Per 
Item #: SCP-6000
Object Class: Safe Pandora1
General Containment Procedures:
All contained SCP-6000 instances (with the exception of SCP-6000-W) are to be released from Foundation custody. Dr. Kothari has been entrusted with the task of redistributing SCP-6000 to the custody of appropriate groups and individuals.
Description: SCP-6000 is the collective designation for a set of 25 anomalous animals which appear to have been designed as pets for children. Each instance is of a different species and displays different anomalous qualities, but all possess the following traits in common:
- Negligible senescence. Though adults, SCP-6000 do not appear to age or grow.
- Cellular Regeneration. SCP-6000 rapidly regenerate from physical injuries.
- Perfect health. SCP-6000 have never contracted any illnesses, pathogenic or otherwise.
- Anomalous diet. SCP-6000 do not appear to require either or food or water to survive, but become increasingly uncomfortable after long periods without either. Instances will consume food appropriate to their species or any form of commercially available pet food, typically preferring the former. Regardless of diet, no waste is produced; food and water vanish upon reaching the instance's stomach. Carnivorous and omnivorous species refuse to consume other vertebrate animals; those capable of speech universally claim that doing so would be "gross."
- Enhanced intelligence. Many instances display intelligence roughly on par with a human. Said instances are also fluent in English, though most are illiterate.
- Domestication. SCP-6000 are universally docile and friendly toward humans.
- Branding. All instances bear markings somewhere on their bodies which spell "[instance's name], by Dr. Wondertainment". Additionally, each instance was recovered alongside, or able to produce when asked, a variation of the same document. Reproduced below is the version that accompanied SCP-6000-S, the first instance contained.
Special containment procedures and descriptions for specific instances are detailed below:
| Sub-Designation | Species | Special Containment Procedures | Anomalous Properties | Additional Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A | Daubentonia madagascariensis (aye-aye) | n/a | unknown | Object has recently been depicted in several works of harmless anart created by known members of We Are Cool Now!, and is consequently believed to be in that group's possession. |
| B | presumably Lithobates catesbeianus (American bullfrog) | none | unknown | currently uncontained |
| C | Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris (capybara) | none | The air within a 2.4-meter radius of the object remains at a constant 21.1 degrees Celsius regardless of other conditions. | none |
| D | presumably Dugong dugon (dugong) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| E | presumably one of four extant species in family Tachyglossidae (echidnas) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| F | Puntius semifasciolatus (gold barb fish) | none | The object possesses a human face. A miniature top hat is permanently affixed over its dorsal fin. | Human face has similar skin tone to SCP-527's human body. |
| G | presumably one of 18 extant species in family Hylobatidae (gibbons) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| H | Rhinecanthus rectangulus (reef triggerfish) | When conveying information about Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapaua'a, personnel are encouraged to avoid referring to the humuhumunukunukuapaua'a directly, for the sake of convenience. | Infohazard. Cannot be referred to with pronouns, nicknames, abbreviations, or other terms that do not contain the word "humuhumunukunukuapaua'a". References to groups of which Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapaua'a is a member (such as "SCP-6000") are not affected by this property. | Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapaua'a is not anomalously funny. Personnel report that the humuhumunukunukuapaua'a's effect is only funny the first few times, after which it becomes increasingly annoying. |
| I | Amblyrhynchus cristatus (marine iguana) | none | Intelligence and speech. The object can perform a variety of "tricks," including various feats of acrobatics, dancing, and singing. | Reluctant to perform before large groups, citing "stage fright". |
| J | Aurelia aurita (moon jellyfish) | none | Lacks stinging cells. Patches of dark pigmentation form a "smiley face" on the object's bell. | none |
| K | Potos flavus (kinkajou) | none | Intelligence and speech. Very polite. When it observes an individual engaging in "rude" behavior, the object recommends a more polite alternative. | Personnel are not to provide the object with additional honey outside its approved diet, no matter how politely it asks. |
| L | presumably a species in subfamily Lorinae (lorises) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| M | presumably Alces alces (moose) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| N | Neurergus kaiseri (Kaiser's mountain newt) | none | When held by a human and instructed to "Clean my room!" the object telekinetically moves nearby waste and dirty laundry to the appropriate receptacles. | none |
