Kyle4244's joke scp draft

Object Class: Keter
Why is it a Keter SCP? He's literally just an average guy - Dr. Hugh
Fine I'll change it.. - Dr.██████

Object Class: Keter Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-335-J is to be kept in a 10 by 12 ft room with a couch, toilet and matress because he's a "humanoid" SCP and O5 wouldnt let me throw him in the D Cells. His Cell is located in the Heavy Containment Zone of Site 17, where he bloody belongs.

Description:
SCP-335-J is a 43 year old, white, fat as all balls, stupid man named Phil who kept blowing his stupid ass leaves on to my lawn for 4 years now and im bloody sick of it.

He's honestly a fucking asshole, like for real he has this stupid goody-two-shoes shtick and it pisses me off, like "ohh hey buddy need any help with your lawn it kinda looks overgrown" the bloody show-off, plus he always brings his super loud nephews around with no consideration for any of us on his street! Seriously, fucking hell!
Seems quite irrational, ██████ - Dr.Hugh

After a few days of being in captivity any staff who knew him began to hate him because he's that much of a shithead..fuckin' cunt.
No, I don't believe anyone hates SCP-355-J, I for one think he's quite rational for his situation - Dr. Hugh
Hugh, stop adding comments to my file you asshole. - Dr.██████

+ Addendum 1

Addendum 1: The following events entail the capturing of SCP-355-J
Begin Log: 11:32 AM
Commander James Brooke of the MTF Unit [DATA EXPUNGED] arrives at SCP-355-J's home with a helicopter full of his squadmates
SCP-355-J hears the sound of the helicopters and goes onto his lawn to see what is going on
SCP-355-J: "Who are you and what's with the helicopter?!"
Commander Brooke on the radio: "SCP-355-J has been spotted, engaging in its capture"
SCP-355-J is surrounded by multiple more MTF Units that have descended from the helicopter via rope.
SCP-355-J: "What the fuck's going on?!"
SCP-355-J is then restrained using handcuffs
SCP-355-J: "GET OFF ME, I HAVE RIGHTS YOU KNOW AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL HEAR FROM MY LAWYE-"
SCP-355-J is knocked out using the barrel of Commander Brooke's M16
Commander Brooke on the radio: "SCP-355-J has been contained"
End Log: 11:35 AM

Closing Statement: I don't know why Dr.██████ had us capture this random guy but I guess he's anomalous in some way? - Commander James Brooke

+ Addendum 2

Addendum 2: What Dr.██████ says is "proof of SCP-355-J's hostility"
Begin Log
Dr.Hugh and Dr.██████ arrive at SCP-355-J's Cell
Dr.Hugh via SCP-355-J's room's intercom: "SCP 355-J you are now going to be fed, any attempts to escape your cell will result in immediate neutralisation."
SCP-355-J: "Yeah, yeah I get it you asshole, why did you even lock me up here?"
Dr.██████ enters the room armed with a pistol.
Dr.██████ hands SCP-355-J a tray of food.
SCP-355-J: "Thanks, you shithead!"
SCP-355-J scoffs at Dr.██████ and begins to eat from his food tray
End Log

Closing Statement: I don't understand why we have a random middle aged man locked up in the Heavy Containment Zone but Dr.██████ insists that "he angers me really bad, probably memetic".

Conclusion: I just really don't like Phil.