Per 
Item Number SCP-5986. Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP 5986 are to be contained within Dr. Gilmour’s personal desk and secured with a standard-issue padlock and key. Access to SCP 5986 is restricted to personnel with level 3 clearance or higher.
Description: SCP 5986 is a 6 x 2 “Baby on Board” bumper sticker that elicits spontaneous, violent reactions in motor vehicle operators who observe it. Symptoms of exposure to SCP 5986 include excessive honking, obscene gestures, and aggravated homicide. Drivers of SCP 5986-affected vehicles are especially likely to be victims of road rage (along with their passengers) if they are witnessed committing traffic violations, like improper use of a turn signal.
The foundation first learned of SCP 5986’s anomalous properties after the slaying of [redacted] during a routine traffic stop in [redacted], New Jersey. According to the municipal police department, on [redacted], 200[ ], Officer [redacted] observed a blue minivan speeding through a stop sign in a designated school zone. After notifying dispatch via radio, Officer [redacted] activated his overhead lights and commenced a brief pursuit. As the civilian driver began to pull over, Officer [redacted] rammed into the back of the minivan with his municipal police car. The civilian, Mr. Tom [redacted] attempted to exit his vehicle but staggered and fell. The officer then approached the civilian, drew his pistol, and fired. Subsequent psychological evaluations of Officer [redacted] showed no evidence of mental abnormalities or personality disorders.
Later that year, while investigating anomalous occurrences associated with SCP [redacted], foundation agents unwittingly encountered an instance of SCP 5986 near exit [redacted] of the NJ Turnpike. The following is an excerpt of the event:
AGENT FANARO. You see this pretentious shit? Baby on board? Like I’m supposed to be on my best behavior ‘cause this chick spread her legs behind a Dennys?
AGENT WEISS. Total bullshit, man. Bunch of cutsey-ass sanctimony is what it is.
AGENT DOOGAN. I dunno, guys. Maybe…maybe they just would rather people know there’s a kid in their car?
AGENT FANARO. Oh my God. Is this bitch actually on her phone? Hey lady, what about your “baaaby on boooard,” you inconsiderate c***
AGENT WEISS. Ey, you know what? I’ve had enough of this shit. Let’s f*** this car up!
Agent Weiss proceeded to accelerate into the back of the minivan, causing its driver to pull over. Agents Weiss and Fanaro then exited the vehicle and approached the driver, who had since locked her doors and notified municipal authorities. In the background, agent Weiss can be heard shouting “ f*** this car up!” with agent Fanaro enthusiastically voicing support. Agent Doogan quickly radioed command to report a possible anomalous event, and Foundation agents were dispatched to the scene.
Agent Fanaro and Agent Weiss were later apprehended and administered class C amnestics. Agent Doogan was placed under study for his apparent resistance to SCP 5986's memetic effects. The driver was reimbursed $1876 by The Foundation for damages sustained to her vehicle.
Note Similar bumper stickers categorically lack the anomalous properties of SCP 5986.”Child in car,” “joke” variations, and foreign language equivalents never exhibit SCP’s anomalous properties. “We think it’s the alliteration,” Dr. Gilmour reports.
Dr. Gilmour: The intensity of one’s reaction to SCP 5986, apart from inherent memetic resistances, seems to hinge on the performance of a driver relative to their local traffic laws. Conscientious drivers, for example, will only anger observers with the highest disagreeability indexes. In sum: if you do not adjust your driving to protect your child’s life, why should anybody else?