| O | Micrathene whitneyi (elf owl) | none | Intelligence, speech. When asked for assistance with a homework assignment, it gains the knowledge necessary to complete the assignment and attempts to help complete it. Gained knowledge is lost when assignment is completed. | Can intuitively sense whether a given task is actually a homework assignment or not, and will not assist with other tasks. |
| P | n/a | n/a | n/a | Object is believed not to exist, as everyone knows there is no such thing as a pangolin. |
| Q | Equus quagga quagga (quagga) | none | None, aside from the base properties of all SCP-6000 instances. | Quaggas were declared extinct in 1883. |
| R | presumably a species of order Rodentia | n/a | unknown | Lack of capitalization is believed to be a typo. Investigations ongoing. Currently uncontained. |
| S | Lampropeltis elapsoides (scarlet kingsnake) | shares enclosure with SCP-6000-V | Intelligence, speech. Vocabulary consists almost entirely of words beginning with the English "s" sound. Cognitohazardous effect limits speech directed at the object to such words. | Shares a close emotional bond with SCP-6000-V. |
| T | Tamandua tetradactyla (southern tamandua) | Habitat includes a sizeable pool of fresh water. | Intelligence, speech. Exaggerated Southern California accent. Can telekinetically manipulate bodies of water and its surfboard to perform assorted tricks. | Recovered alongside a purple miniature surfboard bearing the Dr. Wondertainment logo, which it has been allowed to keep. |
| U | presumably Horornis diphone (Japanese bush warbler) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| V | resembles Micruroides euryxanthus (Sonoran coral snake), but with dark purple bands instead of red | Only personnel approved by the project supervisor may interact with SCP-6000-V. Antivenom is to be kept in Hall ██'s main office. | Similar to SCP-6000-S, with effects pertaining to the letter "V" instead of "S". | Unlike other instances, -V is hostile toward humans, though Dr. Kothari has succeeded in gaining its trust. |
| W | object is the shell of an unknown species of sea snail | All conversations with object must be logged. | When the shell is asked a question, the voice of an elderly male speaks from within and provides general advice in response. Object remembers content of previous conversations. | none |
| X | presumably Xema sabini (Sabine's gull) | n/a | unknown | currently uncontained |
| Y | Bos grunniens (domestic yak) | Chamber includes an e-reader modified to accommodate its nonhumanoid anatomy. | Intelligence, speech. Literate. Has perfectly memorized all written works of W. B. Yeats and all biographies of Yeats published before the year 2000. | Knowledge includes unpublished works, written correspondence, notes to self, grocery lists, and other minutiae. |
Addendum 6000-1:
SCP-6000-A, -B, -D, -E, -G, -L, -M, -R, -U, and -X are not in Foundation custody, and their whereabouts are unknown. As these objects are presumably no more dangerous than the instances that are in containment, and would therefore qualify for the anomaly release program were they contained, efforts to locate them have been abandoned.
Attached is an email exchange relevant to this decision.
Addendum 6000-2:
SCP-6000-C sleeping in its habitat
Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapua'a in Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapua'a's aquarium
SCP-6000-N being held by Dr. Carlson's nephew
Due to their animal-level intelligence and relatively mundane properties without significant practical applications, SCP-6000-C, -H, -J, and -N were entrusted to GoI-466 ("Wilson's Wildlife Solutions") for appropriate care and potential future adoption. For the sake of simplicity, Drs. Kothari and Carlson delivered these instances to WWS personally.
Addendum 6000-3:
Due to their obvious similarities, SCP-6000-F was entrusted to the former SCP-527, now designated PoI 527/01 in accordance with anomaly release policy. Drs. Kothari and Carlson delivered SCP-6000-F to PoI 527/01 shortly before his departure from Site-19.
Addendum 6000-4:
SCP-6000-I. Object was juggling small rocks, but ceased upon seeing the camera, claiming to be camera shy.
SCP-6000-T. Surfboard not pictured.
Due to their human-level intelligence and desire and ability to perform "tricks," SCP-6000-I and -T were entrusted to Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting. Drs. Kothari and Carlson delivered the instances in question directly to the Circus, which was located near Site-19 at the time.
Addendum 6000-5:
SCP-6000-K politely requesting more honey
Due to its human-level intelligence and negligible entertainment or educational value, SCP-6000-K was not suitable for adoption by the organizations to which previous instances had been entrusted. Dr. Kothari proposed that the object be used as intended, as a child's pet, and adopted by a family familiar with anomalous phenomena. The adoption took place at Site-66, as the chosen family were retired Foundation personnel with sufficient clearance to know of its existence and lived reasonably close by.
