Knight-J.wip

Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-J is to be contained within a standard humanoid containment cell and is to be fed thrice daily from the onsite cafeteria. Any requests made by SCP-XXXX-J are to be reviewed by Senior Researcher Malcolm and a list of previous requests can be seen below:

• A deck of playing cards (Approved)
• A rocking chair (Approved)
• A humanoid male SCP-XXXX-J refers to as its “Husband” (Denied)
• A Television (Approved, however, content is to be reviewed by Foundation staff before viewing)

Bi-monthly, SCP-XXXX-J is to preside over a trial in front of an audience. These trials are to take place in any vacant conference room. Foundation staff are allowed to sit in on these trials and playbacks of these trials are to be available to Level 3 researchers for review and observation.

Description: SCP-XXXX-J refers to an elderly humanoid female with a height of 1.55 meters. SCP-XXXX-J is incredibly adept in presiding over trials, especially those which are based on familial or relationship problems or petty theft. SCP-XXXX-J possesses the ability to deliver punishments based on the presented case or based on the attitude of the plaintiff or defendant towards SCP-XXXX-J. When SCP-XXXX-J is not presiding over a trial it is incredibly docile and spends most of its time playing solitaire, sewing, or sitting on its rocking chair. Upon entering a vacant room SCP-XXXX-J alters it into a full-size American Courtroom. During a trial, SCP-XXXX-J becomes increasingly aggressive as the trial proceeds, beginning to shout expletives and in certain cases causes the expiration of someone within the courtroom.

SCP-XXXX-J was first discovered after the death of a defendant on an episode of the reality family court show Judge Judy. After an extensive trial between the ownership of a microwave between a divorced couple, SCP-XXXX-J atomized the defendant after he directed the comment, “It is my microwave you Smart [EXPLETIVE REMOVED], I bought it so it is mine.” This episode was taken off the air and everyone in the live audience was given Class-B amnestics. The episode has been archived to determine the strength of SCP-XXXX-J power and a Level-3 security clearance is needed to view the tape.

SCP-XXXX-J's use as an anomaly has been traced back to a messaging server as seen below.

<18:36> Downtown Cooltown: Hey, is anyone on?
<18:37> RishBish: What's up @Will?
<18:37> Downtown Cooltown: I wasted my day at jury duty today. I don't understand why they want random people to view these peoples struggles.
<18:39> OvrTheHedg: Some people enjoy that type of stuff. Why? I have no clue.
<18:40> RishBish: That's screwed
<18:45> Downtown Cooltown: If people want entertainment we should give it to them. @Jack you still have that camera?
<18:46> Jackson Backson: What are you planning on doing with it?
<18:48> Nostalgic Bread: Anyone want to hop on MC?
<18:49> Downtown Cooltown: @Jack ever watch Divorce Court, this is going to raise the stakes for everyone. Let's see how far people are willing to go to be entertained.
<18:49> Jackson Backson: I'm down. @Rhianna, still have that neighbor you always talk about?
<18:56> RishBish: What about her?
<19:00> Jackson Backson: We have just the job for her.

Addendum SCP-XXXX-J A: Although SCP-XXXX-J presides over familial issues, the use of SCP-XXXX-J as a judge is to be approved by Site Director Stevens and Senior Researcher Malcolm. It is encouraged that any Foundation staff to privately sort out any familial issues and to only utilize SCP-XXXX-J in cases of theft, or unusual circumstances. Personnel are to be banned from utilizing SCP-XXXX-J if they challenge the intelligence of SCP-XXXX-J, provide SCP-XXXX-J with an inconclusive trial, or provide SCP-XXXX-J which breaks the Internal Foundation Conduct Code.

+ Trial Logs

Case: Dr. Liu accuses Junior Researcher Ray of stealing all the coffee from the break room.
Plaintiffs Comment: "Just give back the coffee Ray I saw you take it to your quarters. What do you even need 300 K-cups for?"
Defendants Comment: "That coffee has been there for months and the moment I take it for my plants you get dicey with me."
SCP-XXXX-J's Comment: "Since both of you are equally at fault for this situation and wasting my time I will determine a fair punishment for all of you."
Verdict: The site's Keurig can only release hot water and creation of coffee by any means in the site is no longer possible

Note to Senior Researcher Malcolm
So it seems like SCP-XXXX-J definitely possesses reality altering abilities. I'm sad we had to go to these lengths in order to figure that out but I'm sure we will figure it out. Tea is healthier anyway.
-Dr. Liu

Case: Site-09 staff accuse O5-9 of providing inadequate time for reviewing site facilities.
Verdict: N/A

Note From O5 Council to Site Director Yuri
Are you kidding me, were you really going to let your staff try O5-9. We get that the pair of them can be annoying, sometimes uncomfortable sometimes but using them in an SCP test. God dammit Yuri, one more slip up and we will reassign you to scrubbing Site-09's toilets for eternity.

Case: Senior Researcher Clyde accuses Junior Researcher Jacobs of looking at documents above his security clearance.
Plaintiff's Comment: "I discovered Junior Researcher Jacob browsing confidential documents using my login."
Defendant's Comment: "No comment, I know what I did and I know what the consequences are."
SCP-XXXX-J's Comment: "Since you can't seem to keep your eyes where they belong, I will have to help you solve that problem."
Verdict: Junior Researcher Jacobs is blinded by SCP-XXXX and brought to D-Class quarters for reassignment.

Case: Agent Hill accuses Chef Chaz of denying him food service
Plaintiffs Comment: "Chef Chaz has denied me the use of the Site Kitchen in order to prepare my food."
Defendant's Comment: "Only Site culinary personnel are allowed to use the kitchen tools. For God's sake, Hill use the break room microwave. How did this even get cleared? This is a waste of my time."
SCP-XXXX-J's Comment: "This is definitely a waste of time, good thing it never happened."
Verdict: Everyone present at the trial forgets the trial's events and proceed with their normal tasks for the day.

Thanks to pieiswrong for developing the idea

Thanks to psychicprogrammer, Brewsterion 1017for crit

How Judge Judy banned Site-09 from Making Coffee