MTF Meat Grinder
rating: 0+x

Threat Level: h

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1488-J is presently uncontained.

No task force of any sort is allowed within operational distance of SCP-1488-J outside direction from the SCP-1488-J project. This includes Mobile Task Forces, Provisional Task Forces, Joint Task Forces, Stationary Task Forces, Research Task Forces, Stationery Task Forces, BWBM1 Task Forces, Mobile Tax-Deductible Forces, and whatever the hell you call site security teams. No personnel with pages on the Vs. Battles Wiki are allowed to pursue SCP-1488-J. GOC Strike Teams are right out.

On the orders of Overwatch Command, SCP-1488-J is to brought before O5-6 so he can "beat that little rat black and blue".

Description: SCP-1488-J is a Russian-Canadian male in its mid-30s. It has exhibited poor personal hygiene in all interactions with the Foundation, and has never been seen without a handheld meat grinder.

Attempts to apprehend, neutralize, or otherwise subdue SCP-1488-J appear to unilaterally fail. There appears to be no singular factor in such failures; any number of entities, mistakes, and statistically improbable events have contributed to the failure of the Foundation to contain SCP-1488-J. The severity and repercussions of such failures appears to dramatically increase in proportion to the reputation of the methods or agents employed, or in cases where a "task force" is involved.

All of this is in spite of the fact that:

  • The Department of Causality has confirmed through dread alchemical rituals that containing SCP-1488-J is possible with resources presently available to the Foundation.
  • The Foundation has allocated ₤[integer overflow] to the containment of SCP-1488-J.
  • SCP-1488-J is of demonstrably poor physical condition and O5-6 "could totally take him in a fight, you koala-brained profligate".

SCP-1488-J was discovered after it cut O5-6 off in traffic. O5-6's security detail was subsequently deployed against SCP-1488-J and neutralized running a red light in the process of recording a dramatic video log.

ADDENDUM-1488-002-J

Per Overwatch Memorandum-0378-J, the Foundation has initiated Operation Roadrunner, elevating SCP-1488-J's capture to an Alpha-level priority. In addition to boosting SCP-1488-J's existing containment budget, funds from departments of lesser importance2 have been reallocated to the SCP-1488-J project.

A non-exhaustive lists of capture attempts have been recorded below.

Experiment Director: Dr. I██ P████ Freely

Procedure: Mobile Task Force Delta-24-J ("The Expendables") δ

Experiment Director: Dr. I██ P████ Freely

Procedure: Mobile Task Force Pi-6-J ("We're Here to Kill Your Dog") will be deployed to SCP-1488-J's house to conduct a no-knock raid and arrest π

Taking this number so a wehraboo can't use it in the future. At least partially inspired by The Powers That Bark.

Credit to this page for the threat level.

Footnotes