Addendum 6000-6:
SCP-6000-O emerging from its nest upon hearing that Dr. Carlson's nephew needed help with a research paper
Due to its educational value, SCP-6000-O has been relocated to the International Center for the Study of Unified Thaumatology in Three Portlands, where it will be part of that institution's tutoring program.
Addendum 6000-7:
Unable to determine context or content of above photograph.
SCP-6000-P is not believed to exist, as everyone knows there is no such thing as a pangolin. The purpose of its inclusion in the document that accompanies other SCP-6000 instances is unknown. It is likewise unclear why a habitat for a small mammal was constructed between those of SCP-6000-O and SCP-6000-Q, when this occurred, or who was responsible. When this chamber was first noticed by Dr. Carlson, it contained the following items:
- vegetation normally native to tropical areas
- traces of a mixture of powdered ant remains, various vitamins and minerals, and agar
- the following note:
As everyone knows there is no such thing as a pangolin, it is believed that this note constitutes some form of subterfuge or attempted deception by "L.S."
Addendum 6000-8:
As SCP-6000-Q is potentially immortal and the sole surviving member of its species, it has considerable conservation value. After experimentation with a female zebra determined that the object's offspring do not inherit its anomalous properties, it was entrusted to the Quagga Project for use in quagga re-breeding efforts.
Logs relating to the transfer of SCP-6000-Q's custody have been omitted, as they did not involve notable interactions with sentient anomalies or Groups of Interest.
Addendum 6000-9:
SCP-6000-S posing for the camera in its habitat
Much like SCP-6000-K, SCP-6000-S was slated for adoption by retired Foundation personnel. SCP-6000-V was deemed unacceptable for adoption, however, due to its venomous nature and hostility towards most humans, and was to be entrusted to Wilson's Wildlife Solutions for permanent care instead. It was therefore necessary to separate the two instances.
Logged below is Dr. Kothari's initial attempt to separate SCP-6000-S from SCP-6000-V.
Following this incident, Dr. Kothari requested more time to locate an appropriate post-containment home for SCP-6000-S. Director Martin granted this request, on the condition of no further delays in the redistribution of SCP-6000 instances.
Addendum 6000-10:
SCP-6000-W in storage
Due to its general usefulness, and to prevent the future assembly of all 25 instances in the same location, SCP-6000-W will remain in Foundation custody. Reassignment to other personnel or permanent storage is pending, but it remains in Dr. Kothari's possession for the time being.
Below is a transcript of the last recorded conversation between Dr. Kothari and SCP-6000-W.
Addendum 6000-11:
SCP-6000-Y reciting "Sailing to Byzantium" in its outdoor enclosure
As it is effectively the world's leading expert on W. B. Yeats, custody of SCP-6000-Y was offered to several museums and historical and artistic societies associated with Yeats. Based on the accommodations for the object offered by those organizations that were interested, Dr. Kothari selected the Yeats Society of Sligo to receive the instance. Logged below is the final conversation between Dr. Kothari and SCP-6000-Y.
Addendum 6000-12:
Following Dr. Kothari's retirement, Dr. Lee Roy Carlson has been promoted to project head. As Dr. Kothari is the only known human toward whom SCP-6000-V is not hostile, Dr. Carlson has chosen to entrust it to her. SCP-6000-S has likewise been adopted by Dr. Kothari, due to her previous experience with it and its calming effect on SCP-6000-V.
KREATOR KOMMENT
This article is sort of an alternate-universe interpretation/informal sequel to my first SCP, SCP-4225.
To Ihp and
Agent MacLeod: thank you for creating the fascinating setting in which this article takes place.
To the Tagging Team: I apologize for the pain in the tushie that this will probably be to tag.
To my critters: just kidding, this is a coldpost.
I also want to thank everyone who provided feedback on my draft of SCP-4225 in this thread, everyone who suggested other animals or otherwise helped me improve it in PMs or the discussion thread over the years, and everyone who upvoted it. Special thanks to CTapbIu_XyJIuraH and
Chen XX, who somehow managed to translate 4225. The love that you've all shown for Sammy is part of what convinced me to make him and his family my entry for this contest.
Secondary slot picks, in descending order:
- 6225
- 6820
- 6314
- 6221
- 6527
