Per 
April 21st, 2018
My name is Gerardo Casaus Morano. I am twenty-two years old, and I am in love with a boy named Joel Alcantaro. As a gay man, I'm not widely accepted, and my family disowned me. I haven't seen them in years, and I'm pretty sure my mother committed suicide, aswell as my grandfather, that damned man. My grandfather killed my grandmother, the bastardly man. She was pushed off a cliff by him, and he took his own life at that same exact cliff.
Joel Alcantaro has been my best friend since sixth grade, and I've loved him every day we hung out. I wanted to kiss him, hug him, do anything a usual relationship does. He never saw me as a potential lover, and I wish he could. I'm writing this letter to him in hopes he sees it. I wish he will see it, because I love him dearly.
April 22nd, 2018
Hey diary, bad news. I confessed my love to Joel during calculus, we go to the same college. I told him during the beginning of class, and he looked at me all funny. I wished he felt the same way, but he told me straight up that he didn't like me because he's not gay. I knew he was going to say it. All these years of loving him for him to reject me, I expected it.
I still love him and I hope he changes his mind, which he wont. I might go visit my mothers gravestone tommorow.
April 23rd, 2018
I visited my mothers gravestone. Martha Luz Morano. I can't believe she did that to herself. I didn't really have the best relationship with her, but she was still my mother. Her mental issues and suicidal thoughts really seeped into her head. Her gravestone says "Una madre amorosa, esposa, hermana, hija", or "A loving mother, wife, sister, daughter."
Now that I think about it, a lot of my family has committed suicide, all apparently the same way. I wont pay mind to it.
May 2nd, 2018
It's 7:31 AM right now, and I just found out my brother killed himself. He jumped off the same exact cliff my mother, grandfather, and grandmother jumped off of. Something's not right, surely they haven't planned a suicide pact to kill themselves by jumping off the cliff.
I wrote that an hour ago, and I want to write about my story with my grandfather and his marriage. Julio Morano was 73 when he died. He also killed himself the same way he killed my grandmother, or so I think. At this point, I'm unsure on whether or not he actually killed her. It's been proven that my family doesn't have a long history of mental issues.
I was born before the marriage. Ever since they got married, the grandmother became mentally ill, and never made eye contact with anyone. I never got to see her, but I know she died the same way my grandfather, mother, and brother died. They all jumped off the same cliff.
May 5th, 2018
I'm going through a lot of depression right now. With being rejected by Joel, and losing my brother just three days ago, I can't deal with all this anxiety and depression that has built up. I don't want to kill myself, and I promise myself I wont do it. I am going to avoid that cliff at all costs.
The dean at my college ordered that I take therapist hearings to help soothe my suicidal tendencies and severe depression. The therapist never showed up, and I reckon they never will show up, so I ditched the hearings. I walked around downtown for about thirty minutes, and ate at Al'Mazaro Cookin Shack on 72nd avenue. It really filled me up, and I even saw Joel there, suprisingly. He looked at me once, but he only looked slightly behind me, yet nothing was there. When I got closer to speak to him, he yelled "ATRÁS DEMONIO, COMENZÓ!", or "BACK DEMON, BEGONE!". He ran out the door after that, and I never saw him again.
May 7th, 2018
Joel's fucking dead. He killed himself the same way all my relatives did. Something isn't right, something is off. What did he see behind me? Am I a demon? I don't know what's going on. I've been avoided and acted like I don't exist. No one looks at me, and no one can even tell I'm here. I pushed someone to test my concerns, and they didn't flinch at all, nor did they care.
I'm going to the cliff and seeing what's the problem. This might be my last note.
May 8th, 2018
El viento repique cuando me acerco al borde, y el polvo aúlla cuando doy un paso. La cálida brisa golpea mis ojos cuando me acerco al borde. Escucho pequeñas voces que me dicen que salte. Miro hacia el barranco, está en completa oscuridad. Me ha vuelto loco. Son las 7:01 AM. Que Dios me acompañe en esta caída.
