theoretical lettuce part 3: stardust crusaders
<not_a_seagull>: KingPsych: in fact, imagine how horrifying it would be if your life just got filled with lettuce everywhere
THINGS I WANT TO WORK ON: Dialogue, footnotes, lead-up to reveal, pacing of test logs, amount of test logs, ending
Item #: SCP-XXXX [mainlist title;"The wishing well The looking glass"]
Object Class: Safe Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be guarded by four armed Foundation personnel at all times. Guards are not to be informed of the anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX, and are forbidden to carry any objects that would fit the parameters of SCP-XXXX's anomalous effect. Any personnel attempting unauthorized tests of SCP-XXXX are to be terminated if non-compliant. Any individuals approaching the location of SCP-XXXX are to be turned away, with amnestics given if necessary. As SCP-XXXX is in a relatively obscure location, further containment procedures are unwarranted.
REVISED CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES AS OF 8/13/15: The area where SCP-XXXX was formerly located is to be monitored digitally, with one armed Foundation personnel stationed there. Research into the "Other-Worlders" is to continue. SCP-XXXX is currently considered to be Neutralized.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a small water well located in the southwest section of the Black Forest, in Germany. The object shows no physical or chemical anomalies; chemical testing of the liquid inside shows that it is normal water. The only visual trait of note is that the water level inside the well is unusually high. While the object is physically and chemically identical to what would be expected of it, the area surrounding SCP-XXXX shows an abnormally high Hume reading. Occasionally, the reflections of an indeterminate number of unknown (see Addendum 3) humanoids will appear on the surface of the water; said reflections usually vanish shortly after being noticed.
SCP-XXXX's primary anomalous properties manifest when a metallic object with a diameter less than 6cm, a coin, for example, is placed inside the well. After a coin has been placed, if the subject verbally states a desire within six meters of SCP-XXXX, said desire will manifest. After the desire has manifested, a secondary effect will manifest, typically to the subject who stated their desire. This secondary effect often has a counteractive effect to the original desire. Physiological and mental effects directly caused by SCP-XXXX have proven resistant to all forms of treatment, and are to be considered permanent. Coins thrown into SCP-XXXX will vanish shortly after the object activates.
SCP-XXXX appears to "understand" the intent behind a wish, and such there have been no issues arising from phrasing of the wish. The object can also discern details that were not verbally stated; this effect allows the object to generate the specifics of a wish, such as the toppings on a sandwich. Despite this, the object appears to be non-sentient, and the limitations of this 'understanding' are unknown.
If any liquid is removed from SCP-XXXX, it will refill itself over time at 15 ml per hour until reaching a certain height, and any added liquid will dematerialize at the same speed until reaching the aforementioned height.
Update as of 8/26/14: Following Test E, Hume levels are noted to skyrocket after a successful wish-granting event. Hume levels do not stabilize over time, as expected. A second phenomenon has been noticed as well, but appears to be cosmetic; visible cracks will manifest on the surface of SCP-XXXX post-successful test as well. Also of note is that manifestations of the unknown humanoids described above have increased in frequency; the significance of this, if there is any, is currently unknown.
Addendum 1: SCP-XXXX Testing Logs
Test A - 8/19/14
Testing Director: Research Director Psych
Subject: Researcher Stone
Procedure: Subject placed coin inside well, and verbally wished for a new car.
Results: A 2014 Toyota Camry manifested several meters away from subject. The car showed no anomalous properties, but was lacking a license plate, keys, and gas. Shortly after the car manifested, Researcher Stone's drivers license went missing.
So it grants wishes but kinda [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]s them up… huh. -Research Director Psych
Test B - 8/19/14
Subject: Researcher Corbin
Procedure: Subject placed coin into well, and verbally wished to be taller. No exact height was specified.
Results: Subject reported extreme back pain, before growing 50 cm over the course of 10 seconds. Subject collapsed soon after, but has made a general recovery. Of note is the subject has developed skin conditions due to the extremely sudden growth, and often has trouble walking.
Analysis: There's not really anything here to work with. He wished to become tall, he got tall. What I'm interested in is how it determined the height he grew. -Research Director Psych
Test C - 8/19/14
Subject: Research Director Psych
Notes: I want to test whether or not it understands the intent behind our wishes, like with how tall it made Corbin. I'm thinking of a specific type of sandwich; a BLT with avocado on it. -Research Director Psych
Procedure: Subject placed a coin inside well, and verbally wished for a sandwich. Exact type of sandwich was not specified.
