Per 
Item #: SCP-???
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-??? is to be contained within a containment cell in Site-15. Within this cell, mouse traps and rat poison should be lay about, and electric insect traps should be hung in each corner of the room. Personnel equipped with cans of insecticide, tranquilizers, and small firearms should be stationed outside. Under no circumstances is any animal life, personnel included, allowed into SCP-???’s cell. Should any be discovered, it should be tranquilized if possible, and terminated if necessary.
SCP-???A is to be contained within a birdcage at Site-73 and fed, watered, and cleaned at the intervals regular for a scarlet macaw. It should be fed the sodium-rich earth it needs, even if it attempts to resist. Likewise, SCP-???B is to kept at Site-73 within a fishtank, equipped with the proper filters and food required to keep a European eel alive. It should be monitored to ensure it does not hurt itself. Both are to be monitored for unusual behavior.
SCP-???C is to be contained in a cell at Site-06-3. It should be monitored and provided with food, water, and appropriate enrichment (ropes, balls, et cetera). If it appears to be engaging in potentially self-destructive behavior, it should be tranquilized and allowed to sleep for up to 30 minutes, or until it wakes up.
Description: SCP-??? is an antique walnut-wood armoire with engravings depicting a “tree of life” as understood in the year 1776 A.D. on the front, and a small carving of the name “Carl Linnaeus” on the back. It is totally impenetrable except for the front set of doors, which cannot be closed under normal circumstances.
Any two multicellular animals that enter SCP-??? will prompt it to close, being unopenable for around 8 minutes and 30 seconds, after which it will open once again. Upon opening, the organisms will have been fused to form one creature. If the two organisms are of the same species, they will become their closest common biological relative. If not, they will become the closest ancestor of the two species the best approximation of the species’ closest ancestor as perceived by Carl Linnaeus.
Three such organisms have been discovered thus far, labeled SCP-???-A, SCP-???-B, and SCP-???C. SCP-???A is a male scarlet macaw with a limited grasp of basic English. It appears to have two separate personalities, one that calls itself “Angel” and refers to itself as a female parakeet, and another that does not refer to itself by name but claims to be a male raven. It is compelled to consume both carrion and fruits, but cannot digest meat. Likewise, it needs to consume sodium-rich earth for nutrients, but will resist attempts to make it consume it. SCP-???B is a European eel that behaves as a typical member of its species. Before entering the cabinet, it was a young swordfish and a Medditeranean moray. It appears to switch between the two consciousnesses, sometimes hiding within rocks and attempting ambush hunting, but sometimes swimming around the open water and biting at itself.
SCP-???C is a hominid unlike any discovered that most closely resembles an orangutan. It calls itself a “Homo troglodytes” and claims to have once been Dr. Carl Linnaeus the Younger and a “Lemur tardigradus” (a red slender loris). Dr. Linnaeus claims that two beings put through SCP-??? generally share equal control of their new body, but his “superior intellect” allows him control over SCP-???C a majority of the time. Though SCP-???C is omnivorous and feeds on similar foods to a human, it is compelled to feed on rats, geckos, and insects when the loris’ consciousness is in control. Dr. Linnaeus is disgusted by the behaviour of the loris, and had attempted to lock SCP-???C in a house in Uppsala, Sweden, where it stayed between 1783 and SCP-??? and its own discovery in 20██. When acting under the influence of Dr. Linnaeus, SCP-???C may attempt to restrain, trap, or otherwise prevent itself from engaging in abnormal behaviour in public.
Interviewed:SCP-???C
Interviewer: Dr. Hugo Leblanc, Site-06-3
SCP-???C: (in Swedish) Hello? Hello, sir? Can you understand me? This is an interview, yes?
Dr. Leblanc: (in Swedish) Yes. I’m here to conduct a short series of questions— an interview, I mean— My name is Dr. Leblanc, I’m, ah, a facility worker—
SCP-???C: (in Swedish) Ah, yes, I would love to help, it gets rather dull having only yourself and a lemur to talk to for so many years— speaking of, we must get on with the questions, I’m afraid it will be my, ah, friend’s turn soon.
Dr. Leblanc: (in Swedish) Wonderful. How is it that you ended up in this— condition?
SCP-???C: (in Swedish) My father’s cabinet— he was the Carl Linnaeus, you know— my father’s cabinet never got much use. I suspected that my colleagues resented me, you know, I never had to take exams to become a professor, I believe that was the source of anger for them— anyway, I was very sick with fever after my trip in, when was it? 1783. I had been studying a few creatures at the time, you see, that my father had not described, and so I had been studying this lemur, Blix, it was a gift from one of my father’s colleagues. I suppose he told them about my father’s cabinet, and I was, you know, confronted, locked in there with the lemur, and we came out like this, yes?
Dr. Leblanc: (in Swedish) What— what is the nature of your control over this body?
SCP-???C: (in Swedish) It is complicated, it is complicated. My superior intellect, of course, means I usually “have the reins”, as they say— but of course the lemur is sometimes in control, and it’s, you know, shameful. It’s bad enough being in the body of some troglodyte breed of man, but it’s worse when I’m not in control, because, well, it’s repulsive. One time I— we— it ate a mouse that came into our cell. I still remember the taste, it was awful. Yes, I am usually in control, but when I am not, it’s… repulsive. Oh! I’m almost out of time.
Dr Leblanc: (in Swedish) Ah, yes… One more thing. Is there anything you need? Enrichment, food… to improve your… habitat?
SCP-???C: (in Swedish) Not much. I love talking with… my fellow humans, otherwise… (chitters to itself) oh! The lemur wants climbing structures, I’ll tolerate those, they remind me of my youth, and, uh, (glances at rope around legs) more rope. (It chitters more and more loudly, eventually retreating to the back of its quarters and beginning to chase after a mouse)
<End Log>
