KleptocracyNow

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This is my sandbox. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

When Knuckles Break

You watch the Sun slowly rise as you row your dinghy little inflatable boat towards your destination.

You can see the silhouette of Site 12 in the first morning light. A massive ex-oil platform masquerading as a current oil platform, seemingly pitch black against the colourful backlight of dawn. The reds and the oranges of the sky blend into bright blue and pink over time, reflecting in the ocean to make the scene feel almost dreamlike. Oar in hand, the waves gently rocking your boat, you bask in the scene's glory.

It couldn't be a more perfect morning. Enjoying the beauty of nature in a sea of tranquillity. It's just you, your boat, and the enormous oil rig producing noxious fumes. The toxic smoke almost seems like a beautiful cloud in this light.

It almost makes you forget you were hired to scrape shark guts off the walls of a secret facility for some secret government facility. You think. You're not really sure who or what the Centre really is, aside from a bunch of shark punching fanatics fuelled by rage and machismo. You just like to imagine it's the government. You don't find the idea of government conspiracies being this pointless comforting, exactly, but you're too afraid to wonder what other organisation has this much money and resources to throw at something as frivolous a shady shark punching organisation. You just keep telling yourself it's the government so the world makes slightly more sense.

As you approach the site, the water starts to feel weird. It's more viscous, making it harder to make any progress. The ocean seems darker, more ominous. It's unsettling. The droplets that touch your skin give you a tingly sensation, they're almost itchy. You're not sure if it's your mind playing tricks on you…

…Or if the Centre spilled something in the water again. It's incredible how much waste Site-12 produces. What do they even do there? You're pretty sure they're bigger polluters than the world's entire oil industry.

Doesn't matter. Things like that are to be expected when working for the Centre. You just keep on paddling. It's already bright outside by the time you get to the site, but it looks like the ocean didn't get the memo. It's black as tar and dense as egg yolk around the platform.

SCP-001 Revision: 2.14 Edited: 2020/04/06

NOTICE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY

Sorry for abusing the documentation system like this, but this is really important. I know you guys don't care about "geeky computer stuff" all that much, and I never expected much funding. Hell, I'm even okay with Centre pay. And that's saying something, given that some teenager putting shrimp on the barbie at NSWSOTB gets paid more. The Centre is not a tech company, I get that, but I'm still here. As long as sharks get punched, the shit I put up with is worth it.

But this is slowly turning into a serious problem. Half the equipment is ancient, some of it is older than I am, but at least most of it's not that important… Except ol' Knuckles here. He's served us well over the years, but let's face it, he's still the old IT guy's hobby project that barely works nowadays. I've barely managed to keep him alive this long, and it's only a matter of time before he finally dies.

After what happened, we don't just risk losing the whole database if Knuckles dies, we risk losing everything. We seriously need new equipment, and we need someone to figure out how to undo the magic bullshit so the Centre doesn't die because of an old computer.

I've sent e-mails to everyone up to and including the Bodacious Assembly and even the Grand Pugilord, but no one responded, not even the site janitor. Everyone I try to talk to this about just goes "hm, yep, I'll see what I can do" and then never does anything. Maybe if I plaster all the damn documents with this message, someone will notice.

Except no one actually gives a shit. This will bite us, hard, and when it does, don't say I didn't warn you.

If you even noticed the warning.

Does anyone even read these?

NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE

Due to the importance of SPC-001, it is to be placed above food and drinks to prevent being damage by spillage. No carbonated beverages, shaken or otherwise, are to be stored within coke geyser distance of SCP-001. It is to be maintained by the IT guy to the best of his ability. Further safety measures have been deemed unnecessary by the Centre Financial Department. Due to potential damage to the Centre, no further experiments are to be performed on SPC-001.

Sock, Pummel, Clobber

SPC-001 before the new cooling system was introduced, 1997-04-03

Project #: SPC-001

Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities:
SPC-001 stores and makes available information important to the Centre, and, following Incident-1856 ("Drunken Sailor"),¹ it also enables continued Centre utilisation of Deviations and effective combat against Deviant-type Selachian entities.

Project Components:
SPC-001, nicknamed "Knuckles," is a heavily modified 1992 Whackintosh Smackra personal computer, inexplicably used to store and host the entire Centre database. Due to the ineffectiveness of SPC-001's inbuilt cooling system, it is stored in Site-12's refrigeration unit. It is maintained by Whatshisface of the IT department.

SPC-001 acquired its Deviant properties through divine interference following Incident-1856 ("Drunken Sailor"), when it became ontologically linked to certain Centre activities.

Any Centre activities documented in the database related to Deviations can only be performed as described in the documentation. This includes utilisation of Deviant equipment as well as pugilation of Deviant Selachian entities.

Attempts by Centre eggheads to acquire more resources by editing the documentation have been met with failure. It appears that the documentation can only be edited to include activity matching the Centre's current capabilities.

Removal of parts of documentation results in the Centre losing the knowledge and equipment documented in it. Mentions of the Centre once having this knowledge can be found in SPC-001 experimentation logs. This is confirmed by the discovery of gaps in personnel memory, incomplete documentation, limited equipment not matching the budget, and parts of Centre facilities that appear to have missing parts. General martial techniques and equipment not directly related to Deviations appear to be unaffected.

No method of undoing these changes has been found. However, acquiring replacement equipment and relearning lost knowledge through the study of Deviations has been proven possible. Efforts to undo the damage done through experimentation are ongoing.

Footnotes

1. An incident involving an ancient deity, a blindfold, and copious amounts of rum

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Image attribution:
The image representing SPC-001 is a photograph of a Macintosh Quadra from All About Apple's official website, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Italy license.

We Swim In The Dark So You May Live Free Of The Shark

I'll post this tale tail here after I edit it a bit.

The theme here is the SPC Theme by PeppersGhost, adapted from Greenwolf's Third Law and djkaktus' Darkbody Theme, based on Aelanna's Sigma 9. SPC logo by BABAAL from CN branch.