Results: Approximately 10 seconds after wish was verbally stated, a sandwich on a white paper plate manifested 2 meters away from subject. Subject then reported intense nausea, dizzyness, and stomach pain, before collapsing. Subject was later discovered to have had her metabolism accelerated via anomalous means. Subject remained in a coma for five days, during which no testing of SCP-XXXX took place. Subject has since been reinstated as the testing director of SCP-XXXX. Analysis of generated sandwich was inconclusive.
Analysis: Great. It can read our [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] minds. That's helpful and all, but we're no closer to figuring out how it works or why it's here. Is it sentient?-Research Director Psych
Test E - 8/24/14
Subject: Assistant Researcher Daniels
Procedure: Subject placed coin inside well, and verbally wished to understand the nature of SCP-XXXX.
Results: 10 seconds after the request was made, SCP-XXXX started boiling and subject reported extreme cranial pain. Subjects that had previously tested SCP-XXXX reported general discomfort during this period. Subject collapsed two minutes later, and has since recovered. Readings of the area post-test showed a higher Hume density; Hume levels have not yet returned to pre-test levels. Boiling ceased after subject expired.
Test F - 8/24/14
Subject: Researcher Davis
Procedure: Subject placed a coin inside well, and verbally wished to be stronger.
Results: 10 seconds after stating the wish, a visible increase in muscle mass was noted on subject. It became apparent, however, that only the upper-body muscles were increasing; other muscles in her body were becoming weaker. Subject is currently unable to walk, and all attempts at changing this have met with failure.
Analysis: Researcher Davis is currently undergoing rehabilitation, but is generally stable, or at least as stable as you can be with giant freaky arms. What I don't get is how it works. We've tested it, it's just water in that well. As an equally-important side note, the Hume levels have spiked again.// It never did this before, why is it starting now? -Research Director Psych.//
[EXTRANEOUS TEST LOGS EXPUNGED]. See Document XXXX-C for full test logs.
Test L - 1/29/15
Subject: Researcher Hartman
Note: A recording device used during testing ran out of batteries shortly before this test.
Procedure: Subject was instructed to wish for a new battery. Subject complied.
Results: 10 seconds after the request was made, the subject was struck by lightning, as was the recording device the battery was originally intended for. A small AAA battery was found near 2 meters away from the corpse.
Analysis: Destructive as it might've been, this reaffirms something I've had a hunch on. I think the secondary effects have been getting more and more severe ever since Test E. Also, please be careful when approaching the well, the Humes are dangerously high at this point. -Research Director Psych
Test M - 2/14/15
Subject: D-03483
Note: Subject's wife had passed away from natural causes shortly before subject was arrested and taken into Foundation custody. Her body had been moved to the site of SCP-XXXX prior to the test.
Procedure: Subject was instructed to wish for his wife to come back to life. Subject complied.
Results: 10 seconds after wish was made, subject's wife reanimated briefly. Shortly after, both the subject and the subject's wife died of simultaneous heart failure. It was discovered at a later point that everyone who knew the subject and his family had forgotten about him, with the exception of those at SCP-XXXX's location.
Analysis: I'm going to go off the path a bit here and request a D-Class for the next test. There's something I want to test going forward. -Research Director Psych.
Test N - 2/14/15
Subject: D-33192
Procedure: Subject instructed to place coin in well and wish for a BLT sandwich with avocado, without verbally stating what type of sandwich it is they wanted.
Results: 10 seconds after the request was made, a small BLT with avocado on a white paper plate manifested two meters away from subject. Shortly after, subject showed signs of extreme malnutrition. Subject expired two minutes later. Analysis of the sandwich showed that the contents were spoiled.
Analysis: Well, this confirms it. It's getting more severe as time goes on. With this in mind, I'm going to formally request we halt all testing on SCP-XXXX. It's just too dangerous to the people working on it. - Research Director Psych
Request Accepted. -O5-4
Addendum 2: Event on 8/13/15
On 8/13/15, sensors on-site registered an enormous increase in Humes surrounding SCP-XXXX. On-site personnel reported seeing an indeterminate number of humanoids manifesting in the area around SCP-XXXX. Shortly thereafter, SCP-XXXX combusted and was destroyed, and the humanoids demanifested. Hume levels have returned to non-anomalous levels. SCP-XXXX is to be reclassified as Neutralized.
Addendum 3: Interview with Assistant Researcher Daniels
Interviewed: Assistant Researcher Daniels
Interviewer: Research Director Psych
Foreword: Prior to the neutralization event on 8/13/15, Assistant Researcher Daniels refused to share the knowledge gained during Test E. Daniels agreed to an interview shortly after the aforementioned event.
<Begin Log>
Psych: Alright, you agreed to spill about Test E. As you're probably aware, SCP-XXXX underwent an event and is currently considered Neutralized. While undergoing testing of SCP-XXXX, you wished to understand it, and yadda yadda, professional stuff you already know. What happened?
