to see this again, and I hope you keep writing.

5070:

Hey author, voters are not obligated to give critique on your work after you posted it. It was your job to get critique on your work before you posted via the Idea Critique Forum and the IRC Chats.

As for crit.

SCP-5070 is to be kept in a 10x10x10 Square Meter containment cube that is reinforced and 10 feet thick this will contain the creature unless it is aided in another SCP or by an inside man.

That's very very long and a bit confusing.

In the event of a containment breach MTF unit ALPHA-58 is to be dispatched an is to contain the entity by knocking it out VIA the use of a cannon and other large projectile based weapons, Once unconscious SCP-5070 is to be moved back into its cell at Site-19.

Why? Why not just have the normal group fix the mess? Why would it want out?

SCP-5070 is a hexopedal entity that is completely covered in crustacean like armor, With a body-style of an alligator and also similar to that of a mole.

Should be "hexapedal" also, capitalization error.

SCP-5070 supports a large armored crown positioned on the head of the entity that allows it to shield its cranium and burrow several feet underground to hide from and ambush opponents and then use its crown to attack the opponent with brute force.

Run on sentence, doesn't flow well. Would break it up to something like this: "SCP-5070 has a large armored crown on its head. This allows it to shield its cranium and burrow several feet underground, often using it to ambush opponents."

SCP-5070s muscles are highly strengthened by its "Molten Blood" this occurs due to the blood breaking down and re-growing the muscles of the entity this process makes the entity's muceles grow in strength at a rate of 3.7x each year.

What the hell is "Molten Blood"? Why does it strengthen its muscles? Also, missing an apostrophe in "SCP-5070's"

SCP-5070 also supports a barbed tail that can be used as a spear or sword and even shot spines from its tail like a bow.

Why is it supporting these things? Does it not have them as apart of it? Also, why use "Shot" in a present tense sentence?

Is shot barbs at use all killing most of us I was the only survivor I ran, I ran my ass off and got back to site-843.

Shouldn't it be something more like this? "It shot barbs at us, all killing most of us. I was the only survivor. I ran, I ran my ass off and got back to site-843." The sentence goes on forever. Honestly, the entire ending interview is like that sentence and just isn't good.

Everything mixed with the SPaG issues and clinical tone failure have made this kind of eh. It reads like a series one SCP, which is a style we don't use onsite anymore. To fix this, I would suggest getting crit before posting as well as taking a look at series 5 and 6. As a note, I would recommend actually formatting interviews as in the How To Write An SCP Guide. This didn't do anything interesting with the concept and just left off with eh dialogue that reads forced and fake. This was a -1 from me.

5179

Alright, so there wasn't much wrong with this in terms of writing ability and quality per-se, but I'm also not great with SPaG without extreme help. Though for me, it was more the issue with not knowing what is really going on (it feels like the SCP doesn't know where it wants to go) as well how how dado talks. I found a few uppercase letters in there, and over all, dado seemed a bit out of character. Beyond that, there wasn't much characterization to dado and why hes doing this (Beyond the one line in the dialogue), or anything else to keep the reader engaged beyond the idea of writing sub-par work and getting amazing results. The ending didn't feel like an ending, it just abruptly cut off without any reason or satisfying thing to it. There wasn't a story here or much else to keep readers engaged. I love dado articles but this just felt incredibly off from the typical style of them.

As much as I really wanted to like this, but this just didn't do it for me. -1

5883

Howdy hey!

I'm Kara!

SCP-5883 is to be kept in a small granite container (10 x 10), when in containment. SCP-5883 is to be kept in Site-██, until executive orders to move SCP-5883, are order by Site Administrator. Foundation Staff // Via, Research Staff, Facility Guards, ETC require a keycard clearance of 2+.

The second sentence is a little odd. It abruptly ends and feels like it was picked up in the next sentence. Why was it not already moved to the containment area it was meant to be in? Also, what are the //?

SCP-5883 is a wooden picture frame, that appears to be black in color, and highly worn (Giving the impression to Foundation Staff that the picture frame is probably old.) Upon setting eyes on SCP-5883, subject will begin to feel effects as of "Confusion, and being unable to remember certain events // facts."

The part in parenthesis isn't needed, that could have been inferred from the sentence before it (which is also missing a period.) Anyway, what is with the quotation marks?

Final notes:

This is kinda eh, there isn't any information on the anomaly given in a meaningful way, and what is given is bogged down my SPaG errors and unnecessary redactions. I would suggest using our Idea Critique Forum and our IRC Chats. These help prepare authors to post to the site. For clinical tone, I personally enjoy the Clinical Tone Declass for first time authors.

Tales

Same As It Ever Was:

Howdy hey author!

I'm Kara, JS on the Site Crit team.

So, a lot of my issues with this tale stem from the fact that its a bit short and just feels like nothing really happens? From the start I could tell the tale was just gonna go the direction I thought it was, which would have been fine had you taken the time in the tale to work with the situation. This just felt rushed from the writing perspective and that hurts the perspective of the main character. I would also like to say that the first part being in the present tense just made it annoying and confusing. There was a lot of times where the tenses split and made reading quite hard.

Over all this kind of just made me confused and not grow a connection with the character. I feel if you took more time to flesh out what he's feeling and how he's acting it would remedy that. It kind of mixes with the word you use that just kind of mean the same thing. "If he inundated them with information they would be so overwhelmed that they would send him to another room while they compare notes." That is an example.

This could have been a really fun format screw if it was an SCP, but this just didn't do it for me. Sorry, -1. Good luck in future works, and I hope this one works out.

Other?

Thing	Contributed
2019 Survey	Sorting data
Inviting to Seminars (Welcome to the Wiki)	200 PMs sent and welcomed new users to the site.
Inviting people to host seminars	Reached out to a handful of people
Helping potential seminar hosts with planning and other logistical stuffs	What is says before
Looking after the October Seminar	Just chilling, helping Aki where needed in chat.
Notes for Oct Seminar	Notes. As it says!
Collections	180 listed

Things	Contributed
Castrated and Replaced S1	Double checking the previous work/checking again.
Castrated and Replaced S2	All S2 in that SB
Castrated and Replaced S4	3500-3999 S4 in that SB
Castrated and Replaced S4	License Boxes
SCP-INT	_license on things that did not have them
Contacting -INT authors about photos	Almost all of them came back as non-CC
Contacting -EN authors about photos	All came back CC Compliant!
9 day _CC license box/compliance check	Did my own 8 days, took on Cerastes’s and WG/UC's and helped Hex, and CT. Took over 3 months
More PMs	Some did not come back at all. Passed to N_Aepic_Fael does not match any existing user name
Minecraft Mod Packs	http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/karaslicensebox
Etsy	http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/collab:wg-and-cg-s-licensebox

Date	Link	Note:
12 Aug 2020, 10:47	link	N/A
26 Aug 2020	Collections	I wrote 770 words on this, mostly amounting to "I agree, but…"
2 Sep 2020, 20:57	link	N/A
7 Sep 2020, 21:05	link	N/A
14 Sep 2020, 19:03	link	N/A