Daniels: Hello, Sonia. How have you been?
Psych: A bit worse off than usual, but anyone could figure that out.
[EXTRANEOUS DIALOGUE REDACTED]
Daniels: Anyway, you want to know the secrets of the well?
Psych: Yeah. That's kinda the point of the interview.
Daniels: Tell me, Sonia, when SCP-XXXX exploded, was anything seen beforehand?
Psych: Several humanoids appeared. The number was different for each witness. Testing had been cancelled so I wasn't on-site myself.
<Daniels pointed at Psych.>
Daniels: Then you saw them. The ones that made the well. The Other-Worlders.
Psych: The… "Other-Worlders?" Like, aliens?
Daniels: They are more than simple "aliens". They are supreme. Masters of all. They can do anything they wish.
Psych: Well, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]. What do these "Other-Worlders" want with us?
Daniels: The world they live in is broken- reality shattered by their conflicts with each other. There is no longer any difference between reality and imagination. They need a new world if they are to continue their existence. But they cannot enter this place- it is too different. What they see as themselves is what we see as reality. So they sent it. They sent the well. A looking glass to see us with.
Psych: So what, the well was a magnifying glass? What was with the wishes and the curses?
Daniels: The Other-Worlders did not understand how their forms behaved in our reality. Their creation could do all they could do. The inferior humans of this world could shape reality themselves, held back only by their perception of how it would behave. The Other-Worlders were not about to have their power abused by lower, useless beings. So they punished you. And when you didn't stop, they punished you harder. Eventually, they had seen enough.
Psych: So, that's it? They just took it away? I refuse to believe that's all there is to this.
Daniels: It isn't. They will come soon. And you will never be prepared.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Daniels refused to respond to any other questions, and has been incarcerated. Research into the "Other-Worlders" is currently ongoing, yet has been generally inconclusive. Contingency plans are being considered, although limited by the lack of knowledge of the "Other-Worlders".
So this idea has been in my head for a while. Time for some word of god about the article.
Researcher Psych might have the last part of my username as her last name, but it's not a self-insert. The only reason the last name isn't something else is because I couldn't think of a better last name, and if I could come up with a good last name, I would. I'm not a girl and her personality is intended to be very different than mine. She's hotheaded, ridiculously impatient, impulsive and pretty much a huge dick. She's social and good at improvisation in difficult situations, but has little-to-no empathy and can be abusive to be people she doesn't know very well. Her condition frustrates her to no end, as having to eat every two hours is like torture to someone as impatient as she is. To sum it up, she's the sort of person that pushes through the checkout line because she's "more important than you are".
The "other-worlders" are intended to be sentient creatures that are literally composed of humes, the idea being that in whatever world they're from, this is normal, but it's antithetical to everything we believe about Humes and our reality. The counter-effects are efforts by the Other-Worlders to stop people from using the well to grant wishes, and thats why they get more severe over time, and the Hume level rising every time they grant a wish is effectively the well breaking. The Humes are leaking out of the well. also i need a better name for them
not a seagull is a cool bro, bro
BIG thanks to uncle nicolini for his crit.
I do plan on improving this article in some way, shape or form. It's currently the third major edit. I want to add footnotes, add more testing, lead up and flesh out the Other-Worlders better, and improve the dialogue. The ending could probably use some work, as well.
<KingPsych>: sans x shrek scp would be the most horrifying one ever made
<Bagels>: oh god please no
<KingPsych>: oh god please yes
<CyrusFiredawn>: sans x shrek vore scp yes
<WindyCat>: you're going to have an ogre time
<Bagels>: That's totally not creepy in any sort of fashion.
<KingPsych>: theres a kid at my school who loves to tell me how much she wants to vore the boss baby
<Lily>: Venom_Toaster: is it just a mirror
<Bagels>: …
<CyrusFiredawn>: That's my kind of people, KingPsych
<CyrusFiredawn>: IT'S DA BAWSS BAYBEE
<Venom_Toaster>: Lily: no
<KingPsych>: watch as one day, i become a politician, then my boss baby vore comments get publicized
<KingPsych>: the boss baby ruined my political career
<CyrusFiredawn>: You'll become Super-President the day that comment goes live
<Bagels>: imscared
<Venom_Toaster>: Watch me try to be an astronomer and then NASA finds out about my waifus
<Avocadonut>: what the fuck are y'all
<KingPsych>: imagine the headline
<Avocadonut>: 19 please
<KingPsych>: "man becomes super-president because of the boss baby"
like commet sobscribe
Per 
